The Dragonfly Forest

They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. Actually, Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning. You are a Dragonfly if you are: ADD/ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, Asperger’s, NLVD, autistic…

Monday, June 30, 2014

Motivational Monday: Lessons from Viktor Frankl

For the last 30 years I have been on my own Hero’s Journey ever since I discovered Joseph Campbell (The Hero with a Thousand Faces, The Power of Myth, The Hero’s Journey…), Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning), and all my other mentors from the world of psychology which are too many to name right now.   I teach people how to have an authentic life as they are on their own Hero’s Journey because I live my life this way and know the key to a positive fulfilling experience (here are some past blog posts: Becoming Your Own Hero and Why People are Mean). 

The other day, Ben Foss (author of the Dyslexia Empowerment Plan) was discussing how we should be measuring resilience and not ACT/SAT score for the criteria for getting into college (this was when the topic of profit/nonprofit came up I posted on the other day).  I had many good discussions with him and others about how we need to stay focused on the positive but embrace the challenges and obstacles because they are a part of who we are and we have the freedom to choose our own personal scripts and attitudes. 

I recently posted this picture on the Decoding DyslexiaOhio Facebook page only to have it taken down from the wall. 
When I asked the other person who admins the page with me why she removed this from the wall she reported that she received an email requesting it be removed because it is a statement that was used against the family with a negative spin on it that the person was not trying hard enough.  I was told it was “incredibly insensitive and outright rude.”  I am one who will always openly listen the perspectives of another person so I am glad they shared their concerns.  I am disappointed that I was not allowed to speak with this person or send them an email back, because this is what I'd like the person to know so they can tell this to the people at the school. -- This quote is NOT about a person’s brain being set but about how the person is dealing with life circumstances and their own attitudes and behaviors.   I suspect the person does not know Randy Pausch or his work (Here’s my post on the Things I Learned from RandyPausch).  Randy was dying of cancer and stated this quote knowing he could not change his cancer or the fact that he was dying but he could change his attitude about these experiences.  A child cannot change their dyslexia (ADHD, Asperger’s…) but they can change their attitude about it- they can see the positive aspects of being dyslexic (ADHD, Asperger’s…).  A parent cannot change the fact their child has a disability but they can change the way schools educate that child, the way others treat that child, and the way the child feels about themselves. 

We need to all learn from the great Viktor Frankl (1905-1997).  The cards he was dealt in life were some of the worst a human can endure (concentration camps), yet he learned that he had the power to control his attitude.  “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”  This is what Ben Foss meant when he was discussing resilience, this is what Randy Pausch was referring to when he made the statement I made into a picture quote, and this is why I posted that quote on the Decoding Dyslexia Ohio Facebook page. 

Here’s are other lessons we can learn from Viktor Frankl.  We need to practice these in our daily lives but also to teach these to our children.  Living life based on the lessons from Viktor Frankl is the pathway to a better life!

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.”  - We cannot have good without the bad – the Yin without Yang!   Yes, the suffering is painful but it is also there to make us feel alive, make us know we are human, and provides us with learning opportunities we can choose to ignore or do something about. 

 “It is not freedom from conditions, but it is freedom to take a stand toward the conditions.”  - I meet some of the greatest people on my journey in life.  These people are the ones who are taking a stand to make changes, not just for their own circumstances/child but for the greater good of all people/children.   You are NOT a victim if you work on making a change even if it is as simple as changing your own attitude. 

“A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes - within the limits of endowment and environment- he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.” – Again this goes back to the hand that is dealt is sometimes out of our control but how we behave is not out of our control.  Ask yourself, how are you behaving toward others? 

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.” – Do not judge others because you do not know their exact mission in life.  You only have one life so choose to life it authentically and with integrity. 

“It is well known that humor, more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.” – Humor is one of my favorite parenting techniques.  The best way to get a point across without causing a child to experience negative feelings such as shame is to use humor.  If you are feeling down or overwhelmed a dose of humor will help – I promise! 

“For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.” – This is why I do what I do.  I know my purpose in this world and it is to help others make these changes in their lives and the lives of others.  To inspire and motive you to live an authentic life because you only have one life to live.  Embrace your difficulties in life, the cards you were dealt, the challenges you have had to endure and know that you are a survivor.  You are stronger and better because of the suffering and will be able to appreciate all the glory life has to offer!


Here are some picture quotes I made today of some of the other quotes from my mentor, Viktor Frankl!  Enjoy and remember this final quote: “There is nothing in this world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is meaning in one's life.” 







































































Saturday, June 28, 2014

Cartoon Saturday - Twitter



I'm still learning Twitter so hang in there to all those who ask about my twitter account.  I will share the ones I have (stop eye rolling you should know my ADD brain likes multitasking).  

www.Twitter.com/YouWillAchieve - for The Dragonfly Forest 

www.Twitter.com/DyslexiaPower - for me as DyslexicDragonfly (My superhero name) 

www.Twitter.com/ForestAlliance - for my business Forest Alliance Coaching & probably what you would find if you searched my name - Jill Lam

I am currently just a Twit because I don't have many followers and really need to remember to write posts!  Once I figured Twitter out I'll be much more active - I promise!  






Friday, June 27, 2014

What you need to understand about for-profit and nonprofit

Hi Dragonfly Friends!  Yes, I’ve been off for a few days- I went to Washington D.C. to bring awareness to Dyslexia and gain support for House Resolution 456 “Calls on schools and state and local educational agencies to recognize that dyslexia has significant educational implications that must be addressed.”   I went to represent Ohio as a Founding Member of Decoding Dyslexia Ohio.  I want to thank you for all the email & messages checking on me since I was MIA.  

I will be posting more on this trip later but today I wanted to correct a misperception. Recently someone made a comment about not wanting to support business, companies, or people who are for-profit and only wanted to support nonprofit companies that were truly not in it for the money.  Wow, this person has no clue on what it means to be for-profit and nonprofit.  There is a perception that nonprofit companies are better because they are “not in it for the money” but this isn’t really true.  I used to work in nonprofit mental health and it was ALL about billing (aka money), which meant face-to-face time only because we couldn’t bill for phone calls or emails.  We were required to meet monthly billing quotas and if you did not meet your billing quota you were in trouble (reprimand and no raises).  This is not a good practice for clients because it creates unhealthy co-dependent relationships. 


Here’s a video of Dan Pallotta explaining “The way we think about charity is dead wrong”



I felt compelled to write about this today after a comment Ben Foss said when he was speaking to the Decoding Dyslexia parents about how the head of the nonprofit College Board (SAT) makes so much more than the president of Harvard which is for-profit.  Here’s the article to this information - College Board Leader Paid More Than Harvard's - Bloomberg 

Having a private practice that is not a nonprofit does NOT make me greedy or all about the money.  I have a passion for what I do and put in exceptional amount of volunteer time for these passions.  I created a business helping people with disabilities and their families.  No one does exactly what I do because it requires much more time and energy for little financial compensation.  There are some people who do similar jobs but my business is very unique and it is people centered not money driven.  I am not against nonprofits I’m against bad business practices especially when these business practices do not help the people we need to help – we need to really understand the way profit and nonprofit companies are run so we can learn more and do better. 


I am also a person who is willing to promote and support others, especially if it helps bring awareness to my passions.  I don’t care if the person, organization, company, or business is for-profit or nonprofit.  I will support everyone equally!  The world is a wonderful place and we all need to make a living and there is nothing wrong with growing a business because “Profit is not a dirty word.”  
























We need to remember this:



Sunday, June 8, 2014

Spiritual Sunday - Scott Sonnon someone you should know!

I speak and write frequently about the importance of TENACITY and GRIT! Today on Spiritual Sunday I want to share a story demonstrating this TENACITY and GRIT.   

To say Scott has grit is an understatement.  I also give credit to his mother because I too am a mother like his; a mother who will let no obstacle stand in her or her children's way.  

As you know I am on a mission change the world, so that no child will ever have an experience like Scott had to endure.  I too, carry with me the scars of the battles I had to fight through my educational experiences but like Scott, it has made me stronger and with my innate tenacity and grit I am unstoppable. 

This is a must watch video for every person, parent, teacher, administrator... Remember to really have empathy we need to be open to learning about the experiences of others.  The year 2014 is the year of EMPATHY (click there to see old posts on empathy from previous years - search empathy in this blog to see posts from 2014).



To show your support for Scott please vote for Scott for "The Ultimate Men's Health Guy Search" (click link to vote and learn more about Scott!!).  Proceeds from this win will go towards Dyslexia.

This post is not about getting votes for Scott this post is about getting the world to know about Scott life experience!  Scott has a purpose and message that not only benefits people with dyslexia but every person who has not fit in or felt different (a Dragonfly).  Scott is an inspiration for all and everyone can learn from him.  I encourage you to follow Scott on his webpage/blog, some wonderful articles to keep you motivated physically and emotionally. 

I have now added Scott to my list of people I admire & would like to meet so I can learn from him, be motivated by him, and connect with a kindred spirit! 

**(Coaching note: if you don't have your list of people you admire & would like to meet - get one started today!)

High five to all my Dragonfly friends out there!  I love the quote below from Scott because this is exactly the mission I am on - helping everyone find their learning style, purpose, and inner spirit!   





Thursday, June 5, 2014

What is a friend

Friends are important.  Personally, life without friends would be very lonely.  There's a saying about if you want friends that you should become a friend.  I don't think everyone really understands that concept.  We have all seen one person be mean to another person.  I would have to say that we have all done it too.  I know I have done this in the past.  Over the years I have gone out of my way to always be a good, kind person, even when others are mean to me.  It is a lot harder to be kind to people who hate and are mean, than it is to hate and be mean back.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to still be nice to people who do not have your best interest at heart.  

Sometimes people tell me that I am allowing myself to be taken advantage of or I'm being naive.  I'm not doing either of these things.  I am well aware of the intentions of others, I just choose to live my life by still being a person with empathy.  It takes great strength to have empathy for a person who is unkind or hurtful to you, but living life with empathy makes my life more joyful.  I don't want to be like the other person, I don't want to have negative feelings or hate.  Empathy is a choice, the choice to live a better life.

What people also need to understand is, I have a few definitions of friendship.   Friendship isn't one-sided where only one person gets their needs met.  Friendship is multifaceted and ever changing.  We need friends to help us in life and sometimes we need them there to teach us a lesson we don't really want to learn.  Sometimes we have friends that make bad choices but that doesn't make them bad people.  

Now, do not misunderstand.  If a person is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive then that person is NOT a friend.  If the person consistently does not have your best interest at heart, than that is NOT a friend: friendship is NOT one-sided.  If a person's intention is to harm you in anyway then they are NOT a friend.  

A friend will be there for you in a time of need even.  They may not be able to drop what they are doing at that exact moment but they will still be there for you when they can.  A friend will want you to be successful, even though sometimes they may have to battle demons of envy and jealous.  

I've been ear-reading the book IT by Stephen King and this quote resonated with me.  Remember - don't be friends with everyone but you can be friendly to them.