Resolution to make mistakes!

Life is not perfect and you are not perfect so why are you so afraid of making mistakes and expecting things to work out perfectly?  

We learn so much more from the mistakes we make so go ahead and make them.  

Here's something similar you should write for your New Year's Resolution: 

I will give myself permission to make mistakes!  

• I will stop beating myself up when things don't work out as I expected - my expectations may be way off!

• I will stop stressing out over things when they go wrong - I am learning a lot of important lessons!

• I will stop throwing away the whole project/adventure when I can't get it right the first few times.  I am learning what works and what doesn't work - I will give my projects/adventures time and give myself time to figure things out!

• I will take risks, try new things, and allow things to happen naturally.  

Here's a great quote I think you should read each week for the year 2016~~~

(Image: "I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” ~Neil Gaiman)

First step in new year's resolution

In a few more days it will be a new year and so many of you might be thinking about your new year's resolutions.  As you are thinking about this I ask you to reflect on what your primary goal is - often it is to have a happy life or for happiness.

Happiness is not an end destination but a theme that run through your daily life based on the choices you make.  

So as you are making your list - focus on things that will give you a will lived life - a life with integrity. 

If you want a good relationship than put effort into that relationship to make it good - don't just hope that things work out.

If you want to be healthier than write goals that will help you live a healthy life.

You get the picture, right - focus on what you want & it will expand.  

5 Lessons about friendship

As 2015 comes to an end I want to reflect on 5 lessons I have learned over the years regarding friendships.  

1~  Not everyone is worthy of being your friend. It is okay to be friendly with many people but only those you can trust should you let into your inner friend circles.  Some people only want to be your friend to get their own needs met. 

2~ Your inner friend circles should have different levels.  When you do let someone into your inner friend circles they must earn their way through the levels. How fast the friend go through these levels will vary depending on the person and some may never reach the inner core of your true self.  Friends can move up and down on the different levels but only a very select few should be allowed in this inner core.  These levels are not games but designed to keep you safe and protected.

3~ Let your inner friends know you really care about them. A few years ago my childhood friend Matt was in the hospital for New Years due to a diabetic problem.  Trying to cheer him up I told him "hey, things can't get worse - the year can only go up from here."  Well, I was wrong. Soon I received word from Matt's wife that he went into a diabetic coma and passed away.  He will be forever missed by his wife, two young boys, and his friends.  A few weeks prior to his death, Matt and I met for coffee to discuss our kids and catch up on events. Matt's death was an important lesson for me to make sure those in my inner friend circles know that they matter to me because you never know how much time we have left.

4~ Friendships are not always equally balanced. Since we are all living our own lives we will need friends at different times and in varying degrees. There will be times when your friend needs a shoulder to cry on and you need to be strong and other times when you have hit rock bottom and you need the strength of your friends to help you up.  You should also understand that not all friends will be able to give you what you need.  Your core inner friends are the ones that will be there for you at your worst.  They are the ones that will fight for you when you have no more strength to fight for your self.  

5~ Not all friendships last forever. There will be times when you realize that you are doing all the care-taking.  You will discover that your needs are not being met. This usually happens in times of crisis when you look for support from that friend and each time they are not there for you. When a friendship becomes one-sided it is time to move that person to a different level in the inner friend circle or out of the circle. It isn't always easy to notice this at first because we care so much for this friend and can't believe that they are actually ignoring or abandoning us in our times of need but eventually we realize we are chasing after them. You will notice that you have shared something very personal and your friend goes MIA or is all of a sudden busy.  You keep reaching out to them but notice that you are the one texting/calling/emailing them first. When you are in crisis you should not be the one hunting your friends down they should be there for you. If you are the only one fighting to keep a friendship going then it is time to let go.  If that person wants you in his/her life they will work on repairing the friendship. It's okay for friends to get overwhelmed and not be able to give what you need at the time you need it but true friends tell you this and never abandon you.      

So, in 2016 think about your friendships.  I love this Jon Katz quote:  "I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you.  Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted.  Friends are a part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff."

Letting it go

It has been a few days since I posted anything because I had surgery (anterior cervical spine fusion C5-C7) almost a week ago.  

I had heard really good things about this surgery and went in with a positive attitude that my surgery will turn out well.  I am glad to say the surgery did turn out well. I do have a few complications in the recovery process. I didn't realize that "your throat will be sore" actually meant you will be in severe pain and not be able to swallow liquid or food.  I have never had to actually chew Jello before and I choke on sips of water.  The good news is things are slowly getting better every day.

The other area that did not turn out as expected is how I would be supported in recovery.  I don't know why I expected that I would come home the day of surgery and others would help take over my job duties.  Oh, I know why I expected this.... the doctor told me that I was to just sit back and don't do anything but focus on getting better. 

Well, I am the kind of person who hates to see my job duties not completed so I have still been washing dishes, cleaning the house, cooking meals, wrapping gifts, and even doing some last minute Christmas shopping with one of my kids.  I had expected the people in my life to stop me from doing these things when I started doing them or prevent me from even starting by having them already done.  

Please understand I am not complaining about those in my life who have not been taking care of me.  They are all doing the best they can. I am actually admitting that I had unrealistic expectations... AGAIN!  

It has been a big "ah-ha" moment for me to realize that my expectations for others are still too high.  I have always had these dreams that others will do things for me, celebrate things with me, want to help me, listen to me, or even really get to know me and then boom these ideas explode like a overfilled balloon.  

So I have decided the best way for me to get through this holiday season is to just let go.  I will let go of my disappointment and let the past be the past.  I can't change the way things have happened or how other people act but I can choose to let go and let the past be the past.  

I wrote this today to let it out of my system so I can move on.  Here it is out in the open and now I will just let it go.  I will be realistic and know that I will be hurt in the future by exceptions because it is my nature to want to be treated a specific way and once in a while. I will always have dreams that I will be treated like I matter. 

  

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - empowerment

"I was once told that I wouldn't be successful in my life by a teacher who was trying to motivate me to work harder.  I was working as hard as I could.  I am a success now but it was not because this teacher tried to make me feel bad about not being able to read but because I had great parents who told me that I didn't have to believe the opinions teachers have about me.  My parents helped me learn that the opinions of others are just that, opinions and the thing that matters is my opinion of myself."

*quote from a graduate student with dyslexia.

Just keep going......

Sometimes you will feel like you don't want to keep going because you don't have a clear vision of where you are going so you don't know if you are even heading in the right direction.  I say.... keep on going.  Don't give up and keep moving.  I know you are worried that you might not be going in the right direction and waste a lot of time and energy but I say...  Don't worry you are learning so much on this adventure.  There are no wrong directions because we can learn so much from the experiences we have and the people we meet.  The key is ... Don't give up!

Creating the life you want!

Did you know that YOU are the one who creates your life?  You have power to make your life what you want it to be and you are the one who creates YOU!  

Maybe you didn't feel you had the power to changes certain things but you do have the power.  You don't have control over everything but there is so much you do have control over.  Two things you have control over are - your own attitude and how much energy you put into something.  

So don't give up.  Keep working toward your goals and you will create the life you want!  You need to be focused on what you want!  What you focus on you expand so keep focused on what you want to become and you will eventually get there.    Keep posted here because in 2016 I will guide you toward this life you want to create.  In the meantime start thinking about what you want your life to be like!  

Cartoon Saturday ~ Crazy Train

Someone you should know: Caiseal Mor, Autistic Artist

People often do not understand Autism and Asperger's.  There is this crazy belief that people on "The Spectrum" do not have creativity or imagination.  This is WRONG!  This is the problem: People are assuming that the desire for structure, consistency, and routines means a person lacks creativity and imagination.  These are very different and should NOT be confused.  People on "The Spectrum" are able to be very creative and imaginative.  One of the symptoms of autism is to look for a lack of pretend or imaginative play; but who are we to judge what is pretend or imaginary if we don't know what is going on in the child's head?  

It is no wonder why there are so many children out there misdiagnosed.  To make matters worse there is a negative perception of the Autism and Asperger's labels. This is why it is vital to make sure the person diagnosing you or your child has the knowledge and expertise in all types of disabilities (you know the saying "to a hammer everything looks like a nail").  Make sure they are experts in all these disabilities - that is the KEY!   

Here's someone you should know:  Caiseal Mor!  Check out the creativity from a person diagnosed with Autism.  Isn't he great! Isn't it great to openly accept people for the gifts they give the world instead of perceiving that something is wrong with them because they are not like the "average" population?

Pilgrimage - Music and video by Caiseal Mor

He also has a interesting website you must check out: http://www.mahjee.com/mahjeedrums.html