The Dragonfly Forest

They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. Actually, Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning. You are a Dragonfly if you are: ADD/ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, Asperger’s, NLVD, autistic…

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

How to not let the bad in the world control you

Are you heartbroken by all the pain and suffering that is happening in the world?  Some people obviously want this to occur because they are the ones causing the pain and suffering.  We cannot change these people but we can make changes in our own lives! 

I deserve to have a good life and so do you.  We have value and worth and we don't have to settle for all the negative that is occurring around us.  

Sput this quote on your mirror and read it every morning~~  
"I am the narrator of MY life so I choose to see the beauty in the world all around me.  I notice the details of things, appreciate my connections to people, and feel grateful for what I currently have in my life!  I also have the power to disconnect and/or no longer interact with people and events in my life that cause only negative experiences. I create a positive world for myself and those around me.  I will show empathy to others and live my life with integrity!"

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Why we should NOT follow the Golden Rule!

I have been reading and hearing from Trump supporters "What are you so afraid of?  We already had racism, hate, rape...."  Ummm Society is aware that the world was NOT safe but this point of view is very egocentric.   People are afraid not because they fear these things but because the accepted Political Correct etiquette is now gone because Americans have a role model who is NOT Politically Correct.  I have been hearing how refreshing to listen to Trump because he is real and honest with his thought and feelings and people are way to sensitive about "offending" others so they are glad to get rid of this Political Correct etiquette.  What people don't understand is that being PC is actually just being respectful.  By saying "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas to people is respecting that the other person may not be christian and you are accepting that they might not share your religion.  Being PC means that you don't push your views on another person because the other person has a different experience than you do and you shouldn't assume we all experience life the same way.   I am also hearing people say that they are bringing Christian values back like the Gold Rule.  Well, that isn't the right answer either...

We need to stop teaching our children the Golden Rule.  Yep, that’s right!  We are teaching our children to do unto others as they themselves want done unto.  The concept sounds great.  If we want to be treated with respect we treat others with respects.  But if we actually follow this rule it means to treat others exactly how WE want to be treated.  So, if I like being touched and appreciate being hugged I should touch and hug others.  What if they don’t want to be touched and hugged?  Then what?  If you are the type of person that wants to be left alone when hurting and leave others alone when they are hurting you may lose friends.  Some people may want you to do everything in your power to let them know you care and you are there.  So treat others how THEY want to be treated.  
The Golden Rule is essentially a person being egocentric.  This is actually a type of cognitive bias, false-consensus effect to be exact.  We have a tendency to overestimate how much other people have the same values, opinions, beliefs, and preferences.  Yes, people can have a lot in common but we should NOT assume that we have everything in common.
If we are not teaching our children the Golden Rule, what should we be teaching them?  We need to teach empathy.  Empathy is being able to understand the perspectives of other people.  So instead of treating others how WE want to be treated we need to treat others how THEY want to be treated!  This is referred to as the Platinum Rule.

Friday, November 11, 2016

Post election grief!

The elections are over and America elected Donald Trump as president but not everyone voted for him and those who did not want him to become president are going through serious and real emotions.  

The reason it is difficult to move on is because people have to go through the stages of mourning and grief.

If you are one that is struggling with accepting Donald Trump as president, know that you will experience the five stages of normal grief explained by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  Understand, the amount of time you spend in each stage will be different and you may not follow them in the same order.
  • Denial & Isolation:  We often experience this defense mechanism as a reaction to overwhelming emotions, stress, and trauma.  Even if you are the one wanting to move on you can still experience the feelings of denial that it is happening or you may feel bouts of isolation.  Just remember this is temporary and the feelings will change soon.  Although there are times you may wonder if this is some bad dream.
  • Anger: When the denial and isolation feelings start to subside we may have intense feelings of hurt and pain.  This makes us feel vulnerable and scared so we project these feelings as anger. We may direct this anger at strangers, friends, loved ones, or even inanimate objects.  This is why people are out protesting. They are angry and they want to express this anger. I have heard recently that not all the ones causing destruction are actually Trump supporters and they just want to make these protests more negative but I'm not sure if this info is accurate.
  • Bargaining: Eventually people may get to the bargaining stage and try to figure out a way to make the electoral college process change or even ask for a re-count.
  • Depression:  When going through this process there may be many that experience depression.  This may be harder to get over and sometimes people don't realize they are depressed because of the election.  Some may just have an overwhelming depressed feeling.  Depression is real especially for those who did not vote for Donald Trump because they are able to see his hate and anger.  There is real fear that his behavior may appear acceptable to other Americans and more hate and anger will occur.  
  • Acceptance:  For those people in any of the above stages the stage of acceptance appears to be impossible.  Eventually some people may actually get to this acceptance level and accept Donald Trump as president.  
I read an article recently on HOW WE VOTED - BY AGE, EDUCATION, RACE, AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION which was very eye opening as to who the people are that may have to go through these stages of grief.  I have also read a number of Trump supporters write some very negative racist and sexist things.  I believe that Trump resonated with those that voted for him because Trump was willing to say out-loud the exact things these people are thinking.  They think just like him but know that in our current Politically Correct society that they are not free to say these things out-loud and then comes alone a wealthy guy who has the balls to do and say these things.  I also believe that some voted for him because they are white and want white America back.  I have read a number of people support a comment - "White men have not been entitled in the last 8 years so it it time for America to be white again."  - I don't know who originally stated this or if it was just someone I am FB friends with but I have seen it frequently & know this is why minorities are scared.  

I am in the process of acceptance.  I will have to accept what happens and know that all I can do is be the best person that I can be and keep true to my own integrity.