3 ways to assure a positive relationship

I’d like to say happy Easter to all those who follow me!  I appreciate you all so much and thrilled when I hear how I have touched your lives.  We are all so blessed to be connected in this great universe!  Easter is a great time to focus on new beginnings.

Spring is also a great time to work on your personal relationship with the person you love or a time to fall in love with someone new. 

So wanna know how to make this happen in your life this spring?  Here’s how:

People want to know that they matter & here are 3 ways to make another person feel they are important to you:

1.   Be attentive to the details of your partner’s life. You can do this in a variety of ways:

a.   Ask questions: what they did at work/school… what they had for lunch… how have they been feeling physically and emotionally…

b.   Following them on social media can give you a lot of insight into what’s going on in their lives mentally, physically, psychologically, and socially. 

c.   Become interested in things they are doing.  If they have a hobby, learn more about the hobby.  If they are reading a book take some time to either read the book or learn something about the book. Ask specifically why they like it and how they relate to the book.  This is very telling I personally think all men in relationships with women should read the 50 Shades of Grey books – not for the sex but to learn more about romance. 

2.   Be a person that your partner can trust enough to be vulnerable with.  Being vulnerable is difficult and even more so if a partner is dismissive, apathetic, or judgmental.  How to create this trust:

a.   When your partner is sharing something with you give them your undivided attention.  This means stop watching TV, playing on the internet, and do not interrupt with a different topic.

b.   Listen with the intent to understand, NOT waiting for an opening to give your thoughts and opinions.  If you are thinking about what you are going to say then you are NOT really listening and you are creating an atmosphere of distrust.

c.   Sometimes you will be able to tell that a person is sharing something vulnerable but sometimes you may not even realize that what the person is sharing is something very personal.  No matter what, do not respond with judgments.  No one wants to feel that they are being judged. 

d.   Validate a person for taking the risk and sharing.  When your partner is sharing personal information with you, they are telling you that they are trusting you with their emotions so be careful.  Validate and acknowledge them.  Sometimes you don’t know what to say and that’s okay, you can say “I don’t’ know what to say but thanks so much for sharing this with me it must have been hard for you.”  Just don’t say “Oh, okay” as if what they just opened up to you about had no value. 

3.   Remember that you are in a relationship and there should be intimacy.  You need to understand what makes the other person feel valued and loved.  I always suggest that people read the book The Five Love Languages & take the quiz then discuss these love languages with each other so you are both on the same page.  Here are other ways to build intimacy:

a.   Know that intimacy is about the process and the journey it is NOT about the destination.  Did you know that staring into someone’s eyes is one of the most intimate things that you can do? 

b.   Research by Dr. Arthur Arons, has demonstrated that discussing a series of 36 questions sitting face to face with your partner & then staring into your partner’s eyes for 4 minutes afterwards could help you fall in love with them.  The reason for this is intimacy.  How often to you really openly share personal thoughts with someone while sitting there looking into their eyes with no other distractions?  So if you want to give this a try I have shared all 36 questions here (although there are phone apps too). Remember you MUST not be thinking of how YOU are going to answer when the person is talking or what you should have said – really listen to the other person’s responses with NO judgment!  

1.         Given the choice of anyone in the world who would you want to have as a dinner guest?

2.         Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3.         Before making a telephone call do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4.         What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5.         When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6.         If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or the body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7.         Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8.         Name three things the two of you have in common.

9.         For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10.     If you could change anything about the way you were raised what would it be?

11.     Take four minutes and tell your life story in as much detail as possible.

12.     If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability what would it be?

13.     If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14.     Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15.     What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16.     What do you value most in a friendship?

17.     What is your most treasured memory?

18.     What is your most terrible memory?

19.     If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20.     What does friendship mean to you?

21.     What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22.     Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of the person you’re with. Share a total of five items each.

23.     How close and warm was your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24.     How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25.     Make 3 true “we” statements for each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …”

26.     Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ….”

27.     If you were going to become a close friend of the person you’re with, share what would be important for her or him to know.

28.     Tell the person you’re with what you like about them; being very honest and saying things that you might not say to someone you just met.

29.     Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

30.     When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31.     Tell the person you’re with something you already like about them.

32.     What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33.     If you die this evening without the opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34.   Your house containing everything you own catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets you have time to make one final dash to save one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask for advice on how the person you’re with would handle it. Also, ask the person you’re with to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.