The 2 things you need to do to make 2018 great

Here we go again folks~  Another year has begun! So are you full of hope and excitement thinking that this could be an amazing year?  Well, you should be excited it will be positive because what we focus on we will expand.  So, if you are focused on the positive in your life every day this positive will expand.  

Now, remember this doesn't mean you will have a perfect year! It is important to make mistakes ~ check out this Resolutions post to learn why.  Don't think that if you focus on being perfect you will be perfect because there is no such thing as perfect and this only makes you have unrealistic expectations (which will only lead to disappointment).  

Here are 2 things you need to do today to get your year off to the right start~

1.   Reflect back on the lessons you have learned in 2017. These lessons may come from positive events and discoveries but most likely they come from events where things didn't work out as you expected.  Reward yourself for learning these lessons and acknowledge that you plan on living life based on these lessons learned (AKA: Don't repeat these mistakes).  Now, write down 1-3 goals you want to achieve this year - make them realistic goals. Every day in 2018 you must do at least one thing to work toward these goals.  So for example, if you have a goal of building a stronger relationship or business than every day you must do something to make this happen.  The key is your intent every day is to work toward your goals.

2.   Write down 1-3 things you will NOT do in 2018.  These can be things you already don't do such as ~ "I will not waste money on a gym membership."  This can be something more challenging such as ~ "I will not beat myself up mentally when I make mistakes."  This one may be harder but you will have to remember that when you do make a mistake and start belittling yourself you stop and say "nope, I'm not going to keep doing this."  The key to this resolution is to give yourself a different kind of power.  

I'm looking forward to our adventures together in 2018! On this journey together we will learn a lot, grow emotionally & spiritually, and eventually, we will soar!  

Happy New Year my Dragonfly Friends~

Why Bill Gates is a Part of the Educational Problem

There’s an article going around the internet posted by Huffington Post titled: Gates Says Fixing Education Toughest Challenge.  In this article Gates is quoted as saying: "And the one thing we have a lot of in the United States is unmotivated students.”

Wow, this is not reality.  We do not have UNMOTIVATED students we have students who have not been educated appropriately and therefore they have developed Learned Helplessness. I wrote an article on The Importance of Changing Learned Helplessness in Students with Disabilities and would love for Mr. & Mrs. Gates to understand the reality of why students are not being successful.  I know of many very intelligent students who dropped out or failed out because of this Learned Helplessness experience.  This article was very popular and I received a number of emails from people who wanted to tell me their story because this was exactly what they were/had experienced. 

I later received emails and phone calls from parents who were frustrated because they took the Learned Helplessness article (or emailed it) to the school and the staff often disregarded the student developed learned helplessness and continued to blame it on being unmotivated and unwilling.  This prompted me to write another article: Why We Should Help Studentswith Learning Disabilities. 

We need to admit that we as a nation are doing it wrong when it comes to education.  We are rewarding the wrong behaviors, setting kids up for consistent failures, and using an arbitrary grading system (Grades, ACT/SAT, and Standardized Tests).  In a more recent article I address this topic: Students don’t Fail, the Education System is failing our Students!

So, what can we do about this?  We can admit that it is uncomfortable to face reality.  To look at ourselves in the mirror and see the naked truth.  Our education system is the problem.  If Mr. & Mrs. Gates want to make the world a better place than they need to put money into education research.  We need to educate our children and stop letting so many of them fall through the cracks as if these kids don’t matter.  Mr. & Mrs. Gates could help financially support programs that are evidence based such as making sure all schools have systematic, explicit, and phonic based reading approaches/programs.  If a student is not progressing at grade level then this student is to receive one-to-one tutoring until they are at or above grade level.  We need to stop allowing teachers to just pass a student on or fail these students. 

We need to stop with the standardized testing and focus on educating these children.  A teacher can tell if a student is behind in the areas of reading, writing, and math.  We don’t need a standardized test to prove these students are behind.  Teachers should be allowed to identify these students so they can receive individualized support and the school district should pay for each student who is behind an individualized tutor until the student is at or above grade level.  Failure should NOT be an option.  We need to stop waiting until the standardized test scores come out to finally decide to help some of these students.  We need to stop waiting until the student is so far behind that it is almost impossible for them to catch up.  The school system is squishing the self-esteem of many children and causing students to develop learned helplessness. 

So here’s my final message to Mr. & Mrs. Gates.  Stop being a part of the problem.  Saying students are UNMOTIVATED is fueling the negative fire already in these children.  They are not UNWILLING they are UNABLE!  If I had the funds you have I would be making a difference in the way we educate our students, the way we motivate, and the way the culture & climates of the school are focused on competing against each other and not supporting each other for success.  I’d spend money educating the educators on EMPATHY because Empathy is the Antidote to bullying!  Honestly, education is not as challenging as Mr. & Mrs. Gates think, it will just take a while to see the positive changes once the discrimination stops.

Finally, if you want to know what discrimination does to a person watch: Dr. King &Lessons from A Class Divided. People with dyslexia and other learning disabilities are often discriminated against in the educational system.  There are rumors that Bill Gates himself is dyslexic but I do not believe that it true.  I believe if he was dyslexic then he would have empathy and stop blaming our children (here’s a great article by Pam Wright: The Blame Game!  Are SchoolProblems the Kids’ Fault?).  I do not believe that Mr. Gates knows what it is like to struggle or be discriminated against.  If this opinion is not true, then Mr. Gates can enlighten me but in the meantime, I have no evidence to prove he understands what it is really like in the shoes of someone who struggles.

Here's a picture & quote from a child who experienced only a couple of days feeling bad about himself. Think about what our current education system is doing to children and then tell me that kids are UNMOTIVATED Mr. Gates!  

What it might be like to have dyslexia

October is Dyslexia Awareness month so this article will help you understand what it might be like to be a person with dyslexia.  I used the words “might be like” because one of the first thing to understand is that dyslexia is different for each person.   Everyone is an individual and the brain is a unique as a person’s fingerprints; no two are alike! 

Let me explain in a simple way how the brain processes language.  

This is the NON-DYSLEXIC brain working.  When the person sees the words on the page they quickly go to the language center of their brain.  In the non-dyslexic language center the information (letters, sounds, numbers, colors...) are all stored in an orderly sequential way so that each piece is easy to retrieve. Having an organized language center makes learning, especially learning to read fairly easy.

The language center of a person with dyslexia is very different.  

Here the person sees the words on the page and goes up to their language center of their brain to find the corresponding letters and sounds.  When they get to their language center, it is not organized.  Depending on how dyslexic they are, their language center can range from having only a few things out of place to major chaos.  If the person also has ADD/ADHD there may be even more difficulties.  A person with dyslexia doesn't often come back quickly with information because they are sorting through all the mess in their language center to find just the right words, letters, sounds, numbers...  This can be seen when a student has low reading fluency and/or difficulties with Rapid Automatic Naming (RAN). Since the language center is disorganized the person often struggles with sounding words out and may read the words incorrectly.  A great deal of time they will just guess a word based on beginning letters and the shape of the word because it is very time consuming searching all over their language center for just the right match.  

   

Hopefully this gives you an idea of what it might be like for a person with dyslexia.  If you look up on the internet what it is like to be a person with dyslexia you may come across some activities that "simulate" dyslexia.  I'm not a fan of these "simulations" (explained below) but what I hope you get from these is an understanding of the frustration and feelings of learned helplessness (important topic to understand) that comes from being a person with dyslexia. 

So, why am I not a fan of some of these simulations?  Well, for a few reasons.  As I pointed out before, every person with dyslexia is different and often these "simulations" give the impression that these experiences are universal and they feed into many myths.

The first one I don't like is the one where the people have to read from a paper where the letters are backward, squiggly, or missing parts.  The point is to demonstrate how hard a person with dyslexia has to work in order to read.  The problem with this simulation is the way the letters are presented.  For the most part, people with dyslexia do NOT see things differently.  It is NOT a vision problem.  True, there are some people who also have difficulty with convergence or have eye problems but this is NOT dyslexia.  A better way to present this activity is to try to read something in a foreign language that you do not understand, especially out-loud. These are real words and in order to read them you have to know the phonetic codes that go with each letter and foreign language. Try this:

The other simulation I'm not fond of is the "mirror writing."  Again, this is to show how frustrating it is for the person with dyslexia to share their thoughts on paper but it also adds to the myth that people with dyslexia have difficulty with their vision.  Also, not everyone with dyslexia also has dysgraphia.  Dysgraphia is often common in people with dyslexia but some people with dyslexia are great at writing (penmanship & written expression).  Most people don't even know about dysgraphia which is similar to dyslexia. See, in writing there are also a lot of steps the brain has to go through to process the language and tell the hand how to form the letters, space the letters, spell the words, formulate the sentence, and express thoughts.  Some people may be dysgraphic and not dyslexic - remember everyone is unique.  Doing the mirror activity can be very confusing for people.  A better way to simulate the difficulties with writing for some people with dyslexia is to have people listen to a few sentences in different foreign languages (ones they do not know) and have them write down what they are hearing.  Remember that most adults have learned to adjust to the most non-phonetic language, English so for some people this task may be fairly easy. So to add to the challenge have participants write with their non-dominant hand and go quickly so there is no time to sit around an think.  It is also good to have the sentences to be dictated by someone who fluently speaks that language.

Thanks for still reading this post.  I know it is long and I made it that way on purpose.  People with dyslexia don't like to read because it over works their brain. This is called cognitive overload.  When students are in school all day they will experience cognitive overload.  These students are working 2, 3, and sometimes even 4 times harder than their non-dyslexic peers but it is not often obvious.  So only when a non-dyslexic person (parent or teacher) understands this then changes can be made to the way the person with dyslexia is viewed and treated.  I hope you now have a better understanding of what it might be like to be a person with dyslexia.

Finally, the very best way to know what it is like for a person with dyslexia is to ASK them!  Have them explain what it is like for them in school or work.  They will have the most accurate insight into what it is like to be a person with dyslexia.    

Smile for strength!

I am smiling right now to give me strength and power.  I am smiling to fill myself with positive feelings.  If I don't smile right now my anger may consume me!  

Maybe I'll post later as to why I need to have a big smile on my face today - right now every time I start to share why I need my strength I lose my smile and the anger builds again.  So, once I get strong enough I'll let you all know what's going on because I'm sure my issues are similar to your issues.  Stay tuned...

How to survive heartbreak~ Spiritual Sunday

People are going to hurt you; it's a fact of life!  You will trust someone with your heart, soul, secrets... and for some reason or another they will break this trust. Maybe they don't love you anymore or maybe they never loved you in the first place. Maybe they are too caught up in their own issues to care about yours or maybe they never really did care about your issues to begin with. No matter the reason you will be crushed and will feel like you can't move on~ but you will!  

It will be hard to move on at first because you are in deep pain because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone. You showed your authentic self and were rejected. It will take time to heal ~ but you will.  You have a strong spirit in you that is full of love and nurturing.  When you experience heartbreak and disappointment you are learning more about yourself and your strength.  

You are learning that life isn't fair; we don't always get what we want; and not everyone we care about will care about us. You are also learning that you have a choice.  You can become cold and mean or you can open your heart and be a kind and loving person. 

What you focus on you will expand and I'm sure you don't want to focus on these negative feelings anymore so here is what you do...  

"Be the one who nurtures and build.  Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart.  Be the one who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them."  

By being a person who focuses on the good in others, gives love and support, and is understanding than you will have a more positive life. Don't let your pain taint you and cause you to be negative.  You have learned some valuable lessons and you need to focus on not repeating them but not allowing them to change you into a cold heartless person.  

When you are feeling the pain (and you will feel it for a long time) allow yourself to feel these emotions for no more than 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes is over than you must think of all the positive things you have in your life!  Contact people who make you feel positive, who support you, and accept you for who you are- feel their love!  Give love to others by helping out friends in need.  Focus on the gifts you have to give the world.  

Finally, if all else fails here's a post on how to let it go when you get stuck!!  High fives and hugs to you as you go through this difficult time!  

What to do when excluded or discriminated against

Not everyone is going to like you.  In fact, there will be a lot of people in your life that can't stand you.  Their not liking you has much more to do with the issues of the other person instead of you. People will treat you poorly and discriminate against you but it is your attitude that will get you through.  

Remember that you are a person of value and worth!  You have to be your own best friend and cheerleader.  When others are treating you in a negative way than change the narrative.  This is your life so you are the narrator.  Stop letting other people be the narrators of your life!  

Here's a picture quote you should put in a place where you can find it easily when you are feeling excluded by others.  When feeling negative read this quote & remember that you are AMAZING!  

BTW if you don't know who Zora Neale Hurston is than you should really learn about this wonderful woman!  

Courage is acquired

You are not born with courage.  Courage can only come from experience.  When you overcome an obstacle or challenge in your life you develop and gain courage.  Courage is an acquired trait.  So every time you are going through some tough times in your life remember that you are making yourself stronger, you are building courage!

3 steps for a more Joyful life

I am often asked by others how I develop so much empathy. I didn't really "develop" empathy, I was blessed with a very emphatic brain and an abundance of mirror neurons. Here are 3 things you can do to have a more joyful life!

I was raised to be a kind & caring human being.  My parents made sure I was exposed to great people like, Dr. Leo Buscaglia.  I watched his videos and I eye & ear-read his books.  His messages resonated in me and I began living my life more consciously - with the goal of connecting with others and bringing them joy.  

You too can live a life of joy - here's 3 ways

First, bring joy to others & be less self-centered!

Watch this short clip of Leo explaining how:

Isn't he great?  This is one of my favorite things to do- since I was first able to drive.  

Second - Forgive others for their negative behaviors.  I am very accepting and forgiving of others.  People often tell me that I should stop this practice because the people who treat me bad do not change; but I can't change who I am just because they choose to be mean.  

Here's Leo discussing having the courage to be forgiving to people who are unkind!  (He is quoting something I recently posted in a Dragonfly picture quote- because it is my life motto!) 

This is what my parents have taught me!  If you want a good life practice forgiveness (of yourself & others)!  

Finally, "Live like you are dying!"

You have only one life to live so live it well, do good things for others.  If you have treated someone poorly forgive yourself and make amends.  If someone treats you poorly then forgive them - remember that they are just living a self-centered life.  So to have a joyful life create joy for others.  Do this on a daily basis & I promise that you life will feel and be so much better.  Hugs to you my Dragonfly friend!   

Why it's better to use the word disability instead of difference!

(click on play if you want to hear me read this to you - remember that I am dyslexic so I make a few errors, but I'm okay with that - because I want others, like me to be able to hear what I have posted).  

October is Dyslexia and ADHD Awareness month!  Yes a whole month in honor of ME!  Okay, that’s a little lot egocentric of me to assume that this month is about just me.  I know I am not alone in having ADHD and Dyslexia, so the odds are you have at least one of these and if you don’t then you are related to someone who does!  

I think it is great that we have a whole month devoted to awareness because it gets the word out that ADHD and Dyslexia are real – there is scientific evidence that they exist!!!! 

What I want to discuss here is the importance of the word disability instead of “difference.” 

As a person who IS dyslexic and ADHD, I am often asked why I still use the word disability instead of the word difference.  Here’s why.  There is NO cure for dyslexia or ADHD.  I have dyslexia and ADHD because of the way my brain is formed, and nothing will make that change.  When a deaf person gets a cholera implant they may be able to hear, but they are still deaf- the implant is only a device to help them hear.   My brain can learn new things just like any brain, but the general structure of my brain will always be the same. Because school and society are structured for non-ADHD & non-dyslexic brains, and since I often don’t fit into these molds I struggle in some settings. In many environments, I am just fine, and I have learned exceptional ways to accommodate for my ADHD and dyslexia so I can “fit in” or “pass.”  

The legal definition of a disability is – “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities of such individual.”    Well, this IS me, especially in a school setting.  Because of my dyslexia I am a very slow reader (that’s an understatement), I cannot decode unknown words (really- no joke), I have terrible spelling (unfortunately I can never spell unfortunately without having spell check or looking it up), and I do not know my times tables (no clue on the 4’s & 6’s).  These make it challenging for me to keep up with my peers in a classroom setting and substantially limit my learning, reading, and writing (I am also dysgraphic, so that makes it even worse).   Because of my ADHD, I am highly distracted by my own thoughts (I can live in Jill-Land), other people (love people watching & interpreting body language), and auditory/visual distractors (I hear/see something I lose track of what I’m thinking & saying).  In a classroom setting I have way too much stimulation and therefore my learning, concentrating, and thinking are substantially limited.  I am disabled in classrooms, workshops, & some work settings but I can still be successful if I have appropriate accommodations. 

As mentioned I have exceptional ways to accommodate.  I use technology consistently.  I rely on auto correct and spell check for spelling and writing.  I type almost everything that another person is expected to see, so my dysgraphia and dyslexia are not visible.  I use a calculator, and I triple check my answers just to make sure I keyed it incorrectly.  I ear-read as much as I can and always have a book on audio in my car while I drive.  If I cannot ear-read the written material, then I just take my time and read slowly.  Even though I cannot decode unknown words I have an excellent visual memory, vocabulary, and ability to infer (strong reading comprehension).  So even though I may mispronounce the word, I understand what I am reading.  For my ADHD I have strategies to keep me focused and on task, such as, standing, walking around, taking breaks, and doodling when listening (this allows me to pay attention & keep the distractions in check).  Since I am no longer in a classroom environment I have the freedom to use these strategies.    

So to me, saying I have a learning difference actually trivializes my challenges making me feel shame.  By saying a child has a learning “difference” instead of a learning disability is, I believe, harmful.  If you, as a parent, are uncomfortable with the word disability then just call it what it is – dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD…   Using the word disability does NOT make it negative but using the word “difference” does not make it positive.   Telling me that I just learn differently makes me feel judged that I am not working hard enough despite working my butt off but still experiencing challenges; which then makes me just feel stupid.  Calling it a disability makes me understand that it is not my fault just like it is not a blind person’s fault if they bump into furniture.    

I am not stupid!  Saying I learn differently makes it seem that I’ll be able to academically perform as my non-dyslexic/non-ADHD peers.  This will not happen because of the way my brain is set up.  I have been taught my times tables in many different ways – flash cards, timed tests, repetition, colored coded, with stories, & via songs but I still struggle with remembering most of them and my math fluency is still slow.  I need to use a calculator so I can keep up with my peers in learning math concepts.  Same is true for reading.  I’ll confess that I have never been taught via an Orton-Gillingham method and do know that I would be able to decode words had I been taught phonics instead of whole language.  Even if I learned how to decode words, my reading fluency would still be slow and therefore ear-reading is much easier for me than eye-reading.  I need accommodations to keep up with non-dyslexic/non-ADHD peers in some areas – not all because I excel in the area of reading body language, empathy, and many others abilities I have that my peers do not have.

Let me explain it this way because I know some of you are shouting right now that it is a “difference” not a disability. I assume that you are a parent and you yourself do not have dyslexia and/or ADHD or you would be more understanding of why the word disability is a positive term.  We all have differences but the differences of being a person with dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, Asperger’s, blind, deaf…. are huge when having to function in an environment that is not conducive to those “differences” and that is what makes them disabilities.  If a deaf student is in a classroom of other deaf kids and students/teachers that sign instead of using their voice, then the deaf student is not disabled but put that same student in a classroom of speaking students/teachers they are now disabled.  A student with dyslexia in a classroom of non-dyslexic peers who are decoding and reading fluently while the student with dyslexia struggles to keep up and has to be taught to read in a different classroom-- IS disabled! 

There is nothing wrong with the word disabilities and when we call dyslexia a disability in certain settings assures us that our rights are protected.  Students with ADHD and/or dyslexia (and any other disability) need to be protected in schools from having their rights violated so calling it a “difference” will not protect your child.  It will also not damage their self-esteem if the word disability is used.  Call it what it is – dyslexia, ADHD, Asperger’s…. and teach them all the great things about who they are as a person and all the other people out there like them.  Help them learn ways to accommodate with technology and other strategies.  Focus on the positive and you will get positive.  

Finally, during Dyslexia and ADHD Awareness month please understand that the word disability isn’t negative it just provides a more accurate description of what is happening so a person’s rights can be protected.  See, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA) provide protection for people ONLY if they have a disability.  They don’t protect people with “differences.”  Unlike other laws to protect people from being discriminated against (Civil rights law of 1964) to be protected under ADA and IDEA you have to have evidence that you actually do have a disability and that this disability substantially limits a life function.  I want to make sure my rights are protected.  I want to make sure the rights of my children are protected.  We need to assure that people with dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, Asperger’s… are NOT discriminated against and to do this we need to use the word disability.  I am dyslexic, dysgraphic, and ADHD and I am proud.  These are disabilities when in certain settings but these are also the nature of who I am and are my superpowers. 

We must first have awareness and then eventually we will have acceptance. We need to embrace the word disability and know it is not a bad thing but will help protect us from discrimination.  We need to also accept the labels of dyslexia, ADHD, dysgraphia, Asperger’s…. because these labels provide insight into who we are.  We cannot stop there with one label we need to redefine ourselves every day with new labels.  We need to not let others define who we are!  I am NOT stupid, lazy, unmotivated, ignorant….  Once we have self-acceptance then we will be successful!

Motivational Monday - Who are you?

So, who are you?  Do you live for yourself or are you living based on the perceptions of others?  In our media driven society we often live our lives based on some scary standards.  We believe that we are someone if people "like" our posts or we become some YouTube hit.  It is sad that people believe that we have to do something extraordinary to be of value in this world.  That is not true!  

You are not your belongings or material items either.  You are much more than that.  You are a wonderful human being.  You being alive is extraordinary not some skill you have.  Your life is of value because you are living it!  We need to stop measuring our lives by standards that are meaningless and start living our lives with purpose.  

Oh I see, you don't know your purpose and have easily fallen into the trap of the social media world.  Let me help you - your purpose in life isn't to become rich, famous, or infamous.  Your purpose in life is to live an authentic life with empathy and integrity.  I can help you do that but there are many other places you can search for your purpose - books, videos, counselors...  Please stop living life based on the standards of others & start living life that has meaning!  

Spiritual Sunday- Why you shouldn't listen to those who criticize you!

You WILL have people in your life who criticize you, judge you, and put you down!  People do this for a variety of reasons.  I wrote about Why People are Mean in the past but this post is about people not being supportive.  One of the reasons people are not supportive and spend their efforts and energy putting you down or criticizing you is because the OTHER person has issues.

It isn't about YOU.  

So my message to you on this Spiritual Sunday is to always be positive toward others.  Just because they are treating you poorly and judging you does not mean you have to do the same.  It takes more courage and strength to be the better person.  It take courage to get out there and do what you are doing so don't ever listen to the people who criticize yet do not have the courage to do what you are doing.  

Here's a great video from my hero-

Brené Brown - "Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count"  

Spiritual Sunday - 2 Ways to Get Over Disappointment

We all have to experience disappointment but this is something that I struggle overcoming.  I really do understand that all of our hopes and dreams will not come true.  No matter how much we work for something, how much effort we put into something, we still may obtain the desired results.  

This is a crushing feeling.  A feeling that is not easy to get over.  How quickly we get over these feelings often depends on how badly we wanted to reach our goal.  The feelings are heartbreaking at times.  

Disappointments are in our lives to help us with perspectives it means that we need to readjust our thinking, expectations, and goals.  

The challenge is- the feelings of disappointment are real and may last for a long time.  So here are 2 things you can do to help you on your road to recovery.

1- acknowledge that you are disappointed and focus on what exactly it is you are disappointed about. Did you really want a job that you didn't get?  Is it this job specifically you wanted or is the pain of disappointment because you just wanted a job? Know explicitly what you are disappointed about and you will be able to get over it more quickly.

2 - once you know exactly what you are disappointed about focus on ways to get to that goal via a different pathway or readjust your perspective of success.  If this is something you really wanted - say a specific job then are there other ways you can get a job similar to this one?  Can you reach your goal in a different way?  What are the lessons you have learned from this disappointment? Sometimes we experience disappointment because we feel like a failure if we do not achieve our goal/dream.  This does not make you a failure you are still a success you just have to alter your understanding of the word success.

The key is to not give up on YOU!  You can give up on the dream/goal/hope but don't give up on you!  Stop being disappointed in YOU and know you did the best you could - that goal/dream was not meant to be at this very moment - you need to learn things first or change the direction you are going.  

Motivational Monday: Lessons from Viktor Frankl

For the last 30 years I have been on my own Hero’s Journey ever since I discovered Joseph Campbell (The Hero with a Thousand Faces, The Power of Myth, The Hero’s Journey…), Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search for Meaning), and all my other mentors from the world of psychology which are too many to name right now.   I teach people how to have an authentic life as they are on their own Hero’s Journey because I live my life this way and know the key to a positive fulfilling experience (here are some past blog posts: Becoming Your Own Hero and Why People are Mean). 

The other day, Ben Foss (author of the Dyslexia Empowerment Plan) was discussing how we should be measuring resilience and not ACT/SAT score for the criteria for getting into college (this was when the topic of profit/nonprofit came up I posted on the other day).  I had many good discussions with him and others about how we need to stay focused on the positive but embrace the challenges and obstacles because they are a part of who we are and we have the freedom to choose our own personal scripts and attitudes. 

I recently posted this picture on the Decoding DyslexiaOhio Facebook page only to have it taken down from the wall. 

When I asked the other person who admins the page with me why she removed this from the wall she reported that she received an email requesting it be removed because it is a statement that was used against the family with a negative spin on it that the person was not trying hard enough.  I was told it was “incredibly insensitive and outright rude.”  I am one who will always openly listen the perspectives of another person so I am glad they shared their concerns.  I am disappointed that I was not allowed to speak with this person or send them an email back, because this is what I'd like the person to know so they can tell this to the people at the school. -- This quote is NOT about a person’s brain being set but about how the person is dealing with life circumstances and their own attitudes and behaviors.   I suspect the person does not know Randy Pausch or his work (Here’s my post on the Things I Learned from RandyPausch).  Randy was dying of cancer and stated this quote knowing he could not change his cancer or the fact that he was dying but he could change his attitude about these experiences.  A child cannot change their dyslexia (ADHD, Asperger’s…) but they can change their attitude about it- they can see the positive aspects of being dyslexic (ADHD, Asperger’s…).  A parent cannot change the fact their child has a disability but they can change the way schools educate that child, the way others treat that child, and the way the child feels about themselves. 

We need to all learn from the great Viktor Frankl (1905-1997).  The cards he was dealt in life were some of the worst a human can endure (concentration camps), yet he learned that he had the power to control his attitude.  “Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”  This is what Ben Foss meant when he was discussing resilience, this is what Randy Pausch was referring to when he made the statement I made into a picture quote, and this is why I posted that quote on the Decoding Dyslexia Ohio Facebook page. 

Here’s are other lessons we can learn from Viktor Frankl.  We need to practice these in our daily lives but also to teach these to our children.  Living life based on the lessons from Viktor Frankl is the pathway to a better life!

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death human life cannot be complete.”  - We cannot have good without the bad – the Yin without Yang!   Yes, the suffering is painful but it is also there to make us feel alive, make us know we are human, and provides us with learning opportunities we can choose to ignore or do something about. 

 “It is not freedom from conditions, but it is freedom to take a stand toward the conditions.”  - I meet some of the greatest people on my journey in life.  These people are the ones who are taking a stand to make changes, not just for their own circumstances/child but for the greater good of all people/children.   You are NOT a victim if you work on making a change even if it is as simple as changing your own attitude. 

“A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes - within the limits of endowment and environment- he has made out of himself. In the concentration camps, for example, in this living laboratory and on this testing ground, we watched and witnessed some of our comrades behave like swine while others behaved like saints. Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.” – Again this goes back to the hand that is dealt is sometimes out of our control but how we behave is not out of our control.  Ask yourself, how are you behaving toward others? 

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone's task is unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.” – Do not judge others because you do not know their exact mission in life.  You only have one life so choose to life it authentically and with integrity. 

“It is well known that humor, more than anything else in the human make-up, can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.” – Humor is one of my favorite parenting techniques.  The best way to get a point across without causing a child to experience negative feelings such as shame is to use humor.  If you are feeling down or overwhelmed a dose of humor will help – I promise! 

“For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.” – This is why I do what I do.  I know my purpose in this world and it is to help others make these changes in their lives and the lives of others.  To inspire and motive you to live an authentic life because you only have one life to live.  Embrace your difficulties in life, the cards you were dealt, the challenges you have had to endure and know that you are a survivor.  You are stronger and better because of the suffering and will be able to appreciate all the glory life has to offer!

Here are some picture quotes I made today of some of the other quotes from my mentor, Viktor Frankl!  Enjoy and remember this final quote: “There is nothing in this world, I venture to say, that would so effectively help one to survive even the worst conditions as the knowledge that there is meaning in one's life.”