How my disabilities are also my superpowers... Sharing my story!

It is Dyslexia Awareness month and I want to share my story...

My story:  Jill Marie-Grandstaff Lam (because I am dyslexic and ADD I don't eye-read fast so I added a lot of short video clips to help tell my story).

Dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADD (plus anxiety and depression) are genetic and strong in my family tree.  Like many others, I didn't know what was wrong with me or the names dyslexia and dysgraphia.  I also didn't know that I had Attention Deficit Disorder, I just thought everyone lived in the thoughts in their head.  Here's an example of me in school and even now - 

I could always relate to these Ralph Phillips cartoons!  My mind wanders because it thinks in creative ways.  I tend to get lost in the stories in my own brain.  Someday, I'd love to take time to write these stories down but due to my dyslexia and dysgraphia, that process isn't easy.

I still don't know my math facts (times tables) and it wasn't because I was daydreaming during the lessons it was due to being dyslexic.  My rote memory just isn't there.  School was also challenging because I struggled with reading.  I have NEVER been able to sound out an unknown word.  I was taught Whole Language (insert eye-roll here and if you are educated about dyslexia I bet you did the eye-roll all on your own) and therefore was not taught phonics.  I didn't even learn how to say some of the letter sounds correct until my own children were going through their private Orton-Gillingham tutoring.  I will probably never be able to write a haiku poem because I have no idea how to separate words into syllables.  People who can break words into syllables always try to teach me to do this after they learn that I can't but what they don't understand is I really CAN'T.  When people do this I wonder if they would try to make a person who can't use their legs walk just because they themselves can walk. The same thing happens with learning a foreign language.  I struggle with pronouncing English words so foreign words are even worse, yet people who speak another language make an assumption that I'm just not trying hard enough.  I am trying as hard as I can! Finally, my reading fluency sucks.  I can't even get half-way through the subtitles of a movie before the screen changes. I had to see each of the Star Wars movies 12 times before I completely read the opening words- (okay, those of you who know me well know I was thrilled to see each one a dozen times).  

Yes, I struggled immensely in school from kindergarten to my Ph.D. program. Oh heck, I struggle every day with my disabilities!  I could share some stories of heartache and pain, stories about how I never fit in and worked hard to hide my disabilities; but I will not share these stories today.  I want to share with you 3 SUPERPOWERS I have BECAUSE of my disabilities. 

1:  The Superpower of Empathy

My brain is not able to process language like a non-dyslexic brain but I have more mirror neurons than my peers which means I experience deeper levels of empathy.  I knew from very early on that I felt the feelings of others.  I used to take these feelings on as my own because I didn't know the difference between the other person's feelings and my own feelings. Here's a video of mirror neurons and empathy to help you understand!   

So how do I know I have more mirror neurons and excess empathy?  I wish I could explain it or even prove it scientifically but I can't right now (working on that).  I just know.  Over the years I have developed this sixth sense so well that I am able to read even subtle body language and facial expressions of others.  When I meet people I can tell exactly what they are feeling and experiencing.  I can sense those around me that have this similar Superpower and it is often very strong in people with dyslexia.  Let me point out that not everyone has this as a Superpower or even a strength.  They may think they do because they have some mirror neurons and can show empathy but it is very different than what I am talking about; what I mean is an exceptional level of being able to feel exactly what another person is experiencing.  For those of you who have it to this degree - you know exactly what I mean. 



2:  The Superpower of Acceptance

I not only have an abundance of mirror neurons and empathy because these are the strength of my brain, but I was also raised by parents who also have a brain wired for extra mirror neurons and empathy.  My parents taught me to accept EVERYONE and to help those in need.  I was blessed with acceptance and not judgment. I was taught the love of ear-reading and given audiobooks to listen to from Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Dale Carnegie... and many more.  I was taught about Leo Buscaglia and his values.   I live my life based on the teachings of Leo even when people are mean to me or treat me bad.  Oh, you don't know Leo Buscaglia?  Well then, here's a very short clip of him in action:

Doesn't he just make you smile?  Well, that's my reaction.  I have an intrinsic passion for the inclusion of everyone.  

3:  The Superpower of Tenacity

Having dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADD (plus anxiety and depression) is not easy and as a child, I didn't know anyone else like me so I knew that I was different.  I was on a quest to find others like me, as well as, to find the real ME.  I searched for answers in movies and books.  In high school, I found the answer in Joseph Campbell's book The Hero with a Thousand Faces and knew that I was on my own Hero's Journey!  I learned we are all on our own Hero's Journey and each movie and book took me on these adventures. The characters in these books and movies are like friends to me.  I am not an outsider looking in but immersed in the stories as if I too were living them and experiencing the same adventures. I mastered my own Superpower skill of Tenacity!  I don't give up.  Watch my friend, Samwise Gamgee, explain exactly what I mean to Frodo Baggins:

Yes, I am a person with dyslexia, dysgraphia, and ADD (plus anxiety and depression) but I am also a person with many Superpowers- Empathy, Acceptance, and Tenacity.  In elementary and junior high my life was filled with shame and exclusion.  In high school when I became "friends" with Joseph Campbell I heard my calling to help others.  Like many, I refused this calling. I thought, who was I to help others- I am not worthy.  Due to my inner tenacity, I took the leap of faith and headed off to college to pursue a degree in Psychology (I also have minors in Health Education and Marketing).  With the help of all my Supernatural Aids (the characters of my movies and books), I went on to get a Master's degree in Clinical Counseling and became a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor with supervisory status and then entered Crossing the Threshold into the working world.  I was taught how to diagnose all types of learning disabilities, worked in many areas of special education as a therapist, and eventually, I entered the Belly of the Whale by opening my own private practice as a Psycho-educational Diagnostician and Counselor in 2007- Forest Alliance Coaching (and Forest Alliance Coaching FB page).  On my journey of helping others I have been down many Roads of Trials and I'm still on these roads but I have the tenacity to just keep going. I now have my Ph.D. in Psychology with a specialization in Educational Psychology.

As I continue my journey I have ventured into many other areas where I can help others live a better life.  A few years ago I started The Dragonfly Forest a blog where I can share insights and motivate others who are different and often have disabilities (ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Asperger's...).  Through The Dragonfly Forest blog, The Dragonfly Forest FB page, and my private practice I have become even more involved in the disability community and now have Dragonfly friends all over the world.   

In early February 2013, I read about the Decoding Dyslexia movement in New Jersey and knew I was receiving another calling (one I didn't hesitate to answer).  I contacted Deborah Lynam from DD-New Jersey and got started on Decoding Dyslexia Ohio by making a commitment to DD-NJ and then starting Decoding Dyslexia here in Ohio and created the Decoding Dyslexia Ohio Facebook page.   The DD-OH journey has been an exciting one and I know that I was guided this way so I can continue to help make the lives of others a better place.  I meet with the wonderful parents of children with dyslexia in Ohio and look forward to sharing this journey with them.  The parents have been such a great support system as well and these parents suggested there be another Facebook group that focused Family Support (since the website and other FB pages were focused on school and legal issues) so DD-OH Family Support Group page was started.  I am so excited by all the adventures we will be having on this DD-OH journey and thrilled that God, the Higher Power, or the Universe guided me in this direction. 

Here is one final video that I think really supports my life's journey and my Superpowers. Some of you will recognize a young Ben Foss (it was filmed in 2003 btw).   I love being on this journey with some great people like this - and YOU!  Thanks for sharing this journey with me! 

Direct link to Inside the Hidden World of Dyslexia and ADHD

(Image: photo of me, Dr. Jill Lam with Ben Foss both standing and smiling at the camera)

(Image: my own photo of a blue and green dragonfly and my own quote: "Be proud of who you are because you are great!")

  

Spiritual Sunday - Wild lessons from Cheryl Strayed

My life has been full of chaos lately, hence the lack of posts! I've been caught up in the rat race and I've been stuck drowning in a river trying to get somewhere I cannot yet see. I'm so stuck that I have not be able to get out to the woods where I hike as therapy. Everyday I ache and long to escape in the woods so I love the movie "Wild" based on Cheryl Strayed's book and life.  

I love the movie (& book) because I get to live vicariously on Cheryl's journey for a few hours.  I cry, not just during the sad parts but because I'm still stuck here in this rat race aching to get out. If you know me, you know that I love nature, the woods, and hiking (especially alone).  

Here are 3 things I learned from Cheryl's journey:

1.  Don't regret the past.  I cannot regret that I did not venture on my journey earlier in my life.  I must make those plans now I must focus on going the direction I want to go- toward discovery.

2.  Life is hard.  Everyone has problems and life isn't easy.  I cannot focus on how hard life is or I will stay stuck in the pain. I must fight to overcome these obstacles and focus on the things I can do and I can achieve.  

3.  Knowing yourself is one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself.  I know the things I like and dislike.  I know who I am and love who I am.  I do get heartbroken that I have people in my life that do not really even know me and have no desire to learn about me even though they say they love me.  I know I'll be okay even though these people don't know me because I know me and I love me!  

People ask me why I love the woods and why alone ~all I can do is explain it by this quote from Henry David Thoreau:  

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary.  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms."         

You may not be obsessed with the woods and hiking like I am but you need to find some place in your life where you can be alone with yourself, your thoughts, and be your own friend.  

If you want to learn about some of my passions you can just watch the movie or read the book "Wild" because Cheryl and I have a lot in common - all the way down to the love of quotes.  

Just keep going......

Sometimes you will feel like you don't want to keep going because you don't have a clear vision of where you are going so you don't know if you are even heading in the right direction.  I say.... keep on going.  Don't give up and keep moving.  I know you are worried that you might not be going in the right direction and waste a lot of time and energy but I say...  Don't worry you are learning so much on this adventure.  There are no wrong directions because we can learn so much from the experiences we have and the people we meet.  The key is ... Don't give up!

Motivational Monday seek your own adventure

As the weather gets colder and the winter is approaching it is easy to lose yourself and your goals.  Instead of being motivated to keep after your goals you may decide it is better to curl up with a good movie or book.  Now is the time to focus again on what you would like your life to look like - where do you want to go in your life, what do you want to do?  So on a cold brisk day, take some time out to write down a list of at least 3 goals you want to accomplish before the end of 2015.  Come on, get off the couch and get this done then you can go back to that movie or book.  

Tomorrow once you have had a full night to think about your 3 goals focus on one and go for it right now - head out on your adventure to achieve this goal (either figuratively or literally). 

Want to know what I'm thinking?

Well, today is Wednesday & I just felt like saying HI!  Have you ever had so much to do that you don't even know where to start so you just procrastinate?  Yep, that's what I'm doing right now! Wishing I was somewhere else but hey, that's not going to happen so am posting a video of where I want to be.... 

Who wants to go with me? No takers?  Oh well...  Sigh... back to my work!  I guess this will only be in my dreams.  

Spiritual Sunday - Living Life focused on the Details -Jill Lam

I've been MIA from posting recently because I've been caught up in being productively busy. To me life is not about making money, it is about living consciously, helping others, being creative, living with integrity.  

I have the spirit of nature in my soul.  I need to be in the woods just as much as I need to breathe, eat, and sleep. I am usually always seen with a camera in hand because I love to take pictures.  I also love to write.  I have books of my own poetry, words of wisdom, and quotes from others that I have been filling up since I was in elementary school.  

I am compelled to make picture quotes and I am trilled when I can make my own.   I currently admin 5 Facebook pages and I work very hard to express myself creatively on these pages via my picture quotes.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy making them.  Although they are very time consuming, they are also very cathartic.  

Enjoy my Dragonfly Friends - I appreciate your support and positive comments for I do this out of my own passions.

I usually have 2 camera's with me- This is a pic of me taking some close up shots.

I can get real close at times but darn catching pictures of Dragonflies is HARD - they don't like to stay still!

Here's one of my pathways in the woods - I love this quote it makes me feel so good to read it everyday!

I love these rocks, they are one of my favorites and I collect them.  Have you ever let one sit in the sun and then hold it against your skin - such a warm and intense feeling.

I love hiking in the early morning when the dew is still on the ground.  I used this picture for this quote because the flower is not perfect and yet it is so beautiful.  We need to remember that we should support each other and not hurt each other.  Are you someone who helps and supports?

I just found this guy the other day, he's a Damselfly and not a Dragonfly (although I love them just the same).  You can tell the difference because when resting the Damselfly holds his wings close to his body while a Dragonfly holds his wings straight out, as if saying to the world -look at me!

Finally here's a Dragonfly picture that I took the day I was getting up close and personal!