The 2 things you need to do to make 2018 great

Here we go again folks~  Another year has begun! So are you full of hope and excitement thinking that this could be an amazing year?  Well, you should be excited it will be positive because what we focus on we will expand.  So, if you are focused on the positive in your life every day this positive will expand.  

Now, remember this doesn't mean you will have a perfect year! It is important to make mistakes ~ check out this Resolutions post to learn why.  Don't think that if you focus on being perfect you will be perfect because there is no such thing as perfect and this only makes you have unrealistic expectations (which will only lead to disappointment).  

Here are 2 things you need to do today to get your year off to the right start~

1.   Reflect back on the lessons you have learned in 2017. These lessons may come from positive events and discoveries but most likely they come from events where things didn't work out as you expected.  Reward yourself for learning these lessons and acknowledge that you plan on living life based on these lessons learned (AKA: Don't repeat these mistakes).  Now, write down 1-3 goals you want to achieve this year - make them realistic goals. Every day in 2018 you must do at least one thing to work toward these goals.  So for example, if you have a goal of building a stronger relationship or business than every day you must do something to make this happen.  The key is your intent every day is to work toward your goals.

2.   Write down 1-3 things you will NOT do in 2018.  These can be things you already don't do such as ~ "I will not waste money on a gym membership."  This can be something more challenging such as ~ "I will not beat myself up mentally when I make mistakes."  This one may be harder but you will have to remember that when you do make a mistake and start belittling yourself you stop and say "nope, I'm not going to keep doing this."  The key to this resolution is to give yourself a different kind of power.  

I'm looking forward to our adventures together in 2018! On this journey together we will learn a lot, grow emotionally & spiritually, and eventually, we will soar!  

Happy New Year my Dragonfly Friends~

Elie Wiesel - lessons learned and how to have a better world!

Spiritual Sunday~~ I continue to be heartbroken at the loss of Elie Wiesel!  In the 1980's I was in high school and learned about Mr. Wiesel and read his book "Night."  Reading his book was not an easy task because I'm dyslexic. I struggle at pronouncing unknown words and I'm an exceptionally slow reader but Mr. Wiesel's book kept me inspired to keep reading and motivated me to do a lot of self-reflection. How can I live in a world that allows such injustice?  How can I just stand by and let bad thing happen to others?  I knew I couldn't! I knew that I had to help others!  Although I was just a teenager I knew my purpose in life was to work on making the world a better place. 

Elie Wiesel's life lessons became a part of the fabric of my soul and I re-read his work often, especially on audio.  There is so much to learn about ourselves and the world around us.  I guess this is why I struggle to understand why people have hate and negativity?  I just don't get it!  How can someone intentionally harm someone else - physically, mentally, socially, emotionally...? It makes me sick to my stomach when I hear someone justify their actions - tell me that the other person had it coming, that they had to right to defend themselves, that it's the person's own fault for being poor....  How can you not see from another person's perspective?  

I work daily to live with integrity and yet see and experience so much hate and indifference.  I don't understand how some people don't comprehend that what we focus on we expand.  When we attempt to make the world a better place by fighting the "War on drugs" or the "War on guns" or "Anti-bullying" all we are doing is magnifying drugs, guns, bullying... We need to teach empathy, compassion, and HELP those addicted.  War begets war and eventually there is so much war, hatred, violence that people become immune and indifferent.  I learned from "Elie Wiesel "Indifference to me, is the epitome of all evil."  

People are so self-absorbed with material items, money, status, and number of "likes" and followers on social media that they have lost most of their humanity.  I have sat in school meetings where the staff fights hard against providing an education to a child. Often they blame the child or parents for the fact that the child is not learning instead of taking responsibility and teaching the child appropriately.  I could tell you some horrific stories about how those who are paid to educate our children attack them by blaming and shaming them.  Educators are not paid to crush the self-esteem of children yet is accepted and condoned all the time. Sports coaches often do the same things. But why is all this allowed - why do people in power think they have the right to break the spirit of another person.  

As a counselor I am helping many people overcome the traumas from their childhood.  It is heartbreaking to hear the stories about teachers, coaches, and even parents causing such damage to another human-being.    "Every single human-being is a unique human-being and therefore it is so criminal to do something to that human-being- he or she represents humanity."  

So here's what you can do to make the world a better place... YOU CAN MAKE YOU BETTER.  YOU CAN LIFE YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY WITH INTEGRITY!  YOU CAN WORK HARD TO SEE ANOTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE AND YOU CAN FOCUS ON HOW TO THINK AND FEEL DEEPER!  

(Elie Wiesel- cnn video)

How to be honest with yourself and why - Toolkit Tuesday

Let's face it - we are not always honest.  We are not honest with others and we are not honest with ourselves.  It is not easy to openly face all of our flaws.  When we realize that we have made some choices that are not the wisest choices due to a specific action or inaction we use a variety of defense mechanisms to make ourselves feel better.  We may deny, rationalize, justify, displace, project, intellectualize - and so on.

This isn't the healthiest and productive course of action.  I stress often how we have to be mindful- mindful of the things going on around us, mindful of the details of life, and mindful of our authentic selves.  

We can't fully accept, embrace, and love ourselves until we are fully open and honest with ourselves.  Don't worry, we don't have to share the details of this honesty with anyone else.  But we really need to be honest with ourselves!  

So, what does it mean to be entirely honest with oneself?  It means:

Analyzing each and every action asking yourself - why did I make that decision?  Why did I choose that course of action?  Why did I say what I said?  Why did I choose to not say something?  Why did I choose to not participate or avoid something or someone?  

Repeat- After you answer these questions to yourself confront yourself and ask if you are really being honest.  It's not easy to admit that we did something with bad or wrong intentions so we may use a defense mechanism because it is uncomfortable to face reality.  But we must face reality and be honest with our true intentions.  

Practice- Every day take time to reflect on your action and inactions - practice over and over being honest with yourself and confront yourself when you are not being fully honest. 

So, what is the consequence of being fully honest with ourselves? It is living a happier, productive, more fulling life!  You will get to know yourself better and that is one of your missions on your Hero's Journey.  You will be a better friend, partner, and parent because you will be mentally strong and healthy.  Now, start this practice today and watch it change your life.  I will give you a warning that it will be scary if you are doing it right - we don't really like see ourselves all naked and vulnerable and those darn defense mechanisms will keep coming into your thoughts but with time and practice, you will break through these feelings of fear and anxiety.  

Smile for strength!

I am smiling right now to give me strength and power.  I am smiling to fill myself with positive feelings.  If I don't smile right now my anger may consume me!  

Maybe I'll post later as to why I need to have a big smile on my face today - right now every time I start to share why I need my strength I lose my smile and the anger builds again.  So, once I get strong enough I'll let you all know what's going on because I'm sure my issues are similar to your issues.  Stay tuned...

How to do and be your best!

Motivational Monday - Coaching lesson...

In order to make a choice to do and be the best you can be each and every day you must understand what being and doing the best really means.  

Being and doing your best doesn't mean that things have to be perfect.  It doesn't mean that you will not make mistakes.  Many people have the crazy idea that being and doing the best means that they have to be flawless, a winner, wealthy, thin, admired by others, beautiful, never making mistakes, always successful.... This list could go on and on because most have no idea what exactly it means to be or do their best.

What doing and being your best really means:

~ You accept and love all of you.  You don't focus on obtaining physical perfection but instead accept yourself as you are and focus on being healthy.  Society has unrealistic standards of what people should look like.  For women we are bombarded with images and messages that we are not our best if we are not tall, thin, anorexic looking, smooth youthful skin...  Well, the majority of us don't look like these women so you have to stop thinking that this is the best - it is NOT!  Embrace yourself exactly how YOU look!  I'm not thin - I'm curvy!  I no longer have that youthful skin - I have saggy skin and many wrinkles but ummm I'm almost 50 years old I don't want to look like I'm 20 years old.  My eye wrinkles come from smiling, laughing, and loving life- they make me beautiful to me.  Remember that your opinion is the only one that matters in regards to how you look so love and appreciate all of you!

~ You value all the mistakes and failures that happen because you know that these are the best lessons we can learn and make us better and stronger.  Beating yourself up for making mistakes is not being the best you can be it is a form of self-abuse and self-bullying!  Doing your best is making mistakes - mistakes are great!

~ You know who you are, your likes, dislikes, thoughts, and opinions ... or you are working on discovering who you are!  You are not being the best you can be when you are following the opinions or actions of others without even knowing yourself.  You must define your box/yourself to be the best you can be and to do this you must really get to know why you like a certain color, song, book, movie, political candidate, movement, food... If you don't know who you are than you are not living authentically - not being your best!  BTW- if you ever need help discovering and defining yourself contact me at my office Forest Alliance Coaching or my Forest Alliance Coaching Facebook Page.

~ You are your own best friend. Each day you are the only one that you can count on to be there- so being the best you can be is also being your own best friend.  Support yourself and forgive yourself when you slip and treat yourself badly and have negative self-talk. When down, depressed, sad, overwhelmed - be there for yourself and lift yourself up!  Talk to yourself as you would talk to your own best friend!

~ You are doing your best when you take action!  Take the word try out of your vocabulary - remember Yoda "Do or do not - there is no try."  Every time you say the word try you are not doing your best!  Doing is action and try is inaction.  Replace the word try with other action words and you will see a difference in your own behavior.  The word try is an excuse.  For example, saying "I'll try to get the dishes done" actually gives your brain the sense that it will not really happen.  Instead say "I'll get the dishes done by the end of the day (or a specific time).  Taking the word "try" out of your vocab isn't easy but I promise it will make a positive difference in your life.

~Finally, doing your best means that for each activity you do you do it with integrity! Keep your intentions good for you and others.  If your intentions are negative, bad, to deceive.... than that is NOT being and doing your best!  

Best video & message- please watch Tim McGraw - Humble and Kind! 

3 steps on how to move on - Toolkit Tuesday

Yesterday for Motivational Monday I wrote about Moving On - a short piece to inspire you to realize that you deserve better than settling for things that don't bring you happiness (career - relationships).  

Today, for Toolkit Tuesday I'm going to tell you HOW to move on! From time to time we all need to move on from a relationship, job, career, sport, school, or other type of situation.  This often seems easy but for some reason our egos or circumstances don't seem to allow us to actually move on - physically and/or emotionally.  

The reason it is difficult to move on is because you actually have to go through the stages of mourning and grief but people don't realize this and fight this process.  We get stuck in different stages of the grief process and sometimes go back to the person/situation/job... This only makes things more difficult so here are the 3 steps you need to follow to move on!

1.)  You need to cut off all contact.  If you really want to move on than you need to let go - get your foot off the break and move!  For some relationships with children involved and jobs where you will still need to stay connected to co-workers you need to just cut things off emotionally.  Here is where you need to know the difference between being friendly and being friends.   So don't contact them unless you really need to and if they contact you be respectful but have strong boundaries.  

2.)  Know that you will experience the five stages of normal grief explained by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  Understand, the amount of time you spend in each stage will be different and you may not follow them in the same order.

• Denial & Isolation:  We often experience this defense mechanism as a reaction to overwhelming emotions, stress, and trauma.  Even if you are the one wanting to move on you can still experience the feelings of denial that it is happening or you may feel bouts of isolation.  Just remember this is temporary and the feelings will change soon.  

• Anger: When the denial and isolation feelings start to subside we may have intense feelings of hurt and pain.  This makes us feel vulnerable and scared so we project these feelings as anger. We may direct this anger at strangers, friends, loved ones, or even inanimate objects.  We often will be angry at the other person but this may cause us cognitive dissonance - this is where we have 2 conflicting feelings - both love and hate for the same person/job/situation.  

• Bargaining: Again we are feeling helpless and vulnerable so we may try to work on the relationship/job/situation.  We often will say - "If I only worked harder/been nicer/was thinner..." We will either tell the other person we will fix these things about ourselves or we will just try to fix them hoping the other person will notice.  This is often a stage where we will try to fix the relationship/job/situation but it will not work because it is already over by this stage.  

• Depression:  When we realize that bargaining didn't work and the relationship/job/situation is really over than we can sink into a depression.  Past memories can trigger a lot of sadness and tears. We can have a lot of regrets and realize all the things we are going to miss by not being in the relationship/job/situation anymore.  We can feel very lonely and on the brink of despair.  This is the time we have to remember that what we are longing for was a fantasy - a fantasy relationship/job/situation and not reality.  Letting go of a dream is extremely painful because it is the dream that is connected to us emotionally.  This is why people in abusive relationships keep going back - the dream of a great relationship even though in reality it is a living hell.  Having to face reality is too painful and depressing so many prefer to live in a fantasy.  LET GO OF THE FANTASY!  

• Acceptance:  If you follow these steps you will eventually get to the stage of acceptance.  You will finally accept the reality that the relationship/job/situation is over and your fantasy of what you want to have happen isn't going to happen.  You can accept that you may not ever see that person, experience that career, or play that sport again but you are not still experiencing anger or depression.  You are not hoping that things will change because you are ready to move on and discover other adventures.  

3.) Forgive and love yourself.  Remember that we learn so much from our mistakes and mistakes make us better stronger people. Don't beat yourself up for getting in a bad relationship, not being a good partner, not being successful at your job or school, or for failing at something.  These events don't make YOU a bad person they are just teaching lessons.  Forgive yourself - you now know better!  Love yourself most!  When we take time to be our own best friends we support ourselves and work to improving ourselves. This isn't permission to be self-centered it means that we need to love and take-care of ourselves.  Remember from yesterday's post - don't settle because you deserve a good life!  

HUGS my friends!  You matter and have value & worth in this world!  

Tackling your FEAR~ Worthy Wednesday!

FEAR - that is a major problem in our lives.  We can be afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of being hurt, afraid of hurting others, afraid of ... well just about anything.  Fear can stop you from having the life you want to live.  Fear can prevent you from being happy.  

You must look at your fears directly.  Shine light on your fears.  You can do this by talking to someone about your fears.  Expose your fears and share them with a person you trust!  Your fears get bigger when you avoid them so tackle them and challenge them. You have more power than you believe.  You will survive if take risks and taking risks will reduce your fears and you will feel empowered!  You will grow stronger each time you conquer a fear! You are amazing and you are worthy of being strong enough to face your fears head on.  Don't hide from your fears or you will make them worse!  Here's a great quote I love from the book "Life of Pi."  Read this quote to yourself when you are feeling that fear has power over your choices.  

(Image: Red dragonfly with blue water in the background and a quote from Yann Martel's book "Live of Pi" ~ “I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.” )

3 tricks to develop persistence- Toolkit Tuesday

Yesterday the focus was on 3 tricks to get motivated and stop procrastinating.  Today's focus is on the importance of persistence. 

Here are 3 tricks to develop persistence:

1: Have a plan.  It's great to get on the road to a goal but if you don't have a plan on how to get to that goal you will just be driving around with no direction wasting a lot of energy.  Eventually you will quit because you will discover you have not made much progress.  So make a plan.  Your plan should include a lot of mini goals to keep you on track.  For example, if you were to drive across the United States you wouldn't do it without stopping for fuel, food, or sleep would you.  No you would have to make stops along the way.  True, you could just wing-it and stop as needed but it is more effective and efficient if you make at least rough plans on when you will need to stop and the routes you will take. 

2: Get support from family or friends.  Share your goal with some close family and/or friends.  Remember not everyone is your friend some people may not be supportive and sabotage your plans. You want to share your goal with people you know will cheer you on and keep you moving in the right direction.  These people will lift you up when you get stuck and guide you back when you go off your path.  You should also have at least one person you trust to hold you accountable.  You must trust that this person has your best interest at heart and someone you can count on when times get tough.  Agree with this person that you will seek them out when you want to quit and their job is to convince you not to quit even if you have every reason to quit.  We all need at least one person in our life that doesn't give up on us when we are ready to throw in the towel.  

3: Battle through the challenges!  You will be tested along the way! There is no doubt that you will have to face many challenges and obstacles.  There will be road block, brick walls, naysayers, and your own personal demons interfering with your progress.  You will get hung-up and even set back often but this is when you need to dig in deeper and push on.  Make a list of all thing things that might cause you difficulty along your path to your goal and then think of the tools you may need to conquer them.  You will still have these obstacles in your way but you will have some tools and strategies in place and will make the battle a little easier.  There will also be times you are blindsided by something you never expected and at this time is when you get support from your friends and family (or your go-to friend) to give you strength to keep moving forward.  

Put these 3 tricks into place and you will be on your way to success!  

3 tricks to get motivated and stop procrastinating! Motivational Monday

I'm often told - "I just can't get started"  or "I can't seem to finish what I get started."  These are common for everyone but especially someone who has ADHD or other learning disabilities.  Here are 3 things you can do to get started and keep going until you are finished:

1: Know why you are procrastinating!  Most people procrastinate because they have a terrible concept of time.  We often want instant gratification and think that we will deal with something later.  Our brain is easy to convince that it's okay to eat that cupcake now because it wants to have its pleasure center touched.  We tell ourselves we will work it off later at the gym or it's just a few extra calories we will eat less later...  Or we have to get a project done and we tell ourselves we have all week to complete the project thinking we will start later on - we have time.  Also, some people procrastinate because they are afraid of failure or success.  They believe if they start something it won't be good enough.  So, you need to really think about why you are procrastinating and be very honest with yourself!  

2: To get started give yourself a set time limit or goal.  So you want to workout and lose weight.  Set up a 10 minute time to just do it! Tell yourself it's only 10 minutes.  If you need to clean a room set a goal for cleaning up for 20 minutes or picking up/cleaning 20 thing. You can do this same thing for a project you need to get started or studying for a class/test.  The key is to set a time limit and or goal for how much you want to accomplish.  Don't set these too high - make them manageable.  Once you get started you can keep going if you want but don't make the time limit or goal so high you are overwhelmed and don't start at all.  

3: When you are starting to have the desire to quit tell yourself these two words: STOP IT! Watch this video clip below of Bob Newhart telling a client to "STOP IT" and talk to yourself the same way! This will do a few things.  It will hopefully make you laugh every time you tell yourself to "Stop it" and it will make you keep going until you reach your time limit or goal.  See, sometimes we procrastinate because we have a negative inner voice telling us our work isn't good enough, we are not good enough, or other negative comments.  I want you to tell this negative inner voice to "STOP IT!"  

Now, tell yourself you can and will get things accomplished! You may not complete everything but you will get things started and finish what you start.  I believe in you so now you need to believe in yourself!  

Want to overcome being disappointed or overwhelmed - here's how! ~Spiritual Sunday

Ever feel disappointed or overwhelmed?  Yes, of course you have because life isn't easy for anyone. We will always have obstacles in our pathway and how we look at these obstacles helps keep us motivated and will reduce anxiety.  If you are feeling overwhelmed or disappointed than you are looking at the obstacle as something negative or problem that can't be solved.  This doesn't have to happen - we can look at our obstacles as positive things that happen in our lives that make us better - pushes us farther, and teaches us more.  

I know your obstacle is something that is so big you can't overcome or your disappointment is so big that you may never heal.  Let me assure you that you will overcome and heal from these obstacles even though you don't feel it right now.  

Here's one thing you can do help this process.  Think of the obstacle in your life that is causing you difficulty.  Now, think of all the ways this obstacle can provide you with some positive aspects to your life.  The obstacle can give you insight into something you need to change or improve.  Your obstacle is there to help you become stronger and independent.  These obstacles are not in your life to bring you down but to lift you up and be an active participant in your own life.  These are not actually obstacles but instead they are opportunities for you to become the best person that you can be and help you actually have a better life.  

If you are struggling with keeping your thoughts positive because you have negative thoughts taking over than stop them from happening.  You actually do have the power to make them stop - when a negative thought comes to mind counter that thought with a positive one.  It may be difficult at first but keep it up and beat those negative thoughts down over and over and eventually it will get better!  

(Image: Dragonfly on stick with pink hibiscus flower behind blue and green dragonfly with J. Sidlow Baxter quote: "What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?  Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity.")

5 steps to a great year ~ Toolkit Tuesday!

Do you want a great life?

You still have time to make life plans for 2016.  What you focus on you attract (bring into your life).  So, if you want a positive, exciting, and wonderful life you need to actually make plans for this to occur.  You wouldn’t go on a trip or vacation without planning on where you are going and how you are going to get there.  You plan and take action. Live an active life, not a passive one!  Here’s how to plan your pathway to a great year:

1.     Decide on 1 or 2 areas of your life you will be focusing on this year (focusing on too many areas causes cognitive overload, especially for a Dragonfly and will lead to stress).  For example: abundance, love, money, friendships, career, family, fitness, health…  Notice these are just one words and positive.

 

2.     Write down the word on the top of a piece of paper (you will have two papers if you have two areas of focus).  Below the word, write a description of that word.  What does that word mean to you? Keep this positive.  For example: Abundance – having plenty of the positive things I need in my life.  Love – acceptance of myself and others as they are, for whom they are and/or having others accepting me as I am.  Career - A professional occupation that gives my life meaning and purpose where I am valued and earn a significant amount of money and happiness.

   

3.     Give your year a motto and write it down below your definition – something that you can use in a daily mantra to keep you focused on your end result.  For example, “I have abundance in my life.” “Loving myself and others.”  “2016 will be a Best-selling year.”

4.     Below your motto make a list of at least 10 things you WILL be doing to bring your focus word into your life.  A few examples for Abundance would be: Be grateful for the things I already have/ keep focused on what I have instead of what I don’t have/ determine if something is a want or a need…

5.     This is your road-map so read it every day (sometime a few times a day).  Make a copy and put it on the bathroom mirror you use in the morning so you see it first thing every day. 

Finally- read this quote every single morning as you start your day!  

"There are two rules for living in harmony: #1 Don't sweat the small stuff and #2 it's all small" by Richard Carlson

Letting go of the past! Motivational Monday

2015 is GONE so let it go!  The past is the past and you can't do anything about it!  You can't change it so stop reliving it (if you are -if not than good for you!!)

To stay motivated is to stop looking at the past and perservating on it because it will only waste your time.  

Why do you want to waste your time on things you cannot change? Go ahead and think about some of the things from the past but don't live in the past - good or bad memories only take away time from the here and now!  

Today's Motivational Monday pic quote is - "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today" by Will Rogers.  

Keep saying this today every time you get caught up on thinking about anything in the past! 

Motivational Monday! Going after what you want!

So, did you make your list yesterday?  If you are not sure what list here's the post that explains: Turning reflection into action.  

Now, think about what you are doing today to work toward your goal.  You must put effort into moving toward your goal or otherwise it will always stay just a dream.  

Remember to believe in yourself even if no one else believes in you.  Also know that I believe in you!  I have faith that you can achieve your goals.  Just focus on working toward making them happen and they will.  

Spiritual Sunday~ Turning reflection into action

Are you working toward your dreams or are you just dreaming?  Do you have a desire to do something, go somewhere, or obtain something?   Are you spending energy thinking about what your life would be like if you achieved what you desire?  If so, what exactly are you doing to reach your goals? 

Oh.... you are not actually doing anything or only doing a little bit to reach these goals.   Why?  Is it because you don't have the time, money, talent, support, connections.... to actually journey on this path in your life? 

Well, those are just excuses.  Those are excuses because living your life doing what you desire and dream is scary.  It is scary because we judge ourselves and know we are always judged by others.  You are afraid because no one wants to feel judged.  We can look at the world around us and see others doing things better than we can and make negative self-judgments.  It takes courage to go for our goals.

The thing is - you will never really know if you can live your dreams and desires until you actually live them.  I don't mean try for a day or a week but live your life daily with intent to do at least two thing each day focused on making your dreams and desires happen.  Remember, these are actions and not just sitting around dreaming!  

So today, do the following:

On the top of a piece of paper write down your desire or dream.  Below, make a list of all the things you can do/or need in order to achieve this goal.  Write everything out that you can think of even if you believe they are impossible. Next, star all the things you can do in the next year toward your goal (you should have a lot of stars).  After, circle the ones that you can complete in a month.  Finally, highlight the ones you can do this week then every day do something toward this goal.  

Don't give up and don't make an excuse because I want you to remember the an excuse is just a way to procrastinate and avoid obtaining your goals.  Know that you have value and worth.  You matter and you deserve to live a life of your dreams and desires.  You can reach your goals if you believe in yourself and take risks.  Yes you will be vulnerable but that's a good thing!  

What to do when excluded or discriminated against

Not everyone is going to like you.  In fact, there will be a lot of people in your life that can't stand you.  Their not liking you has much more to do with the issues of the other person instead of you. People will treat you poorly and discriminate against you but it is your attitude that will get you through.  

Remember that you are a person of value and worth!  You have to be your own best friend and cheerleader.  When others are treating you in a negative way than change the narrative.  This is your life so you are the narrator.  Stop letting other people be the narrators of your life!  

Here's a picture quote you should put in a place where you can find it easily when you are feeling excluded by others.  When feeling negative read this quote & remember that you are AMAZING!  

BTW if you don't know who Zora Neale Hurston is than you should really learn about this wonderful woman!