We all have Bias - learn to stop being so judgmental

Re-sharing - a post I wrote back in June 2013 but think it needs to be addressed again!  

There has been a lot of discussion in the media about racism, sexism, homophobia, equality… (There is no need to identify these stories because they could be any story; even your own story of being oppressed, discriminated against, of judged).   I will address these issues because they are vital to making the world a better place; so we can do better now that we will know better!  To do this we must first understand implicit bias and confirmation bias.  EVERYONE makes judgments based on both of these biases.  They are rooted in our upbringing and may be so deep you are not aware they exist.  But do not think that you are not prejudice or bias because we all are; it’s human nature. 

Understanding Bias:

Implicit bias is the unconscious attitudes and beliefs that can be expressed overtly or covertly.  These implicit biases develop early in our lives and can occur even if we believe we have no biases toward others.  Implicit bias can be measured (Harvard has done some great research in this area).  These biases are not only about race but also about: age, disabilities, religion, gender, and so on. 

Watch this video of Alan Alda taking this test and explain implicit bias.

Alan Alda doing the Implicit Bias test at Harvard

Here’s the link to check your own implicit bias: Implicit Bias Test 

People do not base their decisions and opinions on fact but instead on confirmation bias.  Confirmation bias is the process of paying attention to information about a person/topic/issue that confirms (validates) your belief/opinion and ignoring, minimizing, or rationalizing the information that does not support your belief/opinion.  The more emotionally charged an issue or topic is the more this bias occurs.  The recent political race is a perfect example of confirmation bias.   If a person liked one presidential candidate then most of the things that candidate said or did was spun in a positive light.  The other candidate could have done or said the exact same things but these would have been seen in a negative light. 

 Here’s a quick video that explains confirmation bias:

Confirmation Bias

Our brains automatically engage in low-effort information processing which consists of stereotyping and judgments (implicit bias).   We then look for information that validates these beliefs and opinions while we ignore or minimize information that disproves these beliefs and opinions (confirmation bias).  This happens with EVERYONE!  

This can change only if we do a few things:  First, we need to acknowledge and accept that we have biases.  We need to be openly admit these to ourselves.  Second, we need to willingly look at all the evidence and use our OWN critical thinking skills.  Decisions need to be made based on evidence (not only the evidence you want to look at - that's confirmation bias).  This is not easy because your biases will get in the way.  We expect others to be emphatic  to understand us, our points of view, and accept our values and beliefs but we often don’t practice empathy to others. 

Remember that empathy is NOT feeling what another person feels it is UNDERSTANDING the other person’s emotions, experiences, situations…  It does not mean that you have to agree with the person but that you understand why they believe what they believe and feel what they feel.  When you have empathy you don’t try to change another person’s belief to your belief.  You don’t judge others because empathy is the antidote to bias, bigotry, and bullying!

When people become aware (conscious) of the potential for prejudice, they often attempt to correct for it and are less likely to exhibit bias behaviors (overt and covert).  Nevertheless, just understanding implicit bias and confirmation bias is not enough.  Actions, with the intent to do better, must occur on a daily basis.

Please watch the final video of Oprah speaking about Maya Angelou words “when you know better, you do better.”  (If you have not watched any of the other videos than please watch this one.)

Lessons Oprah learned from Maya Angelou

"The Blame Game! Are School Problems the Kids' Fault?" article by Pam Wright

                          The Blame Game!   

Are School Problems the Kids' Fault? 

by 

Pamela Darr Wright, M.A., M.S.W. 

Licensed Clinical Social Worker**

** This article is being shared with you from Wright's Law article "The Blame Game."  I am sharing the article to assure you read this article since some people do not click on the links provided.  This is very important information everyone should understand! All credit goes to the author, Pam Wright!  I have shared this many times over the past few years and I find it very sad that I have to share it at the beginning of a school year. Blaming & Shaming have to stop - here's another past post regarding Shaming. Finally, if you want to understand what it like for a person to have a learning disability please read about Learned Helplessness (it's not what you think).

"They think Brian’s school problems are my fault. When I said he needed more individual help from the LD teacher, they shook their heads. They only "do collaborative" now. They told me I shouldn’t use the word "dyslexia" because it sounds hopeless. Then they asked how my husband and I were getting along! (Denise, mother of a boy diagnosed with emotional problems, later found to have severe dyslexia.)

The school psychologist said Shannon's learning problems were her fault, that she was lazy and unmotivated and we had to pressure her to work harder. We didn’t allow her to watch television. We didn't allow her to go out with friends. Homework took hours to complete, even when we helped her. She got terribly depressed. We didn’t know what to do. We didn’t want to raise a lazy child. (Emory & Elaine Carter before they learned Shannon had dyslexia and ADHD. See Florence County School District Four v. Shannon Carter, 510 U.S. 7, (1993)). 

The Blame Game

Parents of special ed kids often say that they are intimidated, patronized and made to feel guilty and inadequate by staff at their children’s school. These parents feel helpless, frustrated, and defensive. 

Not surprisingly, parents behave exactly like other human beings when they are blamed or attacked. Feeling threatened and uncomfortable, most parents try to explain and justify their position, in hopes that they will be understood. A few go on the offense, firing volleys of blame back.

Many parents find these experiences exquisitely painful and humiliating. If they withdraw and try to avoid school functions, they find that they've been labeled as "uninvolved parents." Again, they are blamed for their children’s learning problems.

Sometimes, emotions get out of control. Feelings of anger, bitterness, and betrayal consume parents and school personnel - who are then unable to work together to make educational decisions. In these cases, everyone loses. The child is usually the biggest loser if the parents and educators cannot work together effectively.

What is the basis for these negative experiences? Are parents too sensitive? Do they misperceive and misunderstand what happens in their contacts with educators? Or are parents just over-protective of their children, as many educators claim?

If you are a "special ed" parent, you know that it's hard to fight - and almost impossible to bail out. If your child receives special education services, you have to attend school meetings and you have to cooperate in developing your child’s IEPs. How can you do this?

And here's another question: If the school staff believes that you or your child are responsible for your child’s problems, how can you work with them so your child’s interests are protected? How can you ensure that your child gets a good quality education?

School Culture

If you have run into a "brick wall" of resistance when you tried to obtain changes in your child’s educational program, you need to understand how schools really work. You need to learn about "school culture" and the beliefs held by many educators, school psychologists, administrators, and guidance counselors.

Dr. Galen Alessi, Professor of Psychology at Western Michigan University, conducted a fascinating study on school psychologists. Dr. Alessi’s study illustrates why so many parents have problems dealing with schools. Dr. Alessi’s article is "Diagnosis Diagnosed: A Systemic Reaction" published in Professional School Psychology, 3(2), 145-151.

The primary role of the school psychologist is to evaluate children to determine the reasons for learning and behavior problems. According to Dr. Alessi, when a child has trouble learning or behaving in school, the source of the child's problem can usually be traced to one or more of five causes.

First, the child may be misplaced in the curriculum, or the curriculum may include faulty teaching routines.

Second, the teacher may not be implementing effective teaching and/or behavioral management practices.

Third, the principal and/or other school administrators may not be implementing effective school management practices.

Fourth, the parents may not be providing the home-based support necessary for effective learning.

Fifth, the child may have physical and/or psychological problems that contribute to learning problems.

School psychologists from different areas of the country were interviewed and asked to complete an informal survey. The school psychologists were asked if they agreed that the five factors listed above play a "primary role in a given school learning or behavior problem." (Page 148) The school psychologists agreed that these factors, alone or together, played a significant role in children’s learning problems.

The school psychologists were surveyed about the number of children they evaluated during the past year for learning problems. The average number was about 120 cases (or kids). These numbers were rounded to 100 cases for each of the 50 psychologists for a total of 5,000 cases.

Alessi asked these psychologists how many reports they wrote in which they concluded that the child’s learning problem was mainly due to curriculum factors. "The answer was usually none. All cases out of the 5,000 examined confirmed that their schools somehow had been fortunate enough to have adopted only the most effective basal curricula." (Page 148)

Next, he asked how many reports concluded that the referring problem was due primarily to inappropriate teaching practices. "The answer also was none. All cases out of the 5,000 examined proved that their districts had been fortunate enough to have hired only the most skilled, dedicated, and best prepared teachers in the land." (Page 149)

Then, he asked the psychologists how many of their reports found that the problem was due mainly to faulty school administrative factors. "The answer again was none. All cases out of 5,000 examined demonstrated that their districts had hired and retained only the nation’s very best and brightest school administrators." (Page 149)

When asked how many reports concluded that parent and home factors were primarily responsible, the answer ranged from 500 to 1,000 (10% to 20%). These positive findings indicated that we were finally getting close to the source of educational problems in schools. Some children just don't have parents who are smart, competent, or properly motivated to help their children do well in school.

Finally, I asked how many reports concluded that child factors were primarily responsible for the referred problem. The answer was 100%. These 5,000 positive findings uncovered the true weak link in the educational process in these districts: the children themselves.

If only these districts had better functioning children with a few more supportive parents, there would be no educational difficulties. (Page 149)

Dr. Alessi noted that in IEP disputes, "family factors are invoked most often when the parent does not attend the meeting, or if the parent is involved in a way deemed ‘inappropriate’ by the school staff. Otherwise, child factors alone seem to carry the explanatory burden for school learning and behavior problems." (Page 149)

Based on the results of these 5,000 reports prepared by school psychologists, "the results indicate clearly no need to improve curricula, teaching practices, nor school administrative practices and management. The only needs somehow involve improving the stock of children enrolled in the system, and some of their parents." (Page 149)

Alessi expressed serious concerns about his findings. If school psychologists define children’s learning problems as existing solely within the child, "it is equally unclear how school psychologists can help resolve this kind of problem. School psychologists seem to define school problems in ways that cannot be resolved."

When Dr. Alessi shared these findings with the school psychologists, many protested that "all five factors are indeed responsible for school problems in the cases they studied, but that informal school policy (or ‘school culture’) dictates that conclusions be limited to child and family factors.

Many feel that they could lose their jobs were they to invoke school-related factors. Certainly, they claim, their professional lives would be made very uncomfortable . . . The fact remains that no school psychologist in the group had determined that any existing problems were due to school-related factors." (Page 149) 

The "Child-as-the-Problem"

Dr. Alessi discussed several additional reasons for the prevailing "child-as-the-problem" perspective of school psychologists. Graduate school programs focus on child problems and ignore or exclude school-related factors. Workshops and papers presented at school psychology conferences share the "child-as-the-problem" focus. Most school psychology journals focus exclusively on child factors.

School psychology textbooks have a clear "child-as-the-problem" bias. After examining several "mainstream" school psychology texts, Alessi found that when assessing children’s reading problems, school factors were mentioned as a factor between 7% and 0% (zero) of the time. "Child factors" were held responsible for reading problems between 90% to 100% of the time.

Citing a classic book on reading disability, Alessi noted that it included no chapters about the connection between reading problems and school factors. The entire book focused on "child factors." (Page 150)

The "child-as-the-problem" bias also pervades school psychology research and practice. Alessi referenced one work that presented an extensive review of the research on learning disabilities. "Of the approximately 1,000 studies reviewed, not one examined the relation between school factors and learning disabilities." (Page 150)

In conclusion, Alessi observed that "Parents trust school psychologists not to adopt assessment practices that are inherently biased in ways that could hinder, rather than help, their children." (Page 148)

"Ethical Burdens" on Psychologists

Dr. Alessi discussed the "ethical burdens" on school psychologists:

As this body of research grows, school psychologists will increasingly face the burden of deciding whether they work for the schools or for the children, in cases where the interests clash. (Page 150) 'We end with a discussion of the ethical burdens on school psychologists to be forthright and honest when reporting their findings.'

He posed some questions: (Page 150)

Are we really helping children by concluding that children alone are responsible for their educational problems?

Are we helping the school system at the expense of the children?

How do we balance the rights of those who pay for our services against those who receive our services, when interests clash?

Is the role of the school psychologist to label children to help schools avoid improving faulty educational practices, or to help schools improve faulty educational practices to avoid labeling children?

Implications

As the parents of a child with special educational needs, what does this study tell you?

If you believe the staff at your child’s school are not willing to look at what they need to do differently to help your child learn, you may be right.

If you believe that you and/or your child are being blamed for your child’s learning problems, you may be right. 

And if you believe that school factors (i.e., an inappropriate curriculum, faulty teaching, ineffective school administration and management practices) are contributing to your child’s problems, you may be right. 

Now what?

What are the implications of this study for you, the parent of a special needs child? Your job is to work with the school system to secure educational services for your child.

To make good decisions about your child's educational program, you need accurate information about your child's educational difficulties and educational needs. You will find this information in psychological and educational evaluations of your child. If you cannot rely on evaluations by school district personnel for this information, what can you do? Should you ask the school for an "independent educational evaluation?"

You have learned that many people who work in schools share the belief that the problems they have teaching children have little or nothing to do with the curriculum, their own training and experience, or school administrative factors. Instead, they believe that the child’s problems are caused by the child himself. 

Many people who work in schools -- school psychologists, guidance counselors, principals, and special education directors -- share this belief. Because school staff associate with other school staff, they continually reinforce the view of the "child-as-the-problem" in their dealings with one another.

As a parent, can you force educators and school psychologists to change their beliefs? No. This view of the "child-as-the-problem" exists and persists because it serves a purpose.

What would you think if the next time you attended an IEP meeting, the school staff told you that your child’s worsening problems were caused by an inappropriate curriculum? Inadequately trained teachers? An incompetent principal? This won't happen.

As the parent of a special ed child, your job is to negotiate with school staff and secure a good quality special education program for your child. In your role as a negotiator, what do you need to know?

As a negotiator, your single most important tool is to understand and be able to explain the position of the "other side" as well or better than your own!

Once you understand the beliefs and perceptions of the school staff, you will be in a stronger position. You are more likely to accomplish your objective. When you understand how school people think and what they believe, you'll be able to generate "win-win solutions" that meet your child's needs -- and theirs.

Solutions

To accomplish your objective of getting a good educational program for your child, you must have accurate information about your child. This information includes the results of different psychological and educational tests. If you don't have good quality private sector diagnostic evaluations, you wont' be able to develop an appropriate educational program for your child. Knowing that school psychologists are often biased, what options do you have?

Independent Educational Evaluations Parents ask: "Why can’t I tell the school that I want an independent educational evaluation done on my child? Money is short. Private testing is expensive. Aren’t we are entitled to this?"

Before we answer your question, let’s change the facts.

If you belong to a managed care health plan, you have a primary care doctor. This person entered into a contractual agreement with your insurance company, and agreed to abide by certain rules. The most important rule is that this doctor agreed to hold medical costs down by managing care.How does this work?

In managed care,your primary care doctor acts as a "gatekeeper," regulating (limiting) your access to medical treatment. If you go to a specialist without an appropriate referral by your primary care doctor, your insurance company does not have to pay for your treatment. If your doctor is successful in holding costs down, the insurance company will reward him or her with financial bonuses. If your doctor isn't willing to play by these rules, the insurance company will probably cancel his contract. He will lose you and many other patients – and his livelihood.

Now, let’s assume that you have a sick child. You take your child to your primary care doctor who is associated with the managed care company. Although the doctor makes a diagnosis and prescribes treatment, your child gets sicker. You ask for a referral to a specialist. After discussion and disagreement, the doctor refers your child to a specialist – who is also a member of the managed care plan.

This specialist signed a contract with the managed care entity in which he is forbidden to fully inform you about the treatment options for your child - this is called a "gag order." If you learn about these treatments, you will want them for your child. The best solution from the insurance companies perspective is to keep you ignorant about these treatment options. because your HMO or managed care group does not want to pay for them.

Do you want your sick child treated by doctors who are not permitted to inform you about certain (expensive) treatment options? Of course not! Your child’s health is at stake.

Now, let’s return to your question about independent evaluations. Earlier in this article, you learned that most school psychologists officially consider only child or family factors when they assess children’s learning and behavior problems. Aren’t things different with independent evaluators?

The relationship between independent evaluators and school districts is often similar to the relationship between managed care specialists and insurance companies. In many jurisdictions, people who are on the approved list of independent evaluators have agreed to abide by certain rules. When they perform evaluations on children, they are paid by the school district.

As a parent, you have to ask yourself this question: If my evaluator is paid by the school district, how independent can he or she be?

In our practice, we see cases in which an independent educational evaluator recommends that a child receive more or different special education serves than the district wants to provide. After making pro-children recommendations, these diagnosticians were dropped from the school district’s approved list of evaluators.

Private Sector Evaluations

Get a comprehensive psycho-educational evaluation of your child from an expert who is truly independent. The evaluations used to make educational decisions must contain accurate information about what your child really needs – including changes that need to be made in curriculum, teaching methods, and/or school structure. The only people who will provide this information are experts in the private sector.

Low-Cost Evaluations
Many parents of kids with disabilities are financially strapped. Where can you get a quality psycho-educational evaluation of your child - without breaking the bank?

Contact local colleges and universities - if the school has a psychology program, you may be able to get an low cost or free evaluation of your child by a graduate student who is supervised by a professor.

Call child guidance clinics and community mental health centers. Ask about sliding fee scales.

Visit your state Yellow Pages for Kids with Disabilities for evaluators, academic tutors, advocates, and others who help parents get services for children.

Ask other parents - they are often your best resource. More advice about finding and working with evaluators and consultants.

A Personal Message from Pete & Pam Wright

If you are the parent of a child with special educational needs, you must learn about school culture - how schools work and beliefs held by many school personnel. When you understand school culture, many of the obstacles you face when you advocate for your child will be clear.

Children can do without many things they want and not be damaged. But your child needs an appropriate education. The most meaningful gift you can make to your child is the gift of a good education. This gift will pay dividends for the rest of your child’s life.

Focus on what you need to learn and do to obtain an appropriate education for your child. Good luck!"

** I conduct full psycho-educational evaluations that not only help you understand how your child learns and thinks but I also explain to your child how his/her brain works & ways to work smarter and not harder.  Finally, I go to the school with you to help them understand it is NOT the child or parents fault and steps they, the educators, can help the child.  I am not on school lists for IEEs but if tell the school you want Dr. Jill Lam at Forest Alliance Coaching to conduct the IEE the school district will pay for my services.  Don't forget to check out the links above for a full understanding of shame and learned helplessness. 

The experience of being a parent of a child with a hidden disability

Being a parent isn’t easy.  Children do not come with instruction manuals or diagrams of how their brains are designed. Therefore, much of what we do as parents is trial and error. When your child has a hidden disability it is even more challenging.  Our parent instincts tell us that something is wrong, yet these concerns are often minimized by teachers.  This makes us question our own intuitions since the teachers should know more; it is their area of expertise, is it not?  Eventually, many parents will seek outside help in trying to figure out what is wrong with their child. As a parent it may take us years or just months to finally get some validation that our instincts were correct and our child has a disability that IS impeding his/her learning.  By that time the child is even further behind but it is such a relief to finally have an official diagnosis. 

Armed with the diagnosis and a renewed sense that our parenting skills are back on track we go to the school assuming the staff will embrace this diagnosis as we have.  Unfortunately, this may not be the case.  The staff at the school is not relieved to have this official diagnosis because it only validates that they have dropped the ball, they were wrong, and they have failed to teach this child appropriately.  So parents must experience another blow to their parenting self-concept, when the school become resistant or even hostile because parents begin educating themselves and advocating for their child.   Sometimes it seems that the school district has an unwritten policy to frustrate parents so much that they eventually give up and go away (many parents actually get physically sick during this process).

To make things even more challenging for parents, we experience many feelings of guilt.  We feel guilty that: we didn’t follow our guts earlier, we didn’t insist the school do something sooner, we didn’t get our child privately evaluated as soon as we suspected something was wrong, we believed the teachers that Response to Intervention must happen before the child is evaluated at the school, and we believed things would improve over time.  All of this guilt can be overwhelming especially when we continue to watch our children failing to learn and losing their self-esteem along the way.  No parent wants to watch their child fail and our children fail on a daily basis!

Because the disability is hidden teachers, coaches, and even peers often mislabel our kids as lazy, bad, problem child, stupid, retarded, or oppositional.  These are not accurate labels and are crushing to our child’s self-esteem (as well as ours as parents).  Our kids are often not the ones picked by teachers and coaches as “superstars.”  Our kids are the ones working the hardest but gets the least amount of recognition so it is no wonder that many of them have a negative view of school or just end up giving up all together.  It is not easy for our children to watch other children learn more easily, achieve academic success with little effort, and be recognized athletically or socially as a “great kid/player/student.”  Sadly, we live in a society that values “Superstars.”  Our children actually are “SUPERSTARS” because they work so much harder than their peers who are getting all the play time, recognition, and awards.  As a parent we can see the hidden disability and know that our children are better than their non-disabled peers we just wish the rest of the world could see this greatness! 

So based on my own personal experience of having three children with hidden disabilities here is my message to other parents and to teachers/coaches:

PARENTS:

It is so easy to become overwhelmed by the challenges your child experiences and the unrealistic perception of success that you fail to recognize your own child’s growth and learning.  When children grow and learn they are making progress.  The goal is not to solve all the problems but to progress toward being a better person.  Progress means to move forward toward improvement.  So, focus on going in the right direction, raising children that are empathetic caring human beings.  Know that you are doing a good job getting your child’s needs met because you are advocating for them.  You are being their voice when they have none. Effective parenting requires you focus on any progress they make no matter how small.  Refuse to be disappointed if your child does not receive the honors and accolades like his/her peers.  Applaud the progress your child is making so he/she know that you see how much effort is going into the learning (sports, social, or academic).    

TEACHERS/COACHES:       

We are very aware that our child is different so we do not need for you to tell us how our child does not fit in with his/her peers.  This difference is because of a hidden disability and not because our child is lazy, stupid, or whatever judgment you are having about our children.  Our child wants to be successful and is trying much more than his/her peers so please respect that and see the progress that is being made, no matter how small.  Please speak to our children in a positive tone and with words of praise and encouragement.  Our children may not be able to read social cues well yet they are very aware when they are being treated poorly.  Finally, please print out the picture quote below and post it where you can see it on a daily basis! 

Words from Parents & Dragonflies Wednesday - my words regarding bullying and suicide

Today on Words from Parents and Dragonflies I want to discuss bullying again.  I just heard of a recent suicide, and this needs to stop!  I have written a number of times on this topic empathy the antidote to bullying; lessons from the Breakfast Club; and stop the shaming!  

As a parent what frustrates me is I know these things happen in schools and that it can be stopped by teachers.  We need to teach students empathy!  We need to stop teaching them "Bullying Prevention" because that focuses on bullying.  Why schools continue to create a culture of us vs.' them is beyond me.  Why can't schools create a culture of inclusion?  Even when schools think they are creating a culture of inclusion by having "diversity" clubs they are still often missing the kids that really need to feel they belong.  Just because a student is an athletic, honor student, or "well liked" doesn't mean they are not struggling emotionally.  If you ask a student who has emotional challenges how they are they will tell you "fine."  This is not true but only a mask to hide what is really going on inside.  A person with empathy will really check to make sure the person is "fine" instead of just buying the outside image the student is projecting. 

So I beg you all to start practicing EMPATHY!  Start reaching out to others so we can make a difference in this world for ALL people.  Don't take "fine" as an answer if you think a person is struggling emotionally.    I have posted this before, but here it is again - ways to have a positive school.  I have heard that competition is essential and necessary, but it is NOT!   A school setting should not be a place where we set up kids to compete to see who is smarter, prettier, stronger, better...  It should be a safe place to grow and learn all while developing a positive self-esteem.

"Suicide isn't cowardly.  I'll tell you what is cowardly; treating people so badly that they want to end their lives."  Ashley Purdy

Make a difference to stand up and fight for EMPATHY!  Please, I beg you to give a darn about other people in the world.  Focus on how to make the lives of other people better!!  RIP Kelsey

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - empowerment

"I was once told that I wouldn't be successful in my life by a teacher who was trying to motivate me to work harder.  I was working as hard as I could.  I am a success now but it was not because this teacher tried to make me feel bad about not being able to read but because I had great parents who told me that I didn't have to believe the opinions teachers have about me.  My parents helped me learn that the opinions of others are just that, opinions and the thing that matters is my opinion of myself."

*quote from a graduate student with dyslexia.

Dr. King's legacy regarding discrimination in education

I have re-posted this from 8/13/2013 in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - a day to celebrate him (Jan 19, 2015)  
Parents often tell me that they just want their child to be given the same opportunities as all other children.  So the post today-- Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday will take a slightly different turn in honor of the 50 anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a Dream” speech. 

Dr. King gave a powerful and significant speech regarding the importance of race equality.  He stated, “When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.   This note was a promise that all men, yes black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned.” 

Racial equality has come a long way since these words were spoken 50 years ago.  Thanks to Dr. King I reaped the benefits of growing up in a very diverse community.  I am a proud alumni of the Columbus City schools in Columbus, Ohio where I formed bonds we friends of all different races, ethnic backgrounds, and religions.  Even attending college at Otterbein University in Westerville, Ohio I was fortunate to have racially diverse roommates.  I was also blessed with accepting parents who embraced all of my friends (and boyfriends) equally with no judgments regarding race, religious beliefs, or backgrounds.   I learned to see the beauty in a person for who they are, not for the color of their skin.  This is a code I live by and how I am raising my three wonderful multi-racial children (my husband is Asian).   I have been privileged to live this rich diverse life because Dr. King brought to the attention of the world how equality is not based on the color of a person’s skin.   

Because I live this diverse life, I am well aware that we still have a long way to go in regards to race relations.  My experiences in my life have allowed me the ability to see the world through a variety of different perspectives so I can see discrimination still exists.   I could continue, regarding ways I see racial discrimination today in 2013 but I’d like to bring to your focus another type of discrimination that is just as important.

This is disability discrimination, especially in our school systems.   Our educational systems are failing our students at an alarming rate.  Students are NOT receiving Free and Appropriate Educations (FAPE) based on how they learn.  According to the U.S. Department of Education, National Institute of Literacy 19% of high school graduates can’t read.  Ummm these are the students who actually graduated think about the 20-38% who do NOT graduate (2013 national graduation rates of 80% of white to 62% of blacks).  Why are we failing to teach these kids how to read? 

The No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Act of 2001 attempted to improve reading through the Reading First provisions, to close the test scores between ethnic minorities and mainstream “white” students.  If you want evidence that this didn’t work just look at the statistics again in the last paragraph!  One reason students in the United States are not learning to read is because many students are still being taught via a “whole language” approach to reading.   Unfortunately, students with language based learning disabilities such as, dyslexia will not learn via a whole language approach.  Since one-in-five is a person with dyslexia, many students are not being taught appropriately.  The National Reading Panel (2000), recommends explicit, systematic, phonics, evidence-based reading programs for all students and these programs ARE conducive to students with dyslexia.  Some whole language supports have put the failure to read blame on; the challenges ethnic minorities face (race), students in low economic areas, and lack of motivation to learn.   So what is actually happening here is discrimination.   Often parents have to work very hard to advocate for their child to receive reading programs that are recommended by the National Reading Panel and are evidence based.  At times, school districts have flat out refused to provide these students with an appropriate education – that is discrimination.   Instead of blaming race and poverty on failure to read school districts (and the general population) needs to have a better understanding of dyslexia.  The Yale Center for Dyslexia & Creativity Center created the Multicultural Dyslexia Awareness Initiative (MDAI) for just this reason – go here to check it out:Multicultural Dyslexia Awareness Initiative Yale

Furthermore, students who do not fit in with the “mainstream” environment are often discriminated against.  If a student needs extra support because they are on the autism spectrum a school district may exclude these students from some of the educational opportunities and activities offered to their non-disabled peers.  If a student is physically disabled, blind, or deaf, they too may be excluded from these events.  Instead of working to assure these students are included and made to feel valued some school districts have allowed these students to be left in the classroom during assemblies or they are not permitted to attend field trips.  This is discrimination.  Oh, the school district may try to say they are doing this for the child’s sake (safety, embarrassment, or even emotional distress…) but this is not in the best interest of the student.  Students need to feel they belong and are accepted.  Including the student and making appropriate accommodations teaches empathy to the other students as well.  It teaches the other students that we should include others and not judge them based on a learning difference or disability. 

Some students need extra support during the day by attending resource rooms, intervention centers, or individual tutoring.  It is discrimination when these students are excluded from the curriculum offered to all the mainstream students.  School districts will tell parents that their child cannot take a specific elective because the child’s schedule will not allow it to fit since the child has to receive academic support.  Parents often accept this excuse but it is really just discrimination.  The child is being excluded because they have a disability that requires extra learning support.  Some parents have been willing to bring their child in early or even stay after school so the child can receive the extra support they need and yet still attend the same elective classes like their peers, but most of the school districts refuse this option.  Teachers have a set schedule and many refuse to work longer hours (plus school districts don’t want to pay a person to provide this support before or after school either).  Now, do not think that I am anti-teacher because I am not.  I do understand their job stressors and know that it is very difficult to teach a large number of students on a daily basis.  I blame the system not the individual teacher! 

I am anti-discrimination!

So instead of pointing out other ways students, who are disabled or learn differently are discriminated against in school districts I’ll end on my own version of “I have a dream.”   

I have a dream that one day all students will be educated appropriately based on their own needs.

I have a dream that every child will be included and accepted by their peers. 

I have a dream that one day that all school districts will openly embrace parents who are advocating for their child instead of oppressing them.

I have a dream that students will be taught phonics so they will be able to know how to decode any word and not have to rely on sight memory alone.

I have a dream that that one day school districts will not blame race or income as the reason a student is not achieving and focus on ways to just help those students achieve.

I have a dream that my children and grandchildren will one day live in a nation where they are not judged by their grades or test scores but by their compassion and empathy. 

Important thing to remember on 9/11

Today is the 13th anniversary of 9/11 a very tragic day for everyone in the world.  I wanted to share this again because it is so true. 

Parents who lost children in 9/11 would give anything to have them back.  Let us remember those who were lost on 9/11 - each and every precious human being!

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - Stories about the impact of one teacher

For Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday I will be sharing information about teachers who impacted the lives of students. 

As a teacher you may have an idea of what life is like for your students but you probably have no idea what is really happening in their private life.   

The student may be performing poorly for a variety of reasons without your knowledge.  

• The student may have a learning disability which makes learning VERY hard and therefore they may avoid all types of academic work.  

• The student may have an addiction to drugs and/or alcohol because they got caught up with the wrong group of kids.  

• The student may have one or both parents addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  

• The student may come from a family that is on the verge of bankruptcy or eviction and therefore the student may have to work long hours on just has to live with the stress of never having enough money.

• The student may be living in a physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abusive environment.

• The student may have a family member that is sick (cancer, depression, MS...).

As a teacher you really don't know exactly what the student is dealing with outside of your classroom, especially if the student appears to have a "perfect" home environment.  If you assume that a student is NOT participating or studying because they are LAZY you are wrong.  Students avoid the work for a reason- it's hard, they are overwhelmed, they have more pressing things on their minds, they don't see the value in academic work, or they are experiencing so much shame trying hide what is really happening in their lives. 

The list above are just some of the reasons why students may not be performing up to their potential in school.  Most of the time it takes just one teacher to make a positive impact on the life of a student.  This one teacher can help the student know they are valued and worth saving.  This teacher can see beyond the bad grades and poor performances and make sure the student does not fail. Here is a clip from one of my favorite movies: Freedom Writers that shows what it would be like to have a teacher care.  Think how this interaction from one teacher could change the life of a student no matter what they were dealing with in his/her personal life.  I pray we have more teachers like this and less teachers who shame, blame, and assume a student is LAZY!

Lessons from Chris Varney on how to parent a child with a disability- words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday

For Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday I'm going to share a video of a Dragonfly - Chris Varney.

When you have children that are different - maybe they are on the Autism spectrum, ADHD, or Dyslexia you have to be a more diligent parent.  The world is challenging when a child has a disability and even more challenging for a parent who often can feel alone, overwhelmed, confused, and even hopeful.  A parent has a special gift of being able to see the child's strength even when others cannot.  

Please watch this video of Chris Varney if you are a parent of a child with a disability - he shares some valuable lessons!

(Direct link to Chris Varney's video)

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - thanks

Today, for my Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday I would like to say thanks for all your support lately.  I lost a family member recently and this loss makes a person reflect on all aspects of life.  

One of the things that I reflected on was how even when you are kind and giving sometimes people will still not see you for all your good qualities.  These people don't matter.  Do not spend energy in your life on others who do not respect you.  Let them go!  Live your life for you and not to please others.  

So, remember that as a parent of children with learning disabilities you will not be seen as the positive person that you are by people in the school district.  The people in the school districts do not appreciate being held accountable, they do not like knowing that they are really failing when it comes to educating children, and they do not want you reminding them of their incompetence.  Therefore, they will not see that you are a strong, caring, and supportive parent who is doing this because you are out for the best interest of your child and all children who learn differently.

I need to stop trying to please these people.  I have spent countless energy trying to prove that I am a good person and I am NOT the enemy because I am a very empathetic person who just wants her children educated.    I fight for my children to be educated and for teachers to not let them fail when it comes to learning.   

So one of the lessons I learned was that I am doing a great job.  A mother never stops when it comes to making sure her children are educated appropriately.  If I am not liked that is okay with me because I know I am doing the right things, I am tactful, I have deep empathy, I am diplomatic, and I am fair.  One day, all of this will be worth it even thought it has been the toughest battle I have ever experiences.  My kids are worth it!  It is the best thing a mom can do!  When I am no longer here, my children will know that I never gave up and they are better people because I wouldn't quit. 

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - a grandparent perspective

"My kids are all grown now and I'm thrilled they are no longer in school.  Now my kids are happy and healthy but they were not like that while they attended school.  While in school they were often sick and had a lot of anxiety and depression.  I know it was because the teachers never seem to care about educating them.  It always seemed like the teachers cared more about the children who could learn easily and ignored my kids.  We have a lot of bad memories from school and what makes me the most sad is how teachers still no not want to admit the negative effects of being an LD student.  I hear my coworkers tell me about their experiences with school districts and feel sick to my stomach that these problems still exist.  I would have thought that things would have changed but they haven't. Now, I am scared because my oldest grandchild is going to be starting school next year.  My heart is breaking already just knowing of the battles he will have to face."

**This was a quote from a grandmother who called me asking which school district should she encourage her children to move to so her grandchildren can have a great education and graduate with a good self-esteem.   

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday!

"I may have a learning disability but I'm very smart in many ways.  If you take some time to get to know me you will see how smart I really am."

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday

** To the new followers:  Every Wednesday I share quotes from parents and clients with their permission (although I allow them to remain anonymous).  Sometimes I add my own informational articles that are important.  The goal of these posts on Wednesday is to share thought, ideas, opinions, and experiences we would like others (teachers, family, friends, and school districts) to know.  Please feel free to email me or message me on my FB page The Dragonfly Forest.

~ “I'm not against teachers, really!  I just wish that at least one teacher really cared about my child.”