The importance of changing Learned Helplessness in students with disabilities

RE-SHARING!!!  This is so important to understand please pass-along to anyone who works with kids!

Why do some students with learning disabilities (LD) succeed while others appear unmotivated, fail, or drop out?  The answer is quite simple.  The LD students who are more successful have grit – tenacity.  The LD students who are not achieving academic success have developed learned helplessness.  Students do not develop learned helplessness because teachers and/or parents coddle the students, do things for them, or make things too easy.  Learned helplessness is a condition in which the student has come to believe that he/she is helpless in a situation and events are out of his/her control. Learned helplessness is so damaging to a student and is the reason many quit rather than try harder, procrastinate, and even experience emotional problems. As an Educational Coach, Therapist, and Psycho-educational Diagnostician I will enlighten you on learned helplessness and changes that need to be made to help all LD students. 

BACKGROUND:

Decades ago, a psychologist, Martin Seligman, performed some experiments on dogs. Here’s the abridged version.  The researchers put dogs into different situations where they were placed in cages (shutter boxes).  Some dogs were placed in a cage where they received an electric shock but were able to end the shock by pressing a lever, while other dogs were placed in a cage where they experienced random shocks but had NO ability to make the shock stop or escape.  The dogs who had some control over their negative experiences recovered quickly but the dogs who could not escape or stop the pain learned to be helpless, gave up, and displayed clinical depressive symptoms.   Later the dogs were placed 

in another box and only needed to jump over to the other side to escape the pain.  The dogs who learned they could control their environment jumped over the small barrier quickly.  The dogs who had no control over their situation continued to display helpless behaviors and instead of escaping the situation they just laid down and whined; they didn’t even try.   Would we call these dogs lazy, unmotivated, or coddled?  No, we would not, the dogs had learned to be helpless.  No matter what, they could not change their environment or situation even if they had a desire to change– they were stuck. 

HOW THIS RELATES TO STUDENTS WITH LD:

More research has occurred over the past decades focused on learned helplessness and we have discovered that it happens in humans as well.   We are now able to understand why kidnap victims do not seize the opportunity to escape or why a battered spouse stays in an abusive relationship.  We also now understand why some students with LD give up.  

When students attend school, they are stuck.  The law says that a student MUST be in school and unless you are homeschooled you cannot just leave when you are feeling scared, vulnerable, stupid, or sometimes even sick.   Classroom management techniques are designed to assure that the teacher has all the power so students are controlled.  Granted, these classroom management techniques are often necessary but think about how similar they are to the cage the dogs were stuck in – quite similar in fact but with windows and more people.  

Now, some of these students will experience a great deal of negative pain while in these classrooms because they have LD.  They will watch other students grasp concepts and ideas quicker and with ease while they struggle.  These students with LD will also watch teachers praise and give positive attention to students who are being academically successful but they themselves cannot seem to achieve this academic success no matter how hard they try.  Often despite trying exceptionally hard, teachers send clear messages to these students that they are perceived as lazy, unmotivated, not working hard enough, not working up to their potential…  Wow, more shocking pain that they cannot escape and these LD students experience intense shame (Shaming needs to stop post).   

Students with LD often have the intellectual capabilities to be academically successful but have a false perception that they lack these abilities and have learned that trying hard or putting in effort has no positive effect.  Remember, a student’s perception is his/her reality.  So, even if they are gifted and LD they may still experience learned helplessness.  Learned helplessness undermines the student’s motivation to learn, reduces the student’s ability to learn, establishes ineffective learning strategies, and deteriorates school performance.

Over time these students with LD end up just giving up and accepting their fate that they are stupid, will never learn, or will always fail anyway so why try.  This is why there is a high dropout rate by the way!  And let’s not forget that with these feelings of learned helplessness are other problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, suicide…   Which is why I work hard to help teachers understand that students should never be labeled as a student with a behavior problem or lazy – the behaviors are a symptom of a deeper issue and behaviors often stems from learned helplessness and shame. 

FIXING THE PROBLEM:

Studies have provided evidence that the teacher-student dynamic is a major factor that contributes to the development and maintenance of learned helplessness.   This is not because teachers intend to create this environment for students but because when the student struggles and displays learned helplessness behaviors, positive reinforcements and support seldom occur.   An LD student experiencing learned helplessness will not be motivated to do better by receiving bad grades which often is frustrating for the teacher who in turn give up on trying to even help the student.  Let’s face it, teaching students who are motivated is much easier than teaching students who struggle and display self-defeating behaviors.

Ways the system needs to change:

Teach and embrace differences.  Many schools have been willing to focus on cultural and racial diversities yet few focus on learning diversities as a whole.  Some teachers are educating their students in their own classrooms about learning differences and the importance of accepting how everyone learns but this is hardly done at a district level.  School districts are focused on Academic Excellence- praising and rewarding students and teachers who are high achievers.  Yes, we want students to be achieving but school districts are “doing it wrong.”  Success in school should not be defined in regards to high scores but instead, success should be defined as progress and improvement.  Improving the academic knowledge and self-esteem of students should be the focus of all education.  School districts also need to eliminate the shaming – discussed here: Stop the shaming post.        

School districts need to stop being afraid of the numbers (amount of students in special education) and just do what is right for all students!  I’m frequently in school meetings where I hear principals, school psychologists, or special education directors tell parents that their child doesn’t qualify for services.  This is often because the student “fits in the box” of average and therefore does not need the extra support services, accommodations, or intervention programs the parents (and myself since I diagnosed the student with a disability) believe are necessary.  We are not wanting arbitrary services and supports.  We see the struggles the child is dealing with.  We are standing outside the cage watching the child disintegrating from the pain and are trying to prevent learned helplessness.  It can be extremely frustrating watching the school district continue to press the shock button over and over and refusing to help stop the pain.  By the way, I have never met a parent who has asked the school for help when the child did not need the help but I have experienced many school district refuse to provide help when it is explicitly clear what needs to be done. 

Teachers need to stop using red ink all over the papers!   When teachers focus on errors, they are teaching students that failing is wrong/bad and that it isn’t okay to make mistakes.  In reality we really do learn more from the mistakes we make than the things we get right so we need to help students embrace errors.  The score at the top of the paper should be the number the student received correct.  The answers the students got wrong should be identified and the students should be taught how to go back over their mistakes, relearn (or be retaught) the material, and correct the mistakes. This technique should be taught as early as kindergarten and continue until the student graduates cause the goal is for students to learn, isn’t it?   Some students will need to be re-taught the material they missed in a different way because what the errors (poor grades) tells us is the student has failed to learn the information.   Sometimes teachers have gotten into the habit of thinking that the F means that the student has failed to study, or the student failed to listen, or the student has failed to apply him/herself, or the parents failed to do their part… 

This leads me to the next important thing that needs changed - blame.  To learn everyone needs to participate, the students, parents, and most importantly the teachers.  The teachers are the leaders here and if a student is not progressing and improving in their learning most of this responsibility needs to fall on the teachers shoulders.  I have heard many teachers place blame on the students and/or parents.  When a student struggles with learned helplessness the teacher needs to add specific strategies to help guide the student out of their perceived electric cage.  Most students with learned helplessness require a teacher to be explicit in their instructions and take time to meet with the student one-on-one to provide assistance.  Remember, an LD student hears comments such as “Your written response is sloppy and poorly written” as criticism (an electric shock) so focus on positive constructive comments such as “Let’s think of another way to answer this problem.”  This demonstrates that you, as the teacher, really do care and are willing to help alleviate the pain.  This does not mean that you as the teacher are doing the work.  You are guiding the student on how to do the work, rewarding them for their effort, and providing the student an opportunity to feel success. 

Remember that students with learned helplessness have learned to just give up so they may be resistant to help.  Think of them as a traumatized dog that just left the cage and the shocks were conditioned with human contact – the dogs will then avoid humans.  So when interacting with these students focus on the things the student does well and avoid focusing on what they are doing wrong or it will only make them more resistant and have increased avoidance.  I coach many LD students with learned helplessness and know that they do not want to have failing grades, they don’t want to feel stupid.  These students really just want the pain to stop but have no idea how.  Parents often try to help but they often have to spend their evenings trying to glue pieces of their child’s shattered self-esteem back together (these students frequently come home and let out all their anxiety, fears, and frustrations).  Teachers can help alleviate this pain.  One of the common themes in LD students with grit, is they had at least one teacher/mentor who believed in them so they in turn started to believe in themselves.  They had teachers/mentors who never gave up on them even when the times got tough and helped teach them that failing doesn’t make them a failure.  We all need people in our lives to help instill motivation, especially these students with learned helplessness.

Finally, we need to change the structure of our educational system to include instructions on developing grit and tenacity.  To be straight forward here – schools should focus less on developing new curriculums like the “Common Core” and put more energy into developing programs to teach grit, tenacity, and perseverance.  To learn more about this read, Promoting Grit, Tenacity, and Perseverance: Critical Factors for Success in the 21stCentury.  

Just think of how much better a school district would be if they could actually educate students to be successful in the world by having a positive self-esteem and grit.  I hypnotize that our prison population would decrease and we would have more productive high achieving citizens. 

Here is an activity that is similar to the one I do when teaching college classes and for professional development workshops for schools it's only a few minutes long and is a great example of how easy it is to develop learned helplessness. (if the video doesn't appear below click the link to get to the video)

Learned Helplessness link

(Image below: picture of an adult female sitting with her arm around a young male who is looking at a book and has a distressed look on his face.  A quote from Sutherland & Singh's book 'Learned Helplessness and Students with Emotional or Behavioral Disorders: Deprivation in the Classroom-' "Students who are repeatedly exposed to school failure are particularly at risk for the development of learned helplessness." Then my explanation of learned helplessness from the research - "How to know if a student is experiencing learned helplessness: *Takes little independent initiative * Prefers easy problems & avoids hard problems * Makes negative or degrading comments about own ability *If fails one part of a task is certain to fail entire task *Gives up easily *Stops trying or avoids difficult academic work *Does not respond with pride when talking about academics *Does poorly despite having ability)

References if you need them:

Schunk, D. H. (1984). Sequential attributional feedback and children's achievement behaviors. Journal of Educational Psychology 76(6), 1159–1169.

Seligman, M.E.P. (1975). Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and Death. San Francisco: W.H.Freeman.

Sutherland, K.S., & Singh, N.N. (2004). Learned Helplessness and Students with Emotional or Behavioral Disorders: Deprivation in the Classroom. Behavioral Disorders, 29(2), 169-181.

Tollefson, N. (2000). Classroom applications of cognitive theories of motivation. Educational Psychology Review, Vol. 12, No. 1, pp. 63-83.

Stop the shaming: why ceremonies and graduations need to change

It is that time of year again & I am sharing this post because it is vital for these ceremonies to change!  I know some are worse than others.  It was originally written & published years ago after sitting for over 3 hours at my son's 8th-grade graduation where only a very select group of students were praised. Sadly, it still holds true today.  Thanks so much for taking time to read this - if there are any grammar errors please forgive them (editing is not my strength).

The end of the school year brings with it many award ceremonies and graduations.  As an inclusionist, I am not fond of these event!!  Many (although not all) of these events are designed to exclude and shame students into what our society considers acceptable behaviors and standards of success.  True, students who achieve should be rewarded and acknowledged; heck, almost all students want to be acknowledged.  I think all students who attend the ceremony should receive an award.  This does NOT mean I believe we should give all students an award, what it means is that only those students who are receiving awards should be required to attend the ceremony.    Students who are subjected to sit through a 1-3 hour long awards ceremony or graduation and not receive one accolade are not being motivated to become a better student or athlete. 

Often a reason given as to why students should be acknowledged for their hard work and effort in front of their nonperforming peers is because this motivates students to work harder.   Really?  Students getting good grades, high test scores, or achieving athletic success are not necessarily the ones putting forth the most effort.   We are doing our students a disservice by only shining a light on achievements and failing to embrace diversity. 

Schools often report they are sensitive to diversity yet they only mean race, gender, and ethnicity.  What about the diversity of learning?   Some students will work exceptionally hard and only earn C’s while for other students learning is easy, therefore they earn A’s.  Yes, the “C” student could have all A’s too but it is up to the teachers to educate this student appropriately (this is their educational right – to receive a free and appropriate education).  I heard a teacher recently state in her speech about the academic award recipient; “she is so easy to teach... students like her are the reason why people get into teaching.”   My heart sank, of course, this student is easy to teach. This student doesn’t have a learning disability causing struggles with reading, math, or writing.   The message was loud and clear, teachers don’t get into teaching to have challenging students they get into it so they can reap the rewards of a student who excels easily.  Okay, to be fair, that may not have been the speakers intended message but it sure could be interpreted that way.

Sports are another example of how school exclude and shame students.  A few weeks ago I wrote details about this topic in my "Lessons from The Breakfast Club"  post.  Not all students have the ability or talent to play sports although some may have the desire.  When schools put talented athletes on a pedestal and worship these students they are sending a message to other students that in order to be successful you must be athletically talented.  If you don’t believe this then look at our society as a whole; how much does a professional athlete get paid compared to a teacher. 

Sometimes schools try to pretend that they are including all students by having “student of the year” or “star student” awards.  This is not true inclusion.  You are kidding yourself if you think that each and every student had an equal chance to earn one of these awards.  Did the staff really consider the student with severe ADHD who has difficulty with impulse control?  How about the student who has Asperger’s and is struggling with learning social skills or is awkward?  I bet the student who was bullied so severely he became depressed and withdrawn wasn’t given a second thought.  Students who are challenging or have challenges are not often picked for these awards.   So, face it, this is not true inclusion; it is a facade.  Also, be careful of another facade - when the obviously disabled student gets an award just so the school can say ...  "look at us, aren't we amazing, we just honored a student who has a major disability..."  Umm this isn't genuine & only done for the thrill of inspiration porn.  This is NOT okay either. 

So, here is my proposal to all school districts across the country.  Over the summer decide what you consider the values we should be instilling in our children.   Take a good hard look at the way you are rewarding students.  Do you make the students with good grades stand-up in front of their non-achieving peers and tell these peers that they too can have these honors and rewards if they only tried hard enough?  Do you have ceremonies where everyone is invited but only a few get rewarded?  Do you give out student of the year awards, if so - really look to see if all students have equal opportunity for these awards?  Learn about confirmation bias (you like someone so you see most things they do in a positive light – you dislike someone so you see most things they do in a negative light).  Once you fully understand confirmation bias go back over and answer the last question: Do all students have an equal chance of winning “student of the year” or “star student?”  Now, relearn confirmation bias again and repeat the last question one final time.  If you still believe that all students have an equal chance than you don’t understand confirmation bias.    

Am I saying that there should be no more award ceremonies and graduations?  No, I am not saying this at all.  Go ahead and have these events but only require the students receiving awards to attend and if anyone else wants to attend they can make that choice but do not force students to attend hour long ceremonies/graduations where EVERYONE ELSE gets rewarded and praised.  Graduation ceremonies can be wonderful celebrations when focused on all students.  Call each student up and reward them with their certificate (don't just call their name as they walk in & go to a seat with their "graduation award" is sitting on the chair), if they received other awards announce them at that time – this way each and every student gets the opportunity to walk across the stage (front of a room) and be recognized.  Remember that almost everyone wants to be acknowledged and accepted.  Schools should focus on inclusion and quit reinforcing a “haves versus have-nots” climate.  Now is the time for change and acceptance.  Just because the ceremonies and graduations have always been done a specific way does NOT mean they must continue that way.  Remember we were once a nation where: slavery existed, women were not allowed to vote, and racial segregation was acceptable.  We now know better so we should do better.   We need to embrace the diversity that each and every student has and acknowledge their strengths instead of measuring them as successful under one specific set of standards.      

(Here's another post about shaming- Stop the Shaming Pt. 2) 

Henry Rollins gives advice on being yourself & suicide

Today is Henry Rollins birthday & I want to send this message out to you again----BE YOURSELF!!!  You many not believe it but the best person you can be is YOU!  Don't try to be someone else!  Don't compare yourself to anyone else.  Don't let it bother you that others seem to have it easier than you; focus on yourself and your own life!  Remember, as I always say: Empathy is one of the most important skills you need to have to be successful in life- that means empathy for yourself and others.  Work hard, care about others around you, be yourself, and you will be successful!!!  

Here's a great video from Henry Rollins (an ADHD Dragonfly who suffered from depression and low self-esteem).  Henry is a musician, writer, journalist, publisher, actor, radio host, spoken word artist, and activist!

Recently Henry wrote some comments about a parent shouldn't commit suicide after Robin Williams death (Fuck Suicide).  I understand these comments! - I understand Henry's point. Many people were upset with Henry and one of my favorite things about him is his ability to accept criticize and his willingness to look at other perspectives (More Thoughts on Suicide).  When you are an individual you can have your own opinion and when you have empathy you have the ability to accept that your opinion is just that- yours. Here's Henry....

(FYI he is referring to President Obama in this clip not President Trump but I bet you figured this out)

Henry Rollins point of view and advice!

How to not let the bad in the world control you

Are you heartbroken by all the pain and suffering that is happening in the world?  Some people obviously want this to occur because they are the ones causing the pain and suffering.  We cannot change these people but we can make changes in our own lives! 

I deserve to have a good life and so do you.  We have value and worth and we don't have to settle for all the negative that is occurring around us.  

Sput this quote on your mirror and read it every morning~~  
"I am the narrator of MY life so I choose to see the beauty in the world all around me.  I notice the details of things, appreciate my connections to people, and feel grateful for what I currently have in my life!  I also have the power to disconnect and/or no longer interact with people and events in my life that cause only negative experiences. I create a positive world for myself and those around me.  I will show empathy to others and live my life with integrity!"

5 steps to a great year ~ Toolkit Tuesday!

Do you want a great life?

You still have time to make life plans for 2016.  What you focus on you attract (bring into your life).  So, if you want a positive, exciting, and wonderful life you need to actually make plans for this to occur.  You wouldn’t go on a trip or vacation without planning on where you are going and how you are going to get there.  You plan and take action. Live an active life, not a passive one!  Here’s how to plan your pathway to a great year:

1.     Decide on 1 or 2 areas of your life you will be focusing on this year (focusing on too many areas causes cognitive overload, especially for a Dragonfly and will lead to stress).  For example: abundance, love, money, friendships, career, family, fitness, health…  Notice these are just one words and positive.

 

2.     Write down the word on the top of a piece of paper (you will have two papers if you have two areas of focus).  Below the word, write a description of that word.  What does that word mean to you? Keep this positive.  For example: Abundance – having plenty of the positive things I need in my life.  Love – acceptance of myself and others as they are, for whom they are and/or having others accepting me as I am.  Career - A professional occupation that gives my life meaning and purpose where I am valued and earn a significant amount of money and happiness.

   

3.     Give your year a motto and write it down below your definition – something that you can use in a daily mantra to keep you focused on your end result.  For example, “I have abundance in my life.” “Loving myself and others.”  “2016 will be a Best-selling year.”

4.     Below your motto make a list of at least 10 things you WILL be doing to bring your focus word into your life.  A few examples for Abundance would be: Be grateful for the things I already have/ keep focused on what I have instead of what I don’t have/ determine if something is a want or a need…

5.     This is your road-map so read it every day (sometime a few times a day).  Make a copy and put it on the bathroom mirror you use in the morning so you see it first thing every day. 

Finally- read this quote every single morning as you start your day!  

"There are two rules for living in harmony: #1 Don't sweat the small stuff and #2 it's all small" by Richard Carlson

Passions lead to Purpose motivation by T.D. Jakes

What are your passions?  Take some time today to think about what makes you light up~ what inspires you.  Things that make your heart pump faster or motivates you are your passions.  When you focus on your passions you will be happier and this will lead you directly to your purpose in life.  Don't look for purpose because you may not find it, instead find your passions and your purpose will follow.

Here's a great quote to print out and post on your mirror by Bishop T.D. Jakes.

Motivational Monday: Plan to have a great life

Do you want a great life?  Well, then you must plan for this to happen.  If you are just waiting around for your life to get better, luck to change, or people to step up and love you then you will never achieve a great life.  You must put forth your own actions to make these changes.  So today, write down ways you can be productive, things you can learn, and how you can grow and change for the better.  Don't live on auto-pilot! Live consciously and to do this you must make plans!  I promise your life will be great if you make plans in your life.  Now you also must remember that you cannot expect everything to just work out how you plan because that is NOT the nature of life.  You will hit roadblocks, you will have disappointments, you will experience failures but just make sure you plan for these as well and they will NOT be too overwhelming.   

Spiritual Sunday - Believe

Believe! 

This is the one of the keys to happiness.  How can you go through life if you don’t believe?  So your Spiritual Sunday assignment is to:

~Believe in a higher power 

~Believe in the laws of attraction (what you focus on will expand) 

~Believe in the goodness of others 

~Believe in yourself 

~Believe that there is more goodness than evil in this world 

~Believe in things you cannot see and cannot explain 

~Believe you have a purpose in this world

Dr. King's legacy regarding discrimination in education

I have re-posted this from 8/13/2013 in honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. - a day to celebrate him (Jan 19, 2015)  
Parents often tell me that they just want their child to be given the same opportunities as all other children.  So the post today-- Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday will take a slightly different turn in honor of the 50 anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I have a Dream” speech. 

Dr. King gave a powerful and significant speech regarding the importance of race equality.  He stated, “When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.   This note was a promise that all men, yes black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned.” 

Racial equality has come a long way since these words were spoken 50 years ago.  Thanks to Dr. King I reaped the benefits of growing up in a very diverse community.  I am a proud alumni of the Columbus City schools in Columbus, Ohio where I formed bonds we friends of all different races, ethnic backgrounds, and religions.  Even attending college at Otterbein University in Westerville, Ohio I was fortunate to have racially diverse roommates.  I was also blessed with accepting parents who embraced all of my friends (and boyfriends) equally with no judgments regarding race, religious beliefs, or backgrounds.   I learned to see the beauty in a person for who they are, not for the color of their skin.  This is a code I live by and how I am raising my three wonderful multi-racial children (my husband is Asian).   I have been privileged to live this rich diverse life because Dr. King brought to the attention of the world how equality is not based on the color of a person’s skin.   

Because I live this diverse life, I am well aware that we still have a long way to go in regards to race relations.  My experiences in my life have allowed me the ability to see the world through a variety of different perspectives so I can see discrimination still exists.   I could continue, regarding ways I see racial discrimination today in 2013 but I’d like to bring to your focus another type of discrimination that is just as important.

This is disability discrimination, especially in our school systems.   Our educational systems are failing our students at an alarming rate.  Students are NOT receiving Free and Appropriate Educations (FAPE) based on how they learn.  According to the U.S. Department of Education, National Institute of Literacy 19% of high school graduates can’t read.  Ummm these are the students who actually graduated think about the 20-38% who do NOT graduate (2013 national graduation rates of 80% of white to 62% of blacks).  Why are we failing to teach these kids how to read? 

The No Child Left Behind (NCLB) Act of 2001 attempted to improve reading through the Reading First provisions, to close the test scores between ethnic minorities and mainstream “white” students.  If you want evidence that this didn’t work just look at the statistics again in the last paragraph!  One reason students in the United States are not learning to read is because many students are still being taught via a “whole language” approach to reading.   Unfortunately, students with language based learning disabilities such as, dyslexia will not learn via a whole language approach.  Since one-in-five is a person with dyslexia, many students are not being taught appropriately.  The National Reading Panel (2000), recommends explicit, systematic, phonics, evidence-based reading programs for all students and these programs ARE conducive to students with dyslexia.  Some whole language supports have put the failure to read blame on; the challenges ethnic minorities face (race), students in low economic areas, and lack of motivation to learn.   So what is actually happening here is discrimination.   Often parents have to work very hard to advocate for their child to receive reading programs that are recommended by the National Reading Panel and are evidence based.  At times, school districts have flat out refused to provide these students with an appropriate education – that is discrimination.   Instead of blaming race and poverty on failure to read school districts (and the general population) needs to have a better understanding of dyslexia.  The Yale Center for Dyslexia & Creativity Center created the Multicultural Dyslexia Awareness Initiative (MDAI) for just this reason – go here to check it out:Multicultural Dyslexia Awareness Initiative Yale

Furthermore, students who do not fit in with the “mainstream” environment are often discriminated against.  If a student needs extra support because they are on the autism spectrum a school district may exclude these students from some of the educational opportunities and activities offered to their non-disabled peers.  If a student is physically disabled, blind, or deaf, they too may be excluded from these events.  Instead of working to assure these students are included and made to feel valued some school districts have allowed these students to be left in the classroom during assemblies or they are not permitted to attend field trips.  This is discrimination.  Oh, the school district may try to say they are doing this for the child’s sake (safety, embarrassment, or even emotional distress…) but this is not in the best interest of the student.  Students need to feel they belong and are accepted.  Including the student and making appropriate accommodations teaches empathy to the other students as well.  It teaches the other students that we should include others and not judge them based on a learning difference or disability. 

Some students need extra support during the day by attending resource rooms, intervention centers, or individual tutoring.  It is discrimination when these students are excluded from the curriculum offered to all the mainstream students.  School districts will tell parents that their child cannot take a specific elective because the child’s schedule will not allow it to fit since the child has to receive academic support.  Parents often accept this excuse but it is really just discrimination.  The child is being excluded because they have a disability that requires extra learning support.  Some parents have been willing to bring their child in early or even stay after school so the child can receive the extra support they need and yet still attend the same elective classes like their peers, but most of the school districts refuse this option.  Teachers have a set schedule and many refuse to work longer hours (plus school districts don’t want to pay a person to provide this support before or after school either).  Now, do not think that I am anti-teacher because I am not.  I do understand their job stressors and know that it is very difficult to teach a large number of students on a daily basis.  I blame the system not the individual teacher! 

I am anti-discrimination!

So instead of pointing out other ways students, who are disabled or learn differently are discriminated against in school districts I’ll end on my own version of “I have a dream.”   

I have a dream that one day all students will be educated appropriately based on their own needs.

I have a dream that every child will be included and accepted by their peers. 

I have a dream that one day that all school districts will openly embrace parents who are advocating for their child instead of oppressing them.

I have a dream that students will be taught phonics so they will be able to know how to decode any word and not have to rely on sight memory alone.

I have a dream that that one day school districts will not blame race or income as the reason a student is not achieving and focus on ways to just help those students achieve.

I have a dream that my children and grandchildren will one day live in a nation where they are not judged by their grades or test scores but by their compassion and empathy. 

Why a Dragonfly?

I am often ask – Why refer to people who are different as a Dragonfly.  So here’s why:

Dragonflies are often misunderstood, undervalued, and labeled as wrong, bad, or evil.  They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. 

Many people dislike Dragonflies or even fear them; mainly because they have never taken the chance to see the gifts Dragonflies provide the world.  Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning.   Dragonflies do not bite you or harm you in any way.  If you actually look at a Dragonfly you will see the Dragonflies reveal iridescence – the ability to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it~~ making the Dragonfly breathtaking. 

You are a Dragonfly if you are different because you have some type of disability, disorder, or difference.   You know if you are a Dragonfly because you will feel that you just don’t “fit-in” with what main-stream finds acceptable.  Some Dragonflies are obvious because they have physical disabilities that can be seen but many Dragonflies have hidden disabilities/disorders such as ADHD/ADD, Anxiety, Asperger's, Autism, Depression, Dyscalculia, Dysgraphia, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Nonverbal Learning Disability, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Twice Exceptional (gifted but has a disability).

Finally, the Dragonfly symbolizes change – self-realization!  So this is why The Dragonfly Forest was created – as a place where Dragonflies can come to for motivation, inspiration, education, and be accepted as a Dragonfly!   

I try to keep my blog posts short and to the point (I know many of you Dragonflies don’t like to read long posts or lose interest if a video is longer than 15 – 20 minutes).  Please stop by and visit The Dragonfly Forest often and share this with your other Dragonfly friends!  

By the way I also have a Facebook page for The Dragonfly Forest, a business FB page for Forest Alliance Coaching, and a FB page for dyslexia Decoding Dyslexia Ohio, Decoding Dyslexia OH Family Support and Decoding Dyslexia Oh Homeschool Support ~~~  Go show your Dragonfly spirit and like these Facebook pages!!! 

Motivational Monday - Who are you?

So, who are you?  Do you live for yourself or are you living based on the perceptions of others?  In our media driven society we often live our lives based on some scary standards.  We believe that we are someone if people "like" our posts or we become some YouTube hit.  It is sad that people believe that we have to do something extraordinary to be of value in this world.  That is not true!  

You are not your belongings or material items either.  You are much more than that.  You are a wonderful human being.  You being alive is extraordinary not some skill you have.  Your life is of value because you are living it!  We need to stop measuring our lives by standards that are meaningless and start living our lives with purpose.  

Oh I see, you don't know your purpose and have easily fallen into the trap of the social media world.  Let me help you - your purpose in life isn't to become rich, famous, or infamous.  Your purpose in life is to live an authentic life with empathy and integrity.  I can help you do that but there are many other places you can search for your purpose - books, videos, counselors...  Please stop living life based on the standards of others & start living life that has meaning!  

Why we should help students with learning disabilities

** This is being re-shared from a previous blog post because the school year is just starting and I honestly feel that some teachers do NOT understand that some students will NOT ask for help.  Please, oh please care about making sure these students are learning and supported.  FYI they are NOT lazy!!!!

Did you know that drowning victims rarely flail around or call out for help?  In fact, the person drowning is often unable to call out for help and just slips underneath the water and dies.  If you saw a boy silently slipping under the water would you just stand there watch him die and then say, “Well, all he had to do was ask for help,” or “geez if he would have just swam he could have survived.”  Of course no one would actually do that would they?  No one would really just stand by, offer advice but no real assistance or help and then blame the victim when he doesn’t survive. 

This actually happens all the time in school settings.  The student feels overwhelmed and completely “under water” with the assignments and tests and just gives up.  Teachers stand by watching the student not complete these assignments and fail the tests, yet blame the student for not working harder and not asking for help.  Some of these students even do ask for help but the support isn’t enough or consists of words not actions, so the student only slips further and further below the service.  Once the student is so far below, he drowns.  Even if resurrected he will never be the same again, he is now damaged. 

When students fail in school because they are not completing the homework, studying, and failing tests~ this is a cry for help.  This is not the student just being lazy and unmotivated this is the student drowning.  

Teachers can save these students from drowning by:

~noticing that they are avoiding assignments - these are difficult for them

~ provide positive support and encouragement

~ present information via explicit instruction - it is systematic, direct, & engaging

~ comply with the students IEP's or 504s 

~ Be consistent don't just offer help once and then stop offering help-- consistently provide assistance until the student is no longer failing and fully understands the materials.  

~ A student who is giving up and drowning no longer has effort and energy to keep his head above water so provide as much assistance as necessary until the student has the ability to do it on his own.

~ Provide the student's parents with up-to-date progress so they are aware of these difficulties and can provide support from the home side as well.  Since the student is drowning in school and not at home parents may not even be aware of the problem until it is too late.

Spiritual Sunday - 2 Ways to Get Over Disappointment

We all have to experience disappointment but this is something that I struggle overcoming.  I really do understand that all of our hopes and dreams will not come true.  No matter how much we work for something, how much effort we put into something, we still may obtain the desired results.  

This is a crushing feeling.  A feeling that is not easy to get over.  How quickly we get over these feelings often depends on how badly we wanted to reach our goal.  The feelings are heartbreaking at times.  

Disappointments are in our lives to help us with perspectives it means that we need to readjust our thinking, expectations, and goals.  

The challenge is- the feelings of disappointment are real and may last for a long time.  So here are 2 things you can do to help you on your road to recovery.

1- acknowledge that you are disappointed and focus on what exactly it is you are disappointed about. Did you really want a job that you didn't get?  Is it this job specifically you wanted or is the pain of disappointment because you just wanted a job? Know explicitly what you are disappointed about and you will be able to get over it more quickly.

2 - once you know exactly what you are disappointed about focus on ways to get to that goal via a different pathway or readjust your perspective of success.  If this is something you really wanted - say a specific job then are there other ways you can get a job similar to this one?  Can you reach your goal in a different way?  What are the lessons you have learned from this disappointment? Sometimes we experience disappointment because we feel like a failure if we do not achieve our goal/dream.  This does not make you a failure you are still a success you just have to alter your understanding of the word success.

The key is to not give up on YOU!  You can give up on the dream/goal/hope but don't give up on you!  Stop being disappointed in YOU and know you did the best you could - that goal/dream was not meant to be at this very moment - you need to learn things first or change the direction you are going.  

How to have a positive school to build self-esteem of all students

I do not always share my personal stories with you for a couple of reasons: one I am trained as a counselor/therapist and have been conditioned to stay focused on the client; and two, my story isn’t just about me but it is also the story of my family members and not completely mine to share.  With that said here’s a story I think is worth sharing:

As many of you know I have a private practice diagnosing all types of learning disabilities and providing coaching/counseling services.  I am also dyslexic, dysgraphic, and have ADD – a Dragonfly.  I knew that I didn’t fit in from the time I was in 1^st grade.  I spent years hiding the fact that I couldn’t read, spell, or write like my peers.  I learned how to use my strengths in order to fit in via a variety of other ways but was hyper-aware of all others who didn’t fit in and became in “inclusionist.”  I made a life out of finding other Dragonflies and helping them set and achieve goals. I have always been the one who goes to the person standing alone, invites people to sit with me who are searching for a seat, and include others in conversations if they are standing near me (I also have a number of deaf friends so I'm use to making sure everyone is on the same page in a conversation).  In other words, I seek out others to make sure they are included.  This is just a part of my nature and always will be.  I have a hard time with people who are excluders, people who ignore others, are out for themselves at all cost, and are bullies.   I also wanted to be the best mom to my children, knowing they too would be Dragonflies (I married a Dragonfly so it was inevitable).  

Here’s the story:

My oldest son has a new girl “friend” and for some reason I asked him if this new “friend” knows that he is dyslexic and dysgraphic?  He harshly stated, “NO WAY.”  I was surprised by his reaction and asked how he feels about being dyslexic and dysgraphic.  He shared with me that he is SO embarrassed and ashamed that he doesn’t want anyone to ever know.  I thought “wow this is my kid… really?”  He admitted that he would rather be considered “lazy” than dyslexic and dysgraphic.  I cried.  This is not what I wanted for my child; insecurity and shame.

I went to my other two children and asked them how they feel about being dyslexic and dysgraphic (and one is also ADD).  My middle son and my daughter both told me that they are comfortable and confident with who they are and are not ashamed.  They both reported they wish their brain was like other kids because sometimes learning new things was challenging.  My middle son told me that he only wishes he could have an English teacher accept him for who he is someday.  This son is actually a very creative and gifted writer but always ends up with English teachers who focus on his errors instead of his talent (one of his goals is to become a published author like Avi, Henry Winkler, or John Irving – and I know he will someday).

So how did only two of my three children become comfortable and confident with being dyslexic and dysgraphic despite me raising them in a supportive and accepting home? 

Here’s how:

When my oldest son entered kindergarten I believed in the education system.  I am from a family of educators and thought the only things that needed changed were some teaching methods and curriculums.  Over time I learned I was wrong, dead wrong!  The whole system needed changing but I didn’t really discover this until my oldest was in 3^rd grade (he’s now going into his junior year).  From that year on I was on a mission to change the whole education system from a competitive shaming environment that excluded children who didn’t fit into a system that includes all children, appreciates diversity, fosters empathy, and all students are educated individually and appropriately.

 

This no longer was just about assuring that an Orton-Gillingham approach of reading was available to all students, it was about changing the culture and climate of schools!  Let me tell you that this battle is even harder than just adding a new methods and approaches to the curriculum.  For example, the school district that my children attend now requires every intervention teacher to be trained in the OG based reading program, Wilson; but many of the schools still have a strong “us versus them” competitive academic environment.  I'm on a mission to help improve schools cultures and climates so they are a positive place for all students. I have worked on these changes in a non-aggressive, supportive, collaborative approach and by working directly with administrators in districts and having free workshops for parents, teachers, and administrators. 

As a result of my lessons learned from the experiences with my oldest child, my younger children had a much better experience in school (not great but better).  I no longer just focus on getting appropriate services for my younger two children I also focus on influencing the perceptions of the teachers and administrators so the culture and climate of the schools can change.  So instead of having 4 years of shaming and academic competition like my oldest received the younger two had more experiences where their strengths were praised (although I could tell you some stories where some teachers/administrators refused to comply and were/are as stubborn as toddlers – it’s still a work in progress).  

Here are some things I have learned:  How to change the culture & climate of a school

Finally, here are some great videos that really drive home this point by Richard Lavoie:

Competition part 1 - 7 min

Competition part 2 - 7 min

Competition part 3 - 7 min