5 ways to Celebrate National Dyslexia Awareness Month

October is Dyslexia Awareness Month and a great time to put a spotlight on dyslexia.  Although remember~ for full acceptance and inclusion we need to always have a spotlight on dyslexia and all types of disabilities not just once a year. The best way to embrace differences is to focus on all the unique qualities we all have.  

So, here are 5 ways to not only bring dyslexia into a classroom setting in October but ways you can add it to your curriculum to touch on all year long.

1.) Hang up pictures of people around the room with dyslexia (and other types of disabilities).  Here's a great link of famous people with dyslexia where you can find people in all types of fields for any classroom.  This is important because we have learned from the Harvard Implicit Bias Project that we have less bias toward people of specific races, genders, and disabilities when we are frequently exposed to positive images of people in these categories. (You can find plenty picture quotes, like the one below, I make for the Decoding Dyslexia Ohio Facebook Page).  

2.) Explain to students the signs of Dyslexia- A quick way to do this is to show one or both of these videos

Direct link to What is Dyslexia by Eliza

Direct link to Diane Vogel explaining How a Dyslexic Brain Works

** Please note:  Not all dyslexic brains are the same & Diane Vogel is explaining one way a dyslexic brain processes information.  This may not be the way you or your child experiences dyslexia.  Furthermore, this is not a scientific way of explaining dyslexia -- it is a very simple visual way to demonstrate how the brain processes different information. 

Also, pass out this information from The Yale Center for Dyslexia & Creativity

** Note: be prepared to see yourself in these symptoms and have a number of students in your classroom identify with these symptoms because 1 in 5 is a person with dyslexia!  

3.) Add books to your classroom - a great page to find these resources is Yale's list of books for young people focused on dyslexia.  Furthermore, teach about famous authors with dyslexia such as Avi, Victor Villasenor Burro, Agatha Christie, F. Scott Fitzgerald, John Irving, Dav Pilkey, Patricia Polacco, Henry Winkler... 

4.) Show one or more of these short videos.  Each is a famous person speaking about their experience being dyslexic.  When students learn about people with disabilities beings successful, the students become more motivated.  

Orlando Bloom:

Direct link to ~Orlando Bloom talks about his dyslexia

Whoopi Goldberg:

Direct link to Whoopi Goldberg talking about her dyslexia

Sir Richard Branson:

Direct link to Sir Richard Branson speaking on Dyslexia

Daymond John:

Direct link to Daymond John and dyslexia as a strength

It is also powerful to have a young person share the story of their own journey toward success despite having a disability and this video of Piper Otterbein is very inspiring!  

Direct link to Piper Otterbein talking about her dyslexia

5.)  Do not... I repeat DO NOT do a dyslexia simulation where the letters on the page are flipped, reversed, half missing, or blurred. People with dyslexia do not see things wrong and this type of activity only feeds the myth that dyslexia is related to seeing the letters/words backward.  If you do feel that you want to help people understand how reading can be challenging for a person with dyslexia have them read something in a foreign language.  The following is a simple paragraph with each sentence in a different foreign language.  Have people try to read this accurately and fluently - they will discover that it isn't easy.  Explain that this is similar to what some people with dyslexia experience.  Make sure the students understand that each person with dyslexia is unique and it doesn't mean the person is not smart- their brain is just processing language differently.  Also, do NOT explain what it is like to be a person with dyslexia if you do not have dyslexia.  Have a guest speaker come in and talk to the class about what living with dyslexia is like for that person.

Finally, make sure you talk to students daily all year long that each and every student is unique and it is being different that makes the world a great place.  Have them think about all the ways they are a unique individual!  

How students with disabilities are discriminated against in schools - the problem: Ableism

This article is to help you understand that people with disabilities (visible & invisible) are discriminated against and it needs to STOP. 

The REAL problem with our education system isn’t the common core curriculum but ableism.  Ableism like any other “ism” is the belief that abled people are superior to disabled people and the only way to do things (learn, read, walk, see, hear…) is the non-disabled way.  Ableism is a form of prejudice that is not only overlooked but tolerated, condoned, and defended.  

Think about it - how often do schools teach and celebrate people with disabilities?  When schools address diversity they avoid or disregard the diversity of disabilities (actually a form of ableism). 

School districts proudly state they have a culture and climate that supports inclusion but this is not a reality until we openly embrace people of all kinds of disabilities.  

I wrote this article to help you understand ableism in our schools.  Here is a great litmus test – if you replace a person’s color, religion, or gender with a disability in a situation you will come to realize that schools are discriminating against students with disabilities.

·        In order for a student with a disability to receive an appropriate education, there must be proof he has a disability.  Race and gender are no longer allowed to be used to deny a student an education but if a student with a disability does not meet the school’s eligibility requirements then he is denied an education.

For example, Jane has dyslexia which makes it hard for her to decode and keep up with her peers in reading.  Jane did not qualify for special education services because she is passing her subjects and her standardized tests scores are “average.”  The school denies her an evidence-based reading program (explicit, systematic, phonics-based approach) and requires her to learn to read via programs conducive to only non-dyslexic peers.  Umm Ableism!

·        School systems and even some parents tend to focus on “fixing” the student with a disability instead of creating educational environments conducive for all students with disabilities.  The problem lies in the belief that something is wrong with the student with a disability because they do not fit into the ‘abled’ school or social setting. 

For example, Jack not only has learning disabilities but he also experiences anxiety (often this is a result of years of discrimination, being made to feel something is wrong with them, and not being educated appropriately).  Teachers (and other adults) believe that Jack should learn information in the way they are teaching and function like his non-disabled peers.  These assumptions cause teachers to focus on “fixing” Jack by forcing him to do things their way – be it eye-reading, handwriting assignments/test, speaking in front of others…  The goal is to create an all-new Jack, one that looks, acts, and learns like his non-disabled peers.  Is this okay?  How would you feel if white teachers focused on teaching African American students how to look, act, and behave white so they would “fit in?” 

·        Referring to a person having a disability as just having a ‘difference’ is ableism.  Using the label of ‘difference’ does NOT take away the disability.  Instead of empowering a person by using the word ‘difference’ the person is actually being marginalized.  When students are told about their disability and it is acknowledged, they experience less shame.  Students with disabilities are well aware of how different they are from their non-disabled peers.  Minimizing their disabilities as just a ‘difference’ causes students with disabilities more difficulties.  Often it is a parent pushing for the label of ‘difference’ because the parent is struggling to come to terms with their child not being ‘normal.’  “See my child isn’t abnormal she is just different.”  The same can be said for the person who refers to themselves as not having a disability but only having a ‘difference.’  Denying the disability is the same as denying one’s gender or race – we are what we are! - Learn why the word disability is better!

·        School counselors and teachers tend to believe that a good way to include students with disabilities is to have a “Buddy” program where non-disabled students are paired up with students with disabilities.  Hmm, let’s put this program to the test- would it be appropriate to assign non-white students a white “buddy” so they can be included in the majority white mainstream culture?  No, this would be racist! 

·        Anti-bullying programs are everywhere (which are actually counterproductive by the way – here’s what works better).  Sadly, students with disabilities are often the target in bullying situations and school staff members condone the behaviors of the bullies.  If the student being bullied does not fit in as ‘normal’ than these students are blamed for causing the problem.  Parents of students with Asperger’s or on the Autism Spectrum are often told by school counselors and teachers that the student would benefit from social skills counseling.  The goal here is to get the student with a disability to fit in so THEY no longer are the target of the bullying behaviors.  What if a student was being bullied because of his religion?  Would it be appropriate to tell the parents of a Jewish student they need to take their child to counseling so the child can learn ways to fit in with his Christian peers?  

·        School districts require students to learn a foreign language but most refuse to offer American Sign Language as an option.  Students with learning disabilities especially language processing disabilities and dyslexia struggle with learning the English language but are forced to participate in classes where they will not be successful and are informed that no accommodations or modifications can be provided (I’ve been told this one personally).  This is actually discrimination.  When parents request their child be provided a more appropriate course, parents are told they must find and pay for the course themselves.  What happened to free and appropriate education here?  Furthermore, isn’t the school supposed to be a safe environment for students?  By forcing students with disabilities that impede their ability to learn a foreign language to meet foreign language requirements the school district is causing unnecessary emotional distress. (Universities like Yale even exempt students with dyslexia from the foreign language requirement - taking foreign culture instead so why can't high schools?)

·        When teachers tell parents that Little Johnny would be doing much better in class if he could just stay focused is ableism.  Little Johnny has ADHD and he does not need to be cured with medication or more discipline.  What Little Johnny needs is understanding and accommodations.  Telling him to “just try harder” is discrimination.  Assuming he is lazy is ableism – he has a disability and yet he is expected to behave as if he is ‘normal.’   Negative comments like these are actually attacking Little Johnny’s self-esteem and in turn, makes the ADHD worse.  Students with anxiety, depression, and other disabilities experience more negative judgments than their non-disabled peers.  Instead of embracing and understand the individual students, school staff members are discriminating against the students who don’t fit in or are more difficult to teach.  Hmm, what if school staff members said these judgmental comments to students based on their race, gender, or religion?

Are you aware that inclusion is NOT really inclusion and here are some examples of students with disabilities being excluded:

Did you know that students with disabilities that require them to receive more individualized support for their disability are excluded from extracurricular classes such as art, gym, music, or even recess?  These classes and activities are a great way for students to interact with each other, build social skills, self-esteem, and feel included.  Research has shown that the social and emotional health of students with and without disabilities has a direct impact on their academic success. A school would never be allowed to use race, gender, or religion to exclude a student from classes and activities but do it daily to students with disabilities.

School districts "must ensure that children and youth with disabilities have an equal opportunity to participate in the program or activity of the school including extracurricular activities."  Too often children with disabilities are excluded from participating in sports and other extracurricular activities by coaches and teachers.  For example, it is discrimination if a student with anxiety is denied playing time in a sport because of his/her anxiety.  It is emotionally damaging and increases a child's anxiety to have to sit on the bench while all other players get an opportunity to play yet this exclusion is often condoned by coaches and school administrators. For more examples and more details regarding the discrimination of students with disabilities in extracurricular activities read the Office of Civil Rights Department of Education Dear Colleague letter.

Furthermore, schools have a minimum GPA requirement for a student to participate in sports with no accommodation for students with disabilities. This is often a state rule but schools do have the power to make some adjustments based on the individual student.  Sometimes a student is trying exceptionally hard academically and they just can't meet the grade expectations so they are punished by not being allowed to participate in sports. Denying these students the opportunity to participate in sports because they are not successful academically is discrimination and ableism! The Department of Education agrees that students with disabilities should NOT be discriminated against and allowed to participate in sport. Furthermore, even the NCAA understands that not all athletics will meet academic eligibility, here's an excerpt & link: "For academic eligibility purposes, the NCAA defines an education-impacting disability (EID) as a current impairment that has a substantial educational impact on a student's academic performance and requires accommodations." I have written frequently about how it is NOT okay for teachers and school districts to allow students to fail: Why are students failing if schools are required to provide a free and appropriate education? and Students don't fail, the education system is failing our students!

What you should be able to notice in this article is how able-entitlement is one of the problems.  When you are able – able to walk, read, talk, see, and are free from mental health issues such as anxiety and depression… you assume that everyone else can do what you do and if they do things differently than they are doing them wrong.  You believe that your way is the best way despite research providing evidence to the contrary. 

School staff members must realize that ableism is a form of discrimination and prejudice against students with physical, mental, emotional, or intellectual disabilities.  Ableism is characterized by the belief that these students can be fixed, are not as capable as their non-disabled peers, and would be successful if they would only try harder, focus more, learn in the way their peers are learning, or build up their own self-esteem and self-worth. Adults have the power to make or break a child and sadly, students with disabilities are often broken by being discriminated against.  Research studies have provided evidence that people who are discriminated against have more mental health issues, lower self-esteem, and increased amounts of anxiety and depression.

School districts boast that they are opening and accepting of all students, celebrate diversity, recognize multicultural concerns, and have a mission to facilitate maximum learning for every student.  Sadly students with disabilities are excluded in all ways.   

Finally, as a person who focuses on the positive and strength of the student I have no problem with the term disability but I prefer to use appropriate labels – Autism, Asperger’s, Anxiety, ADHD, Depression, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia….   Teach students to work to their strength and stop trying to make them all fit into a mold of ‘normal.’   When teaching about diversity include people with disabilities.  Remember excluding or ignoring students with disabilities IS ableism.

5 ways to deal with a professional who bullies and intimidates

Have you ever been in a meeting where someone behaved toward you in a bullying way with the intent to intimidate you?  

This may happen if you are working on trying to enlighten others to see a different perspective, you are challenging their confirmation bias, and/or you know more than the other person.  

We all have biases and we need to understand our own biases while also understanding the biases of others.  Click here's more about biases!  Sadly, many people are unaware of their biases and therefore make judgments and decisions that are skewed and/or inflexible.  

As a therapist and person with exceptionally high empathy, I tend to naturally spin the actions of others to look beyond their behaviors and emotions to the underlying reasons.  I do not often allow the negative behaviors to turn my behaviors and feelings negative.  This isn't always possible, especially after being personally attacked.  Since I am often in meetings being the voice of my clients I am frequently in situations where professionals do not act professionally. Other professionals (teachers, counselors, school psychs, administrators...) can use bullying and intimidation tactics instead of appropriate more professional forms of communication. This may happen as a response to the professionals picking up the anxiety, sadness, fear, and frustration from the parent of my client.  Parents of children with disabilities tend to have a lot of negative experiences as they work to getting their child appropriate services in an educational environment so they come into meetings bubbling with a lot of emotions.  The unprofessional bullying behaviors from professionals are also, at times, a reaction to me enlightening them to things they don't want to see or know. Sometimes it's because they realize that I know much more they do and they are feeling insecure. 

The problem with me being a therapist and person with exceptionally high empathy.... people think that they CAN intimidate and bully me!  Yes, I put up with a lot of crap from people because I can see that the person doing the bullying and intimidating is really insecure, afraid, less educated, weak, or has at least one 'ism' (racism, ableism, sexism...).  Because I don't bully or intimate back, the other person usually assumes they have won or "put me in my place."  

Don't ever assume that tolerance and empathy are weaknesses!  I am NOT weak!  I am more powerful because I don't attack back I work to create a better understanding for all.  I work to assure that everyone is felt validated.  This takes much more patience and skill to behave with integrity than "putting someone in their place" by bullying or intimidating.  

Here are 5 ways you too can be the better person when attacked by a professional using bullying and intimidation tactics.

1.)     The first thing you need to do is BREATHE!  You may or may not be shocked that a professional just used bullying intimidation tactics to attack you but either way, you will feel the punch in your gut so you must remember to breathe!  So right after it happens- take a deep breath in, all the way down to the bottom of your lungs and let it out slowly.  As you breathe in think similar words "I'm in control," "I'm better than this ASS," or "I will not be intimidated."  As you let your breath out think calm and relaxing thoughts.  You need to do this so you don't allow the ASS to win by pissing you off.

2.)    After you take a breath in and out--put a smile on your face.  Yes, this may seem passive aggressive but the bullying intimidator needs to know that you are not being "put in your place." This smile is there as evidence that YOU are the better person and gives the message that you cannot be attacked in this fashion.

3.)    This smile will also help you remember that professionals who use bullying and intimidation as a communication strategy are NOT being professional.  By keeping your cool, YOU are being the professional in the room!  Professionals do not attack even when attacked.  Professionals are mature adults that understand empathy and support.

4.)    Don't take anything the bullying intimidator says personally.  Their amygdala is out in control and they are in a lower level processing part of their brain -- think immature monkey.  They will do and say just about anything at this point & their goal is to squash you.  If they see you are taking it personally they will continue to attack.  When they see you are not bothered because you have a smile on your face they will be even more pissed off.  Do nothing back to the bullying intimidator but show as much kindness as you can muster.  It will make them even angrier and their true colors will be displayed in the meeting.  FYI be careful because retaliation will occur so you must document everything.  Parents of kids with disabilities & professionals who advocate for them are often the target of retaliation because we continue to fight battles the school districts often want us to give up on.  

5.)    Finally, reward yourself for not attacking back but standing your ground and letting the bullying intimidator know that you will not allow others to treat you this way.  Know that you were being the better person by not stooping to their level.  Don't let the behaviors of others stop you from fighting for yourself or your child.  

Key take-away:  Even when others act in an unprofessional manner continue to have integrity and behave in a manner that will make you feel pride.  People who bully and intimidate are lying to themselves if they feel proud of their behaviors or justify them by blaming others.  

(Image: photo of a brown dragonfly on a stem that also has a spiderweb attached both all covered with small drops of dew creating a dragonfly with stunning wings covered with small water beads and a cobweb enhanced by hundreds of tiny water drops and a quote from Karen Horney - “If you want to be proud of yourself, then do things in which you can take pride” )

What the 5 Monkey story can teach you about INSIGHT!

What is Insight?  Insight is "the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or a thing."   This can mean having Insight into yourself or others.  

Today as the first day, I want you to gain insight into thinking about behaviors. 

Here's a psychology experiment that you must know about: 

The 5 Monkeys ~~

What this story teaches us is how we are sometimes a product of our environment and have no idea why we do what we do.  With insight we can make conscious changes not only in ourselves but also in the world.

Some of you may question if this was a true experiment and it wasn't but it is based on a true experiment (see below).  If we have insight we can see this happening in our daily lives.  I often hear in school meetings that something was done or going to be done because "it has always been done this way."  Geez that's really scary now if you think about it, right?  

**Reference:

"Stephenson (1967) trained adult male and female rhesus monkeys to avoid manipulating an object and then placed individual naïve animals in a cage with a trained individual of the same age and sex and the object in question. In one case, a trained male actually pulled his naïve partner away from the previously punished manipulandum during their period of interaction, whereas the other two trained males exhibited what were described as "threat facial expressions while in a fear posture" when a naïve animal approached the manipulandum. When placed alone in the cage with the novel object, naïve males that had been paired with trained males showed greatly reduced manipulation of the training object in comparison with controls. Unfortunately, training and testing were not carried out using a discrimination procedure so the nature of the transmitted information cannot be determined, but the data are of considerable interest."

Sources: Stephenson, G. R. (1967). Cultural acquisition of a specific learned response among rhesus monkeys. In: Starek, D., Schneider, R., and Kuhn, H. J. (eds.), Progress in Primatology, Stuttgart: Fischer, pp. 279-288.

Mentioned in: Galef, B. G., Jr. (1976). Social Transmission of Acquired Behavior: A Discussion of Tradition and Social Learning in Vertebrates. In: Rosenblatt, J.S., Hinde, R.A., Shaw, E. and Beer, C. (eds.), Advances in the study of behavior, Vol. 6, New York: Academic Press, pp. 87-88.

Be uniquely you!

Today is a day to be strong!  Look at yourself and appreciate all your wonderful qualities!  If you are saying "What wonderful qualities?  I don't have any wonderful qualities."  Then tell yourself to stop it!  Stop putting yourself down because you do have wonderful qualities.  You are an individual.  You are unique.  Take some time today focusing on all the things that make you - uniquely you!  

Sure some of these things will be external but I want you to look deeper - dig deeper!  You have distinct ways you perceive the world, you have your own feelings & experiences, and you have exceptional gifts and talents. Don't allow yourself to say things like - "But others do better than me in ...."  This is wrong because you are comparing yourself to someone else - be your unique self!   

Embrace yourself!  Love yourself!  Enjoy what you have to offer this world!  Finally, don't hide yourself but live your life being uniquely you!

My story is not ending - Project Semicolon & my tattoo

I know that tattoos are not for everyone but I have wanted one for a while & yesterday I finally got my tattoo.  I am thrilled to finally get this tattoo because it has so much meaning for me!  

I have shared openly about my disabilities in a past post- Who I Am. BTW, I am not ashamed to use the word 'disability' because to not use the word disability I would be denying the problems I experience with depression, anxiety, dyslexia, dysgraphia, & ADD.  Here's a better post on Why it is better to use the word disability instead of difference.  Society needs to stop making it shameful to use the words disability & mental illness!  

This is why my tattoo is so important to me!  I got my tattoo to own my struggles with depression & anxiety.  I also want to openly show my support for others who have these battles. Being open will hopefully reduce the shame & stigma around mental illnesses.  As a therapist people often think that we are the ones that have it all together and never experience depression & anxiety but that is not true. The professions of psychology & counseling often have some of the highest suicide rates.  I believe one of the reasons is because we are told it is not okay to disclose our own challenges.  Well, I am for full disclosure & I am open with my clients - I let them know that I have these as well & I can assure them that life is worth living when we have support & learn to accept exactly who we are.  

So, let me explain my tattoo to you!  This tattoo is my Dragonfly Forest (visit my FB page at The Dragonfly Forest & my private therapy practice FB page at Forest Alliance Coaching).  For those of you who don't know my married name is LAM and it means Forest in Chinese - these are the Chinese Characters for Lam/Forest. The Forest (woods) is also my escape & the place I go for inner salvation. The Dragonfly is the symbol of who I am & I'm proud to be a unique amazing Dragonfly!  The body of my Dragonfly is a Semicolon.  It is to represent that my story isn't over! It stems from Project Semicolon.  Project Semicolon is a nonprofit movement started by Amy Bleuel to honor her father, who took his own life.  It is to bring awareness & shame reduction to those who battle depression, suicide, addiction, anxiety, & other mental illnesses.  Here's the reason a semicolon is used - "A semicolon is used with an author could've chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to.  The author is you, and the sentence is your life." 

My goal is to continue to openly discuss the topics that people would rather keep hidden - learning disabilities & mental illnesses. We have nothing to be ashamed of because we have more battles to fight than others. We will have less battles to fight when there is no longer discrimination and negative stigmas about having a disability and/or mental illness.  

Be strong & Be proud!  

(Image description: photo of my left arm wearing a heart linked gold & silver watch & a bracelet that says "Just Keep Going" and my tattoo of a dragonfly with a semicolon body & the Chinese Character for Lam (my last name) which means Forest. On the right side of the picture is my own quote "Be a warrior! Be a survivor! Just keep going! Don't let your story end! Proud to be a Dragonfly!")

What is School Culture & Why it Needs to Change!

I am always on a mission to make schools a better place for ALL students.  As the school year is coming to an end I want to discuss the importance of school culture.   Sadly, I am in a lot of schools where the school culture is an 'Us versus Them' mentality.  The teachers and administrators see themselves as the experts and parents as the enemy.  This culture is not conducive to student learning.  I often hear from school staff members that it is the other way around (parents see the school as the enemy).  Educators need to have empathy to understand a parent perspective AND be in a school culture that is supportive to parents.  


Most parents are NOT educators so they do not know how to teach their child specific academic skills and they trust that the teacher is the expert.  When the student is not progressing or learning the parents become SCARED.  A parent panics and asks for help only to be told it is them, the home environment, and/or the child. The reason behind this belief is in yesterday's blog post: "The Blame Game! Are School Problems the Kids' Fault?" by Pam Wright.  Educators should put themselves in the position of the parent and see it from their point of view.  If educators are the professionals they should be the ones to make the process better and not worse for parents and students.  Educators should not become defensive when a parent is upset. The parent may sound like it is a personal attack against the teacher but the parent is really upset with the culture of the school, which allows the blaming and shaming to occur.  


Here's a quick video that explains a little about culture in a school by Anthony Muhammad:

I have written a number of times about school culture and one that went viral shared thousands of times was "How to Have a Positive School to Build Self-esteem of All Students."    The culture of the schools in our country need to change.  All our children need to be an a culturally healthy environment! 

PLEASE, watch this video and share it with everyone in the educational system.  Get Anthony Muhammad's books - read them and share them!!!   Here are a list of his books that are a must read for every parent, teacher, administrator, and school board member:  Transforming School Culture: How to Overcome Staff Division (2009) and The Will to Lead, the Skill to Teach: Transforming Schools at Every Level (2011).  

Direct link to Moving the Bus Forward: Creating Healthy Learning Environments for All Students


In a healthy school culture, NO student should be failing-- it is just unacceptable!  Teachers know that all students have the ability to succeed -they, as teachers, just need to tap into the right motivation and techniques to educate students.  Dr. Muhammad writes in his book The Will to Lead, the Skill to Teach: Transforming Schools at Every Level (2011- p. 23)- "In his definition, Kent Peterson identifies four student characteristics that are prerequisites for school success: concern, attentiveness, prior knowledge, and compliance.  Any educator would agree that these are important assets in the learning process and that not all students arrive at school predisposed to these characteristics.  In toxic cultures, students are blamed for not possessing these characteristics, which releases adults from the responsibility of properly educating every student.  This mentality is in direct conflict with the objective of public schools - learning for all." 


So if your child attends a school where it is acceptable for some students to receive grades of D's and F's then your child is in a TOXIC culture (which means the student is NOT learning the necessary information - more about this in The Reason Behind Grades and How to Make Them Valid).  If you have ever been to a school meeting where a school staff member blamed or shamed you or your child then this is a TOXIC school culture.  There is no empathy for the parent of the student if blaming and shaming are occurring just because a student is NOT learning in a "typical" fashion and needs to be taught more explicitly.  We as a society need to stop failing our children and make changes to the whole school system not just the curriculum (common core...).  This article was written to enlighten you to the importance of school culture.  I will have future articles on how to improve school culture.  In the meantime read the books suggested to educate yourself!  

Want to learn more go to Dr. Muhammad's website: New Frontier 21.  Also, as an Educational Coach and Consultant I contract with schools to help build healthier school cultures so if interested in direct support contact me- Jill Lam MS.Ed, LPCC at Forest Alliance Coaching- 614-785-6405.

Transforming over time being a dragonfly

Spiritual Sunday -

People often use the life cycle of a butterfly as a metaphor to explain how we grow and change.  

• A small caterpillar pops out of a tiny egg and grows into a large caterpillar eventually stopping all that it is doing and turning itself into a chrysalis where it privately goes through a complete change physically and comes out of the chrysalis a new beautiful butterfly.  

I have never related to this because I don't see that one big change that made me beautiful and accepted by others and I don't feel that things are this simple.  I see life much more like the life cycle of a dragonfly...

Dragonflies start out their lives underwater and do not look anything like their final dragonfly form.  Here's a few different dragonfly larvae forms: 

This larval development can take 1-2 years to finally complete and during this time they go through the moulting process 5-14 times. 

This is a great example of what it is like to grow up - we experience the awkward changes over and over as we go through childhood and adolescents.  

Eventually we head into our adult world which is very different than the world of our childhood - like the dragonfly we must enter a totally different environment.  The young dragonfly come out of the water and molt again to live in a world outside the water.

Unlike butterflies, dragonflies don't go through a pupal stage where they completely melt and get reformed. Instead, dragonflies have been working on developing themselves all along so they evolve and transform! This process into an adult dragonfly doesn't just happen either.  The dragonfly doesn't just pop out all pretty and perfect.  This transformation is also a slow process where they dragonfly has to take time to become stronger and reach full stunning beauty.  

We take time to become the people we are becoming and it is a long and challenging process.  Like the young dragonfly we don't look anything like our adult selves and even when we become adults it takes time before we are finally a strong, amazing, and stunning being!  

I know that life is challenging for all creatures and for some the butterfly metaphors make the most sense to them, but for me - I relate to the life of a dragonfly.  

I have never really fit in and I have gone through so many of my own transformations as I discover more about myself, learn more, and grow.  As I have gotten older and more mature I've realized that I no longer need to survive in my old skin/environments... and I made a big transformation.  It wasn't easy and it didn't happen all at once.  I am still becoming stronger and enhancing my beauty!  

 

Lessons about Cognitive Biases!

I speak, teach, and sometimes preach about our cognitive biases! We all need to become aware that we all have these biases!  That means EVERYONE!  We must understand this so we can become the best person that we can.  Knowing we have these biases makes us have more empathy.  I have found a great video that explains these biases.  Enjoy this 6 minute video!  Lesson for today: pay attention to all the biases you have - you will realize that you  have MANY!

What to do when excluded or discriminated against

Not everyone is going to like you.  In fact, there will be a lot of people in your life that can't stand you.  Their not liking you has much more to do with the issues of the other person instead of you. People will treat you poorly and discriminate against you but it is your attitude that will get you through.  

Remember that you are a person of value and worth!  You have to be your own best friend and cheerleader.  When others are treating you in a negative way than change the narrative.  This is your life so you are the narrator.  Stop letting other people be the narrators of your life!  

Here's a picture quote you should put in a place where you can find it easily when you are feeling excluded by others.  When feeling negative read this quote & remember that you are AMAZING!  

BTW if you don't know who Zora Neale Hurston is than you should really learn about this wonderful woman!  

Why it's better to use the word disability instead of difference!

(click on play if you want to hear me read this to you - remember that I am dyslexic so I make a few errors, but I'm okay with that - because I want others, like me to be able to hear what I have posted).  

October is Dyslexia and ADHD Awareness month!  Yes a whole month in honor of ME!  Okay, that’s a little lot egocentric of me to assume that this month is about just me.  I know I am not alone in having ADHD and Dyslexia, so the odds are you have at least one of these and if you don’t then you are related to someone who does!  

I think it is great that we have a whole month devoted to awareness because it gets the word out that ADHD and Dyslexia are real – there is scientific evidence that they exist!!!! 

What I want to discuss here is the importance of the word disability instead of “difference.” 

As a person who IS dyslexic and ADHD, I am often asked why I still use the word disability instead of the word difference.  Here’s why.  There is NO cure for dyslexia or ADHD.  I have dyslexia and ADHD because of the way my brain is formed, and nothing will make that change.  When a deaf person gets a cholera implant they may be able to hear, but they are still deaf- the implant is only a device to help them hear.   My brain can learn new things just like any brain, but the general structure of my brain will always be the same. Because school and society are structured for non-ADHD & non-dyslexic brains, and since I often don’t fit into these molds I struggle in some settings. In many environments, I am just fine, and I have learned exceptional ways to accommodate for my ADHD and dyslexia so I can “fit in” or “pass.”  

The legal definition of a disability is – “a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits one or more major life activities of such individual.”    Well, this IS me, especially in a school setting.  Because of my dyslexia I am a very slow reader (that’s an understatement), I cannot decode unknown words (really- no joke), I have terrible spelling (unfortunately I can never spell unfortunately without having spell check or looking it up), and I do not know my times tables (no clue on the 4’s & 6’s).  These make it challenging for me to keep up with my peers in a classroom setting and substantially limit my learning, reading, and writing (I am also dysgraphic, so that makes it even worse).   Because of my ADHD, I am highly distracted by my own thoughts (I can live in Jill-Land), other people (love people watching & interpreting body language), and auditory/visual distractors (I hear/see something I lose track of what I’m thinking & saying).  In a classroom setting I have way too much stimulation and therefore my learning, concentrating, and thinking are substantially limited.  I am disabled in classrooms, workshops, & some work settings but I can still be successful if I have appropriate accommodations. 

As mentioned I have exceptional ways to accommodate.  I use technology consistently.  I rely on auto correct and spell check for spelling and writing.  I type almost everything that another person is expected to see, so my dysgraphia and dyslexia are not visible.  I use a calculator, and I triple check my answers just to make sure I keyed it incorrectly.  I ear-read as much as I can and always have a book on audio in my car while I drive.  If I cannot ear-read the written material, then I just take my time and read slowly.  Even though I cannot decode unknown words I have an excellent visual memory, vocabulary, and ability to infer (strong reading comprehension).  So even though I may mispronounce the word, I understand what I am reading.  For my ADHD I have strategies to keep me focused and on task, such as, standing, walking around, taking breaks, and doodling when listening (this allows me to pay attention & keep the distractions in check).  Since I am no longer in a classroom environment I have the freedom to use these strategies.    

So to me, saying I have a learning difference actually trivializes my challenges making me feel shame.  By saying a child has a learning “difference” instead of a learning disability is, I believe, harmful.  If you, as a parent, are uncomfortable with the word disability then just call it what it is – dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD…   Using the word disability does NOT make it negative but using the word “difference” does not make it positive.   Telling me that I just learn differently makes me feel judged that I am not working hard enough despite working my butt off but still experiencing challenges; which then makes me just feel stupid.  Calling it a disability makes me understand that it is not my fault just like it is not a blind person’s fault if they bump into furniture.    

I am not stupid!  Saying I learn differently makes it seem that I’ll be able to academically perform as my non-dyslexic/non-ADHD peers.  This will not happen because of the way my brain is set up.  I have been taught my times tables in many different ways – flash cards, timed tests, repetition, colored coded, with stories, & via songs but I still struggle with remembering most of them and my math fluency is still slow.  I need to use a calculator so I can keep up with my peers in learning math concepts.  Same is true for reading.  I’ll confess that I have never been taught via an Orton-Gillingham method and do know that I would be able to decode words had I been taught phonics instead of whole language.  Even if I learned how to decode words, my reading fluency would still be slow and therefore ear-reading is much easier for me than eye-reading.  I need accommodations to keep up with non-dyslexic/non-ADHD peers in some areas – not all because I excel in the area of reading body language, empathy, and many others abilities I have that my peers do not have.

Let me explain it this way because I know some of you are shouting right now that it is a “difference” not a disability. I assume that you are a parent and you yourself do not have dyslexia and/or ADHD or you would be more understanding of why the word disability is a positive term.  We all have differences but the differences of being a person with dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, Asperger’s, blind, deaf…. are huge when having to function in an environment that is not conducive to those “differences” and that is what makes them disabilities.  If a deaf student is in a classroom of other deaf kids and students/teachers that sign instead of using their voice, then the deaf student is not disabled but put that same student in a classroom of speaking students/teachers they are now disabled.  A student with dyslexia in a classroom of non-dyslexic peers who are decoding and reading fluently while the student with dyslexia struggles to keep up and has to be taught to read in a different classroom-- IS disabled! 

There is nothing wrong with the word disabilities and when we call dyslexia a disability in certain settings assures us that our rights are protected.  Students with ADHD and/or dyslexia (and any other disability) need to be protected in schools from having their rights violated so calling it a “difference” will not protect your child.  It will also not damage their self-esteem if the word disability is used.  Call it what it is – dyslexia, ADHD, Asperger’s…. and teach them all the great things about who they are as a person and all the other people out there like them.  Help them learn ways to accommodate with technology and other strategies.  Focus on the positive and you will get positive.  

Finally, during Dyslexia and ADHD Awareness month please understand that the word disability isn’t negative it just provides a more accurate description of what is happening so a person’s rights can be protected.  See, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA) provide protection for people ONLY if they have a disability.  They don’t protect people with “differences.”  Unlike other laws to protect people from being discriminated against (Civil rights law of 1964) to be protected under ADA and IDEA you have to have evidence that you actually do have a disability and that this disability substantially limits a life function.  I want to make sure my rights are protected.  I want to make sure the rights of my children are protected.  We need to assure that people with dyslexia, dysgraphia, ADHD, Asperger’s… are NOT discriminated against and to do this we need to use the word disability.  I am dyslexic, dysgraphic, and ADHD and I am proud.  These are disabilities when in certain settings but these are also the nature of who I am and are my superpowers. 

We must first have awareness and then eventually we will have acceptance. We need to embrace the word disability and know it is not a bad thing but will help protect us from discrimination.  We need to also accept the labels of dyslexia, ADHD, dysgraphia, Asperger’s…. because these labels provide insight into who we are.  We cannot stop there with one label we need to redefine ourselves every day with new labels.  We need to not let others define who we are!  I am NOT stupid, lazy, unmotivated, ignorant….  Once we have self-acceptance then we will be successful!