RIP Chester Bennington! UPDATE: RIP Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain! So sad to have lost each of you!
Everyone had difficulties and challenges that need to be faced. People should not have to face these alone but often some have no choice. Yes, people will say "talk to me," "what's wrong," or "I'm here for you, all you have to do is ask." Well, some of us can't ask. Some of us know that others do not want to really hear how bad things are because there is nothing that can be done. We have to put on a smile and make the world a better place for others and we can't share the cold hard reality of what is happening.
Sometimes we do ask and no one takes the time to listen. We can even cry and share our pain only to have the other person minimize what we are feeling or try to sugar coat things. Well, this only makes the person feel worse, not better.
So how do you convince someone that life is worth living? You can't! You can tell someone that you care and show them by listening to them unconditionally but that is only if they are willing to talk and chances are, the person may not be willing to share what exactly is going on. Chances are no one can make things better. Only the person who is dealing with the difficulties and challenges can actually make changes and make things better. Often they just want to have someone listen to them, really listen with no judgment. This is not an easy task for people to do- listen without judgment.
When a person commits suicide you often hear how shocked everyone was because the person who ended their life was always so happy and had everything going for them. Why does this happen? This happens because no one really wants to face the reality that a person can be depressed, so depressed that they feel that life is no longer worth living.
Yes, the person thinking of suicide takes the feelings of others into consideration but what they know is that the relationship will still be there. There will still be some good memories and the person contemplating suicide believes that they are saving their loved ones from more pain if they end their life because obviously they are such a burden, to begin with or the loved ones would listen with empathy. People often see the "signs" of depression and suicidal ideations after the fact but these signs were there long before they just didn't care enough to notice. Maybe that sounds cruel, to blame the ones left behind but I believe that it is the society we live in that needs to carry the blame. We live in a society where it is not okay to talk about depression and suicide. We live in a society that shames people for being different.
If you have a friend who is depressed and shared some dark thoughts then be there for them, push them to open up and discuss their feelings and thoughts without judgment. Help them! Stop ignoring them and pretending that everything is okay. If you suspect that something is wrong and ask the person how they are and they say "fine" with a smile on their face-- push harder because chances are your instincts are correct. If you think that a person would not commit suicide because they have everything going for them, then think again, many people put on a mask every day and hide their pain. Don't accept an "I'm fine" from someone you suspect is NOT fine. Seek them out and be there for them. I promise you it will make a difference. Sometimes all a person needs is to know that their life does matter.
So, here's my final word on this - there will be some people that no matter what you say or do will make the choice to no longer live in pain. You must forgive yourself if you know that you did all you could to make a difference in their lives and prevent them from ending their own life - you did all you could do. If you did not do all you could do. If you were distant or avoided their dark side- all I can say is this is guilt you have to live with because people who are that depressed need support and you made the choice to not provide that support.
Take 11 minutes to listen to Kevin Breel talk about what it is like to be a person with depression and suicidal. He could be someone you know!!!
Here's a song I sing often - from one of my favorite movies & TV shows - MASH:
I have written a few other articles about suicide and depression - check them out: My story is not over!; Henry Rollins gives-advice; Depression in school-aged children; and many others.
(Image: blue and black dragonfly surrounded by blades of grass that are tinted grey and a quote from Orson Scott Card's book 'Ender's Shadow'- "In my view, suicide is not really a wish for life to end.' 'What is it then?' 'It is the only way a powerless person can find to make everybody else look away from his shame. The wish is not to die, but to hide.")
Everyone had difficulties and challenges that need to be faced. People should not have to face these alone but often some have no choice. Yes, people will say "talk to me," "what's wrong," or "I'm here for you, all you have to do is ask." Well, some of us can't ask. Some of us know that others do not want to really hear how bad things are because there is nothing that can be done. We have to put on a smile and make the world a better place for others and we can't share the cold hard reality of what is happening.
Sometimes we do ask and no one takes the time to listen. We can even cry and share our pain only to have the other person minimize what we are feeling or try to sugar coat things. Well, this only makes the person feel worse, not better.
So how do you convince someone that life is worth living? You can't! You can tell someone that you care and show them by listening to them unconditionally but that is only if they are willing to talk and chances are, the person may not be willing to share what exactly is going on. Chances are no one can make things better. Only the person who is dealing with the difficulties and challenges can actually make changes and make things better. Often they just want to have someone listen to them, really listen with no judgment. This is not an easy task for people to do- listen without judgment.
When a person commits suicide you often hear how shocked everyone was because the person who ended their life was always so happy and had everything going for them. Why does this happen? This happens because no one really wants to face the reality that a person can be depressed, so depressed that they feel that life is no longer worth living.
Yes, the person thinking of suicide takes the feelings of others into consideration but what they know is that the relationship will still be there. There will still be some good memories and the person contemplating suicide believes that they are saving their loved ones from more pain if they end their life because obviously they are such a burden, to begin with or the loved ones would listen with empathy. People often see the "signs" of depression and suicidal ideations after the fact but these signs were there long before they just didn't care enough to notice. Maybe that sounds cruel, to blame the ones left behind but I believe that it is the society we live in that needs to carry the blame. We live in a society where it is not okay to talk about depression and suicide. We live in a society that shames people for being different.
If you have a friend who is depressed and shared some dark thoughts then be there for them, push them to open up and discuss their feelings and thoughts without judgment. Help them! Stop ignoring them and pretending that everything is okay. If you suspect that something is wrong and ask the person how they are and they say "fine" with a smile on their face-- push harder because chances are your instincts are correct. If you think that a person would not commit suicide because they have everything going for them, then think again, many people put on a mask every day and hide their pain. Don't accept an "I'm fine" from someone you suspect is NOT fine. Seek them out and be there for them. I promise you it will make a difference. Sometimes all a person needs is to know that their life does matter.
So, here's my final word on this - there will be some people that no matter what you say or do will make the choice to no longer live in pain. You must forgive yourself if you know that you did all you could to make a difference in their lives and prevent them from ending their own life - you did all you could do. If you did not do all you could do. If you were distant or avoided their dark side- all I can say is this is guilt you have to live with because people who are that depressed need support and you made the choice to not provide that support.
Take 11 minutes to listen to Kevin Breel talk about what it is like to be a person with depression and suicidal. He could be someone you know!!!
Here's a song I sing often - from one of my favorite movies & TV shows - MASH:
I have written a few other articles about suicide and depression - check them out: My story is not over!; Henry Rollins gives-advice; Depression in school-aged children; and many others.
(Image: photo of a brown and tan dragonfly and quote from Chester Bennington (frontman for the rock band Linkin Park)- "You're constantly trying to prove yourself, even after you've made it.")
