Dr. King & Lessons from A Class Divided

I've been so busy working and being the voice of those who are discriminated against that I have not been able to post on here.  I have decided to re-share a past post for my first 2019 post for Martin Luther King Jr. Day. 

To start, watch-- "A Class Divided." 

Direct Link to A Class Divided if the above video doesn't work

Yes, Jane Elliott’s Brown Eyes/Blue Eyes is a powerful video on racism.  It gives insights into the personal experiences of how we discriminate based on the attribute of the color of eyes or the color of one’s skin.  Let’s think outside of the box on this one and see how this is also a great lesson on how we treat people with learning disabilities (Dyslexia, ADHD, Dysgraphia, Asperger’s….) and other types of disabilities (physical, deaf, blind…) in school settings. 

To help you understand this, I’m going to explain it as “Butterflies” vs. “Dragonflies.”  Butterflies are “typical” students who learn easily, have athletic and/or academic talents, and viewed by others as beautiful.  Dragonflies, on the other hand, are students with disabilities and challenges (with or without IEP/504’s); they struggle academically, athletically, socially, and/or emotionally; and are viewed by others as scary, not fitting in, and different.   In school environments, it is often assumed that “Butterflies are better than Dragonflies.” 

The Butterflies are more likely to be given extra opportunities in schools such as crossing guard or member of the student council.  Teachers are concerned if they give Dragonflies positions of responsibilities, they will not be able to handle the job, or the Dragonfly doesn't deserve a reward--so Butterflies get the special treatment.   

Butterflies are picked more often for awards and accolades because they are “easy to teach” and “well-liked by their teachers and peers.”   For more details on this, check out my post on Stop the Shaming: why ceremonies and graduations need to change.  The Dragonflies are often not given these awards and accolades because they are so challenging to teach; they may be experiencing Learned Helplessness (explained in the linked post) from the years of discrimination, shame, and pain that they have just given up trying; they just don’t fit in socially.

Butterflies are given positive reinforcements in the classroom while the Dragonflies often receive negative reinforcements.  When you observe an elementary classroom room where a teacher has a Colored behavior chart, more Dragonflies are on Yellow and Red than Butterflies.    The Butterflies are most likely on Green and get to run particular errands for teachers or get to sit in special places in the room. 

As you can see, the list of the differences can go on and on, yet the key point is how Dragonflies are not just discriminated against by their teachers this treatment is seen as acceptable to their peers as well. Students model the behaviors of the teachers. 

So when thinking about Martin Luther King Jr. today, think about how we still treat students who learn differently (academically or socially) as less than the students who are “Mainstream” learners.  Dragonflies are often excluded from classes that Butterflies receive automatically, such as gym, art, and other electives because the Dragonflies need extra teacher support to learn. Schools require students to take these foreign language classes. Although students with learning disabilities would benefit from Sign Language, it is too much trouble to make this happen, so they just have to struggle (causing emotional pain) or not participate (excluded from a class open to non-disabled peers).  For some reason it seems acceptable to the adults to take away opportunities from Dragonfly students using the reasoning that teachers can’t work beyond school hours, it would cost too much to provide the services, or they don't want to make a specific accommodation.  For more details on this visit, the following post: Dr. King’s Legacy Regarding Discrimination in Education.

So here is my question to you: What are we really teaching our children in schools?  Are we teaching them empathy, or are we teaching them discrimination?  By excluding the Dragonfly students from the events and opportunities that are freely given to Butterflies, we are condoning discrimination.  I am often told that the Butterflies have “earned” these privileges, but the Dragonflies have not so they do not deserve them.  So you really think that because Little Johnny can’t read that he should have to be pulled from gym, art, or recess so he can be taught to read?   By the way, maybe we should go back to teaching students using the Orton-Gillingham reading program- look for this scene in the movie!

Maybe you think it is safer to not have Little Sarah as the library helper because she has impulsive ADHD and may get lost in the hallway or forget what she was doing (or is it really because it would just be easier for you to not have to supervisor her so you will send the “responsible” student).   Then there is the socially awkward student and wanted to be a “student leader,” but you think that a different student would be a better role model (the 'popular' student).  By denying students these opportunities, you are discriminating against them and perpetuating the belief that there really is something wrong with Dragonflies.  

We need to practice lessons we have learned from Dr. King: "The function of education is to teach one to think intensively and to think critically.  But education which stops with efficiency may prove the greatest menace to society. The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason but no morals. We must remember that intelligence is not enough.  Intelligence plus character- that is the goal of true education." 

What to do about Suicide

Today is the start of Suicide Prevention Week 2018.  I am sharing a past post from August 14, 2016.  Both today in 2018 and in 2016 I could write almost the exact same words as I did on May 18, 2014.  Depression and anxiety are real, and we are not doing enough to help people who battle with mental health concerns.  Over these past few years, there have been many stories about children killing themselves.  In my children's own school district there were a few suicides last year and many students with suicidal ideation.  This has to stop.  Adults must keep our children emotionally safe.

Here are the past posts...

From August 14, 2016:
I was thinking about writing something positive and motivating for a Spiritual Sunday post because I've been so busy with work I have not been able to post as often as I want.  Instead, I saw a post about a young boy who committed suicide... again.  He wrote in a note that he was bullied and teachers didn't help. Here's that article: "'I gave up:' 13 - Year-Old boy commits suicide after he claims school 'Didn't do anything' to stop his bullies." 

This breaks my heart!  I just don't understand how the adult who has the power to make life better for children do not step in and really make a difference.  Sometimes adults are the bullies as well.  My biggest concern about this article is it seems the child failed his grade in school.  I see this way too often - students getting failing grades and adults at the school do nothing but let the child fail.  The student is the one blamed for the failure.  This makes me so angry because adults have the power to step in and work on figuring out WHY the student is failing. I will write more on this topic but in the meantime here's the I wrote in May 2014~~

From May 18, 2014:
I woke up today thinking about what I wanted to share on Spiritual Sunday.  It has been a while since I posted a Spiritual Sunday because I've been struggling spiritually.  I just can't seem to understand why people lack empathy. Now, I wake up to read an article in the Columbus Dispatch newspaper about a teenage girl committing suicide and bullying was reported as one of the factors.  Here is the article: Pickerington teen's suicide raises concern: How much was bullying to blame?

My heart is breaking.  I did not know this girl, but I know her pain.  I have felt this pain many times myself.  I work with people who feel this pain or have felt this pain in their past. I wrote about Bullying and Suicide originally on November 19, 2013, after another teen suicide.  I have been making a plea to educators to STOP teaching "Anti-Bullying" programs and start teaching EMPATHY!   What we focus on we expand so if we are focused on bullying we will get bullying if we concentrate on empathy we will get empathy!  I wrote Empathy is the Antidote to Bullying on January 29, 2013, in hopes that we can start making this change.  I'm saddened that we now have lost another unique and beautiful person to suicide. 

Many people struggle with empathy when it comes to a person's depression and/or suicidal ideations.  These topics make people uncomfortable and often the person feeling these ways stays silent, puts a smile on their face, and suffers alone.  They know that no one will really understand or the other person will minimize their feelings.  People need to realize that the person often doesn't really want to die they want the pain to end.  When other's show empathy the pain can stop!!!

(Image: picture of a black & blue dragonfly & quote from Orson Scott Card's book 'Ender's Shadow' - "In my view, suicide is not really a wish for life to end.'  'What is it then?'  'I is the only way a powerless person can find to make everybody else look away from his shame. The wish is not to die, but to hide.")

So what can you do about suicide?  You can start paying attention to those around you.  You can start showing REAL empathy.  Know the difference between empathy & sympathy- here's a quick video to help you understand this: 

Remember that you do have the power to make the difference in someone else's life.  You can prevent a person from committing suicide, and you may never know that you did because the person will not tell you they wanted to escape this pain (world).  Often people, like this recent teen, Cora Delille, didn't share her pain overtly with family and friends.  She kept most of her pain silent, but if others have empathy, they will see that she is struggling with something and reach out to her.  If covert bullying (relational aggression) was happening in school then teachers need to be more diligent by watching students interact- there are signs of relational aggression (name calling, excluding, teasing, avoidance behaviors, mean looks...).  If administrators know that a teacher and/or coach is treating a child unfairly and emotionally damaging the child they need to protect the child.  Adults have the power to make positive changes and save the lives of children.

(Image: a silhouette picture of a person sitting holding their knees with their head down and a quote titled 'Be a friend save a life' - "Suicidal thoughts happen when pain exceeds the amount of resources needed for coping. Family and friends are often unaware of the suicidal ideations. If a loved one is depressed or under a great deal of stress, be a resource. Listen to his/her worries, stressors, and fears.  Make no judgments.  Just listen and provide support.") 

Please start paying attention to those around you (especially if they are a student who has learning disabilities - see picture below)! Practice empathy on a daily basis.  Let's teach all our children to be emphatic so they will be kinder to one another.  Please pass this on to help save the life of someone in pain.  Finally, remember I really do care about the lives of everyone and always here.  If you are in pain, know you are not alone!

Here's a link to a recent post about Asking for Help.  This is another critical post for parents!

(Image: student sitting at a computer desk with books in front of him and he is holding his head in his hands looking down as if defeated and a quote from Stephanie Sergent Daniel's article 'Reading Disabilities Put Students at Risk for Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviors and Dropping Out of School' - "In our study, poor readers were three times more likely than typical readers to consider or attempt suicide ant six times more likely to drop out of school.  Educators and parents should be aware of the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors among adolescents with reading problems.")

6 Ways to build Grit, Tenacity, and Perseverance in your child at home

Over the last few days, I have received numerous phone calls, emails, and private messages via my Facebook pages (The DragonflyForest, Forest Alliance Coaching, & Decoding Dyslexia OH).  The post on Learned Helplessness resonated with so many people.  There was a general consensus that the primary source of a student developing learned helplessness is in the school environment and that is the primary environment that needs to be changed.  The most frequently asked questions related to how, as a parent, can we help our children survive; build grit, tenacity, & perseverance; and heal the wounds that are already established.  This post will provide some insight into what a parent can do at home.

Here are some tips I give parents when helping coach them on raising a child with a learning disability:

Grit is “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” 

1~Praise children for their effort, not the end product or results.  For example, when learning something say things like “Wow, I like how hard you worked on that problem,” “I enjoyed watching you put so much effort into your project,” or “You did a great job sticking to the problem after not being able to solve it.”  Your child needs to hear you say… “We all fail and make mistakes what matters most is getting back up and trying again with new lessons learned.”

2~   Discuss how life is about learning all types of lessons, and the goal isn’t to get good grades it is to learn, develop, grow, improve, and change.  When your child fails, focus on what lessons were learned from the failure and how to prevent these from happening again.  Remind your child about how Thomas Edison didn’t fail thousands of times before he successfully invented the light bulb he learned a thousand ways his inventions didn’t work, but he persevered and finally found had success.

3~  Watch movies that demonstrate tenacity such as: "Rudy," "A Bugs Life," "Finding Nemo," "True Grit," "Karate Kid," "The Pursuit Of Happyness," "Little Giants," "The Rookie," "Remember the Titans"…. Geez just about any movie because they all follow the 'Hero’s Journey.'  

4~    When watching these movies (or eye/ear reading books) point out the theme of the 'Hero’s Journey.'  Remind your child that they too are on their own 'Hero’s Journey.'  Point out how on every journey the hero must experience a variety of trials and tribulations.  Although they are not pleasant to experience, these obstacles make the hero stronger and better .  Help your child see how his/her own life is on the Hero’s journey path in all different areas.  If your child has a character from a movie or book, they admire point out how this character perseveres and “keeps swimming.”  (Dory from Finding Nemo is one I admire!).  In therapy sessions and when coaching clients, I frequently teach Joseph Campbell’s' Hero’s Journey' and help clients see how it relates to real life.

5~    Be a good role model for your child and point out times you want(ed) to give up but persevered. This shows how you have/had grit and tenacity. 

6~    Finally, allow them to express their feelings.  Children will be frustrated when they go through their own trials and tribulations so they will want to vent these frustrations.  When your child does vent he/she may not do so in a productive way.  Your child may throw a tantrum, stomp around, or display a bad attitude.  Ignore these behaviors for the most part (don’t allow holes to be punched into walls) because you don’t want to focus on the anger.  Instead, you want to focus on how despite feeling frustrated your child is trying.  Yes, stomping and banging the table while doing math problems is trying.  Focus on how much you appreciate the effort.  When your child is in the heat of venting emotions is not the time to discuss more appropriate behaviors.  Give your child some space and once your child is calm and more relaxed thank them for the effort to make some progress.  Remind your child it is not about a final destination but the journey and how he/she has made some progress on the journey.  

These are just a few examples of ways I work with parents on helping their child develop tenacity.   Another key to helping your child is to finding something, anything that he/she does well.  Every child needs to be actively involved in things they CAN do, so help your child find things he/she is good at doing.  Every person is good at something – if you need help in this area please feel free to contact me and I’ll help you figure out what your child may be good at doing. 

Depression in school-aged children especially those with disabilities

 Please share to help save a life

A true story about depression – this could be you:

A student, "Thomas." has a learning disability and an IEP (the type of LD doesn’t matter as any will fit here for this story).  He knows that he doesn’t learn like the other students, is often excluded by his peers (bullied as well), and feels overwhelmed in the school environment.  Over time Thomas became depressed, he refused to attend school, and eventually, he contemplated suicide.  His parents have always been strong advocates for their son and contacted the school seeking help. The parents were surprised when instead of receiving support, they were attacked and blamed for his current situation.  The school principal became defensive and stated that the parents are at fault and they “need to work with them, not against them.”  The guidance counselor also condemned the parents stating as a counselor she is too busy to address all the needs of the students and she has done nothing wrong waiting for over a day to return the phone call.  The parents got help for their son outside of the school district but were not able to obtain appropriate support at the school which was the source of the problem. 
The Facts:

September is Suicide Awareness week, and October is Depression Awareness Month, so I want to address an issue that is often brushed aside and minimized.  It is depression.  Depression is one of the most common mental disorders, and according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 1 in 11 children will experience clinical depression before the age of 14.  Furthermore, the risk of depression increases as a child gets older and is the leading cause of disability among Americans ages 15-44 according to the World Health Organization (WHO).  Depression affects a person’s entire physical and mental well-being. 

Did you know that students with learning disabilities (LD) have statistically higher accounts of depressions than their peers without LD?  Having a disability makes attending school challenging.  Students with disabilities know that their lives are not under their control, they are painfully aware that they don’t fit in, have academic failures, and experience a number of social rejections. Unfortunately, depression is not addressed in schools (another forbidden “D” word).  Many if not all kids with learning disabilities experience Learned Helplessness and this does NOT mean the child is coddled by their parents! Read this article to educate yourself on Learned Helplessness!

One of the reasons depression is not discussed, is shame.  Parents already experience a variety of emotions regarding having a child with a disability.  To make matters worse, teachers, counselors, school psychologists, and administrators often blame parents for the child’s academic struggles and behaviors.  I am frequently in meetings where school staff members give parenting advice and have blatantly stated that the child wouldn’t have these difficulties if the parents would only…“read with the child, help with homework, stop doing the child’s homework, discipline consistently, stop cuddling the child, reduce their social/sports schedule, increase their social/sports schedule”, and the list is endless.  When parents already feel responsible for their child’s struggles these comments only make the situation worse, not better.  This “blame the parents” approach makes it more difficult for the parents to bring up concerns about depression and the school staff perceiving the symptoms of depression as a parenting problem.

The second reason depression is not discussed is that people don’t know the symptoms of depression in children and adolescents, especially ones with a disability.  The symptoms of depression are often common signs of other problems, and the severity of these symptoms is not taken seriously.    

The following are some symptoms of depression (these will be unique to each person):

• Irritability, anger, angry outbursts  
• Continuous feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness – feeling melancholy or sad most of the day
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Over clinging to parents
• Feelings of anxiety, phobias
• Increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism
• Changes in appetite - either increased (weight gain) or decreased (weight loss)
• Changes in sleep (sleeplessness, too much sleep)
• Crying, temper tantrums, or sulking
• Difficulty concentrating
• Memory loss
• Fatigue (tiredness) low or decreased energy
• Physical Complaints or chronic pain (stomach aches, headaches) that do not respond to treatment (possible real physical problem or feigning illness)
• Digestive Disorders
• Reduced ability to function during activities at home or with friend, in school, extracurricular activities, and in hobbies or interests
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Getting into trouble, increased behavior problems
• Inability to experience pleasure or excitement even when doing activities that were pleasurable
• Mania or putting on a good front by being over happy
• Experimentation with drugs or alcohol
• Thoughts or talk of death or suicide

To get a direct perspective of what depression it is like for a popular non-learning disabled student watch this video of Kevin Breel (Confessions of a Depressed Comic):  Watch one of the two - sometimes phones do not allow a video to play so you have two options to choose from, but they are the same video!

Embedded video 

Kevin Breel (Confessions of a Depressed Comic)

What can be done:

Depression can be treated and children experiencing depression MUST be treated because if they do not get help, it will only get worse.  According to the National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI), once a child experiences depression, the child is at risk of developing another depression within five years.  Eventually, the child may contemplate or attempt suicide.  Did you know that according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, suicide is the third leading cause of death for 5-15 year-olds?    

If we continue to minimize depression, we risk losing children to suicide.  Is this a risk we want to take?  NO!

So, make sure you, as a parent know what to look for regarding depression.  Ask the school staff members to also be educated on depression and look for signs and symptoms in all children.  The earlier this is caught, the easier it is to treat. 

(Image: black and white photo of a student sitting at a computer desk with books and a computer on the top of the desk and the student is sitting with his/her head down being held up by his/her hands with elbows resting on the desk.  Quote from Stephanie Sergent Daniel's article 'Reading Disabilities Put Students at Risk for Suicidal Thoughts and Behaviours and Dropping out of School' - "In our study, poor readers were three times more likely than typical readers to consider or attempt suicide and six times more likely to drop out of school.  Educators and parents should be aware of the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors among adolescents with reading problems.")

(Image: a figure sitting with their hands clasped and their head down and the words "Did you know?  1 in 11 children will experience clinical depression before the age of 14 & suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for 5-15 year-olds?  It's time to talk about depression")

How to Think Outside of the Box

Let me share with you one of the coaching sessions I have with clients.  This works for anyone!  The goal of this session is to learn about who you are and who you want to become.

First –watch this video (don’t worry it is under 18 minutes)

Michael Bahr, Education Director for the Utah Shakespeare Festival

 Direct Link for: Thinking outside of a box requires a box

*if there is not a video in the space above please click here to access the link

Second - Now let’s review a few things:

In order to be “outside of a box” you need to know the box.  You are a box – your disability is a box– your life is a box.  For each box you need to comply with the following rules.

Rules:

1.   Know your box
2.   Embrace your box
3.   Push outside of the box
4.   Build your own box - & live by the rules of the box
5.   REPEAT

Third – Start with one aspect of your life - here we will focus on your disability. 

1 – Know yourself:  Learn about your likes and dislikes.  Define your values.  Discover your passions and interests.    

2 – Embrace the yourself:  Appreciate everything about you. Know you are not perfect so embrace your imperfections! Accept this is your life, interests, talents...

3 – Push outside of yourself:  Don’t get comfortable inside this box of YOU - now you must challenge yourself to be outside of the box.  Go beyond what you think you can do and expand who you are.   

4 – Now build this new box:  Define what this new life looks like and live this life.  

5 - REPEAT:  You must keep doing this or you will get stuck in a box again.  Don’t ever stay in a box & never let anyone keep you in a box.  (“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”  Quote from Dirty Dancing.  *Sorry, my movie quote obsession oozing out of me).

Finally, you can do this with all aspects of your life so go out there and get “outside the box!”  

Is Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes ADHD?

Today, July 5, is the birthday of William “Bill” Boyd Watterson II, American Artist and author of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.  Mr. Watterson will be 59 years old today.   The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes ran from 1985 to 1995 and was in more than 2,400 newspapers worldwide. 

Calvin, the 6 year old main focus of his comic strip was and is loved my many.  There has also been intense discussions in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder community as to whether or not Calvin has ADHD.  Mr. Watterson never came right out and reported that Calvin was ADHD but I guess Mr. Watterson didn’t go into creating the comic strip with the intention on having Calvin ADHD.  

No parent plans or wants their child to have ADHD.  Parents discover their child has ADHD as the child grows and develops.  I think there is agreement in this ADHD community that Calvin fits the criteria for ADHD: he has a difficult time staying focused, hyperactive, impulsive, creative, and enthusiastic!  The thing is--- it doesn’t matter if Mr. Watterson intended this to be ADHD or not.  Just because a diagnosis can be made does not take away from the great traits we love about Calvin and his imaginary tiger friend, Hobbes.  In fact, we actually love Calvin BECAUSE of his ADHD traits.  Calvin’s imagination, creativity, energy, lack of attention, and view of the world are the gifts that Mr. Watterson gave to this character.  Our kids with ADHD don't need to be shamed for their ADHD traits - adults need to appreciate these ADHD traits just like we appreciate and enjoy Calvin. 

So Happy Birthday, Mr. Watterson, thank you for giving us the gift of Calvin and Hobbes (as well as your other wonderful cartoons).  

Mr. Watterson is on my list of people I’d love to have lunch with.  Since he lives a couple hours north of me I could venture to hunt him down but I will refrain out of respect.  After Mr. Watterson ended his Calvin and Hobbes comic strip he became a “recluse.”  He has worked hard to stay out of the public eye, he declines interviews, appearances, and refuses to license his characters.  There is speculation that he has anxiety and social phobia.  It doesn’t matter if that’s true or not I believe he is a true Dragonfly and just like all Dragonflies they are best when viewed in their natural state instead of held captive.  

Stop the shaming: why ceremonies and graduations need to change

It is that time of year again & I am sharing this post because it is vital for these ceremonies to change!  I know some are worse than others.  It was originally written & published years ago after sitting for over 3 hours at my son's 8th-grade graduation where only a very select group of students were praised. Sadly, it still holds true today.  Thanks so much for taking time to read this - if there are any grammar errors please forgive them (editing is not my strength).

The end of the school year brings with it many award ceremonies and graduations.  As an inclusionist, I am not fond of these event!!  Many (although not all) of these events are designed to exclude and shame students into what our society considers acceptable behaviors and standards of success.  True, students who achieve should be rewarded and acknowledged; heck, almost all students want to be acknowledged.  I think all students who attend the ceremony should receive an award.  This does NOT mean I believe we should give all students an award, what it means is that only those students who are receiving awards should be required to attend the ceremony.    Students who are subjected to sit through a 1-3 hour long awards ceremony or graduation and not receive one accolade are not being motivated to become a better student or athlete. 

Often a reason given as to why students should be acknowledged for their hard work and effort in front of their nonperforming peers is because this motivates students to work harder.   Really?  Students getting good grades, high test scores, or achieving athletic success are not necessarily the ones putting forth the most effort.   We are doing our students a disservice by only shining a light on achievements and failing to embrace diversity. 

Schools often report they are sensitive to diversity yet they only mean race, gender, and ethnicity.  What about the diversity of learning?   Some students will work exceptionally hard and only earn C’s while for other students learning is easy, therefore they earn A’s.  Yes, the “C” student could have all A’s too but it is up to the teachers to educate this student appropriately (this is their educational right – to receive a free and appropriate education).  I heard a teacher recently state in her speech about the academic award recipient; “she is so easy to teach... students like her are the reason why people get into teaching.”   My heart sank, of course, this student is easy to teach. This student doesn’t have a learning disability causing struggles with reading, math, or writing.   The message was loud and clear, teachers don’t get into teaching to have challenging students they get into it so they can reap the rewards of a student who excels easily.  Okay, to be fair, that may not have been the speakers intended message but it sure could be interpreted that way.

Sports are another example of how school exclude and shame students.  A few weeks ago I wrote details about this topic in my "Lessons from The Breakfast Club"  post.  Not all students have the ability or talent to play sports although some may have the desire.  When schools put talented athletes on a pedestal and worship these students they are sending a message to other students that in order to be successful you must be athletically talented.  If you don’t believe this then look at our society as a whole; how much does a professional athlete get paid compared to a teacher. 

Sometimes schools try to pretend that they are including all students by having “student of the year” or “star student” awards.  This is not true inclusion.  You are kidding yourself if you think that each and every student had an equal chance to earn one of these awards.  Did the staff really consider the student with severe ADHD who has difficulty with impulse control?  How about the student who has Asperger’s and is struggling with learning social skills or is awkward?  I bet the student who was bullied so severely he became depressed and withdrawn wasn’t given a second thought.  Students who are challenging or have challenges are not often picked for these awards.   So, face it, this is not true inclusion; it is a facade.  Also, be careful of another facade - when the obviously disabled student gets an award just so the school can say ...  "look at us, aren't we amazing, we just honored a student who has a major disability..."  Umm this isn't genuine & only done for the thrill of inspiration porn.  This is NOT okay either. 

So, here is my proposal to all school districts across the country.  Over the summer decide what you consider the values we should be instilling in our children.   Take a good hard look at the way you are rewarding students.  Do you make the students with good grades stand-up in front of their non-achieving peers and tell these peers that they too can have these honors and rewards if they only tried hard enough?  Do you have ceremonies where everyone is invited but only a few get rewarded?  Do you give out student of the year awards, if so - really look to see if all students have equal opportunity for these awards?  Learn about confirmation bias (you like someone so you see most things they do in a positive light – you dislike someone so you see most things they do in a negative light).  Once you fully understand confirmation bias go back over and answer the last question: Do all students have an equal chance of winning “student of the year” or “star student?”  Now, relearn confirmation bias again and repeat the last question one final time.  If you still believe that all students have an equal chance than you don’t understand confirmation bias.    

Am I saying that there should be no more award ceremonies and graduations?  No, I am not saying this at all.  Go ahead and have these events but only require the students receiving awards to attend and if anyone else wants to attend they can make that choice but do not force students to attend hour long ceremonies/graduations where EVERYONE ELSE gets rewarded and praised.  Graduation ceremonies can be wonderful celebrations when focused on all students.  Call each student up and reward them with their certificate (don't just call their name as they walk in & go to a seat with their "graduation award" is sitting on the chair), if they received other awards announce them at that time – this way each and every student gets the opportunity to walk across the stage (front of a room) and be recognized.  Remember that almost everyone wants to be acknowledged and accepted.  Schools should focus on inclusion and quit reinforcing a “haves versus have-nots” climate.  Now is the time for change and acceptance.  Just because the ceremonies and graduations have always been done a specific way does NOT mean they must continue that way.  Remember we were once a nation where: slavery existed, women were not allowed to vote, and racial segregation was acceptable.  We now know better so we should do better.   We need to embrace the diversity that each and every student has and acknowledge their strengths instead of measuring them as successful under one specific set of standards.      

(Here's another post about shaming- Stop the Shaming Pt. 2) 

Empathy is the Key!!

Empathy is being able to see another person’s point of view even if you have no specific frame of reference or similar experience.  Unfortunately, most people do not have empathy because they just cannot put themselves in another person’s shoes unless they have direct experience.  A great example of this is when Senator Rob Portman reversed his stance on gay marriage after learning about his own son being gay.  Geez, only when his own life was affected by the ban on gay marriages did he see the light and understand.  The world would be a much better place if everyone focused on empathy instead of their own egocentric point of view. 

Empathy is being conscious and fully aware of the experiences of others!  Here are some ways you can step outside of your own frame of reference and become more empathetic:

• Truly listen to what another person is saying – listening is not waiting for your turn to talk and tell your own opinion/story/experience.  Listening is also not making judgments.

•  Really think about your advice before you offer it to someone.  Your own advice is much more about what YOU would do in situation. 

•  In fact, do not give advice or opinions unless the person directly asks for this information.  Your advice and opinions are about YOU not the other person.  It also demonstrates that you are NOT really listening. 

•  When creating things such as presentations, papers, books, movies… you must really understand your target audience.  You must be able to put yourself in their shoes and view the experience through their eyes if you hope to make a difference. 

• When experiencing an event such as a movie, play, sporting event… think about it from many different perspectives.  Think about the perspective of a variety of people (blind, deaf, specific race or ethnicity, physically handicapped, dyslexic, ADHD, homosexual, old, young…).  What might they think and feel?  By being open to other perspectives you become less egocentric. 

As a Dyslexic Dragonfly I am a very slow reader but I love to escape in books via audiobooks (ear-reading).  One of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis is:  “My own eyes are not enough for me, I will see through the eyes of others.”   So remember to take some time to think outside of yourself today to help make the world a better place.  Let the focus be on empathy!  

Why are students failing if schools are required to provide a free and appropriate education?

I continue to struggle with the concept of allowing students to FAIL, especially students with disabilities. What I mean by fail is - failing to be taught, the student failing to learn, failing grades, failing to protect a student's self-esteem,  failing appropriate educational strategies/curriculum...  Parents should not have to be paying hundreds of thousands of dollars for outside tutoring (this is very true - I have proof if people don't believe this).

I do NOT understand how people who work with students do not know what a 'free and appropriate education' means. I don't understand how educators and coaches can shame and blame children.  I was in a meeting once trying to explain what it is like to live in the learning disabled student's shoes (and parent's shoes) to educators.  They became very defensive claiming that they fully understand and took offense to my comments because this is what they do for a living.  

Well, I take offense to educators blaming and shaming students. When an educator puts in writing that a student with learning disabilities is "unmotivated" and "unwilling" that is proof these educators lack empathy and have no idea how hard it is for a student with disabilities to learn in a classroom setting where their limitations are ignored.   Yes, it can be frustrating for a teacher to have to explain the directions to a student 20 times, but if that is what is needed for the student to understand, then that is what they need to do. 

A 'free and appropriate education' (FAPE) means that every student who qualifies as a student with disabilities, regardless of the nature or severity of their disability, should be taught. Allowing a student to fail is not teaching them.  I have seen high schoolers who read at elementary school levels.  This is evidence that the school did not provide the student FAPE, especially if they did not qualify the student as a student with a disability.  I have evaluated some high school and college-aged students who had deficient reading skills that were never evaluated for a disability.  How could teachers, year after year, fail to teach these students to read?  Why were they passing a student who could not read (or write in some cases)?   Not one teacher or other educator noticed this child was struggling with academic skills?  If the student received any kind of support from the school, then that is enough evidence to think there might be a disability and therefore the school is legally required by law to evaluate that student to determine if the student does have a disability (Child Find Law).  Some students are not assessed because educators blame the student or parents for the child not learning.  

If the student is evaluated, often the student is not found eligible for special education services that will allow the student to receive specialized services to help them learn.  Again, the student and/or parents may be blamed. Also, students don't qualify because schools do not adequately acknowledge hidden disabilities and some outright ignore hidden disabilities.  A child doesn't have to have a severe discrepancy in scores to be eligible as a student with a disability. Yet, when the student doesn't have a discrepancy, the district uses this as proof the student doesn't need specialized educational support and therefore it is the student's fault.  Parents are then left to pay for outside tutoring and educational support while the student is left feeling helpless and stupid.  School districts are then creating a more significant problem - student Learned Helplessness (this post is critical to understand). 

If school districts really did care about making sure all students were educated, then they would not allow teachers to fail students.  Administrators would tell teachers that they MUST make sure the student is learning the curriculum - this means all students not just the ones that are easy to teach.  This means the students that are difficult to teach.  The ones who have difficulty staying focused in class, the ones who cannot read at grade level, the ones who cannot spell or write, the ones who have anxiety and therefore do not willingly participate.  

Students do not have the brain maturity to make adult decisions, so adults need to help guide them- no matter how long it takes.  Students do NOT want to fail but some students would rather people think they are 'lazy' and that is the reason they are failing because it is too painful to fail after putting in the effort (these students have spent years putting in effort & getting poor results). 

Students are not "unwilling" they are actually unable.  Students are not "unmotivated" they lack the skills necessary to do the work, so they are lost.  I just heard a parent say to me that even if his child was offered a million dollars to do the work the child still wouldn't be able to do the work - it's just too hard.    

Don't believe me?  Orlando Bloom, who is dyslexic once shared that his mother used to try to bribe him to read.  He wanted a motorbike really bad, and she told him if he would read 50 books she would get him that motorbike.  He never got that motorbike.  

So, the bottom line is - if educators really had empathy on what it is like for the student who has a disability they would NEVER allow them to be excluded from learning.  Educators are eliminating them by not providing them with an appropriate education & accommodations.  

This picture is an example of what is not appropriate, and I know most educators would NEVER do this, but they do it every day when they allow a student to leave their classroom without fully understanding the material they are expected to learn (such as knowing how to read).  They do it when they blame the student for not being prepared, for not studying, for not passing a test... Would you blame this boy for not being able to stand with his peers on the bleachers?  Is HE "unwilling" or "unmotivated" to join the group?   

Here's a picture that really resonated with people with disabilities- they said this is exactly what it is like.  Here's the blog post to go with the picture:  Why We Should Help Students With Learning Disabilities .  If teachers had empathy then no student would ever drown!   This is unacceptable!