The Dragonfly Forest

They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. Actually, Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning. You are a Dragonfly if you are: ADD/ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, Asperger’s, NLVD, autistic…

Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life lessons. Show all posts

Friday, June 8, 2018

What you need to know about depression and suicide!

RIP Chester Bennington! UPDATE:  RIP Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain! So sad to have lost each of you!

Everyone had difficulties and challenges that need to be faced.  People should not have to face these alone but often some have no choice.  Yes, people will say "talk to me," "what's wrong," or "I'm here for you, all you have to do is ask."  Well, some of us can't ask.  Some of us know that others do not want to really hear how bad things are because there is nothing that can be done.   We have to put on a smile and make the world a better place for others and we can't share the cold hard reality of what is happening.

Sometimes we do ask and no one takes the time to listen.  We can even cry and share our pain only to have the other person minimize what we are feeling or try to sugar coat things.  Well, this only makes the person feel worse, not better.

So how do you convince someone that life is worth living?  You can't!  You can tell someone that you care and show them by listening to them unconditionally but that is only if they are willing to talk and chances are, the person may not be willing to share what exactly is going on.  Chances are no one can make things better.  Only the person who is dealing with the difficulties and challenges can actually make changes and make things better.  Often they just want to have someone listen to them, really listen with no judgment.  This is not an easy task for people to do- listen without judgment.

When a person commits suicide you often hear how shocked everyone was because the person who ended their life was always so happy and had everything going for them.  Why does this happen? This happens because no one really wants to face the reality that a person can be depressed, so depressed that they feel that life is no longer worth living.

Yes, the person thinking of suicide takes the feelings of others into consideration but what they know is that the relationship will still be there.  There will still be some good memories and the person contemplating suicide believes that they are saving their loved ones from more pain if they end their life because obviously they are such a burden, to begin with or the loved ones would listen with empathy.  People often see the "signs" of depression and suicidal ideations after the fact but these signs were there long before they just didn't care enough to notice.  Maybe that sounds cruel, to blame the ones left behind but I believe that it is the society we live in that needs to carry the blame. We live in a society where it is not okay to talk about depression and suicide.  We live in a society that shames people for being different.

If you have a friend who is depressed and shared some dark thoughts then be there for them, push them to open up and discuss their feelings and thoughts without judgment.  Help them!  Stop ignoring them and pretending that everything is okay.  If you suspect that something is wrong and ask the person how they are and they say "fine" with a smile on their face-- push harder because chances are your instincts are correct.  If you think that a person would not commit suicide because they have everything going for them, then think again, many people put on a mask every day and hide their pain. Don't accept an "I'm fine" from someone you suspect is NOT fine.  Seek them out and be there for them.  I promise you it will make a difference.  Sometimes all a person needs is to know that their life does matter.

So, here's my final word on this - there will be some people that no matter what you say or do will make the choice to no longer live in pain.  You must forgive yourself if you know that you did all you could to make a difference in their lives and prevent them from ending their own life - you did all you could do.  If you did not do all you could do.  If you were distant or avoided their dark side- all I can say is this is guilt you have to live with because people who are that depressed need support and you made the choice to not provide that support.

Take 11 minutes to listen to Kevin Breel talk about what it is like to be a person with depression and suicidal.  He could be someone you know!!!



Here's a song I sing often - from one of my favorite movies & TV shows - MASH:




I have written a few other articles about suicide and depression - check them out: My story is not over!Henry Rollins gives-adviceDepression in school-aged children; and many others.

(Image: photo of a brown and tan dragonfly and quote from Chester Bennington (frontman for the rock band Linkin Park)- "You're constantly trying to prove yourself, even after you've made it.")





(Image: blue and black dragonfly surrounded by blades of grass that are tinted grey and a quote from Orson Scott Card's book 'Ender's Shadow'- "In my view, suicide is not really a wish for life to end.' 'What is it then?' 'It is the only way a powerless person can find to make everybody else look away from his shame. The wish is not to die, but to hide.")

Monday, April 11, 2016

Motivational Monday--MOVE ON!

Have you ever been in a situation, relationship, or a job where:
~you have felt used?
~you are drained of your energy?
~you are unappreciated?
~you are taken advantage of?
~you are ignored and/or treated in a condescending way?
~you are emotionally, verbally, or physically abused?

Let me tell you that you don't have to settle for this in your life! You need to remind yourself that you are a great person and deserve to be with people (friendships/relationships/coworkers...) that respect you, appreciate you, and willing to put energy into you too.  

STOP being with people who suck the energy and life out of you!
~~~~If you are the one that gives more than you get in a relationship than GET OUT!  

STOP trying to convince yourself that it is okay because you are strong and independent and the other people need help.
~~~~If the people you are with need so much help, support, and rescuing that you always put their needs and desires first than GET OUT!

STOP justifying the behaviors of others!  
~~~~If you  have to make excuses to yourself and/or others as to why a person is treating you bad, ignoring you, giving you a silent treatment, or just treating others poorly than GET OUT!

Life is short, my dear, so stop settling for less!  When you are sitting on your rocking chair at the end of your life you will have a lot of regrets for staying in bad relationships and bad jobs but you will not regret being with people in your life who put you first, help support you, appreciate you, and make sure you know that you have value and worth. 

Stop being in one-sided relationships with people - it's a waste of your time, energy, and talent.  If a person isn't willing to see the great things you have to offer than MOVE ON!  

(Tomorrow read- Toolkit Tuesday on HOW to move on!)


Sunday, January 24, 2016

Spiritual Sunday - Wild lessons from Cheryl Strayed

My life has been full of chaos lately, hence the lack of posts! I've been caught up in the rat race and I've been stuck drowning in a river trying to get somewhere I cannot yet see. I'm so stuck that I have not be able to get out to the woods where I hike as therapy. Everyday I ache and long to escape in the woods so I love the movie "Wild" based on Cheryl Strayed's book and life.  

I love the movie (& book) because I get to live vicariously on Cheryl's journey for a few hours.  I cry, not just during the sad parts but because I'm still stuck here in this rat race aching to get out. If you know me, you know that I love nature, the woods, and hiking (especially alone).  

Here are 3 things I learned from Cheryl's journey:

1.  Don't regret the past.  I cannot regret that I did not venture on my journey earlier in my life.  I must make those plans now I must focus on going the direction I want to go- toward discovery.

2.  Life is hard.  Everyone has problems and life isn't easy.  I cannot focus on how hard life is or I will stay stuck in the pain. I must fight to overcome these obstacles and focus on the things I can do and I can achieve.  

3.  Knowing yourself is one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself.  I know the things I like and dislike.  I know who I am and love who I am.  I do get heartbroken that I have people in my life that do not really even know me and have no desire to learn about me even though they say they love me.  I know I'll be okay even though these people don't know me because I know me and I love me!  

People ask me why I love the woods and why alone ~all I can do is explain it by this quote from Henry David Thoreau:  

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary.  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms."         

You may not be obsessed with the woods and hiking like I am but you need to find some place in your life where you can be alone with yourself, your thoughts, and be your own friend.  

If you want to learn about some of my passions you can just watch the movie or read the book "Wild" because Cheryl and I have a lot in common - all the way down to the love of quotes.  






Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Why do we mistrust and distrust?

Why do we mistrust and distrust?   A better question is really- why do we trust at all?   

According to Erik Erikson, the most important period in a person's life is between birth and 18 months old, during the stage of trust vs. mistrust.  Children depend on their parents to protect and nurture them.   Unfortunately, not all parents can be trusted.  Some parents cause their children pain - intentional and unintentional.  This causes children to learn not to trust and yet they still have hope that the person who is put on this earth to take care of them will keep them safe and protected.  

What Erikson seems to miss is how this isn't the only time in a person's life that trust is a vital area of concern.  Yes, children who learn to mistrust during these very beginning years may continue to have trust issues throughout life.  This does not mean that children who develop strong trust during this stage will never encounter times where they struggle with trust. 

Another time in a person's life mistrust and distrust are formed is when a child attends school.  We trust that school districts will protect and educate our children.  We trust that teachers will have enough knowledge to teach each individual child. This trust is broken when the school does not protect children and cannot or choose not to educate children.  Yep, some school districts and teachers actually make a conscious decision to NOT provide a student with their free and appropriate education.  For some this trust is broken just once but for many each year is a repeated betrayal of trust.  Many of these children develop learned helplessness (check out my past article on this to fully understand). 

We also have to trust in our relationship with others. We have all different types of relationships everyday - friends, coworkers, family, romantic...   A relationship with another person is often very tricky because it is not always congruent.  At times, one person is more vested in the relationship than the other person.  Humans are egocentric, so they engage in relations with others to get specific needs met and this requires us to trust that the other person is able to meet those needs.  There are many people who violate this trust.  You will encounter people in your life that will use you for their own benefit.  

What we have to understand is the importance of mistrust and distrust.  Mistrust is often a general sense of unease and apprehension while distrust is based on negative experiences or reliable information that a person is deceptive and their motives and intentions are harmful. 

Some distrust is functional and good for us so we do not get taken advantage of or our rights violated.  - here's a fun example of functional distrust: 




Distrust can also be dysfunctional.  High levels of distrust can cause a person to avoid being vulnerable with anyone and negatively impact relationships. The main reason for this is when a person expects they can trust someone and that trust is violated it causes more psychological damage than if a person was expecting to distrust someone and experienced trustworthiness instead.  

The insight I want you to get from this is that your mistrust and distrust are not necessarily negative thoughts you need to change.  They are there to keep you protected.  The more aware you are about your own levels of mistrust and distrust the better you will be able to know when you have crossed over into dysfunctional distrust.  

My goal is to be more aware of my own levels of trust, mistrust, and distrust so I can keep myself protected.  

We must remember that actions speak louder than words so if someone tells you that they can be trusted pay more attention to their actions.  


















Saturday, December 27, 2014

Important lesson to teach your child

One thing I know for sure~~  Life is NOT smooth sailing. We are doing our children a disservice if we teach them that everything will be easy.  We must teach them that life if full of rough spots and lessons we must learn.  

As parents we hate watching our children struggle and sometimes we want to rescue them from the pain and suffering.  We want to help make things easier but we must refrain.  We can guide them but they must learn how to handle problems on their own.  We can model for them how to deal with adversity and how to advocate for themselves but we cannot allow our children to believe that it will be easy or quick.  

When we have expectations and these expectations are not met then we feel disappointed and frustrated.  These negative feelings can lead to more negative feelings such as depression and anxiety. 

Parents often ask if they should exempt their child from the school's standardized assessments.  My question is "WHY?"  Why exempt the child from these tests?  Often I'm told it is because the child become anxious and stressed.  Hmm isn't a way to overcome anxiety and stress is to tackle the triggers and learn how to deal with them?  If the child is exempt from these assessments they will never learn how to take tests under negative emotional conditions. Also, these tests are more about grading the school district than the individual student (even if they threaten you that your child will not move on if they do not pass - they are using this psychological tactic to deflect attention that THEY are failing to teach your child).  If your child will perform poorly on a district standardized assessment than you WANT their score to reflect the terrible job the district is doing educating students.  Exempting the child from these tests only hides the reality that the district is failing our students.  So let your child take these district standardized assessments as practice for test taking.  

When your child is struggling with learning remind them that everyone struggles with something and the goal is to learn how to overcome an obstacle. Teach them that the key to success is knowing how to solve problems.  When your child is struggling with a school assignment ask them how they can solve the problem. Help them see ways to work smarter and not harder.  Listen to books on audio, type assignments/speech-to-text, use calculators, Google the question, review Cliff-notes, ask to see a finished product of what the project is supposed to look like, and ask questions.  These things are NOT cheating they are ways to solve problems!   

When students learn ways to solve problems they are less likely to experience learned helplessness (Click on the link - this is a must understand concept!!!).  

Remember that it is important to allow your child to struggle and help them learn that this is normal and we are learning ways to overcome obstacles so we can be successful!  We need to help our children understand the meaning of success - it does not mean money, wealth, status, material items....  Success is being able to overcome obstacles, solve problems, and learn lessons (so we don't keep repeating them).  Also read: 

6 Ways to build Grit, Tenacity, and Perseverance in your child at home







Sunday, July 20, 2014

Spiritual Sunday - Living Life focused on the Details -Jill Lam

I've been MIA from posting recently because I've been caught up in being productively busy. To me life is not about making money, it is about living consciously, helping others, being creative, living with integrity.  

I have the spirit of nature in my soul.  I need to be in the woods just as much as I need to breathe, eat, and sleep. I am usually always seen with a camera in hand because I love to take pictures.  I also love to write.  I have books of my own poetry, words of wisdom, and quotes from others that I have been filling up since I was in elementary school.  

I am compelled to make picture quotes and I am trilled when I can make my own.   I currently admin 5 Facebook pages and I work very hard to express myself creatively on these pages via my picture quotes.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy making them.  Although they are very time consuming, they are also very cathartic.  

Enjoy my Dragonfly Friends - I appreciate your support and positive comments for I do this out of my own passions.

I usually have 2 camera's with me- This is a pic of me taking some close up shots.
















I can get real close at times but darn catching pictures of Dragonflies is HARD - they don't like to stay still!

















Here's one of my pathways in the woods - I love this quote it makes me feel so good to read it everyday!






























I love these rocks, they are one of my favorites and I collect them.  Have you ever let one sit in the sun and then hold it against your skin - such a warm and intense feeling.





















I love hiking in the early morning when the dew is still on the ground.  I used this picture for this quote because the flower is not perfect and yet it is so beautiful.  We need to remember that we should support each other and not hurt each other.  Are you someone who helps and supports?
















I just found this guy the other day, he's a Damselfly and not a Dragonfly (although I love them just the same).  You can tell the difference because when resting the Damselfly holds his wings close to his body while a Dragonfly holds his wings straight out, as if saying to the world -look at me!





















Finally here's a Dragonfly picture that I took the day I was getting up close and personal!






Tuesday, May 6, 2014

5 Qualities a parent appreciates in a teacher

Today for National Teacher Appreciation Day I wanted to touch on 5 qualities a parent appreciates in a teacher. 

There is nothing better than a teacher that really cares for your child because all parents want their child to learn with their self-esteem intact.   

I often here these comments from parents of children with special needs when they talk about what they appreciate about their child's teacher.

To my child's teacher - Thank you for...


  • Never giving up on my child.  Learning is not easy for my child and he can give up quickly but you have always been there to encourage him and motivate him to persevere.   
  • Leaning about my child's disabilities.  I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are willing to spend your extra time researching the most current information about my child's disabilities so you can empathize and teach her based on her own individual needs!
  • Having the courage to stand up for my child.  Because of my child's disabilities he cannot advocate for himself and needs adults around him to be his voice.  
  • Not letting my child fail.  My child's brain does not process learning like the brains of other children and it takes her much longer to learn.  Thanks so much for being patient with her and using all your tricks and techniques to assure that she is learning the curriculum.
  • Communicating with me!  I love my child and want him to learn and be successful.  I cannot be at school with him to know what he is learning and what he is not learning so thanks for keeping me informed.  There is nothing worse for a parent than thinking your child is fine and learning only to discover that they have been failing for weeks and you didn't know.  Those are weeks that are now lost and causes me, as a parent, to panic. Thanks for keeping me updated.  It makes me feel more secure.
Teachers have a lot of impact on the lives of our children so I'd like to leave you with a video and some pictures I posted today on all the different Facebook pages I admin.

This video I posted on my Forest Alliance Coaching FB page is a collection of clips from the Movie "Temple Grandin." Temple is a hero of mine and someone you should know no matter what disability you and/or your child has!




































Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Life Lesson: being busy

I've been so busy that I have not had time to enjoy my blog.  I'm not sure you realize that I do this for you but I also do this for me. This is one of my creative outlets and a way I can express myself, support myself, and allow myself to be me.  

Here is what I have learned though - I don't have a balanced life and I need to get a more balanced life.  In the process for this balanced life I will share some of my challenges and triumphs because I know that you are probably not living a balanced life either.  

Life lesson: