Value of friendship - Motivational Monday

Life is hard!  Life is challenging!  Life is much better with the love and support of friends.  

A friend is someone you can be yourself with; someone you can trust; someone you can tell all your fears and joys to; someone that will support you when times get tough; and someone who will be there to celebrate your successes!  

Be good to your friends and value the ones who are good to you! Don't settle for people in your life that makes you feel worthless and unloved.  Friends are there for you no matter what and if you have people in your life that are only there when THEY need someone than that is not a true friend.  Friendships are not one-sided.  

Let go of those self-centered people but don't let go of the true friends who really care about you.  Hold on to these people because true friends are valuable. True friends will fight for you no matter what!

Reduce worry - Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Do you worry?  Do you have anxiety?  It is so common!  For today's post - Words of Wisdom Wednesday I want to just remind you that everything will work out.  I know it may not feel like it but with faith and support things will be okay.  Even if you have support from others you must be there to support yourself.  You must be your own best friend!  

Remind yourself that you are just on your Hero's Journey and you have fought and won many previous battles so you will win this battle as well!  

One great thing to do is to focus on what you can control today! What can you do right now today to make it a good day.  Be strong today and focus on the positive.  Remember... what you focus on you expand so let go of focusing on future problems, worries about tomorrow, and fears that may never come to pass because you will only be expanding these things.  

Finally, know that you have a friend in me and a friend in yourself so you are NOT alone!!!  Hugs!

How to survive heartbreak~ Spiritual Sunday

People are going to hurt you; it's a fact of life!  You will trust someone with your heart, soul, secrets... and for some reason or another they will break this trust. Maybe they don't love you anymore or maybe they never loved you in the first place. Maybe they are too caught up in their own issues to care about yours or maybe they never really did care about your issues to begin with. No matter the reason you will be crushed and will feel like you can't move on~ but you will!  

It will be hard to move on at first because you are in deep pain because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone. You showed your authentic self and were rejected. It will take time to heal ~ but you will.  You have a strong spirit in you that is full of love and nurturing.  When you experience heartbreak and disappointment you are learning more about yourself and your strength.  

You are learning that life isn't fair; we don't always get what we want; and not everyone we care about will care about us. You are also learning that you have a choice.  You can become cold and mean or you can open your heart and be a kind and loving person. 

What you focus on you will expand and I'm sure you don't want to focus on these negative feelings anymore so here is what you do...  

"Be the one who nurtures and build.  Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart.  Be the one who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them."  

By being a person who focuses on the good in others, gives love and support, and is understanding than you will have a more positive life. Don't let your pain taint you and cause you to be negative.  You have learned some valuable lessons and you need to focus on not repeating them but not allowing them to change you into a cold heartless person.  

When you are feeling the pain (and you will feel it for a long time) allow yourself to feel these emotions for no more than 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes is over than you must think of all the positive things you have in your life!  Contact people who make you feel positive, who support you, and accept you for who you are- feel their love!  Give love to others by helping out friends in need.  Focus on the gifts you have to give the world.  

Finally, if all else fails here's a post on how to let it go when you get stuck!!  High fives and hugs to you as you go through this difficult time!  

Spiritual Sunday - Be proud of yourself!

One of the things I learned the hard way is how you can't depend on others to be your cheerleader and support.  For the most part people are egocentric and are caught up in their own feelings and issues. As a person with strong empathy and a care-giving nature I spend a great deal of my time effort and energy taking care of others.  I get disappointed frequently when I expect others to do the same for me and it doesn't happen.  Remember as discussed before - disappointment happens when our expectations are not met!  

I don't want to focus on how lonely and depressing it is to give so much to others and receive very little support in return.  When I have shared this with the people in my life I often get told that they had no idea I needed support and I should have asked or told them. What hurts the most with this is I do tell them.  I do ask for exactly what I need and it doesn't often happen.  So as I stated before - frustration and disappointment occurs when expectations are not met, so I'm working on not expecting much from others anymore.

Here's what I'm going to do instead! You should do this too!  Focus on yourself.  Be proud of yourself.  You have come a long way in this world.  You have overcome some challenging obstacles and survived.  You are stronger and wiser because of what you have lived through.  You are beautiful!  You are stunning and amazing! You have purpose in this world and are worth getting to know. You are learning who to trust and who not to trust so you can keep yourself protected.  You are realizing that not everyone is worth your time, effort, and energy but YOU are worth every bit of your time, effort, and energy.  You are worthy of self-love!  Tell yourself today how great you are and know that your opinion is the only one that matters!!!  

Spiritual Sunday - do not settle

Relationships should be about each person and not one sided.  If you are in a relationship and are the one that has to do all the work to keep it going, then that is time to get out because it is not a balanced relationship.  It should be more balanced where each of you takes turns at doing the work and meeting needs.  Only one of you can be needy and crazy at a time while the other person does the care-giving.   If both are seeking to get their own needs met - it will not work.  

Relationships are hard and take a lot of work to build strong.  If only one person has been doing this work while the other person just reaps the rewards, the person doing the work will eventually burn out.  Once this happens the relationship may be doomed unless the other  person takes over and works on building the relationship.   

If you don't know what to do for the relationship to make it better than take some time to research all you can about relationships. There are hundreds of books and resources on the internet.  Treat the other person how they want to be treated.  Each time you do not treat them how they want to be treated you are just telling them that they do not matter.  Your actions always speak louder than worlds.

If you are the person who has been doing all the work in the relationship and are too exhausted to keep this up - remember that you deserve better.  Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are doing all the work.  You need to have someone who respects you enough to support you and be there for you.  

For those who are the ones who do all the work - you do have value, you are important, and you really do deserve someone in your life who will put you and your needs first once in a while. Don't settle.  Set some standards of what you want and stick to it.

Finally, to those who are the ones in the relationship that is falling apart because your partner is telling you they do not feel supported - then become a true partner.  Support is very important to everyone not just you.  If you don't know how to demonstrate this support than ask and follow through with how they want to be treated!

5 Ways a parent of children with special needs can reduce the pressure

This post is targeted to parents!  

As parents we have a lot of weight and responsibilities on our shoulders!   We have to work so we can afford to live and raise a family (job duties & responsibilities).  We run a household ~ shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry, maintenance, organizing, and juggling the finances.    We raise children to become positive and productive citizens, as well as, spend quality supportive time with each of them.  Unless we homeschool our children we are sending them off to school to obtain an education.  Yes, we are there to help with homework but for the most part we as parents expect the teachers will be providing our children with a solid educational foundation.

This doesn't always happen however when your child has a learning disability.   We now have even more responsibilities that add extra stress to our lives.  As parents we have to spend countless hours researching evidence-based programs so our children can learn; we become experts on our child’s disability; emailing teachers and special education coordinators to make sure our children are learning; spend extra money and time on private tutoring and therapies; devote extensive time re-teaching the class material and subjects that were not learned in school; providing emotional support since our children know they are different; and limitless other responsibilities.   

Normal life causes us as parents to break but there’s even more weight when you are a parent who has children with learning disabilities.

I love this video as an example of what our children expect from us and how as a parent we sometimes just can’t handle the pressure. 

Direct link to: The Middle TV show Frankie's breakdown

So, what can you do?  Here are 5 things you can do to reduce this pressure.

1.  Take care of yourself first!  Yep that is right, I said it – you must take care of YOU.  Just like in airplanes you need to put on your oxygen mask prior to taking care of your child’s-- the same goes for here.  If you are not able to breath, you will fall apart and what good is an unconscious parent, especially for a child with a disability?  Plus, if you don’t take care of you then who will?

2.  Have a support system!  This support system needs to be made up of others that have similar lives, children, and experiences.  It feels terrible to have to listen to parents go on and on about their “perfect” children when we just spent 3 hours battling with our child about homework, chores, eating, and so on.  When overwhelmed call someone from your support system and complete the next step.

3.  Put a time limit on your venting and make a written list of the positives.  The more we vent the more we feed negative feelings and emotions so tell your support person you are only going to vent for 10-20 minutes and then that’s it, no more.  Once the time is over you can only talk about solutions not problems.  After you have vented you need to reframe life back into positives.  Write a list of positive things in your life.

4.  Keep your list of positives with you so you can look at them when you are feeling depressed or anxious.  Remember what we focus on expands so focus on the positive things we have in our lives whatever they may be.

5.  Find ways to mentally escape!  As parents of children with learning disabilities we take on a lot of extra responsibilities and need time to mentally escape so we can relax.  Make a list of ways that you like to mentally escape: Songs that make you feel good and/or pump you up; books that have nothing to do with parenting and disabilities (eye-read and/or ear-read); TV shows or movies; exercise activities such as walking in the woods, aerobics classes, biking…; or other activity that reduces your stress level.

Remember that you don’t want to be like Frankie from the TV show “The Middle” shown here in this video where you snap.  If you can take care of yourself then you can reduce the chances that this will happen to you.  

Finally, know that you are doing a great job!  You have the hardest job in the world and just by showing up everyday fighting the fight you are a great parent!  Kudos to you!!!

A message for when times get tough!

Life isn't always easy and you will have experiences that will test you but remember that you cannot hold on to the feelings of pain and disappointment for too long or they will consume you.  You need to face the challenge, learn the lesson, know that you will be okay, take a deep breath, and just move on.  The goal is to focus on a brighter future!  Hang in there my Dragonfly friend!

Feature Friday: Why you should read Gary Karton's book "The Last Akaway"

I haven’t posted much lately because I’ve been productively busy.  One of the things I have been doing is reading the book “The Last Akaway: A Spirit Animal Adventure” by Gary Karton (the first in a trilogy). Check out his website: Brody Boondoggle & Facebook page.

As a nature lover, psychology enthusiast, and adventurer- I connected with this book on so many levels.  The story is about an 11 year-old boy, Brody Boondoggle, who is bitten by a unique but magical creature called an Akaway.  Getting bitten by one of these rare creatures allows you to connect with your spirit animal.  I so want to get bitten by an Akaway-- don’t you?  Well, Brody must experience his own Hero’s Journey and Gary Karton does a great job taking us along with him via his well-written words.   The target audience for the book is ages 8-12 but I recommend this book to anyone no matter what age because we could all live vicariously through Brody; learning and relearning important life lessons. 

(Love this quote from the book)

Gary is on his own Hero’s Journey.  Like many of you, my Dragonfly Friends, Gary has a learning disability – Dyslexia. School was tough for Gary and he struggle with reading.  Even in college, Gary found it difficult to study and read.  Because of these challenges, Gary discovered he had superpowers of his own.  One of his superpowers is his ability to interview people and then put their words into stories, papers, and projects.  This special ability was what helped him get a job working as a sports reporter at The Washington Post and then later channel the voice of Brody into this book.  Okay, I know that Brody is not a real person so he couldn’t be interviewed, but Brody is a real inside of Gary.  Gary just had to interview Brody, along with the other characters, inside his head so he could effectively tell their stories. 

Like many of us who never quite felt we fit in and/or had to hide by pretending to be someone else, Gary connected with Superhero stories.  He hoped he would be bitten by a spider so he could have special powers like Spider-Man.  What Gary had to learn the hard way was we don’t choose our superpowers.  If that were the case, I’d be changing the weather right now because I’ve always wanted to be Storm from X-men.  When you read Gary’s book you too will discover that our superpowers are inside of us, unique to us, and need to be awaken by mindful enlightenment (maybe…bitten by an Akaway).  Not everyone is able to see their superpowers but I assure you that we all have them. 

Gary’s stories (his life story & the ones he writes about in his books) are lessons we need to be teaching our children.  It is my hope that schools around the country have Gary come in to speak to the students on an Author’s Visit- (click here to contact Gary). He's great with kids by the way!

Remember that 1 in 5 is a student with Dyslexia and there are many other children in schools that feel they don’t fit in and/or have to hide by pretending to be someone else because they learn or look different.  They need learn about Gary and be exposed to his books (the first one is published but there will be more on the way).  One of the best ways we influence the students is by allow them to learn lessons vicariously through the experiences of others (real & characters in books, movies, TV…).  

When we unite together and share our stories we are helping others find their own inner superpowers.  

For those of you who like taking those 'quizzes' on the internet here's one for you that will tell you Your Spirit Animal!  Enjoy!

**This book is available for those who like to eye-read as well as in audio format for those of us who prefer to ear-read!

One way to make 2014 better

Today is the first day of 2014.   If you are saying to yourself – “this isn’t where I want to be in my life,” then you have some serious work to do.

When we are not where we want to be or have a life we don’t want to have it mainly results from a failed expectation.  We expected things would be different (whatever that may mean for you).

I wrote a previous piece on Frustration is all about Expectations which is helpful in understanding how we become frustrated by others because we expect things from them that they cannot or will not be able to produce (behaviors, attitudes…).  In a nutshell, we become frustrated when we have an unmet expectation.  So to change our life we must change our expectations.

We often expect that we will have friends, family, happiness, love, joy, and other positive things in our lives.  For example, no parent wants their child to grow up to struggle in school, fail, and become a criminal, or drug addict but these things happen.  We become frustrated when these events do happen because they are not what we expect.  I’m not suggesting that we expect these things will happen so when they do happen we are not frustrated because we are now getting exactly what we expected.  Instead I’m saying stop expecting that life will be easy and perfect.

There is no such thing as perfect.  The beauty in many things are a result of being imperfect and unique.  No one ever told you that life was going to be easy but for some reason we expect that it will be easy.  Nothing worthwhile is easy and when things are easy it is because we have experience with them but I can assure you that the first time you had the experience it wasn’t easy. 

So make it a goal in 2014 to expect that life will be messy, life will challenge you, and life will be good when you learn to let go of things being “perfect.”  

Don’t strive to be an “ideal” weight be an “ideal” weight for you.  Don’t expect your children to be academic or athletic “super-stars,” accept them as a shining individual star.  When you expect your spouse or partner to read your mind and “know” everything about you then you are setting both of you up for frustration so be direct and explicit regarding what you want from them.  Anyway, you get the picture, right?

Make 2014 the year you accept that you are: PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!