The Dragonfly Forest

They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. Actually, Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning. You are a Dragonfly if you are: ADD/ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, Asperger’s, NLVD, autistic…

Showing posts with label Spiritual Sunday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spiritual Sunday. Show all posts

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Elie Wiesel - lessons learned and how to have a better world!

Spiritual Sunday~~ I continue to be heartbroken at the loss of Elie Wiesel!  In the 1980's I was in high school and learned about Mr. Wiesel and read his book "Night."  Reading his book was not an easy task because I'm dyslexic. I struggle at pronouncing unknown words and I'm an exceptionally slow reader but Mr. Wiesel's book kept me inspired to keep reading and motivated me to do a lot of self-reflection. How can I live in a world that allows such injustice?  How can I just stand by and let bad thing happen to others?  I knew I couldn't! I knew that I had to help others!  Although I was just a teenager I knew my purpose in life was to work on making the world a better place. 

Elie Wiesel's life lessons became a part of the fabric of my soul and I re-read his work often, especially on audio.  There is so much to learn about ourselves and the world around us.  I guess this is why I struggle to understand why people have hate and negativity?  I just don't get it!  How can someone intentionally harm someone else - physically, mentally, socially, emotionally...? It makes me sick to my stomach when I hear someone justify their actions - tell me that the other person had it coming, that they had to right to defend themselves, that it's the person's own fault for being poor....  How can you not see from another person's perspective?  

I work daily to live with integrity and yet see and experience so much hate and indifference.  I don't understand how some people don't comprehend that what we focus on we expand.  When we attempt to make the world a better place by fighting the "War on drugs" or the "War on guns" or "Anti-bullying" all we are doing is magnifying drugs, guns, bullying... We need to teach empathy, compassion, and HELP those addicted.  War begets war and eventually there is so much war, hatred, violence that people become immune and indifferent.  I learned from "Elie Wiesel "Indifference to me, is the epitome of all evil."  

People are so self-absorbed with material items, money, status, and number of "likes" and followers on social media that they have lost most of their humanity.  I have sat in school meetings where the staff fights hard against providing an education to a child. Often they blame the child or parents for the fact that the child is not learning instead of taking responsibility and teaching the child appropriately.  I could tell you some horrific stories about how those who are paid to educate our children attack them by blaming and shaming them.  Educators are not paid to crush the self-esteem of children yet is accepted and condoned all the time. Sports coaches often do the same things. But why is all this allowed - why do people in power think they have the right to break the spirit of another person.  

As a counselor I am helping many people overcome the traumas from their childhood.  It is heartbreaking to hear the stories about teachers, coaches, and even parents causing such damage to another human-being.    "Every single human-being is a unique human-being and therefore it is so criminal to do something to that human-being- he or she represents humanity."  

So here's what you can do to make the world a better place... YOU CAN MAKE YOU BETTER.  YOU CAN LIFE YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY WITH INTEGRITY!  YOU CAN WORK HARD TO SEE ANOTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE AND YOU CAN FOCUS ON HOW TO THINK AND FEEL DEEPER!  







Wednesday, May 17, 2017

What's it like to have depression and what to do

Depression is real!  For people who battle depression it can also be the loneliest time as well because not everyone understands depression.  They will tell you to "just get over it" or try to make you smile and then say "see, don't you feel better now?"  

People with depression can't just 'get over it' or smile and then all the world is good again.  People with depression wear masks all the time, a mask of happiness, success, satisfaction, or anything to hide reality that they are drowning! 

This says... "And the worst part is....   
"...No one knows how close I am to drowning."  

It is not that people with depression don't want help.  In fact many people with depression ask for help frequently.  They tell others in so many ways but often people don't notice and this can add to their depression.  People with depression often want people to care and to notice but as soon as someone notices shame and guilt kicks in and makes the depression worse.  At these times a depressed person may put on a mask and say they are "fine" or they may pull away all together. (Image: "We all want someone to noice, but as soon as they do, we wish they never did.")
This isn't because the depressed person is playing games.  The depressed person often doesn't have the energy for games.
(Image: "Every Thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore.")
People with depression often don't see an end to the pain and suffering so telling them that everything will be okay doesn't help.  
(Image: "That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end.")
What often happens at this time of the year for a person with depression is they actually find out who their true friends are.  
(Image: "Hard times will always reveal true friends.")
A person with depression shares just a little of their depression with someone to know if that person is safe or not.  They are looking for how you handle their fragile side and if you are worth letting in to their dark side.  People with depression have often learned the hard way on who not to trust. 
(Image: If someone trusts you enough to tell you personal things such as their struggles with depression or what anxiety feels like or just how they feel in general, please don't be a shitty person by belittling it just because you've never experienced it. It feels like shit to be told your feelings don't matter by the one person you actually trusted enough to tell.")

If you respond the way the person with depression needs you to respond they will open up.  The key is they don't want you to solve the problem or save them.  They want you to be beside them as they go through their own struggles.  People with depression want to know they are not alone.  If they shut you out and you don't put any energy into trying to break down that wall they know you are not trustworthy so they will stop sharing with you.  You will not actually be there for them when it really counts.  
(Image: "I don't want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.")
 So, maybe you have a depressed person in your life and you don't know what to say to them.  Here's one of my favorite quotes that I would love to have someone say to me when I am in my dark side...  "I'm here.  I love you.  I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you.  There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love.  I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you.  I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."  

 Wow - this is often exactly what the depressed person not only needs to hear but they need to feel it too - if someone you love is depressed  - show them that you will be there for them.  Actions speak louder than words.  If you don't like to talk then ask questions!  Get the person talking and then listen - really listen. DO NOT give advice or say things like 'get over it' or 'it's no big deal,' or 'I've been depressed too.'  Remember that being there for them is also not talking about YOUR problems and how difficult life is for YOU!  When you talk about yourself and ignoring how vulnerable it was for the person with depression to share with you than you are not someone they will open up to in the future.  Their depression isn't about YOU!

 The key is be there for them!  When a depressed person tells you they are depressed don't abandon or ignore them especially if they have a plan. If they have a plan you must seek help from professionals.!  

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Be uniquely you!

Today is a day to be strong!  Look at yourself and appreciate all your wonderful qualities!  If you are saying "What wonderful qualities?  I don't have any wonderful qualities."  Then tell yourself to stop it!  Stop putting yourself down because you do have wonderful qualities.  You are an individual.  You are unique.  Take some time today focusing on all the things that make you - uniquely you!  

Sure some of these things will be external but I want you to look deeper - dig deeper!  You have distinct ways you perceive the world, you have your own feelings & experiences, and you have exceptional gifts and talents. Don't allow yourself to say things like - "But others do better than me in ...."  This is wrong because you are comparing yourself to someone else - be your unique self!   

Embrace yourself!  Love yourself!  Enjoy what you have to offer this world!  Finally, don't hide yourself but live your life being uniquely you!



Sunday, January 8, 2017

10 Spiritual Resolutions for a better 2017 on Spiritual Sunday

Spiritual Sunday:

The New Year has begun.  Have you made a list of your spiritual resolutions?  Often we make resolutions that are based on material things or changing ourselves physically here’s a list to help you get started on making your own Spiritual Resolutions!

1.   Make a special place in your home for your own spiritual retreat.  This can be a special chair or a corner of a room.  A place where you go to just relax and get into touch with yourself.  A place to develop mindfulness and let go of all your stress.

2.   Practice Mindfulness on a daily basis.  Mindfulness is more than meditation.  Mindfulness is getting into touch with the inner you: your body, mind, emotions, and soul.  Stop what you are doing a few times a day and reflect on what you are thinking, how you feel, and what is going on in your life.

3.   Make a gratitude journal and put notes of gratitude in it every day!  If you like writing then you can make a journal using a notebook or just notebook paper (it doesn’t have to be fancy but if you want it to then go ahead).  If you prefer to use the computer then type out your gratitude in a word document each day and save it in a file folder.  For those of you who don’t like to type or write you can use your phone and make notes into it each day voice texting.  You can use an app like Color Notes, Evernotes, or any that work for you. 

4.   Pay it forward.  Once a day do something where you pay it forward.  Pay for the person’s order behind you in the drive-thru, drop off flowers or treats at a nursing home or hospital, or let someone go ahead of you in a long line. 

5.   Clean up your house and closets and donate items that are in very good condition.  If you have not used/worn the item in the past year then it needs to go! 

6.   Appreciate the service of others!  Give an extra large tip with a quick note saying “Thanks for all you do!” 

7.   Make a dream journal (see #3 on different ways to do this).  We get to really understand ourselves, fears, and desires if we take some time to review our own dreams.

8.   Be open about your challenges, obstacles, and disability.  Sharing these will help others be comforted, know they are not alone, and give them strength.  Others will see that you are a survivor.  Sharing is not about venting or “woe is me” talk; it is being open without shame. 

9.   Find a motivational Mantra and recite it daily.  This can be a spiritual scripture or even a quote from a movie but something you can say to yourself when times are tough and you are losing strength.


10.  Finally, practice empathy!  Remember the Platinum Rule!


Monday, September 5, 2016

Happy Birthday Freddie Mercury

Needing a little Freddie Mercury in my life today!  Here's some videos so you too can watch the talent this man had.  He is on my list of people I admire!  I have a lot going on in my life right now & these songs are what I needed to get through my day.  Amazing how someone who is no longer with us can make me feel like I have to power to be who I am and keep going even when I don't want to!  Enjoy...

"Somebody to Love" 

 "Don't Stop me now!"

"We Will Rock You & We are the Champion"



Sunday, August 7, 2016

Spiritual Sunday - Define Success

What is your definition of success?  I mean really think about how you perceive someone who is successful. Are they someone who has achieved high career status, academic status, or is it about how much money and material things they have?    

Are you sure that is success?  I'm not going to tell you what success is because that is really for you to explore within your own self.  It is very important that you evaluate your life and decide for yourself (NO ONE ELSE) if you are living a successful life.

Here's one of my favorite quotes I read when I start feeling like I am not being successful:





















So, now how do you think about success?  Have a blessed Sunday!  

Jill Marie-Grandstaff Lam


Sunday, May 22, 2016

Transforming over time being a dragonfly

Spiritual Sunday -
People often use the life cycle of a butterfly as a metaphor to explain how we grow and change.  
  • A small caterpillar pops out of a tiny egg and grows into a large caterpillar eventually stopping all that it is doing and turning itself into a chrysalis where it privately goes through a complete change physically and comes out of the chrysalis a new beautiful butterfly.  
I have never related to this because I don't see that one big change that made me beautiful and accepted by others and I don't feel that things are this simple.  I see life much more like the life cycle of a dragonfly...

Dragonflies start out their lives underwater and do not look anything like their final dragonfly form.  Here's a few different dragonfly larvae forms: 

This larval development can take 1-2 years to finally complete and during this time they go through the moulting process 5-14 times. 

This is a great example of what it is like to grow up - we experience the awkward changes over and over as we go through childhood and adolescents.  

Eventually we head into our adult world which is very different than the world of our childhood - like the dragonfly we must enter a totally different environment.  The young dragonfly come out of the water and molt again to live in a world outside the water.

Unlike butterflies, dragonflies don't go through a pupal stage where they completely melt and get reformed. Instead, dragonflies have been working on developing themselves all along so they evolve and transform! This process into an adult dragonfly doesn't just happen either.  The dragonfly doesn't just pop out all pretty and perfect.  This transformation is also a slow process where they dragonfly has to take time to become stronger and reach full stunning beauty.  

We take time to become the people we are becoming and it is a long and challenging process.  Like the young dragonfly we don't look anything like our adult selves and even when we become adults it takes time before we are finally a strong, amazing, and stunning being!  

I know that life is challenging for all creatures and for some the butterfly metaphors make the most sense to them, but for me - I relate to the life of a dragonfly.  

I have never really fit in and I have gone through so many of my own transformations as I discover more about myself, learn more, and grow.  As I have gotten older and more mature I've realized that I no longer need to survive in my old skin/environments... and I made a big transformation.  It wasn't easy and it didn't happen all at once.  I am still becoming stronger and enhancing my beauty!  











 


Sunday, February 7, 2016

Why it is good that life is pain ~ Spiritual Sunday

I wish I could tell you that life will be easy, but it's not!  Life is not easy and we are not perfect.  I find it interesting that many people have the belief and desire to have a perfect easy life.  I don't know anyone who is problem free and never failed at something.  

What you must understand is you need to have problems, challenges, and failures in your life to make you better and stronger. They are there to test you and teach you lessons. 

For example, look at the people you admire and learn about their lives.  You will learn they had many obstacles.   What you will also discover is that by learning lessons from their difficulties and failures these people became successful.  

You will also discover this same pattern in the characters of most books and movies.  Remember we all have to go though our Hero's Journey.  Here's one of my favorite lines from the Princess Bride:  "Live is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."  
The thing is about books, movies, and the life stories of others is we are seeing it from an outside perspective and often in hindsight. We know that things turn out but when we are living in the moment of the challenge it doesn't feel like everything will turn out - it maybe scary, overwhelming, anxiety producing.... But trust me, things will get better and someday you will look back on this moment as the catalyst for giving you strength.  You will see that this moment was there to help you know what you want and don't want in life and to make you achieve your own success!  














Sunday, January 31, 2016

Want to overcome being disappointed or overwhelmed - here's how! ~Spiritual Sunday

Ever feel disappointed or overwhelmed?  Yes, of course you have because life isn't easy for anyone. We will always have obstacles in our pathway and how we look at these obstacles helps keep us motivated and will reduce anxiety.  If you are feeling overwhelmed or disappointed than you are looking at the obstacle as something negative or problem that can't be solved.  This doesn't have to happen - we can look at our obstacles as positive things that happen in our lives that make us better - pushes us farther, and teaches us more.  

I know your obstacle is something that is so big you can't overcome or your disappointment is so big that you may never heal.  Let me assure you that you will overcome and heal from these obstacles even though you don't feel it right now.  

Here's one thing you can do help this process.  Think of the obstacle in your life that is causing you difficulty.  Now, think of all the ways this obstacle can provide you with some positive aspects to your life.  The obstacle can give you insight into something you need to change or improve.  Your obstacle is there to help you become stronger and independent.  These obstacles are not in your life to bring you down but to lift you up and be an active participant in your own life.  These are not actually obstacles but instead they are opportunities for you to become the best person that you can be and help you actually have a better life.  

If you are struggling with keeping your thoughts positive because you have negative thoughts taking over than stop them from happening.  You actually do have the power to make them stop - when a negative thought comes to mind counter that thought with a positive one.  It may be difficult at first but keep it up and beat those negative thoughts down over and over and eventually it will get better!  





















(Image: Dragonfly on stick with pink hibiscus flower behind blue and green dragonfly with J. Sidlow Baxter quote: "What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?  Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity.")

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Spiritual Sunday - Wild lessons from Cheryl Strayed

My life has been full of chaos lately, hence the lack of posts! I've been caught up in the rat race and I've been stuck drowning in a river trying to get somewhere I cannot yet see. I'm so stuck that I have not be able to get out to the woods where I hike as therapy. Everyday I ache and long to escape in the woods so I love the movie "Wild" based on Cheryl Strayed's book and life.  

I love the movie (& book) because I get to live vicariously on Cheryl's journey for a few hours.  I cry, not just during the sad parts but because I'm still stuck here in this rat race aching to get out. If you know me, you know that I love nature, the woods, and hiking (especially alone).  

Here are 3 things I learned from Cheryl's journey:

1.  Don't regret the past.  I cannot regret that I did not venture on my journey earlier in my life.  I must make those plans now I must focus on going the direction I want to go- toward discovery.

2.  Life is hard.  Everyone has problems and life isn't easy.  I cannot focus on how hard life is or I will stay stuck in the pain. I must fight to overcome these obstacles and focus on the things I can do and I can achieve.  

3.  Knowing yourself is one of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself.  I know the things I like and dislike.  I know who I am and love who I am.  I do get heartbroken that I have people in my life that do not really even know me and have no desire to learn about me even though they say they love me.  I know I'll be okay even though these people don't know me because I know me and I love me!  

People ask me why I love the woods and why alone ~all I can do is explain it by this quote from Henry David Thoreau:  

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary.  I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms."         

You may not be obsessed with the woods and hiking like I am but you need to find some place in your life where you can be alone with yourself, your thoughts, and be your own friend.  

If you want to learn about some of my passions you can just watch the movie or read the book "Wild" because Cheryl and I have a lot in common - all the way down to the love of quotes.  






Sunday, January 17, 2016

How to survive heartbreak~ Spiritual Sunday

People are going to hurt you; it's a fact of life!  You will trust someone with your heart, soul, secrets... and for some reason or another they will break this trust. Maybe they don't love you anymore or maybe they never loved you in the first place. Maybe they are too caught up in their own issues to care about yours or maybe they never really did care about your issues to begin with. No matter the reason you will be crushed and will feel like you can't move on~ but you will!  

It will be hard to move on at first because you are in deep pain because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone. You showed your authentic self and were rejected. It will take time to heal ~ but you will.  You have a strong spirit in you that is full of love and nurturing.  When you experience heartbreak and disappointment you are learning more about yourself and your strength.  

You are learning that life isn't fair; we don't always get what we want; and not everyone we care about will care about us. You are also learning that you have a choice.  You can become cold and mean or you can open your heart and be a kind and loving person. 

What you focus on you will expand and I'm sure you don't want to focus on these negative feelings anymore so here is what you do...  

"Be the one who nurtures and build.  Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart.  Be the one who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them."  

By being a person who focuses on the good in others, gives love and support, and is understanding than you will have a more positive life. Don't let your pain taint you and cause you to be negative.  You have learned some valuable lessons and you need to focus on not repeating them but not allowing them to change you into a cold heartless person.  

When you are feeling the pain (and you will feel it for a long time) allow yourself to feel these emotions for no more than 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes is over than you must think of all the positive things you have in your life!  Contact people who make you feel positive, who support you, and accept you for who you are- feel their love!  Give love to others by helping out friends in need.  Focus on the gifts you have to give the world.  

Finally, if all else fails here's a post on how to let it go when you get stuck!!  High fives and hugs to you as you go through this difficult time!  

Sunday, January 10, 2016

What would you do if you won the lottery? Spiritual Sunday

The multi-state lottery, Powerball is at a record high - one person could win over $900 million - 1.4 billion.  

My reaction~  WTF!  

Why does someone need that kind of money? I mean, don't get me wrong I'd love to be debt free, never have to worry about money again, and have money to make positive changes in the world. Most people however would buy material items with this money - cars, houses, jewelry.... I can't help but wonder WHY?

Sure, I'd buy some material items.  

But here are 3 things I would really think hard about spending my money on!

1~ I wouldn't buy new cars though, I'd just pay off the cars I have.  


Owning and driving an expensive car does not make you important.  Sure people will stare at you as you drive in your Lamborghini Veneno that cost $4.5 million. That's because they want to see who the person in the car who THINKS they are important!  Cars are really fun but there are people who could benefit from a car to help them just get to and from work - the cost of this car could help so many people become more independent and productive.


2~I also wouldn't buy a mansion.  I would fix up the house I live in now or buy something slightly bigger.

Owning a house with multiple rooms - some that will never be used and so vast you don't see people in the same house will not make you have a stronger and supportive family unit. Now, this mansion is beautiful but there is so much wasted space when people in this world have no home to live in and children have no bed of their own. 

3~ Finally, I wouldn't buy material items that are just not needed such as designer clothes, jewelry, and accessories.  

Owning designer disposable items will not make you have class or style! Class has nothing to do with the amount of money you have and style doesn't mean you have to pay outrageous prices for items you can buy for practical costs. This Gucci purse costs $32,000.  Really there is never any need to pay that price for a purse when children are starving.  Oh, it's made of crocodile skin... ahh... well that's worse because I have no idea if this animal was just killed for it's skin or if all of it's body was used in productive ways.

The point of this article is to make you think.  When the lottery get's to this high amount people are sharing their ideas of ways they would spend money.  How would you spend your money if you win this crazy amount?  It sure is tempting to go wild and get things you would never be able to buy.  Having money doesn't mean you have to waste it and to me because buying things that are outrageously priced will not make you a better person. 

They say you can't buy happiness and I agree with this because material items will not make you happy.  Although I do believe that money can bring happiness in your life as well as others when money is used to make the world a better place.  If I win - I will be helping change the world in positive ways for everyone!

So, what would you do if you won the lottery?


Sunday, January 3, 2016

Are you being your authentic self~ Spiritual Sunday

Are you being authentic?  

Are you being your true self?  

Are you letting others influence you into being someone you are not?  

Make this the year that you stop doing this.  You deserve to be who you are and not feel pressured or shamed into hiding your true self!   

The other day I posted on The 2 things you need to do to make 2016 great one of those things was to make a short list of things you will NOT be doing in 2016.  I decided one of those things for me was I will NOT be bullied into silence this year.  This has happened too much in my past because I feared the consequences of speaking my mind. Have you ever not stood up for yourself because you were afraid of retaliation in some form?  Here's a past personal post on retaliation and what to do.

SO HOW DO YOU LEARN TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART?

~You need to work on learning who you are & we are going to work on that this year together.  

~Pay attention to the things you like and dislike.

~Notice how often you go against what you want to do to please others (this will be important to remember for a future post).  

Starting this very minute do something that your heart desires - even if it is only for a short period of time.  

This is just the start of discovering more about your authentic self!

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Creating the life you want!

Did you know that YOU are the one who creates your life?  You have power to make your life what you want it to be and you are the one who creates YOU!  

Maybe you didn't feel you had the power to changes certain things but you do have the power.  You don't have control over everything but there is so much you do have control over.  Two things you have control over are - your own attitude and how much energy you put into something.  

So don't give up.  Keep working toward your goals and you will create the life you want!  You need to be focused on what you want!  What you focus on you expand so keep focused on what you want to become and you will eventually get there.    Keep posted here because in 2016 I will guide you toward this life you want to create.  In the meantime start thinking about what you want your life to be like!  


Sunday, November 8, 2015

Spiritual Sunday - 3 ways to protect yourself

I missed out on Cartoon Sunday yesterday due to intense pain from a previous injury resulting from a car accident way back in February.   When in pain it is sometimes hard to see that there is hope that the pain will ever end.  To survive we must learn ways to protect ourselves from other types of pain such as emotional pain.  

In order to protect yourself remember these 3 things:

1- You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you can't do something.  If the person is in your life and knows that you are in pain than shame on them for expecting you to do things you are not capable of doing.  Don't feel guilty that you can't do the things they normally expect from you.  You must get better.

2 - Love yourself!  You need to treat yourself as you would treat someone you love very much.  Put yourself first.  If you are a person who always puts others before yourself you will not heal and then others will just expect you to take care of them only - if that happens go back to #1 and remember you don't have to explain just focus on healing!  

3 - Finally, do really focus on healing.  Being in pain can be stressful and if you are focused on how others are expecting too much from you or how others don't seem to even care about taking care of you than you are NOT focused on getting yourself better. Focus on the things that make you feel better physically and emotionally.  

The more you focus on your own healing, let go of the guilt that you can't do the things you normally do, stop expecting others to care about your pain and needs, and treat yourself with love and kindness you will get better faster.  

I know these steps are hard to do but you can do it!  Just put on an armor and protect yourself.  






















One final note - if people in your life do not respect that you are in pain (or ill) and are not willing to take care of you then they don't need to be in your life.  These people only want to use you for what they can get.  Relationships should be supported both ways!  



  

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Spiritual Sunday - how to listen

Often I hear people make excuses as to why they are not pay attention or fully listening to others. Excuses range from "I have too much on my mind" or "I'm not interested in the topic/person" to the most common excuses "I can't" or "I don't know how."  

Well, listening is actually simple if the person has one key ingredient -- desire!  If you have the desire to get to know someone or learn something than you will pay more attention.  

Listening is not sitting there silently waiting for your turn to speak so you can share what is on YOUR mind.  Listening is actually wanting to learn what the other person is feeling, thinking, doing... or wanting to learn about a subject matter.  

So today, practice listening to others and pay attention to your amount of desire.  Do you really want to learn more about this person or topic?  How strong is this desire?  If your desire is not strong you will not be a very good listener.  If your desire is strong then you will ask questions and work hard to learn as much as you can.

Remember, the desire is to learn about the other person or topic and not your desire to share things about yourself ---- it's not to share your point of view or knowledge of the topic.  If your desire is strong to share and talk then you will NOT be a good listener. 


Sunday, October 18, 2015

Spiritual Sunday~ Turning reflection into action

Are you working toward your dreams or are you just dreaming?  Do you have a desire to do something, go somewhere, or obtain something?   Are you spending energy thinking about what your life would be like if you achieved what you desire?  If so, what exactly are you doing to reach your goals? 

Oh.... you are not actually doing anything or only doing a little bit to reach these goals.   Why?  Is it because you don't have the time, money, talent, support, connections.... to actually journey on this path in your life? 

Well, those are just excuses.  Those are excuses because living your life doing what you desire and dream is scary.  It is scary because we judge ourselves and know we are always judged by others.  You are afraid because no one wants to feel judged.  We can look at the world around us and see others doing things better than we can and make negative self-judgments.  It takes courage to go for our goals.

The thing is - you will never really know if you can live your dreams and desires until you actually live them.  I don't mean try for a day or a week but live your life daily with intent to do at least two thing each day focused on making your dreams and desires happen.  Remember, these are actions and not just sitting around dreaming!  

So today, do the following:

On the top of a piece of paper write down your desire or dream.  Below, make a list of all the things you can do/or need in order to achieve this goal.  Write everything out that you can think of even if you believe they are impossible. Next, star all the things you can do in the next year toward your goal (you should have a lot of stars).  After, circle the ones that you can complete in a month.  Finally, highlight the ones you can do this week then every day do something toward this goal.  

Don't give up and don't make an excuse because I want you to remember the an excuse is just a way to procrastinate and avoid obtaining your goals.  Know that you have value and worth.  You matter and you deserve to live a life of your dreams and desires.  You can reach your goals if you believe in yourself and take risks.  Yes you will be vulnerable but that's a good thing!  




Sunday, October 4, 2015

Spiritual Sunday: How to have a great life!


Have you ever thought that your life would be better if you just reached a specific milestone (graduate, got a job...) or if you found the right person or moved to a different city?  I bet you discovered that your life did not get better.  You did not have this magical change.  Maybe because of Fairy Tales we expect life to just one day become perfect.  Well, I hate to be your Dark Fairy Godmother and burst your fantasy bubble but that's not reality.  

We don't just all of a sudden have the perfect stress-free life when we reach milestones or even lose that last 5 pounds.  Life is really about learning to become as strong as you can and appreciate what you have and who you are at this very moment.  Life is about dreams - it's about the journey getting to those dreams and not about the end destination.  Yes, once you get to the end destination you will be changed but the reason you are changed is BECAUSE of the journey!  It was the journey - the challenges, trials, and tribulations that made you change, not finally achieving this dream (graduation, perfect person, job, place to live......).  

One of my favorite quotes is below in the pic quote I made.  Kurt Vonnegut wrote "We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down."  This is exactly the point. To have a full-filling and happy life you must become stronger and the way to do that is to go after your dreams, fight all the battles you have to fight, take chances, and be an active participant in your own life.  In other words, get off your f-ing couch or computer chair and focus on making yourself stronger.  Building your wings takes time and a lot of practice.  Print this picture to remind yourself that your path in life is meant to be difficult and that is why it will be beautiful because you are full-filling your purpose!





























Not long ago I heard a song that reminded me of this quote and I listen to when I want to be reminded that I can learn to fly - I just have to trust that I learn on the way down!  When you are feeling like you can't keep going you may find this song very helpful.  


Sunday, September 6, 2015

Spiritual Sunday - Be proud of yourself!

One of the things I learned the hard way is how you can't depend on others to be your cheerleader and support.  For the most part people are egocentric and are caught up in their own feelings and issues. As a person with strong empathy and a care-giving nature I spend a great deal of my time effort and energy taking care of others.  I get disappointed frequently when I expect others to do the same for me and it doesn't happen.  Remember as discussed before - disappointment happens when our expectations are not met!  

I don't want to focus on how lonely and depressing it is to give so much to others and receive very little support in return.  When I have shared this with the people in my life I often get told that they had no idea I needed support and I should have asked or told them. What hurts the most with this is I do tell them.  I do ask for exactly what I need and it doesn't often happen.  So as I stated before - frustration and disappointment occurs when expectations are not met, so I'm working on not expecting much from others anymore.

Here's what I'm going to do instead! You should do this too!  Focus on yourself.  Be proud of yourself.  You have come a long way in this world.  You have overcome some challenging obstacles and survived.  You are stronger and wiser because of what you have lived through.  You are beautiful!  You are stunning and amazing! You have purpose in this world and are worth getting to know. You are learning who to trust and who not to trust so you can keep yourself protected.  You are realizing that not everyone is worth your time, effort, and energy but YOU are worth every bit of your time, effort, and energy.  You are worthy of self-love!  Tell yourself today how great you are and know that your opinion is the only one that matters!!!  



Sunday, May 3, 2015

Spiritual Sunday - do not settle

Relationships should be about each person and not one sided.  If you are in a relationship and are the one that has to do all the work to keep it going, then that is time to get out because it is not a balanced relationship.  It should be more balanced where each of you takes turns at doing the work and meeting needs.  Only one of you can be needy and crazy at a time while the other person does the care-giving.   If both are seeking to get their own needs met - it will not work.  

Relationships are hard and take a lot of work to build strong.  If only one person has been doing this work while the other person just reaps the rewards, the person doing the work will eventually burn out.  Once this happens the relationship may be doomed unless the other  person takes over and works on building the relationship.   

If you don't know what to do for the relationship to make it better than take some time to research all you can about relationships. There are hundreds of books and resources on the internet.  Treat the other person how they want to be treated.  Each time you do not treat them how they want to be treated you are just telling them that they do not matter.  Your actions always speak louder than worlds.

If you are the person who has been doing all the work in the relationship and are too exhausted to keep this up - remember that you deserve better.  Life is too short to be in a relationship where you are doing all the work.  You need to have someone who respects you enough to support you and be there for you.  

For those who are the ones who do all the work - you do have value, you are important, and you really do deserve someone in your life who will put you and your needs first once in a while. Don't settle.  Set some standards of what you want and stick to it.

Finally, to those who are the ones in the relationship that is falling apart because your partner is telling you they do not feel supported - then become a true partner.  Support is very important to everyone not just you.  If you don't know how to demonstrate this support than ask and follow through with how they want to be treated!