Things I learned from Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch touched my heart and changed my life.  Although he was on my list of people I admire and people I wanted to meet so I can learn from, I never had that opportunity because he passed away July 25, 2008.  I still visit with Randy frequently from re-reading his books, re-watching his videos, and talking to him in the universe usually asking, “Randy, what would you do here?” or “Randy, what advice do you have for me today?”  

Things I learned from Randy:

1.    “It is important to have specific dreams.”  The key to this isn’t knowing your dream but knowing what precisely you want from your dream.   Sometimes what you think is the dream is not the real dream and people achieve this dream and are disappointed or people can’t reach this dream and therefore they quit altogether.  So it is vital to know exactly what it is you are really dreaming of achieving!

2.    “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.”  This is sometimes a hard one but I have to remind myself that I didn’t get what I wanted and my expectations did not occur but I sure did learn a lot of lessons.  Life is about lessons.  When I have events that are disappointing because I did not get what I want I often ask Randy, “what was I supposed to learn from that?”

  

3.    “When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”  This was advice to his daughter and he's right; actions really do speak louder than words so you must remember to watch the behaviors of others --they are very telling.  Also, pay attention to your own behaviors because others are watching your actions and that is how you are being judged – they are not judging you by your words! 

4.    “Proper apologies have three parts:
1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel bad that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?”

I work hard to practice this and want my children to own their mistakes and practice this apology as well.  The world would be such a better place if everyone had the courage to say they were sorry.  (A Previous blog post on saying sorry).

There are many more quotes I love (some added as picture quotes for my Facebook pages  – see below).

Watch Randy’s video of The Last Lecture!  I promise you will not be disappointed and your life will be impacted!

(Image: photo of a metal sculptured dragonfly on a brick wall and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.  Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.  They’re there to stop the other people.” "

(Image: photo of a sun rising or setting and a quote from Randy Pausch's 'The Last Lecture' - “When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a bad place to be.  You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.” )

(Image: clipart of a group of multi-racial children playing cards and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” )

(Image: photo of a Caucasian child wearing a cape and mask with his/her fist in the air and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “There’s a lot of talk these days about giving a child self-esteem.  It is not something you give; it’s something you have to build.” )

Vulnerability is not a weakness

Dragonflies are Vulnerable

Vulnerability is NOT weakness!  Every Dragonfly knows what it feels like to be vulnerable.    Every day we face challenges, we don’t quite fit in, and we have to take risks.   Vulnerability is actually courage and being authentic.    Others may try to make you believe that being vulnerable is a flaw but this is not true, being vulnerable is what makes us great!  Being vulnerable connects us to others and allows us to live life consciously.   As a Dragonfly when you have the strength to embrace being vulnerable you will be able to achieve great success.  The next time you feel weak, insecure, or inadequate hold your head up and remember that you have been vulnerable many times in your life and overcame these obstacles. You will be successful when you are yourself and accept yourself. The opinions of others do not matter as much as your own opinion of yourself!       

Be uniquely you!

Today is a day to be strong!  Look at yourself and appreciate all your wonderful qualities!  If you are saying "What wonderful qualities?  I don't have any wonderful qualities."  Then tell yourself to stop it!  Stop putting yourself down because you do have wonderful qualities.  You are an individual.  You are unique.  Take some time today focusing on all the things that make you - uniquely you!  

Sure some of these things will be external but I want you to look deeper - dig deeper!  You have distinct ways you perceive the world, you have your own feelings & experiences, and you have exceptional gifts and talents. Don't allow yourself to say things like - "But others do better than me in ...."  This is wrong because you are comparing yourself to someone else - be your unique self!   

Embrace yourself!  Love yourself!  Enjoy what you have to offer this world!  Finally, don't hide yourself but live your life being uniquely you!

Reduce worry - Words of Wisdom Wednesday

Do you worry?  Do you have anxiety?  It is so common!  For today's post - Words of Wisdom Wednesday I want to just remind you that everything will work out.  I know it may not feel like it but with faith and support things will be okay.  Even if you have support from others you must be there to support yourself.  You must be your own best friend!  

Remind yourself that you are just on your Hero's Journey and you have fought and won many previous battles so you will win this battle as well!  

One great thing to do is to focus on what you can control today! What can you do right now today to make it a good day.  Be strong today and focus on the positive.  Remember... what you focus on you expand so let go of focusing on future problems, worries about tomorrow, and fears that may never come to pass because you will only be expanding these things.  

Finally, know that you have a friend in me and a friend in yourself so you are NOT alone!!!  Hugs!

Tackling your FEAR~ Worthy Wednesday!

FEAR - that is a major problem in our lives.  We can be afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of being hurt, afraid of hurting others, afraid of ... well just about anything.  Fear can stop you from having the life you want to live.  Fear can prevent you from being happy.  

You must look at your fears directly.  Shine light on your fears.  You can do this by talking to someone about your fears.  Expose your fears and share them with a person you trust!  Your fears get bigger when you avoid them so tackle them and challenge them. You have more power than you believe.  You will survive if take risks and taking risks will reduce your fears and you will feel empowered!  You will grow stronger each time you conquer a fear! You are amazing and you are worthy of being strong enough to face your fears head on.  Don't hide from your fears or you will make them worse!  Here's a great quote I love from the book "Life of Pi."  Read this quote to yourself when you are feeling that fear has power over your choices.  

(Image: Red dragonfly with blue water in the background and a quote from Yann Martel's book "Live of Pi" ~ “I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is a clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unnerving ease. It begins in your mind, always ... so you must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don't, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.” )

Words from Parents & Dragonflies Wednesday - my words regarding bullying and suicide

Today on Words from Parents and Dragonflies I want to discuss bullying again.  I just heard of a recent suicide, and this needs to stop!  I have written a number of times on this topic empathy the antidote to bullying; lessons from the Breakfast Club; and stop the shaming!  

As a parent what frustrates me is I know these things happen in schools and that it can be stopped by teachers.  We need to teach students empathy!  We need to stop teaching them "Bullying Prevention" because that focuses on bullying.  Why schools continue to create a culture of us vs.' them is beyond me.  Why can't schools create a culture of inclusion?  Even when schools think they are creating a culture of inclusion by having "diversity" clubs they are still often missing the kids that really need to feel they belong.  Just because a student is an athletic, honor student, or "well liked" doesn't mean they are not struggling emotionally.  If you ask a student who has emotional challenges how they are they will tell you "fine."  This is not true but only a mask to hide what is really going on inside.  A person with empathy will really check to make sure the person is "fine" instead of just buying the outside image the student is projecting. 

So I beg you all to start practicing EMPATHY!  Start reaching out to others so we can make a difference in this world for ALL people.  Don't take "fine" as an answer if you think a person is struggling emotionally.    I have posted this before, but here it is again - ways to have a positive school.  I have heard that competition is essential and necessary, but it is NOT!   A school setting should not be a place where we set up kids to compete to see who is smarter, prettier, stronger, better...  It should be a safe place to grow and learn all while developing a positive self-esteem.

"Suicide isn't cowardly.  I'll tell you what is cowardly; treating people so badly that they want to end their lives."  Ashley Purdy

Make a difference to stand up and fight for EMPATHY!  Please, I beg you to give a darn about other people in the world.  Focus on how to make the lives of other people better!!  RIP Kelsey

Just keep going......

Sometimes you will feel like you don't want to keep going because you don't have a clear vision of where you are going so you don't know if you are even heading in the right direction.  I say.... keep on going.  Don't give up and keep moving.  I know you are worried that you might not be going in the right direction and waste a lot of time and energy but I say...  Don't worry you are learning so much on this adventure.  There are no wrong directions because we can learn so much from the experiences we have and the people we meet.  The key is ... Don't give up!

Ways to deal with unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions from family and friends during the holiday season

 It is holiday time again, and I think it is important to discuss ways to stay positive when feeling judged by family and friends.  Sometimes others do not understand what it is like to be a Dragonfly or to raise a Dragonfly, which leads to unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions.    Comments can range from the covert "Where is his/her coat?" to the more overt "My child would NEVER do/act like that."  or "If they were MY child, they would behave." 

First, remember you have the power to choose how you will react. Do not let them control your behavior with their words.

Second, know that you will NOT change a person's opinions or beliefs unless they are open to changing these opinions and ideas.  

Third, try one of these tactics, depending on what is said:

• Explain instead of defending: "Oh, I thought you knew my son/daughter has [Asperger's, Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD, Dysgraphia...].  His/her behaviors/choices are related to the way the brain is developed.  There's actually a lot to learn about [diagnosis]; if you are ever interested, I'll share some of the research with you."

• Use sarcasm: "Oh, my child has [diagnosis].  What's your excuse for being rude?"  Or, "I'm so glad to know that your parenting skills are so great and your children turned out perfect.  God probably knew that you couldn't handle challenges, so He gave you calm and compliant children.  God knows I'm strong, and therefore He gave me these extra special children who needed a great parent." 

• Use humor:  "Yep, my son/daughter is working on his/her superpowers.  He/she has yet to master the ability to break windows with his/her scream."  

• Ignore the comment and change the subject:  "Oh, hey, I saw on Facebook that you just got a new job what are you doing now."  Or "That's a beautiful sweater where did you get it?  Don't tell me you made it yourself."  

Fourth, you need to know these opinions, judgment, and beliefs are often said out of ignorance, insecurity, or rudeness.  Sometimes people really think they are helpful, but most of the time, people just believe that their opinions of parenting are the "correct" way and yours are wrong.  Remember Confirmation bias (see previous posts for details on this)

The key is to NOT take these thoughts, judgments, and opinions personal.  YOU are doing the best you can do, and that is all that is needed.  You do not need to listen to the advice of others cause YOU are the expert - not them!  

Motivational Monday: Plan to have a great life

Do you want a great life?  Well, then you must plan for this to happen.  If you are just waiting around for your life to get better, luck to change, or people to step up and love you then you will never achieve a great life.  You must put forth your own actions to make these changes.  So today, write down ways you can be productive, things you can learn, and how you can grow and change for the better.  Don't live on auto-pilot! Live consciously and to do this you must make plans!  I promise your life will be great if you make plans in your life.  Now you also must remember that you cannot expect everything to just work out how you plan because that is NOT the nature of life.  You will hit roadblocks, you will have disappointments, you will experience failures but just make sure you plan for these as well and they will NOT be too overwhelming.   

Things to do for International Day of Persons with Disabilities!

Today is International Day of Persons with Disabilities and I would like to point out that we, as a society, should be more open to discussing all types of disabilities!   It makes me sad that when schools teach about diversity they exclude the diversity of disabilities and yet disabled people make up the largest and most disadvantaged minority in the world!  

Diversity education programs completely ignore the largest minority group in the world!  Wow that's something to really think about!  We as a society need to do better!  We need to stop discriminating against students with disabilities!  

We really do need to embrace all types of disabilities and stop the shame!  I continue to post that students with disabilities are more likely to commit suicide in hopes that teachers, parents, and school counselors will read this article and make changes to the way they deal with students with disabilities - especially hidden disabilities because these students are NOT lazy!  Stop the Shaming!!!  

Stop teaching anti-bullying because that only focuses on bullying and start teaching empathy because what we focus on we expand and I would rather students aware of being kind to others than looking out for bullies and bullying behaviors - to learn more check out: Empathy the Antidote to Bullying, Bias, and Bigotry!   

Also, teach about disabilities in your diversity education programs - really stop excluding this important minority group!  

Finally, practice EMPATHY!  Watch this video to learn what the difference between empathy & sympathy!  Help make the world a better place!  

Cartoon Saturday - Success

Why we should help students with learning disabilities

** This is being re-shared from a previous blog post because the school year is just starting and I honestly feel that some teachers do NOT understand that some students will NOT ask for help.  Please, oh please care about making sure these students are learning and supported.  FYI they are NOT lazy!!!!

Did you know that drowning victims rarely flail around or call out for help?  In fact, the person drowning is often unable to call out for help and just slips underneath the water and dies.  If you saw a boy silently slipping under the water would you just stand there watch him die and then say, “Well, all he had to do was ask for help,” or “geez if he would have just swam he could have survived.”  Of course no one would actually do that would they?  No one would really just stand by, offer advice but no real assistance or help and then blame the victim when he doesn’t survive. 

This actually happens all the time in school settings.  The student feels overwhelmed and completely “under water” with the assignments and tests and just gives up.  Teachers stand by watching the student not complete these assignments and fail the tests, yet blame the student for not working harder and not asking for help.  Some of these students even do ask for help but the support isn’t enough or consists of words not actions, so the student only slips further and further below the service.  Once the student is so far below, he drowns.  Even if resurrected he will never be the same again, he is now damaged. 

When students fail in school because they are not completing the homework, studying, and failing tests~ this is a cry for help.  This is not the student just being lazy and unmotivated this is the student drowning.  

Teachers can save these students from drowning by:

~noticing that they are avoiding assignments - these are difficult for them

~ provide positive support and encouragement

~ present information via explicit instruction - it is systematic, direct, & engaging

~ comply with the students IEP's or 504s 

~ Be consistent don't just offer help once and then stop offering help-- consistently provide assistance until the student is no longer failing and fully understands the materials.  

~ A student who is giving up and drowning no longer has effort and energy to keep his head above water so provide as much assistance as necessary until the student has the ability to do it on his own.

~ Provide the student's parents with up-to-date progress so they are aware of these difficulties and can provide support from the home side as well.  Since the student is drowning in school and not at home parents may not even be aware of the problem until it is too late.

Spiritual Sunday - Living Life focused on the Details -Jill Lam

I've been MIA from posting recently because I've been caught up in being productively busy. To me life is not about making money, it is about living consciously, helping others, being creative, living with integrity.  

I have the spirit of nature in my soul.  I need to be in the woods just as much as I need to breathe, eat, and sleep. I am usually always seen with a camera in hand because I love to take pictures.  I also love to write.  I have books of my own poetry, words of wisdom, and quotes from others that I have been filling up since I was in elementary school.  

I am compelled to make picture quotes and I am trilled when I can make my own.   I currently admin 5 Facebook pages and I work very hard to express myself creatively on these pages via my picture quotes.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy making them.  Although they are very time consuming, they are also very cathartic.  

Enjoy my Dragonfly Friends - I appreciate your support and positive comments for I do this out of my own passions.

I usually have 2 camera's with me- This is a pic of me taking some close up shots.

I can get real close at times but darn catching pictures of Dragonflies is HARD - they don't like to stay still!

Here's one of my pathways in the woods - I love this quote it makes me feel so good to read it everyday!

I love these rocks, they are one of my favorites and I collect them.  Have you ever let one sit in the sun and then hold it against your skin - such a warm and intense feeling.

I love hiking in the early morning when the dew is still on the ground.  I used this picture for this quote because the flower is not perfect and yet it is so beautiful.  We need to remember that we should support each other and not hurt each other.  Are you someone who helps and supports?

I just found this guy the other day, he's a Damselfly and not a Dragonfly (although I love them just the same).  You can tell the difference because when resting the Damselfly holds his wings close to his body while a Dragonfly holds his wings straight out, as if saying to the world -look at me!

Finally here's a Dragonfly picture that I took the day I was getting up close and personal!

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - Stories about the impact of one teacher

For Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday I will be sharing information about teachers who impacted the lives of students. 

As a teacher you may have an idea of what life is like for your students but you probably have no idea what is really happening in their private life.   

The student may be performing poorly for a variety of reasons without your knowledge.  

• The student may have a learning disability which makes learning VERY hard and therefore they may avoid all types of academic work.  

• The student may have an addiction to drugs and/or alcohol because they got caught up with the wrong group of kids.  

• The student may have one or both parents addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.  

• The student may come from a family that is on the verge of bankruptcy or eviction and therefore the student may have to work long hours on just has to live with the stress of never having enough money.

• The student may be living in a physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abusive environment.

• The student may have a family member that is sick (cancer, depression, MS...).

As a teacher you really don't know exactly what the student is dealing with outside of your classroom, especially if the student appears to have a "perfect" home environment.  If you assume that a student is NOT participating or studying because they are LAZY you are wrong.  Students avoid the work for a reason- it's hard, they are overwhelmed, they have more pressing things on their minds, they don't see the value in academic work, or they are experiencing so much shame trying hide what is really happening in their lives. 

The list above are just some of the reasons why students may not be performing up to their potential in school.  Most of the time it takes just one teacher to make a positive impact on the life of a student.  This one teacher can help the student know they are valued and worth saving.  This teacher can see beyond the bad grades and poor performances and make sure the student does not fail. Here is a clip from one of my favorite movies: Freedom Writers that shows what it would be like to have a teacher care.  Think how this interaction from one teacher could change the life of a student no matter what they were dealing with in his/her personal life.  I pray we have more teachers like this and less teachers who shame, blame, and assume a student is LAZY!

5 Qualities a parent appreciates in a teacher

Today for National Teacher Appreciation Day I wanted to touch on 5 qualities a parent appreciates in a teacher. 

There is nothing better than a teacher that really cares for your child because all parents want their child to learn with their self-esteem intact.   

I often here these comments from parents of children with special needs when they talk about what they appreciate about their child's teacher.

To my child's teacher - Thank you for...

• Never giving up on my child.  Learning is not easy for my child and he can give up quickly but you have always been there to encourage him and motivate him to persevere.   

• Leaning about my child's disabilities.  I can't tell you how much it means to me that you are willing to spend your extra time researching the most current information about my child's disabilities so you can empathize and teach her based on her own individual needs!

• Having the courage to stand up for my child.  Because of my child's disabilities he cannot advocate for himself and needs adults around him to be his voice.  

• Not letting my child fail.  My child's brain does not process learning like the brains of other children and it takes her much longer to learn.  Thanks so much for being patient with her and using all your tricks and techniques to assure that she is learning the curriculum.

• Communicating with me!  I love my child and want him to learn and be successful.  I cannot be at school with him to know what he is learning and what he is not learning so thanks for keeping me informed.  There is nothing worse for a parent than thinking your child is fine and learning only to discover that they have been failing for weeks and you didn't know.  Those are weeks that are now lost and causes me, as a parent, to panic. Thanks for keeping me updated.  It makes me feel more secure.

Teachers have a lot of impact on the lives of our children so I'd like to leave you with a video and some pictures I posted today on all the different Facebook pages I admin.

This video I posted on my Forest Alliance Coaching FB page is a collection of clips from the Movie "Temple Grandin." Temple is a hero of mine and someone you should know no matter what disability you and/or your child has!

Why people are mean and what you can do about it

I’ll confess, I have a major problem.  The problem is I’m a helpless fixer, problem-solver, and cheerleader of the “underdog.” 

How is this a major problem?  I want everyone to be the best that they can be.  I have a passion for helping others achieve self-actualization.  Why?  Because I live in the light and know the world is a great place when we are caring, supportive, accepting human beings.  I know that negative behaviors are symptoms of problems, insecurities, issues…  So when others are mean, hateful, nasty, or rude to me or my family; it triggers my inner helper. 

I’m not saying that it doesn’t hurt when others are mean to me, I’m human.  When someone does something mean or hateful to me (or my family) my initial reaction is to feel pain but my emotional intelligence (EQ) kicks in and I start to see the situation in a different light.  People are mean because they are hurt, they are experiencing their own inner turmoil and issues.  We all experience emotional pain from others but not all of us are mean.  People who understand in life that we are not in competition with each other but only ourselves and that we are each on our own Hero’s journey toward our own quests and enlightenment are the kind of people who have empathy, kindness, compassion, and support of others.  People who believe that it is a ‘dog eat dog’ world out there, have insecurity issues, jealousy, have inferiority complexes, and often attack those around them, especially if they feel threatened in any way (socially, professionally, intellectually…).  I’m not saying these are bad people, I’m saying they are broken people with immature emotional development.  If they knew themselves better, accepted themselves more, and understood that it is hurting themselves not others to be mean and rude, than they would be able to walk a path of enlightenment and joy. 

People who are emotionally mature and enlightened are not saints, we have stressors and breakdowns.  It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable (Remember Vulnerability is a Good Thing!) and really see ourselves in the mirror.  I know I’m a “Looney Tune” at times (our family term for when you lose it).  Heck, I’m very similar to the TV mom, Frankie Heck from the TV show The Middle…  Here’s a quick view of me in a “Looney Tune” moment! 

I hope you are laughing because I am.  We laugh all the time in this house how this is me – The Middle is our life!  The kids also point out how I am also just like Sue Heck (the positive daughter in the show).  Yep that’s me too (see below)…

The thing is, when people are rude or mean to me, I find it as a challenge.  I see it for what it is; a person who is in pain (over-stressed, insecure, jealous, afraid…).  It triggers my desire to want to help them overcome these issues.  It is not about getting them to like ME, that is very different and honestly I have enough people who accept me, I don’t need haters in my life to “like me” to validate that I’m a good person.  I know I’m a good person.  I know I have good intentions, find humor and positive insights in things that happen in my life, and live my life with ethics and integrity.  So when a person interprets an email or Facebook post differently than what I intended I know it is based on their issues not mine.  People project their own tone and issues into emails and FB posts/messages because they cannot see the person.  So if I write “Thank you” the reader is the one who determines if it is said with sincerity or sarcasm and that is based on THEIR issues not mine.  To help the reader understand my tone I often put in qualifiers (“said with a smile” or “said in a tone of sadness”…).   This doesn’t always stop the misinterpretations because when people have issues they often have trust issues, so they assume their interpretation must be correct.   

I’m on my own Hero’s Journey and spend time helping others along the way-I see it as an exciting challenge.   For example, not long ago, while waiting on a flight to arrive in the airport (one of my favorite places to people watch) I noticed a male airline worker getting snapped at by passengers about a scheduling delay.  I watched as this man was degraded over and over by rude people and transform into a person who, in turn, started snapping at others (innocent people).  When we were called up to the gate, I was pleased that I was near the front of the line and was able to lean over to him and tell him that I was impressed how well he handled those rude passengers, I thanked him for his service, told him good things will happen because he was so patient, and gave him a genuine warm smile.  My heart melted as he reached over to me, touched my arm and said “Thank you that was so nice to hear.”  His whole body language changed, he took a deep breath and held his head higher.  This was NOT about me, I was just on my journey, saw someone in pain and stopped to help.  He just needed to be validated that he mattered.  Everyone wants to matter, they want to feel important and valued. 

Want to make your life better?  Want to feel good about yourself?  Then start living consciously, working on your own issues, stop being in competition with others and focus only on being the best YOU that you can be.  Know that when you are mean or rude to someone you are showing others that you are insecure, self-conscious, jealous….  These will not bring you joy as you travel on your Hero’s journey.  To conquer them you must be vulnerable and willing to battle against these.  When you have empathy and stop projecting your issues on others your life will be better! 

Here’s the character Sue Heck’s report on “Is smiling contagious?”   I have found this to be true and love watching the smiles spread because it makes a better world!  

P.S. Oh for those who don't watch The Middle here's their original trailer from years ago - it is still on and the kids have gotten older but the same chaos occurs.  The really is my current life (I say current because this is only one chapter of my life on my Hero's Journey) Enjoy!

**P.S.S okay one more for those who, like me sit through all the credits of a movie just to see anything the directors add at the end - of I love those!!  I hope this makes you smile!  Go Dragonflies of the world!

Who is Perfect?

Ever wonder why people struggle with eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and so forth?  Well one of the reasons is we live in a society that values "perfect" bodies.  We see images everywhere of what is considered "perfect" from what we see on TV, commercials, advertisements - heck we worship these "perfect" people and shame or reject those that are not "perfect. " We have businesses catering to people who meet the "perfect" criteria from "fit" models to the mannequins in the stores to clothes stores refusing to have larger sizes because they don't want "heavy" people wearing their clothes and giving them a bad image.  

Where is the empathy - oh yea, since we are NOT teaching empathy in school we continue to feed into this perception of what is "perfect."  Kids are killing themselves because they are not fitting into the "perfect" mold!  We perpetuate this terrible cycle and do nothing to stop it!  But it can be stopped!  

HOW you ask  - well we can start by not shaming those who are different but instead praising them from being themselves.  Instead of "perfect" models in magazines we need to have REAL models with a variety of body types.  We need to accept and embrace actors and singers for their talent not because of the way they look - we need to reassess what is considered the "Sexist Man Alive!"  We need to change around the world - I wish America would do this:  Proinfirmis    Here is a video of a great start!  

 Here is the link that explains this wonderful video and has the video in it as well in case the above video doesn't show up:  Pro Infirmis - Because who is perfect  

"Disabled mannequins will be eliciting astonished looks from passers-by on Zurich's Bahnhofstrasse today. Between the perfect mannequins, there will be figures with scoliosis or brittle bone disease modelling the latest fashions. One will have shortened limbs; the other a malformed spine. The campaign has been devised for the International Day of Persons with Disabilities by Pro Infirmis, an organisation for the disabled. Entitled "Because who is perfect? Get closer.", it is designed to provoke reflection on the acceptance of people with disabilities. Director Alain Gsponer has captured the campaign as a short film."

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - letting it out!

This week a client shared this comment:

"Why don't my teachers understand how my brain works?  Shouldn't teachers be taught about the brain in their teacher classes in college?  You wouldn't want to take your car to a repairman who doesn't even know how an engine works so why do I have to be with teachers who don't know how students actually learn?"  

**very insightful for a 4th grader

Words of wisdom buttons for school meetings

It is time for the school year to really get into swing which means meetings for parents of Dragonflies!  I not only attend meetings as a parent but I also attend hundreds of meetings with parents (via my business Forest Alliance Coaching).  

Many times teachers and school staff really do care about the child being discussed.  Unfortunately, there are some people who attend these meetings that just don't get it~~  They don't understand: the disability, special ed law, how much a parent is fully informed, evidence-based programs, how all the negative experiences are damaging the child's self-esteem, why parents care so much about their child, appropriate education, and so on....

I don't know why I am shocked by what is said in these meetings cause I've heard it all (oh and someday I'll write a book on this subject).  I'm not looking forward to the school meetings for my own children this year because there will be some new staff members attending.  See, I already have an interesting reputation in my school district so I never know what to expect.  

I have made some words of wisdom buttons that can be printed and pinned to the front of your shirt or added to the top of your child's notebook (you really need to have a notebook of all your child's past reports & articles on special ed law/your child's disabilities).  

Here are a few (I'll be posting some to my Forest Alliance Coaching Facebook page every once in a while so like that FB page to check out some new ones when posted- I posted a couple there todayForest Alliance Coaching on Facebook).