Motivational Monday - 3 ways to feel more secure and safe!

The world is a crazy place!  We can be told that the chance of getting murdered, raped, or harmed in a terrorist attack are actually statistically small but that doesn't ease anxiety and fear.  

Turn on the news, and you will see a lot of negative in the world around you.  I want you to know that you do have some power and control over your own emotions.  You can reduce these feelings of anxiety and fear for yourself and your loved ones.

3 Ways to feel more secure and safe:

1~ Stop fueling the fire of negative!  What we focus on we expand so reduce the amount of time you are watching, reading, and interacting with the negative events.  Get just enough information to be informed and then turn the TV off or put on something positive.  Read only one or two articles in a day - don't let it consume you.  Finally, do NOT post propaganda of any kind on your social media or interact with those who do post this kind of information.  If you are the kind of person who feels the need to "educate" others on the reality of a situation, please understand that you are NOT educating anyone.  Each person has their own beliefs, and a post on social media will not change anyone's point of view.

2~ Know who really matters to you in your life!  Make a list of the people in your life that matter to you.  We have a lot of people in our lives that are surface people.  Surface people are the ones that we don't connect with at a deeper level.  You need to know exactly who matters to you in your life so you can spend more energy on them and less energy on the surface people.  Once you have your list made you need to take time each week to stay connected to each of those people.  You may not have had contact with them for years, but that's okay - reach out to them now.  If someone matters to you then they should know it!  If something were to happen to you or someone who is important to you and you have been staying connected it is more comforting.  Reach out and let others know they matter.

3~ Finally, Embrace the pain and bad things happening!  Bad things will happen, and you have control over how you deal with this pain and negative events.  Put joy back in your life no matter what is going on in the outside world!  Here's my best mentor - Leo Buscaglia - watch and enjoy!!!

Things I learned from Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch touched my heart and changed my life.  Although he was on my list of people I admire and people I wanted to meet so I can learn from, I never had that opportunity because he passed away July 25, 2008.  I still visit with Randy frequently from re-reading his books, re-watching his videos, and talking to him in the universe usually asking, “Randy, what would you do here?” or “Randy, what advice do you have for me today?”  

Things I learned from Randy:

1.    “It is important to have specific dreams.”  The key to this isn’t knowing your dream but knowing what precisely you want from your dream.   Sometimes what you think is the dream is not the real dream and people achieve this dream and are disappointed or people can’t reach this dream and therefore they quit altogether.  So it is vital to know exactly what it is you are really dreaming of achieving!

2.    “Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.”  This is sometimes a hard one but I have to remind myself that I didn’t get what I wanted and my expectations did not occur but I sure did learn a lot of lessons.  Life is about lessons.  When I have events that are disappointing because I did not get what I want I often ask Randy, “what was I supposed to learn from that?”

  

3.    “When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”  This was advice to his daughter and he's right; actions really do speak louder than words so you must remember to watch the behaviors of others --they are very telling.  Also, pay attention to your own behaviors because others are watching your actions and that is how you are being judged – they are not judging you by your words! 

4.    “Proper apologies have three parts:
1) What I did was wrong.
2) I feel bad that I hurt you.
3) How do I make this better?”

I work hard to practice this and want my children to own their mistakes and practice this apology as well.  The world would be such a better place if everyone had the courage to say they were sorry.  (A Previous blog post on saying sorry).

There are many more quotes I love (some added as picture quotes for my Facebook pages  – see below).

Watch Randy’s video of The Last Lecture!  I promise you will not be disappointed and your life will be impacted!

(Image: photo of a metal sculptured dragonfly on a brick wall and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.  Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough.  They’re there to stop the other people.” "

(Image: photo of a sun rising or setting and a quote from Randy Pausch's 'The Last Lecture' - “When you see yourself doing something badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a bad place to be.  You may not want to hear it, but your critics are often the ones telling you they still love you and care about you, and want to make you better.” )

(Image: clipart of a group of multi-racial children playing cards and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” )

(Image: photo of a Caucasian child wearing a cape and mask with his/her fist in the air and a quote from Randy Pausch's book 'The Last Lecture' - “There’s a lot of talk these days about giving a child self-esteem.  It is not something you give; it’s something you have to build.” )

How to Think Outside of the Box

Let me share with you one of the coaching sessions I have with clients.  This works for anyone!  The goal of this session is to learn about who you are and who you want to become.

First –watch this video (don’t worry it is under 18 minutes)

Michael Bahr, Education Director for the Utah Shakespeare Festival

 Direct Link for: Thinking outside of a box requires a box

*if there is not a video in the space above please click here to access the link

Second - Now let’s review a few things:

In order to be “outside of a box” you need to know the box.  You are a box – your disability is a box– your life is a box.  For each box you need to comply with the following rules.

Rules:

1.   Know your box
2.   Embrace your box
3.   Push outside of the box
4.   Build your own box - & live by the rules of the box
5.   REPEAT

Third – Start with one aspect of your life - here we will focus on your disability. 

1 – Know yourself:  Learn about your likes and dislikes.  Define your values.  Discover your passions and interests.    

2 – Embrace the yourself:  Appreciate everything about you. Know you are not perfect so embrace your imperfections! Accept this is your life, interests, talents...

3 – Push outside of yourself:  Don’t get comfortable inside this box of YOU - now you must challenge yourself to be outside of the box.  Go beyond what you think you can do and expand who you are.   

4 – Now build this new box:  Define what this new life looks like and live this life.  

5 - REPEAT:  You must keep doing this or you will get stuck in a box again.  Don’t ever stay in a box & never let anyone keep you in a box.  (“Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”  Quote from Dirty Dancing.  *Sorry, my movie quote obsession oozing out of me).

Finally, you can do this with all aspects of your life so go out there and get “outside the box!”  

How to not let the bad in the world control you

Are you heartbroken by all the pain and suffering that is happening in the world?  Some people obviously want this to occur because they are the ones causing the pain and suffering.  We cannot change these people but we can make changes in our own lives! 

I deserve to have a good life and so do you.  We have value and worth and we don't have to settle for all the negative that is occurring around us.  

Sput this quote on your mirror and read it every morning~~  
"I am the narrator of MY life so I choose to see the beauty in the world all around me.  I notice the details of things, appreciate my connections to people, and feel grateful for what I currently have in my life!  I also have the power to disconnect and/or no longer interact with people and events in my life that cause only negative experiences. I create a positive world for myself and those around me.  I will show empathy to others and live my life with integrity!"

The start of feeling worthy ~ Worthy Wednesday!

Wanna know what most people have in common?  Well, it's the belief that they are not worthy.  They may feel that they are not worthy to be loved, to be with a specific person, have a certain career, or even that they are not worthy of happiness.  

You are worthy!  You matter!  You are unique and special!  You have so much to give the world and others!  If you don't feel these ways than this is something you should work on!   

At least one time a month I will address worthiness on what I will now call "Worthy Wednesday."  This post will be dedicated to helping you work through your feelings of not being worthy and validate you on your own worthiness.  

So, keep posted and print/save this picture quote so that you can look at it and remind yourself that you are on your journey and we will gain the power of worthiness along the way!  

Why it is good that life is pain ~ Spiritual Sunday

I wish I could tell you that life will be easy, but it's not!  Life is not easy and we are not perfect.  I find it interesting that many people have the belief and desire to have a perfect easy life.  I don't know anyone who is problem free and never failed at something.  

What you must understand is you need to have problems, challenges, and failures in your life to make you better and stronger. They are there to test you and teach you lessons. 

For example, look at the people you admire and learn about their lives.  You will learn they had many obstacles.   What you will also discover is that by learning lessons from their difficulties and failures these people became successful.  

You will also discover this same pattern in the characters of most books and movies.  Remember we all have to go though our Hero's Journey.  Here's one of my favorite lines from the Princess Bride:  "Live is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."  

Life is Pain 

The thing is about books, movies, and the life stories of others is we are seeing it from an outside perspective and often in hindsight. We know that things turn out but when we are living in the moment of the challenge it doesn't feel like everything will turn out - it maybe scary, overwhelming, anxiety producing.... But trust me, things will get better and someday you will look back on this moment as the catalyst for giving you strength.  You will see that this moment was there to help you know what you want and don't want in life and to make you achieve your own success!  

Want to overcome being disappointed or overwhelmed - here's how! ~Spiritual Sunday

Ever feel disappointed or overwhelmed?  Yes, of course you have because life isn't easy for anyone. We will always have obstacles in our pathway and how we look at these obstacles helps keep us motivated and will reduce anxiety.  If you are feeling overwhelmed or disappointed than you are looking at the obstacle as something negative or problem that can't be solved.  This doesn't have to happen - we can look at our obstacles as positive things that happen in our lives that make us better - pushes us farther, and teaches us more.  

I know your obstacle is something that is so big you can't overcome or your disappointment is so big that you may never heal.  Let me assure you that you will overcome and heal from these obstacles even though you don't feel it right now.  

Here's one thing you can do help this process.  Think of the obstacle in your life that is causing you difficulty.  Now, think of all the ways this obstacle can provide you with some positive aspects to your life.  The obstacle can give you insight into something you need to change or improve.  Your obstacle is there to help you become stronger and independent.  These obstacles are not in your life to bring you down but to lift you up and be an active participant in your own life.  These are not actually obstacles but instead they are opportunities for you to become the best person that you can be and help you actually have a better life.  

If you are struggling with keeping your thoughts positive because you have negative thoughts taking over than stop them from happening.  You actually do have the power to make them stop - when a negative thought comes to mind counter that thought with a positive one.  It may be difficult at first but keep it up and beat those negative thoughts down over and over and eventually it will get better!  

(Image: Dragonfly on stick with pink hibiscus flower behind blue and green dragonfly with J. Sidlow Baxter quote: "What is the difference between an obstacle and an opportunity?  Our attitude toward it. Every opportunity has a difficulty, and every difficulty has an opportunity.")

The Gift of Friendship - Toolkit Tuesday

Friends are important.  Personally, life without friends would be very lonely.  There's a saying about if you want friends that you should become a friend.  I don't think everyone really understands that concept.  We have all seen one person be mean to another person.  I would have to say that we have all done it too.  I know I have done this in the past.  Over the years I have gone out of my way to always be a good, kind person, even when others are mean to me.  It is a lot harder to be kind to people who hate and are mean, than it is to hate and be mean back.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to still be nice to people who do not have your best interest at heart.  

Sometimes people tell me that I am allowing myself to be taken advantage of or I'm being naive.  I'm not doing either of these things.  I am well aware of the intentions of others, I just choose to live my life by still being a person with empathy.  It takes great strength to have empathy for a person who is unkind or hurtful to you, but living life with empathy makes my life more joyful.  I don't want to be like the other person, I don't want to have negative feelings or hate.  Empathy is a choice, the choice to live a better life.

What people also need to understand is, I have a few definitions of friendship.   Friendship isn't one-sided where only one person gets their needs met.  Friendship is multifaceted and ever changing.  We need friends to help us in life and sometimes we need them there to teach us a lesson we don't really want to learn.  Sometimes we have friends that make bad choices but that doesn't make them bad people.  

Now, do not misunderstand.  If a person is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive then that person is NOT a friend.  If the person consistently does not have your best interest at heart, than that is NOT a friend: friendship is NOT one-sided.  If a person's intention is to harm you in anyway then they are NOT a friend.  

A friend will be there for you in a time of need even.  They may not be able to drop what they are doing at that exact moment but they will still be there for you when they can.  A friend will want you to be successful, even though sometimes they may have to battle demons of envy and jealous. 

Here's another recent article I wrote about friendship: 5 Lessons about Friendship

5 steps to a great year ~ Toolkit Tuesday!

Do you want a great life?

You still have time to make life plans for 2016.  What you focus on you attract (bring into your life).  So, if you want a positive, exciting, and wonderful life you need to actually make plans for this to occur.  You wouldn’t go on a trip or vacation without planning on where you are going and how you are going to get there.  You plan and take action. Live an active life, not a passive one!  Here’s how to plan your pathway to a great year:

1.     Decide on 1 or 2 areas of your life you will be focusing on this year (focusing on too many areas causes cognitive overload, especially for a Dragonfly and will lead to stress).  For example: abundance, love, money, friendships, career, family, fitness, health…  Notice these are just one words and positive.

 

2.     Write down the word on the top of a piece of paper (you will have two papers if you have two areas of focus).  Below the word, write a description of that word.  What does that word mean to you? Keep this positive.  For example: Abundance – having plenty of the positive things I need in my life.  Love – acceptance of myself and others as they are, for whom they are and/or having others accepting me as I am.  Career - A professional occupation that gives my life meaning and purpose where I am valued and earn a significant amount of money and happiness.

   

3.     Give your year a motto and write it down below your definition – something that you can use in a daily mantra to keep you focused on your end result.  For example, “I have abundance in my life.” “Loving myself and others.”  “2016 will be a Best-selling year.”

4.     Below your motto make a list of at least 10 things you WILL be doing to bring your focus word into your life.  A few examples for Abundance would be: Be grateful for the things I already have/ keep focused on what I have instead of what I don’t have/ determine if something is a want or a need…

5.     This is your road-map so read it every day (sometime a few times a day).  Make a copy and put it on the bathroom mirror you use in the morning so you see it first thing every day. 

Finally- read this quote every single morning as you start your day!  

"There are two rules for living in harmony: #1 Don't sweat the small stuff and #2 it's all small" by Richard Carlson

Letting go of the past! Motivational Monday

2015 is GONE so let it go!  The past is the past and you can't do anything about it!  You can't change it so stop reliving it (if you are -if not than good for you!!)

To stay motivated is to stop looking at the past and perservating on it because it will only waste your time.  

Why do you want to waste your time on things you cannot change? Go ahead and think about some of the things from the past but don't live in the past - good or bad memories only take away time from the here and now!  

Today's Motivational Monday pic quote is - "Don't let yesterday use up too much of today" by Will Rogers.  

Keep saying this today every time you get caught up on thinking about anything in the past! 

5 Lessons about friendship

As 2015 comes to an end I want to reflect on 5 lessons I have learned over the years regarding friendships.  

1~  Not everyone is worthy of being your friend. It is okay to be friendly with many people but only those you can trust should you let into your inner friend circles.  Some people only want to be your friend to get their own needs met. 

2~ Your inner friend circles should have different levels.  When you do let someone into your inner friend circles they must earn their way through the levels. How fast the friend go through these levels will vary depending on the person and some may never reach the inner core of your true self.  Friends can move up and down on the different levels but only a very select few should be allowed in this inner core.  These levels are not games but designed to keep you safe and protected.

3~ Let your inner friends know you really care about them. A few years ago my childhood friend Matt was in the hospital for New Years due to a diabetic problem.  Trying to cheer him up I told him "hey, things can't get worse - the year can only go up from here."  Well, I was wrong. Soon I received word from Matt's wife that he went into a diabetic coma and passed away.  He will be forever missed by his wife, two young boys, and his friends.  A few weeks prior to his death, Matt and I met for coffee to discuss our kids and catch up on events. Matt's death was an important lesson for me to make sure those in my inner friend circles know that they matter to me because you never know how much time we have left.

4~ Friendships are not always equally balanced. Since we are all living our own lives we will need friends at different times and in varying degrees. There will be times when your friend needs a shoulder to cry on and you need to be strong and other times when you have hit rock bottom and you need the strength of your friends to help you up.  You should also understand that not all friends will be able to give you what you need.  Your core inner friends are the ones that will be there for you at your worst.  They are the ones that will fight for you when you have no more strength to fight for your self.  

5~ Not all friendships last forever. There will be times when you realize that you are doing all the care-taking.  You will discover that your needs are not being met. This usually happens in times of crisis when you look for support from that friend and each time they are not there for you. When a friendship becomes one-sided it is time to move that person to a different level in the inner friend circle or out of the circle. It isn't always easy to notice this at first because we care so much for this friend and can't believe that they are actually ignoring or abandoning us in our times of need but eventually we realize we are chasing after them. You will notice that you have shared something very personal and your friend goes MIA or is all of a sudden busy.  You keep reaching out to them but notice that you are the one texting/calling/emailing them first. When you are in crisis you should not be the one hunting your friends down they should be there for you. If you are the only one fighting to keep a friendship going then it is time to let go.  If that person wants you in his/her life they will work on repairing the friendship. It's okay for friends to get overwhelmed and not be able to give what you need at the time you need it but true friends tell you this and never abandon you.      

So, in 2016 think about your friendships.  I love this Jon Katz quote:  "I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you.  Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted.  Friends are a part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff."

Motivational Monday seek your own adventure

As the weather gets colder and the winter is approaching it is easy to lose yourself and your goals.  Instead of being motivated to keep after your goals you may decide it is better to curl up with a good movie or book.  Now is the time to focus again on what you would like your life to look like - where do you want to go in your life, what do you want to do?  So on a cold brisk day, take some time out to write down a list of at least 3 goals you want to accomplish before the end of 2015.  Come on, get off the couch and get this done then you can go back to that movie or book.  

Tomorrow once you have had a full night to think about your 3 goals focus on one and go for it right now - head out on your adventure to achieve this goal (either figuratively or literally). 

Ways to deal with unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions from family and friends during the holiday season

 It is holiday time again, and I think it is important to discuss ways to stay positive when feeling judged by family and friends.  Sometimes others do not understand what it is like to be a Dragonfly or to raise a Dragonfly, which leads to unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions.    Comments can range from the covert "Where is his/her coat?" to the more overt "My child would NEVER do/act like that."  or "If they were MY child, they would behave." 

First, remember you have the power to choose how you will react. Do not let them control your behavior with their words.

Second, know that you will NOT change a person's opinions or beliefs unless they are open to changing these opinions and ideas.  

Third, try one of these tactics, depending on what is said:

• Explain instead of defending: "Oh, I thought you knew my son/daughter has [Asperger's, Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD, Dysgraphia...].  His/her behaviors/choices are related to the way the brain is developed.  There's actually a lot to learn about [diagnosis]; if you are ever interested, I'll share some of the research with you."

• Use sarcasm: "Oh, my child has [diagnosis].  What's your excuse for being rude?"  Or, "I'm so glad to know that your parenting skills are so great and your children turned out perfect.  God probably knew that you couldn't handle challenges, so He gave you calm and compliant children.  God knows I'm strong, and therefore He gave me these extra special children who needed a great parent." 

• Use humor:  "Yep, my son/daughter is working on his/her superpowers.  He/she has yet to master the ability to break windows with his/her scream."  

• Ignore the comment and change the subject:  "Oh, hey, I saw on Facebook that you just got a new job what are you doing now."  Or "That's a beautiful sweater where did you get it?  Don't tell me you made it yourself."  

Fourth, you need to know these opinions, judgment, and beliefs are often said out of ignorance, insecurity, or rudeness.  Sometimes people really think they are helpful, but most of the time, people just believe that their opinions of parenting are the "correct" way and yours are wrong.  Remember Confirmation bias (see previous posts for details on this)

The key is to NOT take these thoughts, judgments, and opinions personal.  YOU are doing the best you can do, and that is all that is needed.  You do not need to listen to the advice of others cause YOU are the expert - not them!  

3 questions to answer to live your own life - Motivational Monday

 Here’s a great quote that I use to bring me back to reality ~~  “Stop giving your life away to other people.”   Sometimes I get caught up in living unconsciously just doing what is expected of me as a wife, mother, therapist, businesswoman, and motivator.   I forget that it is very important for me to live authentically – putting me and my needs near the top of the list so I am not living my life to just please others. 

I’ll admit that this isn’t easy, especially if you are a parent.  Parents need to put their children near the top of their lists but we don’t need to let them control our lives.  I know this is difficult.  I’m the mother of three very active children that require a lot of support, transportation, money, time, energy, and guidance.  I have to be an active part of each of their journeys which could, if I allowed it to happen, completely consume my life.  I also have three energetic animal-assisted therapy dogs that are an integral part of my life. 

I sometimes get off of my path and lose my way so I pull out Steve Maraboli’s quote and remind myself that it is my life and I don’t have to give it away to others.  I deserve to live my own life. 

So how do you live your own life without giving it away to others?  Here are 3 questions you need to answer for yourself to get YOU back on your own path – or for the first time on your own path.

1- What makes you happy?  This question is huge and hopefully, the answers are endless.  There is a lot of research over the decades on ‘happiness.’  The results of these studies provide us evidence that happy people have more satisfying relationships and marriages, have higher success (larger incomes & job satisfaction), better health, and live longer.  The problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy.  Yes, they know of a few things that make them happy but have never really delved into the question about what happiness means to them and investigating what makes them happy.  So, start answering these questions for yourself.  Don’t answer that winning the lottery would make you happy – yes, that probably would because you would be free to do more things that make you happy but what are THOSE things?  I also want you to exclude material items in your list of things that make you happy.  Material items do not make us happy.  We become happy because the material items give us a specific feeling – what feeling are you trying to obtain?  What makes you light up?  What do you enjoy doing?  What do you enjoy experiencing?  Make a list and make sure it is long!!!  Get to know yourself! 

2- Are you saying yes when you want to say no?  Are you doing things with the wrong intentions?  Often we do things with the wrong intentions.  We agree to help with a committee for the wrong reasons – because we want to appear as helpful, we feel guilty because no one is stepping up, we are forced to do something… the list goes on and on.  We are giving away our time and energy to others but feel resentful in the end.  Sometimes this may need to occur because it is a part of your job (professionally or parenting) but don’t let it get out of control.   The negative emotions of anger, resentment, bitterness may build up if you keep giving away your time, effort, and energy to a group, committee, or even to another person.  If you are not feeling some pleasure and happiness from the exchange then you need to rethink why you continue to engage.  This doesn’t mean you give up supporting others it just means you need to put up some boundaries.  Don’t allow yourself to be used!  You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  If you think that others will respect and appreciate you because you are always giving then you are very wrong.  People will continue to take advantage of you and your own happiness will actually go down.   

3 – How much do you put your needs and desires first each day?  I know some people who give so much of themselves that they hardly ever take care of their own needs.   So each day you need to do at least 3 things for yourself!  Put yourself first!   You can eat something you want to eat (take care of yourself and make it healthy), watch what you want to watch, go somewhere you want to go, take a 20-minute walk, yoga, or meditation ALONE…. again the list should be endless.  Do something that makes you happy.  This doesn’t mean it has to be selfish.  Maybe you can pay it forward anonymously in some way or do something special for a loved one.  The key is to make decisions for yourself at least 3 times a day. Each night document what you did for yourself that day.  Focus only on the ways you treated yourself with compassion and support.  What you focus on you will expand.  

Finally, remember that you deserve to live a happy life.  Yes, you really do!   

Soul To Soul~~ Dr. Jill Lam

Motivational Monday: Why is Monday bad?

It's Monday.  I'm sure you know this because many people are posting on social media how terrible it is to be Monday. So, why is Monday bad?  

If you love what you do and enjoy your job than Monday shouldn't be bad, right?  

Here's why.  Most people have the weekend off from the daily grind and demands of their work/career/school...  Most people have the most control over their schedule on the weekends.  Weekends are also a time for family, friends, and fun.  Even if you are like me and just enjoy a good movie or book - the weekend is a time to yourself.  

Then Monday comes and we are hit with the reality that we don't have as much freedom and control that we had over the weekend.  We are faced with the fact that we must work in order to really enjoy the things we want to do with our lives. So, it is not Monday really that is bad but the let down from the escape we felt over the weekend.  

What I'd like to say to you on this Monday is this: focus every day on the good things you have in your life.  Focus on your purpose.  Focus on being healthy.  Focus on the positive. Finally, say out loud:  "Good Morning Monday, so glad to have you in my life."  Make your narrator voice positive today!

  

Motivational Monday! Going after what you want!

So, did you make your list yesterday?  If you are not sure what list here's the post that explains: Turning reflection into action.  

Now, think about what you are doing today to work toward your goal.  You must put effort into moving toward your goal or otherwise it will always stay just a dream.  

Remember to believe in yourself even if no one else believes in you.  Also know that I believe in you!  I have faith that you can achieve your goals.  Just focus on working toward making them happen and they will.  

Motivational Monday~ Autumn is a time for reflection

I happen to live in a place where the leaves change creating the most spectacular colors....  then they fall to the earth.  I don't see it as the leaves dying but instead finally finding their purpose and giving back to the world around them.  

See the life of a leaf isn't very long but a leaf is a part of the tree and the tree is the primary life source of a leaf.   What I want you to see is how the leaves are chapters of the tree's life and they fill a purpose.  

We have many different chapters of our lives and when we learn how to focus on our own Hero's Journey of each of these chapters we will become a strong and powerful tree able to withstand anything.  Sometimes our chapters are so challenging we do not think we will survive and other times chapters are so amazing we don't want them to end.  Each journey has a process and with each chapter we change.  

You have control over many things in your life so focus on the things you can change and embrace the change that is happening in you as a result of the nature of life.  

October is a month that reminds me that I am alive and I have many different purposes.  

Taking pictures and making picture quotes is one of my purposes in life.  My purpose is to inspire myself and others to live their best life, know we are not alone, and focus on our own Hero's Journey! 

Motivational Monday with Will Smith

   Will Smith gives great advice and motivates us to be a better person!  Here's a quick video of clips of Will Smith's wisdom.

Your Words and Thoughts have Physical Power - Will Smith

Motivational Monday Vulnerability is a good thing

I speak a lot about shame and being vulnerable.  I'm a big fan of Dr. Brene Brown.  Here are a couple past posts on these subjects:  Shame it needs to STOP and How to help! and Shame and why it needs to stop.

Today, for Motivational Monday I'm going to be vulnerable for a moment and share some personal ways that I have learned to battle my own shame and open myself up to being vulnerable. 

Over the years I had to hide the fact that I didn't read well, I never wanted anyone to know how slow I read because I knew that they would judge me.  I never felt that I was "smart enough."  Because of these experiences I learned ways to cope. I learned ways to communicate verbally to get what I wanted and developed some very intense empathy skills.  

Eventually in school I realized that I really was very smart and shocked that fellow students who were so "book smart" didn't know how to function in the world around them.  I knew how to ask for thing. I knew how to solve problems. I knew how to advocate for myself and most importantly I knew my strengths.  

I realized that everything in life is a lesson to be learned so if something doesn't work out right then I need to figure out a different way to make it work.  If someone doesn't like me than I need to find people who do appreciate me and get rid of the negative people in my life.  I love Brene Brown's quote: "Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer." 

Does it hurt to fail and know when people do not like you, yes it does.  It hurts a lot!  What we have to remember these are real feelings because we are alive and because we have empathy.  Being alive and having empathy is much better than being like the haters who are numb.  The pain of failing just means you are trying and that is much better than the pain of regret for never trying.  

So, know this- You are of value, you are worthy, you are enough!  When you are open to being vulnerable you will be open for a more joyful and creative life - this I promise.  Again, you will feel pain at times but remember that these are just growing pains on the way to having the best life possible.  

HUGS & HIGH FIVES!