The Gift of Friendship - Toolkit Tuesday

Friends are important.  Personally, life without friends would be very lonely.  There's a saying about if you want friends that you should become a friend.  I don't think everyone really understands that concept.  We have all seen one person be mean to another person.  I would have to say that we have all done it too.  I know I have done this in the past.  Over the years I have gone out of my way to always be a good, kind person, even when others are mean to me.  It is a lot harder to be kind to people who hate and are mean, than it is to hate and be mean back.  It takes a lot of strength and courage to still be nice to people who do not have your best interest at heart.  

Sometimes people tell me that I am allowing myself to be taken advantage of or I'm being naive.  I'm not doing either of these things.  I am well aware of the intentions of others, I just choose to live my life by still being a person with empathy.  It takes great strength to have empathy for a person who is unkind or hurtful to you, but living life with empathy makes my life more joyful.  I don't want to be like the other person, I don't want to have negative feelings or hate.  Empathy is a choice, the choice to live a better life.

What people also need to understand is, I have a few definitions of friendship.   Friendship isn't one-sided where only one person gets their needs met.  Friendship is multifaceted and ever changing.  We need friends to help us in life and sometimes we need them there to teach us a lesson we don't really want to learn.  Sometimes we have friends that make bad choices but that doesn't make them bad people.  

Now, do not misunderstand.  If a person is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive then that person is NOT a friend.  If the person consistently does not have your best interest at heart, than that is NOT a friend: friendship is NOT one-sided.  If a person's intention is to harm you in anyway then they are NOT a friend.  

A friend will be there for you in a time of need even.  They may not be able to drop what they are doing at that exact moment but they will still be there for you when they can.  A friend will want you to be successful, even though sometimes they may have to battle demons of envy and jealous. 

Here's another recent article I wrote about friendship: 5 Lessons about Friendship

How to survive heartbreak~ Spiritual Sunday

People are going to hurt you; it's a fact of life!  You will trust someone with your heart, soul, secrets... and for some reason or another they will break this trust. Maybe they don't love you anymore or maybe they never loved you in the first place. Maybe they are too caught up in their own issues to care about yours or maybe they never really did care about your issues to begin with. No matter the reason you will be crushed and will feel like you can't move on~ but you will!  

It will be hard to move on at first because you are in deep pain because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with someone. You showed your authentic self and were rejected. It will take time to heal ~ but you will.  You have a strong spirit in you that is full of love and nurturing.  When you experience heartbreak and disappointment you are learning more about yourself and your strength.  

You are learning that life isn't fair; we don't always get what we want; and not everyone we care about will care about us. You are also learning that you have a choice.  You can become cold and mean or you can open your heart and be a kind and loving person. 

What you focus on you will expand and I'm sure you don't want to focus on these negative feelings anymore so here is what you do...  

"Be the one who nurtures and build.  Be the one who has an understanding and forgiving heart.  Be the one who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them."  

By being a person who focuses on the good in others, gives love and support, and is understanding than you will have a more positive life. Don't let your pain taint you and cause you to be negative.  You have learned some valuable lessons and you need to focus on not repeating them but not allowing them to change you into a cold heartless person.  

When you are feeling the pain (and you will feel it for a long time) allow yourself to feel these emotions for no more than 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes is over than you must think of all the positive things you have in your life!  Contact people who make you feel positive, who support you, and accept you for who you are- feel their love!  Give love to others by helping out friends in need.  Focus on the gifts you have to give the world.  

Finally, if all else fails here's a post on how to let it go when you get stuck!!  High fives and hugs to you as you go through this difficult time!  

Creating the life you want!

Did you know that YOU are the one who creates your life?  You have power to make your life what you want it to be and you are the one who creates YOU!  

Maybe you didn't feel you had the power to changes certain things but you do have the power.  You don't have control over everything but there is so much you do have control over.  Two things you have control over are - your own attitude and how much energy you put into something.  

So don't give up.  Keep working toward your goals and you will create the life you want!  You need to be focused on what you want!  What you focus on you expand so keep focused on what you want to become and you will eventually get there.    Keep posted here because in 2016 I will guide you toward this life you want to create.  In the meantime start thinking about what you want your life to be like!