What the 5 Monkey story can teach you about INSIGHT!

What is Insight?  Insight is "the capacity to gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or a thing."   This can mean having Insight into yourself or others.  

Today as the first day, I want you to gain insight into thinking about behaviors. 

Here's a psychology experiment that you must know about: 

The 5 Monkeys ~~

What this story teaches us is how we are sometimes a product of our environment and have no idea why we do what we do.  With insight we can make conscious changes not only in ourselves but also in the world.

Some of you may question if this was a true experiment and it wasn't but it is based on a true experiment (see below).  If we have insight we can see this happening in our daily lives.  I often hear in school meetings that something was done or going to be done because "it has always been done this way."  Geez that's really scary now if you think about it, right?  

**Reference:

"Stephenson (1967) trained adult male and female rhesus monkeys to avoid manipulating an object and then placed individual naïve animals in a cage with a trained individual of the same age and sex and the object in question. In one case, a trained male actually pulled his naïve partner away from the previously punished manipulandum during their period of interaction, whereas the other two trained males exhibited what were described as "threat facial expressions while in a fear posture" when a naïve animal approached the manipulandum. When placed alone in the cage with the novel object, naïve males that had been paired with trained males showed greatly reduced manipulation of the training object in comparison with controls. Unfortunately, training and testing were not carried out using a discrimination procedure so the nature of the transmitted information cannot be determined, but the data are of considerable interest."

Sources: Stephenson, G. R. (1967). Cultural acquisition of a specific learned response among rhesus monkeys. In: Starek, D., Schneider, R., and Kuhn, H. J. (eds.), Progress in Primatology, Stuttgart: Fischer, pp. 279-288.

Mentioned in: Galef, B. G., Jr. (1976). Social Transmission of Acquired Behavior: A Discussion of Tradition and Social Learning in Vertebrates. In: Rosenblatt, J.S., Hinde, R.A., Shaw, E. and Beer, C. (eds.), Advances in the study of behavior, Vol. 6, New York: Academic Press, pp. 87-88.

Freaky Friday Fun

Have a wild and naked Friday!

(Image: cartoon of a group of cavemen the one wearing a 'loin cloth' is saying to the two who are naked - "Dang! I always forget about casual Friday.")

Elie Wiesel - lessons learned and how to have a better world!

Spiritual Sunday~~ I continue to be heartbroken at the loss of Elie Wiesel!  In the 1980's I was in high school and learned about Mr. Wiesel and read his book "Night."  Reading his book was not an easy task because I'm dyslexic. I struggle at pronouncing unknown words and I'm an exceptionally slow reader but Mr. Wiesel's book kept me inspired to keep reading and motivated me to do a lot of self-reflection. How can I live in a world that allows such injustice?  How can I just stand by and let bad thing happen to others?  I knew I couldn't! I knew that I had to help others!  Although I was just a teenager I knew my purpose in life was to work on making the world a better place. 

Elie Wiesel's life lessons became a part of the fabric of my soul and I re-read his work often, especially on audio.  There is so much to learn about ourselves and the world around us.  I guess this is why I struggle to understand why people have hate and negativity?  I just don't get it!  How can someone intentionally harm someone else - physically, mentally, socially, emotionally...? It makes me sick to my stomach when I hear someone justify their actions - tell me that the other person had it coming, that they had to right to defend themselves, that it's the person's own fault for being poor....  How can you not see from another person's perspective?  

I work daily to live with integrity and yet see and experience so much hate and indifference.  I don't understand how some people don't comprehend that what we focus on we expand.  When we attempt to make the world a better place by fighting the "War on drugs" or the "War on guns" or "Anti-bullying" all we are doing is magnifying drugs, guns, bullying... We need to teach empathy, compassion, and HELP those addicted.  War begets war and eventually there is so much war, hatred, violence that people become immune and indifferent.  I learned from "Elie Wiesel "Indifference to me, is the epitome of all evil."  

People are so self-absorbed with material items, money, status, and number of "likes" and followers on social media that they have lost most of their humanity.  I have sat in school meetings where the staff fights hard against providing an education to a child. Often they blame the child or parents for the fact that the child is not learning instead of taking responsibility and teaching the child appropriately.  I could tell you some horrific stories about how those who are paid to educate our children attack them by blaming and shaming them.  Educators are not paid to crush the self-esteem of children yet is accepted and condoned all the time. Sports coaches often do the same things. But why is all this allowed - why do people in power think they have the right to break the spirit of another person.  

As a counselor I am helping many people overcome the traumas from their childhood.  It is heartbreaking to hear the stories about teachers, coaches, and even parents causing such damage to another human-being.    "Every single human-being is a unique human-being and therefore it is so criminal to do something to that human-being- he or she represents humanity."  

So here's what you can do to make the world a better place... YOU CAN MAKE YOU BETTER.  YOU CAN LIFE YOUR LIFE EVERY DAY WITH INTEGRITY!  YOU CAN WORK HARD TO SEE ANOTHER PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE AND YOU CAN FOCUS ON HOW TO THINK AND FEEL DEEPER!  

(Elie Wiesel- cnn video)

Is Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes ADHD?

Today, July 5, is the birthday of William “Bill” Boyd Watterson II, American Artist and author of the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.  Mr. Watterson will be 59 years old today.   The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes ran from 1985 to 1995 and was in more than 2,400 newspapers worldwide. 

Calvin, the 6 year old main focus of his comic strip was and is loved my many.  There has also been intense discussions in the Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder community as to whether or not Calvin has ADHD.  Mr. Watterson never came right out and reported that Calvin was ADHD but I guess Mr. Watterson didn’t go into creating the comic strip with the intention on having Calvin ADHD.  

No parent plans or wants their child to have ADHD.  Parents discover their child has ADHD as the child grows and develops.  I think there is agreement in this ADHD community that Calvin fits the criteria for ADHD: he has a difficult time staying focused, hyperactive, impulsive, creative, and enthusiastic!  The thing is--- it doesn’t matter if Mr. Watterson intended this to be ADHD or not.  Just because a diagnosis can be made does not take away from the great traits we love about Calvin and his imaginary tiger friend, Hobbes.  In fact, we actually love Calvin BECAUSE of his ADHD traits.  Calvin’s imagination, creativity, energy, lack of attention, and view of the world are the gifts that Mr. Watterson gave to this character.  Our kids with ADHD don't need to be shamed for their ADHD traits - adults need to appreciate these ADHD traits just like we appreciate and enjoy Calvin. 

So Happy Birthday, Mr. Watterson, thank you for giving us the gift of Calvin and Hobbes (as well as your other wonderful cartoons).  

Mr. Watterson is on my list of people I’d love to have lunch with.  Since he lives a couple hours north of me I could venture to hunt him down but I will refrain out of respect.  After Mr. Watterson ended his Calvin and Hobbes comic strip he became a “recluse.”  He has worked hard to stay out of the public eye, he declines interviews, appearances, and refuses to license his characters.  There is speculation that he has anxiety and social phobia.  It doesn’t matter if that’s true or not I believe he is a true Dragonfly and just like all Dragonflies they are best when viewed in their natural state instead of held captive.  

You ARE under the control of others- Don't think so? Then check this out!

I was recently thinking about the Stanley Milgram experiment and realized this is a good topic for people to understand.  This is an experiment done in 1961 and provided us evidence that people will follow the directions of an authority figure even if they feel they should not be doing what they are asked to do- in Milgram’s experiment 65% of participants continued to shock another person because a person in authority told them to even though the participant could hear the other person is in pain and asking to stop.  Here’s a quick clip of that:

People often say that in current times with all the sensitivity training, people will stand up to authority figures more and not do something just because a person an authority tells them to do it; but that is not the case.  Here are a couple more recent clips of this experiment:

Now watch this guy-   

When I teach about this in college psychology classes I always have students tell me that they would NOT follow a person in authority.   So I put them to the test.  I don’t have the Milgram machine but I would do something else.  Here’s what I did. 

About a week after the discussion of the Milgram experiment (and Stanford Prison experiment) I told the class I want them to know what it is like to be the teacher and each gets a turn up front of the classroom. I asked for volunteers for the teacher role and had this person step outside the room and wait on me to come out and tell him/her what he/she will talk about.  I told the rest of the class their job was to ignore the “student-teacher,” I told them to make the “student-teacher” annoyed and flustered.  If the “student-teacher” asked them a question they were to refuse to answer or give an inappropriate answer.  I then went out to the “student-teacher” and told him/her to engage the students – ask questions, make eye-contact, motive them, and get them interacting. 

What happened was exactly as expected.  The more the students treated the “student-teacher” poorly the more distraught the “student-teacher” became.  Some students were uncomfortable but continued anyway looking over at me to stop the exercise.  Every student participated.  I did not have one student not do what I asked them to do.  When I did stop the exercise I asked the students what they learned from the lesson and was told – “it’s hard being a teacher.”  When I pointed out that they just validated Milgram’s experiment – that people are obedient to an authority figure even if they do not agree with the activity or request.  Students were shocked and disappointed in themselves.  I did point out that each student may not have done what was told to them if they were alone because another thing we learn in Social Psychology is people will more easily engage in inappropriate behaviors if in a group. 

People comply with authority much more than you think – YOU do it almost daily, especially if you work.  When you are in a work environment you are told what to do and how to do it.  You are given assignments and comply.  Sometimes you are told to do something that may be wrong or unethical.  You may not even know it is wrong or unethical because you trust the person/people in authority.  What if you know or suspect it is wrong?  Do you say something or refuse to do it?  What if you did say something or choose not to do the requested activity, would you fear the loss of your job or retaliation?  These are some tough decisions and obviously must be weighed against what the person/people in authority is/are asking you to do. 

Now think about this, why do you think students who have learning disabilities do not receive an appropriate education, denied services, or denied an IEP/504?  Do you think it is one individual (teacher, administrator, school psychologist…) who wants to deny this child an opportunity to learn?  Most likely it is not a person but a school district itself.  Someone in authority has told staff that there can only be a limited number of students in special education, on IEP’s/504, and what services can and cannot be provided.  When it comes down to it, schools are businesses and sometimes people who are not on the front lines make decisions that are not conducive to the education of students with learning disabilities.  These people make policies and procedures and teachers and administrators follow these even if they are actually violating a student’s rights.  Many times teachers and administrators are just doing what they are told to do from the people in the central office.  When we really look at it we can see that the ones who are really running the schools are the people in the highest authority. As a parent of a child with a learning disability how many times have you been told by a teacher that know your child is struggling but they can’t say/do anything about it because of the people above them.  Many teachers have told parents things only to deny saying these things in meetings because they don’t want to get into trouble with their bosses.   

Stanley Milgram said it best with this quote: “Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority.”

We need to teach our children that they are to be HEROES!   As a society we need to support people who are “whistleblowers” instead of condoning companies and even school districts to lead with a culture of “don’t question, just do – because those that question will lose their jobs.”  People should not be punished or condemned because they followed the directions of an authority figure especially if they have power and control of their paycheck until we live in a society that values independence and respects people who question the actions of authority figures. 

We must also teach our children know they have a voice and to ask those in authority “why” they are being asked to do something.  We need to help empower children say “no” if they do not feel something is right.  We need to make these changes so our world can be better! Watch the next video and see what it would be like if people felt empowered to stand up to authority! 

Finally, here’s one of my heroes, Phil Zimbardo discussing The Psychology of Evil in a 20 minute TED talk.  Watch this, learn from it, and put into practice the suggestions he has near the end of his talk. 

Stop the shaming: why ceremonies and graduations need to change

It is that time of year again & I am sharing this post because it is vital for these ceremonies to change!  I know some are worse than others.  It was originally written & published years ago after sitting for over 3 hours at my son's 8th-grade graduation where only a very select group of students were praised. Sadly, it still holds true today.  Thanks so much for taking time to read this - if there are any grammar errors please forgive them (editing is not my strength).

The end of the school year brings with it many award ceremonies and graduations.  As an inclusionist, I am not fond of these event!!  Many (although not all) of these events are designed to exclude and shame students into what our society considers acceptable behaviors and standards of success.  True, students who achieve should be rewarded and acknowledged; heck, almost all students want to be acknowledged.  I think all students who attend the ceremony should receive an award.  This does NOT mean I believe we should give all students an award, what it means is that only those students who are receiving awards should be required to attend the ceremony.    Students who are subjected to sit through a 1-3 hour long awards ceremony or graduation and not receive one accolade are not being motivated to become a better student or athlete. 

Often a reason given as to why students should be acknowledged for their hard work and effort in front of their nonperforming peers is because this motivates students to work harder.   Really?  Students getting good grades, high test scores, or achieving athletic success are not necessarily the ones putting forth the most effort.   We are doing our students a disservice by only shining a light on achievements and failing to embrace diversity. 

Schools often report they are sensitive to diversity yet they only mean race, gender, and ethnicity.  What about the diversity of learning?   Some students will work exceptionally hard and only earn C’s while for other students learning is easy, therefore they earn A’s.  Yes, the “C” student could have all A’s too but it is up to the teachers to educate this student appropriately (this is their educational right – to receive a free and appropriate education).  I heard a teacher recently state in her speech about the academic award recipient; “she is so easy to teach... students like her are the reason why people get into teaching.”   My heart sank, of course, this student is easy to teach. This student doesn’t have a learning disability causing struggles with reading, math, or writing.   The message was loud and clear, teachers don’t get into teaching to have challenging students they get into it so they can reap the rewards of a student who excels easily.  Okay, to be fair, that may not have been the speakers intended message but it sure could be interpreted that way.

Sports are another example of how school exclude and shame students.  A few weeks ago I wrote details about this topic in my "Lessons from The Breakfast Club"  post.  Not all students have the ability or talent to play sports although some may have the desire.  When schools put talented athletes on a pedestal and worship these students they are sending a message to other students that in order to be successful you must be athletically talented.  If you don’t believe this then look at our society as a whole; how much does a professional athlete get paid compared to a teacher. 

Sometimes schools try to pretend that they are including all students by having “student of the year” or “star student” awards.  This is not true inclusion.  You are kidding yourself if you think that each and every student had an equal chance to earn one of these awards.  Did the staff really consider the student with severe ADHD who has difficulty with impulse control?  How about the student who has Asperger’s and is struggling with learning social skills or is awkward?  I bet the student who was bullied so severely he became depressed and withdrawn wasn’t given a second thought.  Students who are challenging or have challenges are not often picked for these awards.   So, face it, this is not true inclusion; it is a facade.  Also, be careful of another facade - when the obviously disabled student gets an award just so the school can say ...  "look at us, aren't we amazing, we just honored a student who has a major disability..."  Umm this isn't genuine & only done for the thrill of inspiration porn.  This is NOT okay either. 

So, here is my proposal to all school districts across the country.  Over the summer decide what you consider the values we should be instilling in our children.   Take a good hard look at the way you are rewarding students.  Do you make the students with good grades stand-up in front of their non-achieving peers and tell these peers that they too can have these honors and rewards if they only tried hard enough?  Do you have ceremonies where everyone is invited but only a few get rewarded?  Do you give out student of the year awards, if so - really look to see if all students have equal opportunity for these awards?  Learn about confirmation bias (you like someone so you see most things they do in a positive light – you dislike someone so you see most things they do in a negative light).  Once you fully understand confirmation bias go back over and answer the last question: Do all students have an equal chance of winning “student of the year” or “star student?”  Now, relearn confirmation bias again and repeat the last question one final time.  If you still believe that all students have an equal chance than you don’t understand confirmation bias.    

Am I saying that there should be no more award ceremonies and graduations?  No, I am not saying this at all.  Go ahead and have these events but only require the students receiving awards to attend and if anyone else wants to attend they can make that choice but do not force students to attend hour long ceremonies/graduations where EVERYONE ELSE gets rewarded and praised.  Graduation ceremonies can be wonderful celebrations when focused on all students.  Call each student up and reward them with their certificate (don't just call their name as they walk in & go to a seat with their "graduation award" is sitting on the chair), if they received other awards announce them at that time – this way each and every student gets the opportunity to walk across the stage (front of a room) and be recognized.  Remember that almost everyone wants to be acknowledged and accepted.  Schools should focus on inclusion and quit reinforcing a “haves versus have-nots” climate.  Now is the time for change and acceptance.  Just because the ceremonies and graduations have always been done a specific way does NOT mean they must continue that way.  Remember we were once a nation where: slavery existed, women were not allowed to vote, and racial segregation was acceptable.  We now know better so we should do better.   We need to embrace the diversity that each and every student has and acknowledge their strengths instead of measuring them as successful under one specific set of standards.      

(Here's another post about shaming- Stop the Shaming Pt. 2) 

What's it like to have depression and what to do

Depression is real!  For people who battle depression it can also be the loneliest time as well because not everyone understands depression.  They will tell you to "just get over it" or try to make you smile and then say "see, don't you feel better now?"  

People with depression can't just 'get over it' or smile and then all the world is good again.  People with depression wear masks all the time, a mask of happiness, success, satisfaction, or anything to hide reality that they are drowning! 

This says... "And the worst part is....   

"...No one knows how close I am to drowning."  

It is not that people with depression don't want help.  In fact many people with depression ask for help frequently.  They tell others in so many ways but often people don't notice and this can add to their depression.  People with depression often want people to care and to notice but as soon as someone notices shame and guilt kicks in and makes the depression worse.  At these times a depressed person may put on a mask and say they are "fine" or they may pull away all together. (Image: "We all want someone to noice, but as soon as they do, we wish they never did.")

This isn't because the depressed person is playing games.  The depressed person often doesn't have the energy for games.

(Image: "Every Thought is a battle, every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore.")

People with depression often don't see an end to the pain and suffering so telling them that everything will be okay doesn't help.  

(Image: "That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end.")

What often happens at this time of the year for a person with depression is they actually find out who their true friends are.  

(Image: "Hard times will always reveal true friends.")

A person with depression shares just a little of their depression with someone to know if that person is safe or not.  They are looking for how you handle their fragile side and if you are worth letting in to their dark side.  People with depression have often learned the hard way on who not to trust. 
(Image: If someone trusts you enough to tell you personal things such as their struggles with depression or what anxiety feels like or just how they feel in general, please don't be a shitty person by belittling it just because you've never experienced it. It feels like shit to be told your feelings don't matter by the one person you actually trusted enough to tell.")

If you respond the way the person with depression needs you to respond they will open up.  The key is they don't want you to solve the problem or save them.  They want you to be beside them as they go through their own struggles.  People with depression want to know they are not alone.  If they shut you out and you don't put any energy into trying to break down that wall they know you are not trustworthy so they will stop sharing with you.  You will not actually be there for them when it really counts.  
(Image: "I don't want you to save me. I want you to stand by my side as I save myself.")

 So, maybe you have a depressed person in your life and you don't know what to say to them.  Here's one of my favorite quotes that I would love to have someone say to me when I am in my dark side...  "I'm here.  I love you.  I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you.  There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love.  I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you.  I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."  

 Wow - this is often exactly what the depressed person not only needs to hear but they need to feel it too - if someone you love is depressed  - show them that you will be there for them.  Actions speak louder than words.  If you don't like to talk then ask questions!  Get the person talking and then listen - really listen. DO NOT give advice or say things like 'get over it' or 'it's no big deal,' or 'I've been depressed too.'  Remember that being there for them is also not talking about YOUR problems and how difficult life is for YOU!  When you talk about yourself and ignoring how vulnerable it was for the person with depression to share with you than you are not someone they will open up to in the future.  Their depression isn't about YOU!

 The key is be there for them!  When a depressed person tells you they are depressed don't abandon or ignore them especially if they have a plan. If they have a plan you must seek help from professionals.!