Resolution to make mistakes!

Life is not perfect and you are not perfect so why are you so afraid of making mistakes and expecting things to work out perfectly?  

We learn so much more from the mistakes we make so go ahead and make them.  

Here's something similar you should write for your New Year's Resolution: 

I will give myself permission to make mistakes!  

• I will stop beating myself up when things don't work out as I expected - my expectations may be way off!

• I will stop stressing out over things when they go wrong - I am learning a lot of important lessons!

• I will stop throwing away the whole project/adventure when I can't get it right the first few times.  I am learning what works and what doesn't work - I will give my projects/adventures time and give myself time to figure things out!

• I will take risks, try new things, and allow things to happen naturally.  

Here's a great quote I think you should read each week for the year 2016~~~

(Image: "I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.

So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.

Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.

Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” ~Neil Gaiman)

First step in new year's resolution

In a few more days it will be a new year and so many of you might be thinking about your new year's resolutions.  As you are thinking about this I ask you to reflect on what your primary goal is - often it is to have a happy life or for happiness.

Happiness is not an end destination but a theme that run through your daily life based on the choices you make.  

So as you are making your list - focus on things that will give you a will lived life - a life with integrity. 

If you want a good relationship than put effort into that relationship to make it good - don't just hope that things work out.

If you want to be healthier than write goals that will help you live a healthy life.

You get the picture, right - focus on what you want & it will expand.  

5 Lessons about friendship

As 2015 comes to an end I want to reflect on 5 lessons I have learned over the years regarding friendships.  

1~  Not everyone is worthy of being your friend. It is okay to be friendly with many people but only those you can trust should you let into your inner friend circles.  Some people only want to be your friend to get their own needs met. 

2~ Your inner friend circles should have different levels.  When you do let someone into your inner friend circles they must earn their way through the levels. How fast the friend go through these levels will vary depending on the person and some may never reach the inner core of your true self.  Friends can move up and down on the different levels but only a very select few should be allowed in this inner core.  These levels are not games but designed to keep you safe and protected.

3~ Let your inner friends know you really care about them. A few years ago my childhood friend Matt was in the hospital for New Years due to a diabetic problem.  Trying to cheer him up I told him "hey, things can't get worse - the year can only go up from here."  Well, I was wrong. Soon I received word from Matt's wife that he went into a diabetic coma and passed away.  He will be forever missed by his wife, two young boys, and his friends.  A few weeks prior to his death, Matt and I met for coffee to discuss our kids and catch up on events. Matt's death was an important lesson for me to make sure those in my inner friend circles know that they matter to me because you never know how much time we have left.

4~ Friendships are not always equally balanced. Since we are all living our own lives we will need friends at different times and in varying degrees. There will be times when your friend needs a shoulder to cry on and you need to be strong and other times when you have hit rock bottom and you need the strength of your friends to help you up.  You should also understand that not all friends will be able to give you what you need.  Your core inner friends are the ones that will be there for you at your worst.  They are the ones that will fight for you when you have no more strength to fight for your self.  

5~ Not all friendships last forever. There will be times when you realize that you are doing all the care-taking.  You will discover that your needs are not being met. This usually happens in times of crisis when you look for support from that friend and each time they are not there for you. When a friendship becomes one-sided it is time to move that person to a different level in the inner friend circle or out of the circle. It isn't always easy to notice this at first because we care so much for this friend and can't believe that they are actually ignoring or abandoning us in our times of need but eventually we realize we are chasing after them. You will notice that you have shared something very personal and your friend goes MIA or is all of a sudden busy.  You keep reaching out to them but notice that you are the one texting/calling/emailing them first. When you are in crisis you should not be the one hunting your friends down they should be there for you. If you are the only one fighting to keep a friendship going then it is time to let go.  If that person wants you in his/her life they will work on repairing the friendship. It's okay for friends to get overwhelmed and not be able to give what you need at the time you need it but true friends tell you this and never abandon you.      

So, in 2016 think about your friendships.  I love this Jon Katz quote:  "I think if I've learned anything about friendship, it's to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you.  Don't walk away, don't be distracted, don't be too busy or tired, don't take them for granted.  Friends are a part of the glue that holds life and faith together. Powerful stuff."

Letting it go

It has been a few days since I posted anything because I had surgery (anterior cervical spine fusion C5-C7) almost a week ago.  

I had heard really good things about this surgery and went in with a positive attitude that my surgery will turn out well.  I am glad to say the surgery did turn out well. I do have a few complications in the recovery process. I didn't realize that "your throat will be sore" actually meant you will be in severe pain and not be able to swallow liquid or food.  I have never had to actually chew Jello before and I choke on sips of water.  The good news is things are slowly getting better every day.

The other area that did not turn out as expected is how I would be supported in recovery.  I don't know why I expected that I would come home the day of surgery and others would help take over my job duties.  Oh, I know why I expected this.... the doctor told me that I was to just sit back and don't do anything but focus on getting better. 

Well, I am the kind of person who hates to see my job duties not completed so I have still been washing dishes, cleaning the house, cooking meals, wrapping gifts, and even doing some last minute Christmas shopping with one of my kids.  I had expected the people in my life to stop me from doing these things when I started doing them or prevent me from even starting by having them already done.  

Please understand I am not complaining about those in my life who have not been taking care of me.  They are all doing the best they can. I am actually admitting that I had unrealistic expectations... AGAIN!  

It has been a big "ah-ha" moment for me to realize that my expectations for others are still too high.  I have always had these dreams that others will do things for me, celebrate things with me, want to help me, listen to me, or even really get to know me and then boom these ideas explode like a overfilled balloon.  

So I have decided the best way for me to get through this holiday season is to just let go.  I will let go of my disappointment and let the past be the past.  I can't change the way things have happened or how other people act but I can choose to let go and let the past be the past.  

I wrote this today to let it out of my system so I can move on.  Here it is out in the open and now I will just let it go.  I will be realistic and know that I will be hurt in the future by exceptions because it is my nature to want to be treated a specific way and once in a while. I will always have dreams that I will be treated like I matter. 

  

Words from Parents and Dragonflies Wednesday - empowerment

"I was once told that I wouldn't be successful in my life by a teacher who was trying to motivate me to work harder.  I was working as hard as I could.  I am a success now but it was not because this teacher tried to make me feel bad about not being able to read but because I had great parents who told me that I didn't have to believe the opinions teachers have about me.  My parents helped me learn that the opinions of others are just that, opinions and the thing that matters is my opinion of myself."

*quote from a graduate student with dyslexia.

Just keep going......

Sometimes you will feel like you don't want to keep going because you don't have a clear vision of where you are going so you don't know if you are even heading in the right direction.  I say.... keep on going.  Don't give up and keep moving.  I know you are worried that you might not be going in the right direction and waste a lot of time and energy but I say...  Don't worry you are learning so much on this adventure.  There are no wrong directions because we can learn so much from the experiences we have and the people we meet.  The key is ... Don't give up!

Creating the life you want!

Did you know that YOU are the one who creates your life?  You have power to make your life what you want it to be and you are the one who creates YOU!  

Maybe you didn't feel you had the power to changes certain things but you do have the power.  You don't have control over everything but there is so much you do have control over.  Two things you have control over are - your own attitude and how much energy you put into something.  

So don't give up.  Keep working toward your goals and you will create the life you want!  You need to be focused on what you want!  What you focus on you expand so keep focused on what you want to become and you will eventually get there.    Keep posted here because in 2016 I will guide you toward this life you want to create.  In the meantime start thinking about what you want your life to be like!  

Cartoon Saturday ~ Crazy Train

Someone you should know: Caiseal Mor, Autistic Artist

People often do not understand Autism and Asperger's.  There is this crazy belief that people on "The Spectrum" do not have creativity or imagination.  This is WRONG!  This is the problem: People are assuming that the desire for structure, consistency, and routines means a person lacks creativity and imagination.  These are very different and should NOT be confused.  People on "The Spectrum" are able to be very creative and imaginative.  One of the symptoms of autism is to look for a lack of pretend or imaginative play; but who are we to judge what is pretend or imaginary if we don't know what is going on in the child's head?  

It is no wonder why there are so many children out there misdiagnosed.  To make matters worse there is a negative perception of the Autism and Asperger's labels. This is why it is vital to make sure the person diagnosing you or your child has the knowledge and expertise in all types of disabilities (you know the saying "to a hammer everything looks like a nail").  Make sure they are experts in all these disabilities - that is the KEY!   

Here's someone you should know:  Caiseal Mor!  Check out the creativity from a person diagnosed with Autism.  Isn't he great! Isn't it great to openly accept people for the gifts they give the world instead of perceiving that something is wrong with them because they are not like the "average" population?

Pilgrimage - Music and video by Caiseal Mor

He also has a interesting website you must check out: http://www.mahjee.com/mahjeedrums.html

Motivational Monday seek your own adventure

As the weather gets colder and the winter is approaching it is easy to lose yourself and your goals.  Instead of being motivated to keep after your goals you may decide it is better to curl up with a good movie or book.  Now is the time to focus again on what you would like your life to look like - where do you want to go in your life, what do you want to do?  So on a cold brisk day, take some time out to write down a list of at least 3 goals you want to accomplish before the end of 2015.  Come on, get off the couch and get this done then you can go back to that movie or book.  

Tomorrow once you have had a full night to think about your 3 goals focus on one and go for it right now - head out on your adventure to achieve this goal (either figuratively or literally). 

Cartoon Saturday - Thanksgiving too short!

I struggle trying to understand how we, as Americans can spend one Thursday being grateful and giving thanks then spend the next four days on materialism.  

I wish we had a simpler life where we spend days appreciating people in our lives and the things we already have.  Instead we are pushed into consumerism!  

3 ways to celebrate your goals!

While on your hero's journey you will have some adventures where you will work harder and face more challenges. You will set out on a quest that is almost impossible. You will put in a lot of effort and energy.  You will give it your all -- every ounce of your blood, sweat, and tears!  You will eventually reach your goal and achieve something you at times thought you'd never conquer. 

People in your life are aware that this was a hard adventure and you worked diligently to reach a goal.  Finally, you reached this goal and expect that these people would be as excited as you. You will expect them to want to celebrate to the same degree that you want to celebrate. 

The thing is, not everyone will be excited for you.  Some of these people will be jealous and that you reached a goal that was hard because they know they will never reach that goal.  Some of these people will be so caught up in their own lives that they will not even be aware of how hard this goal was and how important it is to celebrate; so they will do nothing but say "hey congratulations."   

Hopefully, chances are you will have a few people in your life that will actually be as excited as you are about achieving this goal and be willing to throw you a party, announce it to the world for you, buy you a small token/gift to honor the event, or take you to a special lunch/dinner. 

There's also a chance that you will not have anyone in your life that will step up and celebrate this goal you worked so hard to achieve. You must always remember that Fairy Tales do not exist.  No one will come to slay the dragons or assure that there is a big feast to celebrate if you are the one that slays the dragon.  Therefore, YOU must be your own hero.  

So make sure that YOU give yourself the kudos you deserve. Don't wait for someone to celebrate your hard earned goal because this may only lead to disappointment and heartbreak.  Take control over your celebration as you took control over earning this achievement! 

Here are 3 things you can and should do to give yourself the affirmation you deserve!

1~ Send out your own announcements so you can let everyone know.  Some people may perceive that it is bragging if you share with them that you earned a degree, opened a business, started a new career, or won a battle with an illness/injury but don't let that stop you.  There is nothing wrong with sharing your accomplishments with the people in your life.  Don't post it on a social media post ~~ make it special by sending it via mail!  

2~ Reward yourself with something very special and meaningful.  Here are a few ideas: a piece of jewelry (special charm, ring, or pendent related to the event), a piece of art work, a plant (something hearty & will last long), a book, or you could even get something pierced or a tattoo.   It doesn't have to cost a lot of money it just has to be something tangible so you can keep it forever to remind yourself of the hard work you put into your goal and that you achieved this goal!  For example you could collect beads for each goal you reach and a very special bead for major achievements and keeps these on a string.  

3~ Take some quiet time alone to reflect on your hard work and achievement.  This can be sipping a glass of wine, beer, or even coffee.  You can do this alone at your favorite restaurant, outside at a park, or at your own kitchen table.  Reflect on how much effort you put into this goal and how you finally reached the end destination.  Say to yourself "I'm so proud of you~~ you did it!"  Take as long as you need to soak in all what you have done and then start thinking of your new goals.  Remember that what we focus on we expand and life is not about the end destination but about the journeys we have along the way.  So start making plans for your next hero's journey.     

Ways to deal with unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions from family and friends during the holiday season

 It is holiday time again, and I think it is important to discuss ways to stay positive when feeling judged by family and friends.  Sometimes others do not understand what it is like to be a Dragonfly or to raise a Dragonfly, which leads to unwanted advice, judgment, and opinions.    Comments can range from the covert "Where is his/her coat?" to the more overt "My child would NEVER do/act like that."  or "If they were MY child, they would behave." 

First, remember you have the power to choose how you will react. Do not let them control your behavior with their words.

Second, know that you will NOT change a person's opinions or beliefs unless they are open to changing these opinions and ideas.  

Third, try one of these tactics, depending on what is said:

• Explain instead of defending: "Oh, I thought you knew my son/daughter has [Asperger's, Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD, Dysgraphia...].  His/her behaviors/choices are related to the way the brain is developed.  There's actually a lot to learn about [diagnosis]; if you are ever interested, I'll share some of the research with you."

• Use sarcasm: "Oh, my child has [diagnosis].  What's your excuse for being rude?"  Or, "I'm so glad to know that your parenting skills are so great and your children turned out perfect.  God probably knew that you couldn't handle challenges, so He gave you calm and compliant children.  God knows I'm strong, and therefore He gave me these extra special children who needed a great parent." 

• Use humor:  "Yep, my son/daughter is working on his/her superpowers.  He/she has yet to master the ability to break windows with his/her scream."  

• Ignore the comment and change the subject:  "Oh, hey, I saw on Facebook that you just got a new job what are you doing now."  Or "That's a beautiful sweater where did you get it?  Don't tell me you made it yourself."  

Fourth, you need to know these opinions, judgment, and beliefs are often said out of ignorance, insecurity, or rudeness.  Sometimes people really think they are helpful, but most of the time, people just believe that their opinions of parenting are the "correct" way and yours are wrong.  Remember Confirmation bias (see previous posts for details on this)

The key is to NOT take these thoughts, judgments, and opinions personal.  YOU are doing the best you can do, and that is all that is needed.  You do not need to listen to the advice of others cause YOU are the expert - not them!  

Cartoon Saturday - Soccer Mom

 Being a soccer mom is sometimes a full time job so for all those other sports mom's out there - this is for you:

Understanding the brain- The McGurk Effect!

Freaky Fun Fact Friday!  We can't always believe what we see and hear.  Do you know about the McGurk Effect?  Watching this video to learn all about it - hmmm interesting right?  This is why it is difficult for some people to fully understand what people are saying and can cause miscommunication.  

Direct link to the McGurk Effect

What brain are you?

The Sequential Brain VS the Spatial Brain

One is NOT better than the other ~~

Just different!

Spiritual Sunday- How to show love

Take some time today to show your love to others.  We sometimes get caught up in our own lives that we forget to show others in our lives that we love them.  This is not showing them in ways that you would want someone to show you love - that's the Golden Rule.  If you are a follower you know that I don't agree with the Golden Rule, instead we need to practice the Platinum Rule (Why We Should NOT follow the Golden Rule).  

Today, pay attention to what the other person wants and treat them how THEY want to be treated.  If you are not sure how that person defines love then watch how they treat others (or you).  If they listen to you intently then they perceive this as a loving act so you should listen to them intently.  If they want to spend time with the people they love then that is how they will feel loved.  

The key is to focus on the other person's needs from the other person's perspective - NOT your perspective!  Think about what this cartoon shows:

This is not a sign of love but a sign of egocentric thinking.  

So, today, please focus on the needs of someone else as a sign of love but do not do it with the expectation of getting something in return.  Show love to just show love and no other reason.  It will make your life better!

Here's one of my favorite quotes!  Everyone deserves to love and be loved.  Have a great Sunday my Dragonfly Friends!

Cartoon Saturday ADHD Me

Love all of you!

We are all complex.  We have in us both a dark side and a light side.  Some people in our lives don't want to ever see our dark side. For you that person may even be yourself.  What we have to do is love ourselves as a whole not just specific parts of us.  You are worthy to be loved for who you are - all of you. Take time today to embrace yourself - all of you!  

3 questions to answer to live your own life - Motivational Monday

 Here’s a great quote that I use to bring me back to reality ~~  “Stop giving your life away to other people.”   Sometimes I get caught up in living unconsciously just doing what is expected of me as a wife, mother, therapist, businesswoman, and motivator.   I forget that it is very important for me to live authentically – putting me and my needs near the top of the list so I am not living my life to just please others. 

I’ll admit that this isn’t easy, especially if you are a parent.  Parents need to put their children near the top of their lists but we don’t need to let them control our lives.  I know this is difficult.  I’m the mother of three very active children that require a lot of support, transportation, money, time, energy, and guidance.  I have to be an active part of each of their journeys which could, if I allowed it to happen, completely consume my life.  I also have three energetic animal-assisted therapy dogs that are an integral part of my life. 

I sometimes get off of my path and lose my way so I pull out Steve Maraboli’s quote and remind myself that it is my life and I don’t have to give it away to others.  I deserve to live my own life. 

So how do you live your own life without giving it away to others?  Here are 3 questions you need to answer for yourself to get YOU back on your own path – or for the first time on your own path.

1- What makes you happy?  This question is huge and hopefully, the answers are endless.  There is a lot of research over the decades on ‘happiness.’  The results of these studies provide us evidence that happy people have more satisfying relationships and marriages, have higher success (larger incomes & job satisfaction), better health, and live longer.  The problem is many people don’t even know what makes them happy.  Yes, they know of a few things that make them happy but have never really delved into the question about what happiness means to them and investigating what makes them happy.  So, start answering these questions for yourself.  Don’t answer that winning the lottery would make you happy – yes, that probably would because you would be free to do more things that make you happy but what are THOSE things?  I also want you to exclude material items in your list of things that make you happy.  Material items do not make us happy.  We become happy because the material items give us a specific feeling – what feeling are you trying to obtain?  What makes you light up?  What do you enjoy doing?  What do you enjoy experiencing?  Make a list and make sure it is long!!!  Get to know yourself! 

2- Are you saying yes when you want to say no?  Are you doing things with the wrong intentions?  Often we do things with the wrong intentions.  We agree to help with a committee for the wrong reasons – because we want to appear as helpful, we feel guilty because no one is stepping up, we are forced to do something… the list goes on and on.  We are giving away our time and energy to others but feel resentful in the end.  Sometimes this may need to occur because it is a part of your job (professionally or parenting) but don’t let it get out of control.   The negative emotions of anger, resentment, bitterness may build up if you keep giving away your time, effort, and energy to a group, committee, or even to another person.  If you are not feeling some pleasure and happiness from the exchange then you need to rethink why you continue to engage.  This doesn’t mean you give up supporting others it just means you need to put up some boundaries.  Don’t allow yourself to be used!  You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.  If you think that others will respect and appreciate you because you are always giving then you are very wrong.  People will continue to take advantage of you and your own happiness will actually go down.   

3 – How much do you put your needs and desires first each day?  I know some people who give so much of themselves that they hardly ever take care of their own needs.   So each day you need to do at least 3 things for yourself!  Put yourself first!   You can eat something you want to eat (take care of yourself and make it healthy), watch what you want to watch, go somewhere you want to go, take a 20-minute walk, yoga, or meditation ALONE…. again the list should be endless.  Do something that makes you happy.  This doesn’t mean it has to be selfish.  Maybe you can pay it forward anonymously in some way or do something special for a loved one.  The key is to make decisions for yourself at least 3 times a day. Each night document what you did for yourself that day.  Focus only on the ways you treated yourself with compassion and support.  What you focus on you will expand.  

Finally, remember that you deserve to live a happy life.  Yes, you really do!   

Soul To Soul~~ Dr. Jill Lam

Spiritual Sunday - 3 ways to protect yourself

I missed out on Cartoon Sunday yesterday due to intense pain from a previous injury resulting from a car accident way back in February.   When in pain it is sometimes hard to see that there is hope that the pain will ever end.  To survive we must learn ways to protect ourselves from other types of pain such as emotional pain.  

In order to protect yourself remember these 3 things:

1- You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you can't do something.  If the person is in your life and knows that you are in pain than shame on them for expecting you to do things you are not capable of doing.  Don't feel guilty that you can't do the things they normally expect from you.  You must get better.

2 - Love yourself!  You need to treat yourself as you would treat someone you love very much.  Put yourself first.  If you are a person who always puts others before yourself you will not heal and then others will just expect you to take care of them only - if that happens go back to #1 and remember you don't have to explain just focus on healing!  

3 - Finally, do really focus on healing.  Being in pain can be stressful and if you are focused on how others are expecting too much from you or how others don't seem to even care about taking care of you than you are NOT focused on getting yourself better. Focus on the things that make you feel better physically and emotionally.  

The more you focus on your own healing, let go of the guilt that you can't do the things you normally do, stop expecting others to care about your pain and needs, and treat yourself with love and kindness you will get better faster.  

I know these steps are hard to do but you can do it!  Just put on an armor and protect yourself.  

One final note - if people in your life do not respect that you are in pain (or ill) and are not willing to take care of you then they don't need to be in your life.  These people only want to use you for what they can get.  Relationships should be supported both ways!  

  

5 ways to help someone in chronic pain - emotional and/or physical

Many people are in chronic pain.  This pain may be physical or emotional but it is pain and it is real.  

There's no such thing as a pain meter that can actually tell how much pain the person is experiencing.  I sure wish that there was such a thing because when other people are not feeling the pain themselves they often do not understand.  

For the person experiencing the pain it becomes even more painful to hear comments from others that minimize and/or disregard this pain.  People in pain don't want your advice.  We have already researched everything possible because we don't want to be this way.  We don't want to hear about your pain if it is nothing like ours.  Yes a paper-cut hurts but unless you are dealing with this pain everyday for an extended period of time you really don't understand.  

We know that you are trying to make things better and you feel helpless so here are 5 things you can do and say to someone with chronic pain. 

1.  Validate~  Sometimes all that needs to be said is... "I believe you," "I see how hard you are trying and you are being so strong," and "Thanks for taking some time to talk to me or be with me, I appreciate you spending some of your energy on me."  

2.  Don't ask--DO~ Instead of asking "what can I do" just do something.  A person with chronic pain is used to being ignored when they share their pain and ask for help.  It puts the person in chronic pain on the spot to feeling more helpless by making them come up with ways others can help them.  Instead do something for them they might struggle with doing themselves.  Instead of making them a meal you could give them a gift card for a take-out meal, if they have kids - take them somewhere or transport them to and from places, look around and see what the person isn't able to complete themselves and just step in and help out.  People with chronic pain don't want to impose on others so just help!  

3.  Listen & I mean really LISTEN~  People often say...  "I'm here to listen" but when the person starts to share about their pain, troubles, anxiety, depression... the person doesn't really listen.  The reason is because no one really wants to hear these things.  So if someone starts to share then really listen - use reflective listening. Reflective listening is making sure the other person feels heard and validated.  If you are giving advice or sharing a story about yourself or someone you know that is NOT reflective listening.

4.  Learn all you can~  Learn about the other person's condition.  If you really care about this person you will take the time to research their condition on your own.  The more you know the better support you will be.  You may think you understand about depression and anxiety but you probably really don't know as much as you should.  You also probably don't know much about hidden disabilities/illnesses so do your research.

5.  Remember we often wear a mask~  The smile we wear on our face is there because we need it to function everyday.  It is often there to hide what is really going on.  If a mask is not worn than others don't want to be around us at all and we are not only in pain but now alone and in pain.  Look beyond the mask.  Don't assume that just because we say we are "fine" and wear a smile on our face that we are not in pain. 

Chronic pain is real and wrecks havoc on the mind and body.  It takes a lot of energy to function on a daily basis.  It is exhausting! People in pain don't want to be in pain but they do want to be understood and supported.  

Cartoon Saturday - Baby Blues Halloween!

Motivational Monday: Why is Monday bad?

It's Monday.  I'm sure you know this because many people are posting on social media how terrible it is to be Monday. So, why is Monday bad?  

If you love what you do and enjoy your job than Monday shouldn't be bad, right?  

Here's why.  Most people have the weekend off from the daily grind and demands of their work/career/school...  Most people have the most control over their schedule on the weekends.  Weekends are also a time for family, friends, and fun.  Even if you are like me and just enjoy a good movie or book - the weekend is a time to yourself.  

Then Monday comes and we are hit with the reality that we don't have as much freedom and control that we had over the weekend.  We are faced with the fact that we must work in order to really enjoy the things we want to do with our lives. So, it is not Monday really that is bad but the let down from the escape we felt over the weekend.  

What I'd like to say to you on this Monday is this: focus every day on the good things you have in your life.  Focus on your purpose.  Focus on being healthy.  Focus on the positive. Finally, say out loud:  "Good Morning Monday, so glad to have you in my life."  Make your narrator voice positive today!

  

Spiritual Sunday - how to listen

Often I hear people make excuses as to why they are not pay attention or fully listening to others. Excuses range from "I have too much on my mind" or "I'm not interested in the topic/person" to the most common excuses "I can't" or "I don't know how."  

Well, listening is actually simple if the person has one key ingredient -- desire!  If you have the desire to get to know someone or learn something than you will pay more attention.  

Listening is not sitting there silently waiting for your turn to speak so you can share what is on YOUR mind.  Listening is actually wanting to learn what the other person is feeling, thinking, doing... or wanting to learn about a subject matter.  

So today, practice listening to others and pay attention to your amount of desire.  Do you really want to learn more about this person or topic?  How strong is this desire?  If your desire is not strong you will not be a very good listener.  If your desire is strong then you will ask questions and work hard to learn as much as you can.

Remember, the desire is to learn about the other person or topic and not your desire to share things about yourself ---- it's not to share your point of view or knowledge of the topic.  If your desire is strong to share and talk then you will NOT be a good listener. 

Cartoon Saturday: why my desk is a mess!

Motivational Monday! Going after what you want!

So, did you make your list yesterday?  If you are not sure what list here's the post that explains: Turning reflection into action.  

Now, think about what you are doing today to work toward your goal.  You must put effort into moving toward your goal or otherwise it will always stay just a dream.  

Remember to believe in yourself even if no one else believes in you.  Also know that I believe in you!  I have faith that you can achieve your goals.  Just focus on working toward making them happen and they will.  

Spiritual Sunday~ Turning reflection into action

Are you working toward your dreams or are you just dreaming?  Do you have a desire to do something, go somewhere, or obtain something?   Are you spending energy thinking about what your life would be like if you achieved what you desire?  If so, what exactly are you doing to reach your goals? 

Oh.... you are not actually doing anything or only doing a little bit to reach these goals.   Why?  Is it because you don't have the time, money, talent, support, connections.... to actually journey on this path in your life? 

Well, those are just excuses.  Those are excuses because living your life doing what you desire and dream is scary.  It is scary because we judge ourselves and know we are always judged by others.  You are afraid because no one wants to feel judged.  We can look at the world around us and see others doing things better than we can and make negative self-judgments.  It takes courage to go for our goals.

The thing is - you will never really know if you can live your dreams and desires until you actually live them.  I don't mean try for a day or a week but live your life daily with intent to do at least two thing each day focused on making your dreams and desires happen.  Remember, these are actions and not just sitting around dreaming!  

So today, do the following:

On the top of a piece of paper write down your desire or dream.  Below, make a list of all the things you can do/or need in order to achieve this goal.  Write everything out that you can think of even if you believe they are impossible. Next, star all the things you can do in the next year toward your goal (you should have a lot of stars).  After, circle the ones that you can complete in a month.  Finally, highlight the ones you can do this week then every day do something toward this goal.  

Don't give up and don't make an excuse because I want you to remember the an excuse is just a way to procrastinate and avoid obtaining your goals.  Know that you have value and worth.  You matter and you deserve to live a life of your dreams and desires.  You can reach your goals if you believe in yourself and take risks.  Yes you will be vulnerable but that's a good thing!  

Cartoon Saturday with Family Circus

What to do when excluded or discriminated against

Not everyone is going to like you.  In fact, there will be a lot of people in your life that can't stand you.  Their not liking you has much more to do with the issues of the other person instead of you. People will treat you poorly and discriminate against you but it is your attitude that will get you through.  

Remember that you are a person of value and worth!  You have to be your own best friend and cheerleader.  When others are treating you in a negative way than change the narrative.  This is your life so you are the narrator.  Stop letting other people be the narrators of your life!  

Here's a picture quote you should put in a place where you can find it easily when you are feeling excluded by others.  When feeling negative read this quote & remember that you are AMAZING!  

BTW if you don't know who Zora Neale Hurston is than you should really learn about this wonderful woman!  

Motivational Monday~ Autumn is a time for reflection

I happen to live in a place where the leaves change creating the most spectacular colors....  then they fall to the earth.  I don't see it as the leaves dying but instead finally finding their purpose and giving back to the world around them.  

See the life of a leaf isn't very long but a leaf is a part of the tree and the tree is the primary life source of a leaf.   What I want you to see is how the leaves are chapters of the tree's life and they fill a purpose.  

We have many different chapters of our lives and when we learn how to focus on our own Hero's Journey of each of these chapters we will become a strong and powerful tree able to withstand anything.  Sometimes our chapters are so challenging we do not think we will survive and other times chapters are so amazing we don't want them to end.  Each journey has a process and with each chapter we change.  

You have control over many things in your life so focus on the things you can change and embrace the change that is happening in you as a result of the nature of life.  

October is a month that reminds me that I am alive and I have many different purposes.  

Taking pictures and making picture quotes is one of my purposes in life.  My purpose is to inspire myself and others to live their best life, know we are not alone, and focus on our own Hero's Journey! 

Cartoon Saturday... life with kids!

Passions lead to Purpose motivation by T.D. Jakes

What are your passions?  Take some time today to think about what makes you light up~ what inspires you.  Things that make your heart pump faster or motivates you are your passions.  When you focus on your passions you will be happier and this will lead you directly to your purpose in life.  Don't look for purpose because you may not find it, instead find your passions and your purpose will follow.

Here's a great quote to print out and post on your mirror by Bishop T.D. Jakes.

Spiritual Sunday: How to have a great life!

Have you ever thought that your life would be better if you just reached a specific milestone (graduate, got a job...) or if you found the right person or moved to a different city?  I bet you discovered that your life did not get better.  You did not have this magical change.  Maybe because of Fairy Tales we expect life to just one day become perfect.  Well, I hate to be your Dark Fairy Godmother and burst your fantasy bubble but that's not reality.  

We don't just all of a sudden have the perfect stress-free life when we reach milestones or even lose that last 5 pounds.  Life is really about learning to become as strong as you can and appreciate what you have and who you are at this very moment.  Life is about dreams - it's about the journey getting to those dreams and not about the end destination.  Yes, once you get to the end destination you will be changed but the reason you are changed is BECAUSE of the journey!  It was the journey - the challenges, trials, and tribulations that made you change, not finally achieving this dream (graduation, perfect person, job, place to live......).  

One of my favorite quotes is below in the pic quote I made.  Kurt Vonnegut wrote "We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down."  This is exactly the point. To have a full-filling and happy life you must become stronger and the way to do that is to go after your dreams, fight all the battles you have to fight, take chances, and be an active participant in your own life.  In other words, get off your f-ing couch or computer chair and focus on making yourself stronger.  Building your wings takes time and a lot of practice.  Print this picture to remind yourself that your path in life is meant to be difficult and that is why it will be beautiful because you are full-filling your purpose!

Not long ago I heard a song that reminded me of this quote and I listen to when I want to be reminded that I can learn to fly - I just have to trust that I learn on the way down!  When you are feeling like you can't keep going you may find this song very helpful.  

Direct link to Maddie and Tae singing "Fly"