If I appear harsh, demanding, or even hostile it is not a personal attack against YOU (even if I give “you” statements- “You need to,” “You didn't do…”). These are actually defense mechanisms.
- Sublimation, the channeling of unacceptable emotions into more acceptable ones. It makes me feel vulnerable and defenseless to express my feelings of fear, anxiety, and sorrow so instead I will appear stronger if I am firm, demanding, or angry.
- Displacement, redirecting feelings from one person toward another more convenient person. I could really be feeling these ways toward someone from the past or the school, district, or educational system but I can’t express these feelings to those people and you are the closest person.
I am the parent not the professional, so do not expect me to take care of your emotional needs. I don’t always know how to word my questions and/or comments correctly. Do not assume I am judging or criticizing you and become defensive. I am not trying to work against you; I just don’t know how to phrase things to get my message across. You are the professional so remember that my underlying emotions are fear, anxiety, and guilt. Please have empathy and put yourself in my shoes!