Brendan James a singer worth listening to!

I do not know if Brendan James is a Dragonfly but I love his music.  He is so talented.  I am sharing him with you today my friend because I am excited that I will be seeing him again in July in my city. I also believe in supporting the things you love so enjoy one of my favorite songs by Brendan James:  "Your Beating Heart"  I hope it makes you think of the things you love and inspires you to have a great day!  H&H5 (hugs & high fives if you didn't know).

Your Beating Heart Brendan James

Advice: Frustrations is all about Expectations

Take a moment and think back over the last few weeks.  How often did you get frustrated with someone in your life who has ADHD/ADD, Asperger’s, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, and so on?  Do you realize that even if you do not openly display this frustration you still convey your frustrations in tone and body language? Well, you do.  The person you are frustrated with knows that they are the cause.  Many times the reason for the frustration is not their fault.  Here’s why you are frustrated…

People become frustrated when they have an unmet expectation.  We get ideas into our head of what we expect to happen, some of these are realistic and some are not realistic.  It is an unrealistic expectation to take a very ADHD child to a wedding and expect them to sit quietly during the ceremony.  So, when you are frustrated you need to first think about what was your expectation.  What are you frustrated about and what did you expect to happen?  You need to ask, was your expectation realistic or unrealistic.  Now come on, be honest with this one because most of the time it is an unrealistic expectation.  Even if all you expect is to be able to buy chocolate milk at a restaurant and all they have is white milk; it is unrealistic to expect your desires to be met all the time.    

So what do you do?  You change your expectations.  This doesn’t mean to lower your expectations but instead reframe them.  If you expect your expectations to not always be met, it will not be so frustrating. If you fully understand the uniqueness of the other people in your life (their disability, time orientation, & perspectives) you will be much more successful.  Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and when you are frustrated with them you are not accepting them; you are expecting them to be something they are not.

 The other thing you need to do is remember the Serenity Prayer!!  Here’s a copy for you to keep!

Motivational Monday Vulnerability is a good thing

I speak a lot about shame and being vulnerable.  I'm a big fan of Dr. Brene Brown.  Here are a couple past posts on these subjects:  Shame it needs to STOP and How to help! and Shame and why it needs to stop.

Today, for Motivational Monday I'm going to be vulnerable for a moment and share some personal ways that I have learned to battle my own shame and open myself up to being vulnerable. 

Over the years I had to hide the fact that I didn't read well, I never wanted anyone to know how slow I read because I knew that they would judge me.  I never felt that I was "smart enough."  Because of these experiences I learned ways to cope. I learned ways to communicate verbally to get what I wanted and developed some very intense empathy skills.  

Eventually in school I realized that I really was very smart and shocked that fellow students who were so "book smart" didn't know how to function in the world around them.  I knew how to ask for thing. I knew how to solve problems. I knew how to advocate for myself and most importantly I knew my strengths.  

I realized that everything in life is a lesson to be learned so if something doesn't work out right then I need to figure out a different way to make it work.  If someone doesn't like me than I need to find people who do appreciate me and get rid of the negative people in my life.  I love Brene Brown's quote: "Don't try to win over the haters; you are not a jackass whisperer." 

Does it hurt to fail and know when people do not like you, yes it does.  It hurts a lot!  What we have to remember these are real feelings because we are alive and because we have empathy.  Being alive and having empathy is much better than being like the haters who are numb.  The pain of failing just means you are trying and that is much better than the pain of regret for never trying.  

So, know this- You are of value, you are worthy, you are enough!  When you are open to being vulnerable you will be open for a more joyful and creative life - this I promise.  Again, you will feel pain at times but remember that these are just growing pains on the way to having the best life possible.  

HUGS & HIGH FIVES!

Motivational Monday: Plan to have a great life

Do you want a great life?  Well, then you must plan for this to happen.  If you are just waiting around for your life to get better, luck to change, or people to step up and love you then you will never achieve a great life.  You must put forth your own actions to make these changes.  So today, write down ways you can be productive, things you can learn, and how you can grow and change for the better.  Don't live on auto-pilot! Live consciously and to do this you must make plans!  I promise your life will be great if you make plans in your life.  Now you also must remember that you cannot expect everything to just work out how you plan because that is NOT the nature of life.  You will hit roadblocks, you will have disappointments, you will experience failures but just make sure you plan for these as well and they will NOT be too overwhelming.