A place where Dragonflies can come for motivation, inspiration, education, and be accepted as a Dragonfly!
The Dragonfly Forest
They have been given names such as devil’s darning needle, ear sewer, horse stinger, skeeter hawk, and the snake’s servant. Actually, Dragonflies are beneficial, peaceful, and stunning. You are a Dragonfly if you are: ADD/ADHD, dyslexic, dysgraphic, Asperger’s, NLVD, autistic…
"When asked what I tell other parents here's my response: Learn all you can about how the brain works, your child's disability, and teaching methods that work because it is YOU who will be teaching the teachers."
"I'm stupid and there is nothing you say that will change my mind." ** this was from an 8 year old this past week in a coaching session as we worked on preparing to go back to school.
"It has been so great to see my son's self-esteem approve over the summer since he doesn't have to be subjected to challenging school work all day long."
"I'm not looking forward to school starting up again because I hate going to school since reading is hard and teachers don't help me."
Super excited that the new WOLVERINE movie is coming out this Friday. I am so thrilled that I will be going to the first showing on Thursday night! Yep, I am that kinda Dragonfly! I love going to the movies! As an empathetic person I often think about the movie theater experiences of people with different types of disabilities. I love that there are open areas where people in wheelchairs can sit next to their friends, although I honestly don't know from the perspective of a person in a wheelchair if these areas are really wheelchair friendly. I do often think about my Dragonfly friends with sensory issues, impulsivity, deaf/hearing impaired, or who are blind/visually impaired.
Here are some things you should know:
AMC has Sensory Friendly Films that are conducive to people with Autism, sensory issues, and their families. Here's the link so you can check out times and locations in your area:
AMC is also sponsoring special summer movies for only $3.00 where some of the proceeds go to the Autism Society - Check out to see where and when in your community: Autism Society & AMC events.
It appears that AMC Theaters cares about people with disabilities. The company has what is called the Focus Program that hires people with disabilities to work at the theater. I tried to link the video here so you can watch but I am computer challenged at times so here's the direct link to watch this heartwarming video of this program. AMC Focus Program.
Although these are great things AMC is doing, their employees need some empathy training (heck, I want to have empathy training programs in all schools & companies). Recently a young couple with down syndrome was treated poorly by staff at an AMC here's the news video:
Regal Movie Theater appears to be getting ahead of the other theaters when it comes to providing access to movies for the deaf/hard of hearing and visually impaired.
Although I hear from some of my Dragonfly friends that they don't like the glasses and I understand that because I dislike going to 3D movies because I don't like the glasses. I would be fine if the movie displayed open captions right on the screen. I often have the captions on at home.
Just because YOU don't have a specific disability does not mean you can't advocate so everyone can enjoy the movie theater experience!
Here's something you can do: A bill was introduced in March (S.555-Cinema Act) to make it a discriminatory practice to not provide movie access to people with visual and hearing disabilities. Go here for more info: Senate Bill 555
Happy Birthday to Nelson Mandela who turns 95 today-- July 18, 2013.
Nelson Mandela is someone you should know!
Did you know that the United States is not the only place where there is a racial divide? The Apartheid in South Africa didn't end until 1994 so there are still many racial challenges to overcome. Sadly, many Americans do not understand the severe racial segregation of the apartheid. For decades (even in the 1990's) black people were legally allowed to be treated inferior to the white people. People were segregated based on the color of their skin in all areas of their lives: schools, housing, medical care, beaches, and so on.
Nelson Mandela stood up for equality and against the apartheid which resulted in years of imprisonment. He never gave up hope. He kept his faith and eventually became the president of South Africa from 1994 - 1999. He is a model of acceptance, freedom, equality, and empathy.
Children around the world should be educated on the history of South Africa and Nelson Mandela. We can only hope to make changes for a better world when we learn from the mistakes we make. Equality for all humans is the goal!
"Don't judge me. I am not stupid, lazy, or being rude. I just don't learn the way you do and don't always know what to say to people. I wish you could walk in my shoes for a week and then you would finally understand."
This post is NOT about trying to prove the jury in the Trayvon Martin George Zimmerman case was right or wrong in the decision they made; it is about
being open to critical thinking, bias thinking, and how our own experiences can
taint our perceptions. A while back I
posted about confirmation bias and implicit bias (We all have bias opinions). These are VERY important concepts to understand and I
fear that they are not appreciated by most people in our country (I am focused
on the United States because that is my frame of reference). Over the last few weeks I have heard and read many
comments how this case is/should be/shouldn’t be… about race. This case is NOT about race, it is about bias
and prejudice and one of these areas of bias happens to be racial. Racial profiling exists everywhere, you
cannot change that fact. I find it very
frustrating when I hear (or read) a comment from a person how they are “color
blind.” This is impossible, no one can
be color blind. This is how we label and
judge people; it can be overt or covert.
You are often unaware of the biases you have but they ARE there! It is human nature and I encourage everyone
to take the Harvard Implicit Bias Test (Harvard Implicit Bias Test) and you will see that it does exist! Bias and prejudice exists in all people: toward all races, genders, ages, and even people with disabilities.
The characters of the people involved in this case,
Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman were discussed by the attorneys and the
media.Sadly, each side used
confirmation bias to prove their points often painting a picture of what they
wanted the women on the jury to perceive about each person.This is another way to continue the bias
perceptions and beliefs.For example,
Trayvon was portrayed as a criminal with a history of deviant behaviors and
drug use.What was not mentioned is how
he only had the developmental level of his teenage brain and his previous life
experiences as a young black male.I
have written about the teenage brain before and how this brain is cognitively
different and not as mature as the adult brain (Understanding the teenage brain what you need to know and How the brain works). This is important to understand. It is also important to understand that white
entitlement exist (here’s a great blog piece that explains this: white-privilege) and African Americans are still treated differently.
Here’s a video clip from Michael Moore’s movie “Bowling for Columbine” about the History of America (yep, I’m aware of my confirmation bias here folks): A Brief History of the USA Bowling for Columbine.
Okay, see there really is a long history of bias and
prejudice – this was only a few examples and sometimes our own history books
are based on white perception, but that is a whole different post I will write
in the future.
The point I am trying to make here is that no matter
who we are or our personal experiences our thoughts and opinions are
tainted. We MUST work to fight against
our initial reactions and look beyond our biases (we must first acknowledge
that we have them too). We must work
hard to become empathic and see the full picture. One of the movies I suggested parents watch
with their kids this summer is “12 Angry
Men” (Must See Movie - 12 Angry Men).
Here’s a great clip from the movie that makes a great point.I again recommend this movie to watch with
your children, especially now.
So with all this information what should we do? WE NEED TO STAND UP FOR CHANGE!
The jury has spoken. You may or
may not believe justice was served but we must move on from here. We must acknowledge
that we do discriminate and only focus on the things that validate our beliefs while
ignoring things that go against these beliefs (confirmation bias). We must stand up against prejudice and bias.
Accept that we have implicit biases, because we ALL do. We must question our own opinions and test
out if we would feel the same way if the people were of different races,
genders, ages… Then we must ask
ourselves if we are being truthful or is it just more confirmation bias.
We must make laws that make sense. We need to be a more UNITED America not
divided state by state when it comes to laws.
We need to hold the law makers accountable for their own biases and
prejudices. I have sadly seen too many
politicians not understand how their own experiences taint their
decisions. What often happens is a politician has a strong opinion about a matter until it directly affects their own
life (gay marriage, dyslexia bills, gun laws…).
Why are we not teaching and practicing empathy? Why must we be so self-absorbed and
egocentric? Open up your eyes, ears, and
heart so you can be a person who makes these changes. This isn’t about being a specific political
party it is about being an empathetic human being.
Please do NOT use my blog post for your
own confirmation bias to attack or defend your own beliefs and opinions as to
the verdict.This post is to help you
have empathy, open your mind to the other person’s perspective, understand what
it is like to really be in someone else’s shoes, and unite together to make
appropriate changes to our laws so this tragic can NEVER happens again. If you want to help others, than share this blog to spread empathy to others.
I do not always share my personal
stories with you for a couple of reasons: one I am trained as a counselor/therapist
and have been conditioned to stay focused on the client; and two, my story isn’t
just about me but it is also the story of my family members and not completely
mine to share. With that said here’s a
story I think is worth sharing:
As many of you know I have a private practice diagnosing all types of
learning disabilities and providing coaching/counseling services. I am also dyslexic, dysgraphic, and have ADD –
a Dragonfly. I knew that I didn’t fit in
from the time I was in 1st grade.
I spent years hiding the fact that I couldn’t read, spell, or write like
my peers. I learned how to use my
strengths in order to fit in via a variety of other ways but was hyper-aware of
all others who didn’t fit in and became in “inclusionist.” I made a life out of finding other Dragonflies
and helping them set and achieve goals. I have always been the one who goes to the person standing alone, invites people to sit with me who are searching for a seat, and include others in conversations if they are standing near me (I also have a number of deaf friends so I'm use to making sure everyone is on the same page in a conversation). In other words, I seek out others to make sure they are included. This is just a part of my nature and always will be. I have a hard time with people who are excluders, people who ignore others, are out for themselves at all cost, and are bullies. I also wanted to be the best mom to my children, knowing they too would be
Dragonflies (I married a Dragonfly so it was inevitable).
Here’s the story:
My oldest son has a new girl “friend” and for some
reason I asked him if this new “friend” knows that he is dyslexic and
dysgraphic? He harshly stated, “NO
WAY.” I was surprised by his reaction and
asked how he feels about being dyslexic and dysgraphic. He shared with me that he is SO embarrassed and
ashamed that he doesn’t want anyone to ever know. I thought “wow this is my kid… really?” He admitted that he would rather be
considered “lazy” than dyslexic and dysgraphic.
I cried. This is not what I
wanted for my child; insecurity and shame. I went to my other two children and asked them how they
feel about being dyslexic and dysgraphic (and one is also ADD). My middle son and my daughter both told me
that they are comfortable and confident with who they are and are not
ashamed. They both reported they wish
their brain was like other kids because sometimes learning new things was
challenging. My middle son told me that
he only wishes he could have an English teacher accept him for who he is
someday. This son is actually a very
creative and gifted writer but always ends up with English teachers who focus
on his errors instead of his talent (one of his goals is to become a published
author like Avi, Henry Winkler, or John Irving – and I know he will
someday). So how did only two of my three children become comfortable
and confident with being dyslexic and dysgraphic despite me raising them in a supportive and accepting home?
Here’s how:
When my oldest son entered kindergarten I believed in
the education system. I am from a family
of educators and thought the only things that needed changed were some teaching
methods and curriculums. Over time I learned
I was wrong, dead wrong! The whole
system needed changing but I didn’t really discover this until my oldest was in
3rd grade (he’s now going into his junior year). From that year on I was on a mission to
change the whole education system from a competitive shaming environment that
excluded children who didn’t fit into a system that includes all children,
appreciates diversity, fosters empathy, and all students are educated
individually and appropriately.
This no longer was just about assuring that an
Orton-Gillingham approach of reading was available to all students, it was about
changing the culture and climate of schools!
Let me tell you that this battle is even harder than just adding a new
methods and approaches to the curriculum. For example,
the school district that my children attend now requires every intervention
teacher to be trained in the OG based reading program, Wilson; but many of the
schools still have a strong “us versus them” competitive academic environment. I'm on a mission to help improve schools cultures and climates so they are a positive place for all students. I have worked on these changes in a non-aggressive, supportive, collaborative
approach and by working directly with administrators in districts and having free workshops for parents, teachers, and administrators.
As a result of my lessons learned from the experiences with
my oldest child, my younger children had a much better experience in school
(not great but better). I no longer just
focus on getting appropriate services for my younger two children I also focus
on influencing the perceptions of the teachers and administrators so the
culture and climate of the schools can change. So instead of having 4 years of shaming and
academic competition like my oldest received the younger two had more
experiences where their strengths were praised (although I could tell you some
stories where some teachers/administrators refused to comply and were/are as
stubborn as toddlers – it’s still a work in progress).
Here are some things I have learned: How to change the culture & climate of a school
Finally, here are some great videos that really drive
home this point by Richard Lavoie:
This is from a parent of a child who was just diagnosed:
"Sometimes I feel guilty about not having caught my son's problem sooner. I feel bad that he had to struggle so long just because I didn't know about his disability. I know that I did the best I could but I still feel guilty. I also feel angry that the school had to know because he was so far behind but they didn't do anything to help him. I worry about what his future will look like."
This was from a parent whose child just graduated:
"I am thrilled to see my daughter graduate because it has been such a long and difficult journey but this journey made her a better and stronger person." I am so proud that she is the woman she is today because of her disabilities. She now has the confidence to go to college and although it will be challenging I know that she has the strength and drive to reach her goal."
Today is the celebration of Independence in America. Take a moment today to think about what this word means:
~ not to be controlled by others~ self-governing~ not requiring or relying on something or someone else~showing a desire for freedom
Do you have independence? Are you helping teach your child independence or are you keeping them dependent. Sometimes we forget that one of the best things we can do for ourselves and our children is to practice living independently. Happy 4th of July!
"Just because I don't speak much about others does not mean that I want to be left out."
"If my child isn't doing something well at school. Do not assume that we are NOT working with him at home. Do not assume that we don't care about his education, because we do care. We are working at home with all of our children."
